I don't know if I should laugh or cry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds like a win for you, right? Does this mean he isn’t pushing for joint legal custody any more?

I have no idea. We proposed a very detailed visitation schedule giving him all of the time that he asked for. Now he is stonewalling with the financial records because he knows at this point that he will lose on that front. DC isn't hearing these types of cases at the moment so I have no idea when this will be resolved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

My ex tried to abuse me this way. It wasn't about the child. It was about controlling me.

That isn't abuse. It is abuse refusing to allow Dad to be involved or have shared custody/visitation.

You clearly haven't read what I wrote about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

If mom and dad both contribute $400 a month, depending on the child it is plenty. We only spend more because of activities and not all kids do as much as ours.

$400 is enough for what exactly? My child can eat $200 of that, so that leaves the other $200 for a place to live, clothes, medical, etc. In what universe is that enough?

I am the OP and I have a an ok job (make about $100,000). I don't consider us poor, but every penny I earn goes towards caring for our child. We live a very modest life.

I am only getting $400 for two kids with 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

If mom and dad both contribute $400 a month, depending on the child it is plenty. We only spend more because of activities and not all kids do as much as ours.

$400 is enough for what exactly? My child can eat $200 of that, so that leaves the other $200 for a place to live, clothes, medical, etc. In what universe is that enough?

I am the OP and I have a an ok job (make about $100,000). I don't consider us poor, but every penny I earn goes towards caring for our child. We live a very modest life.

I am only getting $400 for two kids with 50/50.

I don't know what you or your ex make, but I do know that I have my child 100% of the time. He spends no overnights with his dad by dad's choosing. By the new calculations based on his income he should be paying about $940.

[Anonymous]

I have 100% and am supposed to get $325/month. That rarely happens though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

If mom and dad both contribute $400 a month, depending on the child it is plenty. We only spend more because of activities and not all kids do as much as ours.

$400 is enough for what exactly? My child can eat $200 of that, so that leaves the other $200 for a place to live, clothes, medical, etc. In what universe is that enough?

I am the OP and I have a an ok job (make about $100,000). I don't consider us poor, but every penny I earn goes towards caring for our child. We live a very modest life.

I am only getting $400 for two kids with 50/50.

I don't know what you or your ex make, but I do know that I have my child 100% of the time. He spends no overnights with his dad by dad's choosing. By the new calculations based on his income he should be paying about $940.

Are you including your income in there too? That sounds very high for his income.

[Anonymous]

Look, EVERYBODY should be getting more child support. Everyone. Every single poster here talking about it deserves more than what they're getting.

OP, I really hope this new development means his legal activities peter out. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, wondering how your situation is doing. Hope things are ok.

[Anonymous]

He has been paying $100/week for 11 years. This is more than amole for food and clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, wondering how your situation is doing. Hope things are ok.

Thanks so much for checking in. Finally, today he signed the consent order for visitation and legal custody. He agreed that I should have legal and physical custody so that's great. He got the visitation that he wanted which he was never denied in the first place. So for me, nothing really changes, thankfully!! I spent upwards of $8000 just to get in writing what was already happening for years but maybe that's a good thing.

The next issue is child support which will be decided based on a formula. Based on the formula in DC and both of our incomes, I should be getting $950 per month instead of $400 that he is currently paying. Good news on that front too.

I wanted to get the custody issue settled before we start negotiating child support because that was way more important to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has been paying $100/week for 11 years. This is more than amole for food and clothes.

I assume you mean ample. Maybe in bumfu*ck Alabama or the Appalachian mountains, but here is DC it most certainly isn't. Especially when his taxes show he makes enough to pay $950 per month.

[Anonymous]

Congrats, OP! I’m glad that worked out for you. Any extra child support money is a bonus!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats, OP! I’m glad that worked out for you. Any extra child support money is a bonus!

Thanks! I appreciate that.

[Anonymous]

If you don't have a court order already then he is already a legal parent anyway. What's the difference if it comes on paper?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't have a court order already then he is already a legal parent anyway. What's the difference if it comes on paper?

He is only a legal parent if he chooses to exercise his right. He has only done that on a few occasions when it suited him. I have been the only consistent patent our child has had.