I don't know if I should laugh or cry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s crazy to come in after 11 years and decide you want a say in decision-making. Sounds like he just wants to tussle with you over stuff like sports and college. So sorry, OP.

+1 I'd fight him, if only because joint legal is going to make it a lot harder for you to get financial aid, assuming your ex has any income at all.

My ex refuses to pay for college, or even contribute to savings, but insists on continuing to have joint legal custody even without physical custody. Because he's a high earner, my children will be absolute screwed at financial aid time because their father's income will be counted, but he won't give them a cent.

It's a control thing for my ex, but the implications for college are real.

My ex also refuses to pay 1/2 of college (even the state u rate) although in mediation I agreed to pay the health insurance through age 26.

He shouldn't have to pay for college. No parent after age 18 should have to pay for college, married or divorced. Married parents are not required. College is a luxury and if you want to pay pay. I would pay, but that's my choice. Parents should not have to pay for health insurance till 26. That is absurd. They will not look at Dad's income if you don't put it on there.

Yep. Just shove them out of the nest. 🙄

[Anonymous]

DC child support goes to age 21 unless the child joins the military or gets married.

And you better believe that missing info from one parent will mess up the child's FA package. Stop spreading wrong information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC child support goes to age 21 unless the child joins the military or gets married.

And you better believe that missing info from one parent will mess up the child's FA package. Stop spreading wrong information.

Who is spreading wrong information? The PPs have mentioned that missing info from one parent can cause issues with FA depending on state vs. private colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s crazy to come in after 11 years and decide you want a say in decision-making. Sounds like he just wants to tussle with you over stuff like sports and college. So sorry, OP.

+1 I'd fight him, if only because joint legal is going to make it a lot harder for you to get financial aid, assuming your ex has any income at all.

My ex refuses to pay for college, or even contribute to savings, but insists on continuing to have joint legal custody even without physical custody. Because he's a high earner, my children will be absolute screwed at financial aid time because their father's income will be counted, but he won't give them a cent.

It's a control thing for my ex, but the implications for college are real.

My ex also refuses to pay 1/2 of college (even the state u rate) although in mediation I agreed to pay the health insurance through age 26.

He shouldn't have to pay for college. No parent after age 18 should have to pay for college, married or divorced. Married parents are not required. College is a luxury and if you want to pay pay. I would pay, but that's my choice. Parents should not have to pay for health insurance till 26. That is absurd. They will not look at Dad's income if you don't put it on there.

College is a luxury???? You aren't very informed, are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s crazy to come in after 11 years and decide you want a say in decision-making. Sounds like he just wants to tussle with you over stuff like sports and college. So sorry, OP.

+1 I'd fight him, if only because joint legal is going to make it a lot harder for you to get financial aid, assuming your ex has any income at all.

My ex refuses to pay for college, or even contribute to savings, but insists on continuing to have joint legal custody even without physical custody. Because he's a high earner, my children will be absolute screwed at financial aid time because their father's income will be counted, but he won't give them a cent.

It's a control thing for my ex, but the implications for college are real.

My ex also refuses to pay 1/2 of college (even the state u rate) although in mediation I agreed to pay the health insurance through age 26.

He shouldn't have to pay for college. No parent after age 18 should have to pay for college, married or divorced. Married parents are not required. College is a luxury and if you want to pay pay. I would pay, but that's my choice. Parents should not have to pay for health insurance till 26. That is absurd. They will not look at Dad's income if you don't put it on there.

College is a luxury???? You aren't very informed, are you?

Yes, college is a luxury. Its a very good idea but it is a luxury.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC child support goes to age 21 unless the child joins the military or gets married.

And you better believe that missing info from one parent will mess up the child's FA package. Stop spreading wrong information.

Who is spreading wrong information? The PPs have mentioned that missing info from one parent can cause issues with FA depending on state vs. private colleges.

Some of us have bene there/done that and know it doesn't impact it. Not everyone is in DC. Most states go till age 18 and paying for college is not required by any parent, married or divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s crazy to come in after 11 years and decide you want a say in decision-making. Sounds like he just wants to tussle with you over stuff like sports and college. So sorry, OP.

+1 I'd fight him, if only because joint legal is going to make it a lot harder for you to get financial aid, assuming your ex has any income at all.

My ex refuses to pay for college, or even contribute to savings, but insists on continuing to have joint legal custody even without physical custody. Because he's a high earner, my children will be absolute screwed at financial aid time because their father's income will be counted, but he won't give them a cent.

It's a control thing for my ex, but the implications for college are real.

My ex also refuses to pay 1/2 of college (even the state u rate) although in mediation I agreed to pay the health insurance through age 26.

He shouldn't have to pay for college. No parent after age 18 should have to pay for college, married or divorced. Married parents are not required. College is a luxury and if you want to pay pay. I would pay, but that's my choice. Parents should not have to pay for health insurance till 26. That is absurd. They will not look at Dad's income if you don't put it on there.

College is a luxury???? You aren't very informed, are you?

Yes, college is a luxury. Its a very good idea but it is a luxury.

No, college is not a luxury. If you have the means to pay, and your children are capable and driven, it is absolutely irresponsible as a parent not to pay for it and encourage them to go.

[Anonymous]

These days, it really is a requirement unless the kid will inherit money. Otherwise the kid will end up with low paying jobs with a few exceptions. The only person I know without a college degree who is doing well is my neighbor who started his landscaping business right after high school. His parents loaned him money to start it. He lives in a small, affordable town house that he bought after 20 years of working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

If mom and dad both contribute $400 a month, depending on the child it is plenty. We only spend more because of activities and not all kids do as much as ours.

$400 is enough for what exactly? My child can eat $200 of that, so that leaves the other $200 for a place to live, clothes, medical, etc. In what universe is that enough?

I am the OP and I have a an ok job (make about $100,000). I don't consider us poor, but every penny I earn goes towards caring for our child. We live a very modest life.

You still have expenses when you don't have children, including paying for a place to live. $800 a month specifically on kid related expenses is a reasonable amount.

I don't quite understand your scenario. You say you live in the same building. How often has your ex seen his son? Do they know each other? Has he ever wanted more time with his son?

Where are you getting $800 per month? I most certainly contribute more that.

I pay an extra $1000 per month just to have an extra room that my son lives in. Presumably, this is split in half so my portion of that would be $500 and his dad's would be $500. After care program is $325 per month. I dont know where you live so that $800 is a reasonable amount from both parents, but in this area it's not.

I can't live further out even if I wanted to because his dad never wanted to drop off or pick up so I have to live close enough to put my 8 hours in but also be able to drop off in the morning and pick up in the afternoon.

We moved into this building so my son can be close to his father because I believed that he needs both of his parents regardless of how much he was contributing financially. Of course, they know each other. He sees him once a week because that is all my ex wants to do. I would very much welcome help with homework and dinner, but that is not something he is willing to do. He strickly wants Sundays where all they do is play and watch movies.

Where are you living that it is an extra $1000 a month? You need to find cheaper housing. If Dad doesn't have visits, you can live further and split travel. Our entire mortgage is less than you spend on your housing. Its free to have our kids in our home as we bought a 3 bedroom so our basic expenses are food, clothing (not very much) and activities.

If he only wants Sunday's that's fine. Move to a cheaper area, you each drive one way or meet half way on Sunday and be done with it. You don't need to live in the same building if he only sees the child once a week. You choose to live in that building. Tell him you want him to have three (settle for 1-2) evenings a week and Sunday. Tell him you want $800-1K in child support. Tell him what you want and meet in-between.

NP. Are you OP's ex?

You are asking a sinle parent to move further away from her job so she can get a cheaper house. Will you watch her son or give her more than 24 hours a day so she can make up for her commute time.

Most of us will live in smaller houses if we did not have children. I will be in a studio even. So yes, an extra bedroom for her son costs money.

She choose to live in that building to make it easier for him to see the child. Are you sure he will see the child once a week if the child was not nearby?

Go away with your ridiculous questiions!

[Anonymous]

Update as of 6/10 from OP.

- Ex claims he doesn't know when he will file taxes for 2019, but tax returns from 2017 and 2018 show that he has been hiding income, as suspected. He shows about $8000 on a W2 and about $65,000 from trusts, dividends, and rental properties. Apparently he only works 2 days a week. Why would he work any more when he is getting all of this money from his family.

- Since I am not disputing the visitation that he asked for, he is stonewalling on everything else. He now has no incentive to settle this quickly because he was probably told he will owe me thousands in back child support and his CS will double going forward.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a win for you, right? Does this mean he isn’t pushing for joint legal custody any more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

My ex tried to abuse me this way. It wasn't about the child. It was about controlling me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

My ex tried to abuse me this way. It wasn't about the child. It was about controlling me.

That isn't abuse. It is abuse refusing to allow Dad to be involved or have shared custody/visitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update as of 6/10 from OP.

- Ex claims he doesn't know when he will file taxes for 2019, but tax returns from 2017 and 2018 show that he has been hiding income, as suspected. He shows about $8000 on a W2 and about $65,000 from trusts, dividends, and rental properties. Apparently he only works 2 days a week. Why would he work any more when he is getting all of this money from his family.

- Since I am not disputing the visitation that he asked for, he is stonewalling on everything else. He now has no incentive to settle this quickly because he was probably told he will owe me thousands in back child support and his CS will double going forward.

He only owns CS retroactive to the date of filing. He doesn't owe child support from 2017 and 18 as he paid per the agreement. He only would have to pay it those years if a court ordered a higher amount and he didn't pay. Since you have a voluntary agreement, he'd only have to pay per the date of filing in court. And, He isn't earning that much money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update as of 6/10 from OP.

- Ex claims he doesn't know when he will file taxes for 2019, but tax returns from 2017 and 2018 show that he has been hiding income, as suspected. He shows about $8000 on a W2 and about $65,000 from trusts, dividends, and rental properties. Apparently he only works 2 days a week. Why would he work any more when he is getting all of this money from his family.

- Since I am not disputing the visitation that he asked for, he is stonewalling on everything else. He now has no incentive to settle this quickly because he was probably told he will owe me thousands in back child support and his CS will double going forward.

He only owns CS retroactive to the date of filing. He doesn't owe child support from 2017 and 18 as he paid per the agreement. He only would have to pay it those years if a court ordered a higher amount and he didn't pay. Since you have a voluntary agreement, he'd only have to pay per the date of filing in court. And, He isn't earning that much money.

Actually, according to the DC law he owes the difference of what he should have been paying for the last two years. He made up a number that was comfortable for him and that's what he has been paying me, but he is making double than what he was telling me all these years.