Mixed collar dating- need relationship advice please!!
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Anonymous
| In my mid 40s and have been separated for a year and a half, have a very young child, have always been a SAHM (but am college educated)... ex husband is extremely wealthy. I have been dating a construction worker, a foreman carpenter, for 9 months now. Has grown children, and he's in his late 40s. We are serious about each other, but we have so many differences... I'm a liberal and tend to vote Democrat, he's a Republican. I enjoy traveling, wine tasting, and am a foodie.. he likes to hunt and ride Harleys.. We get along great and have a good time together. So far he has mostly existed in "my" world- hanging out where I live (inside the Beltway but not DC he's from an hour away further south in VA). He generally works 6 days a week (which sucks, my ex worked a lot but could work off hours and from home), so the time we have together we mostly do whatever my son needs me to do, or on the one day we have alone, we sleep in, go to the grocery store, hang out, etc. So far, so good. He talks about me going camping with him, riding his Harley etc but the weather is just warming up enough to do some of the things he wants to do... I said I would try both although I dont' have an interest in either. He listens to me talk about wine, visits wine shops with me, etc so he does a lot of "my" things. The longer we're together though, I feel the differences... there is obviously an educational gap, a huge one- he seems smart and to have a good head on his shoulders, but some basic things like geography, vocabulary, etc are just not there... it hasn't bothered me too much thus far because when we're together we just have a good time, we're generally not talking about anything too serious (my ex husband was serious enough). We agreed to not talk politics once LOL. So my question is, can this work? Like, can we grow old in our rocking chairs or will we have nothing to talk about? ALL of my friends have college degrees or higher and are of a certain income level and they are of the opinion that no, this cannot work. He cannot fulfill all of my needs because of the educational gap and he hasn't traveled etc... I have one friend that says if we love each other it can work and I have my friends for intellectual conversation, etc... I have extremely limited dating experience and tend to overthink everything...he is very good to me and we get along great. He makes good money, which, may not be a popular opinion, but is important to me. NOWHERE near how I used to live or what my ex made, so I'm not a gold digger- but I do want to have a modicum of standards and dont' want to struggle financially. My brain says no, but my heart says yes. I dont' have any friends or family who have dated or know blue collar men and can give me nonjudgemental advice. Please help! Any advice? And be kind, please! |
Anonymous
| Too long to read- please summarize key points |
Anonymous
|
Yes this post is too long.
I don’t see this lasting... he’s probably really into you, which feels damn good after an unfulfilling marriage... but after that wears off, you don’t have anything in common. It’s ok to be single. |
Anonymous
| No. This cannot work. |
Anonymous
| Think of a venn diagram, OP. You have your interests. He has his. If this is going to work, the two of you need to figure out interests that you SHARE. Maybe you both like baseball. Maybe you both like Broadway plays. Maybe you both like listening to live music or to see stand-up comedy. Find the overlap. |
Anonymous
|
It's not SES. You're describing differences in personality and interests. There are plenty of highly educated high earners who love motorcycles and camping. There are also plenty of people who are not college educated but are informed about current events, well-traveled, well-spoken, etc. How is important for you to share leisure interests with your partner? As for political differences, is it the type of political differences that are indicative of life value differences? (For example, I can live with a fiscal conservative but not a social conservative.) As for income issue, you can literally do the math and figure out whether your combined incomes are able to give you the lifestyle that you want.
People can come from very different backgrounds (SES, race, ethnicity, religion, cultural, etc) and still share the same life values and interests. The opposite is also true- people can come the same or similar background and have incompatible values and different interests. |
Anonymous
This. What do you think of his morals and his values? Is he good with money, or irresponsible? How does he treat his family? My husband and I are both college-educated. He comes from a higher income family but I am the one with the hobbies and the interests similar to yours. He has zero hobbies other than cooking. I am missing out on that -- sharing hobbies with one another. But what he is, is a great conversationalist, a true family guy, very smart, honest, and funny. He's caring and giving and makes me laugh. And he's a good dad. I can put up with not sharing hobbies, although I miss that. I have friends to do those things with. |
Anonymous
|
You sound like a snob and way too fixated on formal education, so do him a favor and cut him loose so he can find someone who appreciates him.
And for someone who claims to be so educated herself, learn how to use paragraphs. |
Anonymous
| Do you work? You sound like you want to rely on him for support. If you are educated ans capable of supporting yourself what does his income matter? Does he make you happy? |
Anonymous
|
your post is sort of a challenging read, OP. Setting that aside, what do you mean by "mixed-collar"? My understanding is that term refers to two different kinds of job categories, with physical labor being the differentiating factor: blue collar jobs involve physical labor & white color jobs don't.
Your boyfriend has a blue collar job, but you write that you've been a SAHM. Isn't SAHM a blue collar job? So that makes your relationship a same-color one, not a mixed-color one. Hope that helps. |
Anonymous
Ha, good point. Check yourself OP. |
Anonymous
|
He sounds wonderful
not sure about you tho... |
Anonymous
| It will never work. |
Anonymous
married a rich guy dating a poor construction worker drive a harley she is inside the beltway limousine liberal he is outside the beltway republican... i suspect a trump supporter because they can't "talk politics" should she follow her heart or her head? My 2 cents... you need therapy, you also need to learn to use paragraphs. It's not going to work out but your not going to take anybody's advise so ride the train right into a wreck. |
Anonymous
| if he does manual labor for you maybe keep him around as an FWB. Do you have a service entrance? |