Mixed collar dating- need relationship advice please!!

[Anonymous]

OP here, wow most of y'all are judgy! My apologies for the long paragraph and any typos- I typed the post late at night using my phone and in the dark. My BF is great. But he's also financially unstable. His ex stole a ton of money from him when she left, and he is/was asleep at the wheel with that sort of thing- he doesn't ever look at his bank account, gets overdraft fees, etc. He says his wife "handled" all that. I guess that's the main thing I question, because all he seems to know how to do, and he admits this, is do construction. Nothing about running a household or bills, accounts, anything.
I did not marry my ex husband for money, he had nothing when we married. I have an advanced degree- higher than college. I am from the rural South and my ex husband and I agreed I would be a housewife. I took care of family members who were sick for many years as one of my primary roles. So I haven't sat around and eaten bon bons.
Most of my boyfriend's friends were his wife's family- they lived a very insular life, never hanging out with anyone different, everyone they knew was their cousin, or their cousin's cousin, friend, etc. When they separated, he pretty much left most of that life behind. Also he works inside the Beltway, hence why he exists mostly in "my" world. I stated I have no interest in camping or motorcycles because I don't- I have never been exposed to either, but I said I would try both for him.
He is very hard worker, caring and giving. We get along great. Sex is phenomenal. I am in love with him or I wouldn't have stuck around. But I'm not a young bride, I know how romances can end, and on top of that I'm a very sensible and pragmatic person and I know that sometimes love isn't enough. And yes, I would like to continue to be a SAHM mom because being a housewife/caregiver/mother is all I have ever known or done, despite my education. He makes good money but is asleep at the wheel financially. I have to go into his accounts and see if his ex has stolen any more money recently, why he got an overdraft fee, etc because he doesn't know how to get on the computer to do these things. That's what I'm wondering- is getting along and having a good time and being compatible enough? Can he learn to handle his own accounts and take charge financially? Just questions I have because I have never been with anyone like him. Thanks-

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just my personal opinion, but I could NEVER date a man who thinks highly of our current Prez especially now, w/his handling of our current pandemic.


I cannot imagine spending any time w/someone who supports racism, divisiveness + exclusion.

Even if we never discuss politics - it would always be the elephant in the room one way or another.

Yawn

[Anonymous]

Ok so still looking for a free ride

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, wow most of y'all are judgy! My apologies for the long paragraph and any typos- I typed the post late at night using my phone and in the dark. My BF is great. But he's also financially unstable. His ex stole a ton of money from him when she left, and he is/was asleep at the wheel with that sort of thing- he doesn't ever look at his bank account, gets overdraft fees, etc. He says his wife "handled" all that. I guess that's the main thing I question, because all he seems to know how to do, and he admits this, is do construction. Nothing about running a household or bills, accounts, anything.
I did not marry my ex husband for money, he had nothing when we married. I have an advanced degree- higher than college. I am from the rural South and my ex husband and I agreed I would be a housewife. I took care of family members who were sick for many years as one of my primary roles. So I haven't sat around and eaten bon bons.
Most of my boyfriend's friends were his wife's family- they lived a very insular life, never hanging out with anyone different, everyone they knew was their cousin, or their cousin's cousin, friend, etc. When they separated, he pretty much left most of that life behind. Also he works inside the Beltway, hence why he exists mostly in "my" world. I stated I have no interest in camping or motorcycles because I don't- I have never been exposed to either, but I said I would try both for him.
He is very hard worker, caring and giving. We get along great. Sex is phenomenal. I am in love with him or I wouldn't have stuck around. But I'm not a young bride, I know how romances can end, and on top of that I'm a very sensible and pragmatic person and I know that sometimes love isn't enough. And yes, I would like to continue to be a SAHM mom because being a housewife/caregiver/mother is all I have ever known or done, despite my education. He makes good money but is asleep at the wheel financially. I have to go into his accounts and see if his ex has stolen any more money recently, why he got an overdraft fee, etc because he doesn't know how to get on the computer to do these things. That's what I'm wondering- is getting along and having a good time and being compatible enough? Can he learn to handle his own accounts and take charge financially? Just questions I have because I have never been with anyone like him. Thanks-

NO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so still looking for a free ride

free ride and that D

[Anonymous]

Op, whats.wromg with you that you think this guy is good relationship material?! Get some therapy and work on yourself. You're both snobby but lack any obvious common sense about what makes a good partner, which people who have low self esteem tend to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just my personal opinion, but I could NEVER date a man who thinks highly of our current Prez especially now, w/his handling of our current pandemic.


I cannot imagine spending any time w/someone who supports racism, divisiveness + exclusion.

Even if we never discuss politics - it would always be the elephant in the room one way or another.

Do you prefer one race over another to date? If so, you're racist and a hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

Op if you’ve never worked, come from the Deep South, aren’t you sort of blue collar, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op if you’ve never worked, come from the Deep South, aren’t you sort of blue collar, too?

+1

This. Your snottiness about class is odd. Also, I can understand financial instability as a result of a contentious divorce. However, knowing how to manage one's finances is a basic life skill, even if you choose to outsource the work temporarily to your spouse. He should know how to do these things as an adult. That would be the deal breaker here- not his hobbies, politics, or class background.

[Anonymous]

I once saw a guy on a Harley wearing a t-shirt, and on the back it said, "if you can read this, the b__ch fell off."

[Anonymous]

My take is honestly OP, there is a condescending tone that underlies your description of the situation. I honestly don’t see this working but the reason you seem to like him because it’s new and novel. Sorry to say, I doubt it will work but do the true test of time. Don’t move in yet but just date him for a while longer. I think it will eventually fizzle our. Moving in with him will further mess up with your kids life. You also didn’t fully describe what’s your feeling with your ex and how did it end. Why I think it matters is because it forms your background and life that you are accustomed to. Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my mid 40s and have been separated for a year and a half, have a very young child, have always been a SAHM (but am college educated)... ex husband is extremely wealthy. I have been dating a construction worker, a foreman carpenter, for 9 months now. Has grown children, and he's in his late 40s. We are serious about each other, but we have so many differences... I'm a liberal and tend to vote Democrat, he's a Republican. I enjoy traveling, wine tasting, and am a foodie.. he likes to hunt and ride Harleys.. We get along great and have a good time together. So far he has mostly existed in "my" world- hanging out where I live (inside the Beltway but not DC he's from an hour away further south in VA). He generally works 6 days a week (which sucks, my ex worked a lot but could work off hours and from home), so the time we have together we mostly do whatever my son needs me to do, or on the one day we have alone, we sleep in, go to the grocery store, hang out, etc. So far, so good. He talks about me going camping with him, riding his Harley etc but the weather is just warming up enough to do some of the things he wants to do... I said I would try both although I dont' have an interest in either. He listens to me talk about wine, visits wine shops with me, etc so he does a lot of "my" things. The longer we're together though, I feel the differences... there is obviously an educational gap, a huge one- he seems smart and to have a good head on his shoulders, but some basic things like geography, vocabulary, etc are just not there... it hasn't bothered me too much thus far because when we're together we just have a good time, we're generally not talking about anything too serious (my ex husband was serious enough). We agreed to not talk politics once LOL. So my question is, can this work? Like, can we grow old in our rocking chairs or will we have nothing to talk about? ALL of my friends have college degrees or higher and are of a certain income level and they are of the opinion that no, this cannot work. He cannot fulfill all of my needs because of the educational gap and he hasn't traveled etc... I have one friend that says if we love each other it can work and I have my friends for intellectual conversation, etc... I have extremely limited dating experience and tend to overthink everything...he is very good to me and we get along great. He makes good money, which, may not be a popular opinion, but is important to me. NOWHERE near how I used to live or what my ex made, so I'm not a gold digger- but I do want to have a modicum of standards and dont' want to struggle financially. My brain says no, but my heart says yes. I dont' have any friends or family who have dated or know blue collar men and can give me nonjudgemental advice. Please help! Any advice? And be kind, please!

You sound like a snob.

At least blue collar workers know how to use paragraphs...

[Anonymous]

The relationship works now
Life is not full of roses. Enjoy what you have.
He doesn't have to like wine tasting. A lot of people do not and you are unlikely going to find such a man.
Try the camping, you will most likely like it.

You said he makes good money, but is not as wealthy as your ex

Stop comparing him to your ex. Don't compare anyone to your ex. That chapter of your life is over, closed

[Anonymous]

How is it even possible for this guy’s ex to steal more money? Does she have access to his accounts still? Huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My take is honestly OP, there is a condescending tone that underlies your description of the situation. I honestly don’t see this working but the reason you seem to like him because it’s new and novel. Sorry to say, I doubt it will work but do the true test of time. Don’t move in yet but just date him for a while longer. I think it will eventually fizzle our. Moving in with him will further mess up with your kids life. You also didn’t fully describe what’s your feeling with your ex and how did it end. Why I think it matters is because it forms your background and life that you are accustomed to. Good luck

Another factor is that OP will clearly be embarrassed to bring him around her friends. I'm a man who has been in the situation of liking someone I was dating a lot and thinking we had a good time together, but then I paused when the time came to bring her to a company function and I knew that wasn't fair to her to keep her in a relationship with me if i felt that way.