I don't know if I should laugh or cry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally get you OP, but you do need to get your story straight in your own mind. Practice so you can stay completely on-topic in court. I get why you are bitter that he has a lot of resources and a lot of earning potential but has contributed just a minimal amount financially, but that needs to be beside the point. You don’t care about the money, because you would rather have a full co-parent, in which case you wouldn’t get child support anyway. You want him to either:

1) participate fully as a parent (by which you mean: having a physical space for your son in his home, helping with homework at least 2 nights per week, being present for at least 50% of all teacher conferences, doctor appointments and therapy sessions).

OR

2) continue to participate as a weekend-only dad with up to 48-hours per week of physical custody but no legal custody because he has not be present enough to contribute to informed decisions.

This is good advice, and probably the closest to what you’ve indicated as desirable outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

DP. No. I would sue him to owed child support op. He will drop his demands within seconds.

Obviously I felt that it was in my child's best interest to have his dad involved which is why we live in the same building. It is his father who chooses not to participate. Even my lawyer said she has never seen anyone file a complaint like his.

Since he filed in DC, the issue of child support is automatic almost. If you are deciding custody then you are deciding on child suppost as well. I have already communicated through my lawyer to his lawyer that I am not disputing the Sunday visitation. I have records stating that he has had that for years. He is the one holding up the process now by refusing to provide his financial records and insisting that we need to have joint legal custody. I'm not his hired help. If I am going to be raising this child on my own, I want to be able to make the decision for him.

There is nothing wrong with him wanting joint custody. Did he have a visit last Sunday? This makes no sense that you want to be so limited on contact and have been and yet live in the same building. Did you give over his financials? If you want to raise your child on your own, then drop the child support. Raising a child on your own, means you are fully financially responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

DP. No. I would sue him to owed child support op. He will drop his demands within seconds.

Obviously I felt that it was in my child's best interest to have his dad involved which is why we live in the same building. It is his father who chooses not to participate. Even my lawyer said she has never seen anyone file a complaint like his.

Since he filed in DC, the issue of child support is automatic almost. If you are deciding custody then you are deciding on child suppost as well. I have already communicated through my lawyer to his lawyer that I am not disputing the Sunday visitation. I have records stating that he has had that for years. He is the one holding up the process now by refusing to provide his financial records and insisting that we need to have joint legal custody. I'm not his hired help. If I am going to be raising this child on my own, I want to be able to make the decision for him.

There is nothing wrong with him wanting joint custody. Did he have a visit last Sunday? This makes no sense that you want to be so limited on contact and have been and yet live in the same building. Did you give over his financials? If you want to raise your child on your own, then drop the child support. Raising a child on your own, means you are fully financially responsible.

You obviously haven't read any of the posts before spewing nonsense. Go away.

[Anonymous]

That was my dad. My brother and I knew who our real parent was. I'm a single parent now and I have my DS 100% of the time. He is definitely not confused about who does all of the work.

[Anonymous]

PP here. My DS also has ADHD and my ex doesn't really believe that he has it. I would bet that your son's father's family is pushing him to do this because he doesn't agree with the diagnosis and wants to have decision making ability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. My DS also has ADHD and my ex doesn't really believe that he has it. I would bet that your son's father's family is pushing him to do this because he doesn't agree with the diagnosis and wants to have decision making ability.

OP here, I think so too. I told the lawyer that if he wants to pay for testing again he is more than welcome to. He doesn't know anything about DS because he has never talked to a single teacher or a doctor or attended a single school meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. My DS also has ADHD and my ex doesn't really believe that he has it. I would bet that your son's father's family is pushing him to do this because he doesn't agree with the diagnosis and wants to have decision making ability.

OP here, I think so too. I told the lawyer that if he wants to pay for testing again he is more than welcome to. He doesn't know anything about DS because he has never talked to a single teacher or a doctor or attended a single school meeting.

This is my ex. It is a cultural thing in his case. It doesn't matter that he has a diagnosis from a world renowned hospital. He is just "being a boy." When was your son diagnosed? Is it recent? Maybe that is the trigger for all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. My DS also has ADHD and my ex doesn't really believe that he has it. I would bet that your son's father's family is pushing him to do this because he doesn't agree with the diagnosis and wants to have decision making ability.

OP here, I think so too. I told the lawyer that if he wants to pay for testing again he is more than welcome to. He doesn't know anything about DS because he has never talked to a single teacher or a doctor or attended a single school meeting.

This is my ex. It is a cultural thing in his case. It doesn't matter that he has a diagnosis from a world renowned hospital. He is just "being a boy." When was your son diagnosed? Is it recent? Maybe that is the trigger for all of this.

No, it's been a few years. Apparently it only clicked with my ex that our son has an issue a few months ago. DS is funny, smart, loving, but a few years behind in maturity and needs to be reminded endlessly to do things. This is very common with ADD kids, but my ex told DS he has infantilism and can't keep acting like a baby. DS was upset out it for days.

[Anonymous]

Are we talking about the same man? Lol. My ex is thankfully married with more kids and lives halfway across the country. I think one of his kids exhibits the same issues with attention, focus, immaturity, impulsiveness, etc. That's the only thing that has made him stop making remarks about our son and how he thinks that ADHD isn't real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

DP. No. I would sue him to owed child support op. He will drop his demands within seconds.

Obviously I felt that it was in my child's best interest to have his dad involved which is why we live in the same building. It is his father who chooses not to participate. Even my lawyer said she has never seen anyone file a complaint like his.

Since he filed in DC, the issue of child support is automatic almost. If you are deciding custody then you are deciding on child suppost as well. I have already communicated through my lawyer to his lawyer that I am not disputing the Sunday visitation. I have records stating that he has had that for years. He is the one holding up the process now by refusing to provide his financial records and insisting that we need to have joint legal custody. I'm not his hired help. If I am going to be raising this child on my own, I want to be able to make the decision for him.

There is nothing wrong with him wanting joint custody. Did he have a visit last Sunday? This makes no sense that you want to be so limited on contact and have been and yet live in the same building. Did you give over his financials? If you want to raise your child on your own, then drop the child support. Raising a child on your own, means you are fully financially responsible.

You obviously haven't read any of the posts before spewing nonsense. Go away.

I read them. Op wants more more and limited visits and yet says she needs more money to live in the same building as dad. None of it makes sense. She needs to file for child support for free at the office of child support and make a visitation plan. Or, if she wants him out of her child’s life move, stop taking child support and be done with it. She wants everything and not compromising. It would be nice to hear dads side but nothing makes sense that she says she has to live there for dad and yet dad never sees the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just agree, what is the big deal. Why can't he have one day a week and decision making with his child? Its in the child's best interests for Dad to be involved with a regular schedule.

DP. No. I would sue him to owed child support op. He will drop his demands within seconds.

Obviously I felt that it was in my child's best interest to have his dad involved which is why we live in the same building. It is his father who chooses not to participate. Even my lawyer said she has never seen anyone file a complaint like his.

Since he filed in DC, the issue of child support is automatic almost. If you are deciding custody then you are deciding on child suppost as well. I have already communicated through my lawyer to his lawyer that I am not disputing the Sunday visitation. I have records stating that he has had that for years. He is the one holding up the process now by refusing to provide his financial records and insisting that we need to have joint legal custody. I'm not his hired help. If I am going to be raising this child on my own, I want to be able to make the decision for him.

There is nothing wrong with him wanting joint custody. Did he have a visit last Sunday? This makes no sense that you want to be so limited on contact and have been and yet live in the same building. Did you give over his financials? If you want to raise your child on your own, then drop the child support. Raising a child on your own, means you are fully financially responsible.

You obviously haven't read any of the posts before spewing nonsense. Go away.

I read them. Op wants more more and limited visits and yet says she needs more money to live in the same building as dad. None of it makes sense. She needs to file for child support for free at the office of child support and make a visitation plan. Or, if she wants him out of her child’s life move, stop taking child support and be done with it. She wants everything and not compromising. It would be nice to hear dads side but nothing makes sense that she says she has to live there for dad and yet dad never sees the child.

Again, you clearly haven't read or understood anything (starting with the original post) so please stop commenting. You are not helpful at all. Just hateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

He disagrees that our son has ADD (apparently) although he has never actually said this to me. I read it in the complaint. I have kept him up to date on all of the testing, therapy, doctor's appt. He chose not to go to any. If he ever brought up the idea of doing something different I would have been open to listening. I want what is best for our son.

New poster. Sorry if this has been addressed but I can't read all of the thread now. Is it possible that the ex is making the "I don't believe son has ADD" the crux of his request? I'd be concerned that ex has developed some kind of anti-diagnosis bias, for lack of a better term, and for some reason has decided to get involved only to try to stymie therapy etc. I know a divorce situation where the father was dead set on believing the son did not have ADHD and fought mom over it constantly. The dad's take was that "my son is normal and perfectly fine and doesn't need useless interventions or meds!" Any chance, OP, that your ex has someone bending his ear lately about ADD not being "real" or something like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex and I have an 11-year-old child. I have had 100% custody since the day he was born because my ex did not want to do any parenting. We never got a court order (we weren't married) but our son has been with me 100% of the time. He didn't spend one single night with his father in 11 years. We even live in the same building because I thought it would make it easier for my ex to see his son if they only had an elevator ride between them. During all this time, he has only paid the amount of child support he deems is fair which is about $400/month. He hasn't had a real job despite his advanced degrees since 2011 when he got laid off.

After 11 years he took me to court to seek joint legal custody and visitation. He does not want any physical custody per his complaint. In his complaint, he admits I was the one taking care of our son all this time and calls me a loving mother. He just wants to see him on Sundays for a fun playtime. That is all he is asking for (which he already has BTW). However, he wants joint legal custody. So this joker wants me to do all of the hard work of parenting but have a say in how I do it. He doesn't want to nor has he EVER gone to a parent-teacher conference, doctor's appt, therapist appt., but he does want a say in all of this.

Unreal! OK vent over.

I'm not going to read all of the posts here but it sounds like you are being taken advantage of. I think you know that and have been ok with it in order to give your child the best possible relationship with his father.
Now, suddenly, father wants more legal custody so he can challenge the decisions you've made for the child. At the same time, he has no intention of putting in more work.

My advice is fight like he'll. Ask for more and offer less. Ultimately I would consider moving away to make it more difficult for him to see the child if he is trying to interfere with his ADHD treatment, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

He disagrees that our son has ADD (apparently) although he has never actually said this to me. I read it in the complaint. I have kept him up to date on all of the testing, therapy, doctor's appt. He chose not to go to any. If he ever brought up the idea of doing something different I would have been open to listening. I want what is best for our son.

New poster. Sorry if this has been addressed but I can't read all of the thread now. Is it possible that the ex is making the "I don't believe son has ADD" the crux of his request? I'd be concerned that ex has developed some kind of anti-diagnosis bias, for lack of a better term, and for some reason has decided to get involved only to try to stymie therapy etc. I know a divorce situation where the father was dead set on believing the son did not have ADHD and fought mom over it constantly. The dad's take was that "my son is normal and perfectly fine and doesn't need useless interventions or meds!" Any chance, OP, that your ex has someone bending his ear lately about ADD not being "real" or something like that?

Dad can always take child for a second opinion. Mom wants more money, Dad wants more visitation and joint custody. Its a fair trade off. Mom's post, if it is real, makes no sense as she is living there so Dad can spend more time with his child so if she is in the same building for that reason then how is this a question. Its a non issue. So the issues are joint custody and child support. You compromise. Dad increases child support per the child support calculator or negotiate to lets say $650 a month from $400 and mom gives dad joint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're a really good mother who has tried to make it easy for your child to have a relationship with his son. Hats off to you for going so long with having just a verbal agreement and while $400 is pretty laughable I'm glad he's shown some sense of responsibility by paying child support without having to get legal.

What do you think the driving reasons are for this sudden attempt to get legal? Somehow trying to avoid child support? Do you suspect he plans to move? A sudden realization that he has no real relationship with his son and is trying to do what he thinks he can to make up for lost time? He disagrees with your parenting on some fundamental level and wants a say? With middle and high school on the way he wants a say in where your son goes to school? Is bored self quarantining and wants a playmate on Sundays? Where is this coming from?

He disagrees that our son has ADD (apparently) although he has never actually said this to me. I read it in the complaint. I have kept him up to date on all of the testing, therapy, doctor's appt. He chose not to go to any. If he ever brought up the idea of doing something different I would have been open to listening. I want what is best for our son.

New poster. Sorry if this has been addressed but I can't read all of the thread now. Is it possible that the ex is making the "I don't believe son has ADD" the crux of his request? I'd be concerned that ex has developed some kind of anti-diagnosis bias, for lack of a better term, and for some reason has decided to get involved only to try to stymie therapy etc. I know a divorce situation where the father was dead set on believing the son did not have ADHD and fought mom over it constantly. The dad's take was that "my son is normal and perfectly fine and doesn't need useless interventions or meds!" Any chance, OP, that your ex has someone bending his ear lately about ADD not being "real" or something like that?

Dad can always take child for a second opinion. Mom wants more money, Dad wants more visitation and joint custody. Its a fair trade off. Mom's post, if it is real, makes no sense as she is living there so Dad can spend more time with his child so if she is in the same building for that reason then how is this a question. Its a non issue. So the issues are joint custody and child support. You compromise. Dad increases child support per the child support calculator or negotiate to lets say $650 a month from $400 and mom gives dad joint.

Uh, no.