Mixed collar dating- need relationship advice please!!

[Anonymous]

OP, it won't work. You're used to a certain lifestyle and I really doubt a carpenter foreman makes anywhere close to being able to maintain that lifestyle for you... and you said you don't plan to ever earn an income yourself.

The fact that he can't manage his own money also sounds like a big problem. Does he have anything saved for retirement? Do you?

What this man can afford is a very modest home in Fredericksburg. Are you willing to live there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it won't work. You're used to a certain lifestyle and I really doubt a carpenter foreman makes anywhere close to being able to maintain that lifestyle for you... and you said you don't plan to ever earn an income yourself.

The fact that he can't manage his own money also sounds like a big problem. Does he have anything saved for retirement? Do you?

What this man can afford is a very modest home in Fredericksburg. Are you willing to live there?

The only way OP can possibly find a man who could satisfy that lifestyle would be a guy in his mid-60s.

[Anonymous]

How old is your child? Why would you not get a job? Are you just looking to remarry again?

I’m a SAHM of 3. I had a career before I had kids. If I got divorced, I would get a job.

[Anonymous]

Why did you get divorced in the first place? Why not just stick with the first husband?

[Anonymous]

You sound terrible op

[Anonymous]

So OP has never worked a day in her adult life. Meaning, she finished college, moved in with her ex, and stayed at home after that doing who knows what because she is "traditional and Southern." But she didn't have a kid until late 30s/nearly 40. So she was just a stay at home wife with no kids for 15+ years.

But at the same time, she wants an enlightened liberal, city-dwelling, successful, man. You know, exactly the type who would be weirded out by her staying home with NO kids for 15+ kids in the name of tradition and being from the South.

Hmmm...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not going to work so enjoy the ride while it lasts.

If I were you, I'd put this time and energy into becoming self-sufficient. You are newly single and your child is very young. Now is not the time to jump into another relationship, which you may be tempted to do , considering your limited dating experience and marriage. You are divorced without a real career; if your ex husband pays alimony, now is a great time to figure out how to stand on your own two feet financially. I say this without bitterness. Independence is a great feeling.

This.

OP, now is the time to figure out your financial footing. Unless you're getting a divorce settlement large enough that you won't have to ever work, then you need to figure out a career path. You're in the process of a divorce. Now isn't the time to jump into another relationship. It's the time to figure out how to stand on your own two feet, even if that includes a settlement large enough that you won't have to work. You'll still have your own money and budget to support yourself and your son.

I think this guy is a bad move because he's not responsible and seems to go from one co-dependent relationship to another. He doesn't have healthy boundaries and right now you need to focus on the best possible life for you and your son. That's too much of a deal breaker right there, not even getting into other issues like hobbies.

That said, ignore some of the misogynistic posts here. It looks like some posters want you to believe that no one worthy would ever want you. And being a college-educated SAHM married to a white collar worker doesn't equate to being blue collar. I'm married and work FT, so no dog in this fight.

Take care and I hope everything works out well for you and your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not going to work so enjoy the ride while it lasts.

If I were you, I'd put this time and energy into becoming self-sufficient. You are newly single and your child is very young. Now is not the time to jump into another relationship, which you may be tempted to do , considering your limited dating experience and marriage. You are divorced without a real career; if your ex husband pays alimony, now is a great time to figure out how to stand on your own two feet financially. I say this without bitterness. Independence is a great feeling.

This.

OP, now is the time to figure out your financial footing. Unless you're getting a divorce settlement large enough that you won't have to ever work, then you need to figure out a career path. You're in the process of a divorce. Now isn't the time to jump into another relationship. It's the time to figure out how to stand on your own two feet, even if that includes a settlement large enough that you won't have to work. You'll still have your own money and budget to support yourself and your son.

I think this guy is a bad move because he's not responsible and seems to go from one co-dependent relationship to another. He doesn't have healthy boundaries and right now you need to focus on the best possible life for you and your son. That's too much of a deal breaker right there, not even getting into other issues like hobbies.

That said, ignore some of the misogynistic posts here. It looks like some posters want you to believe that no one worthy would ever want you. And being a college-educated SAHM married to a white collar worker doesn't equate to being blue collar. I'm married and work FT, so no dog in this fight.

Take care and I hope everything works out well for you and your son.

OP's experience is very, very different from most college-educated SAHMs. She was a stay at home wife with no kids since the day she graduated, never worked But didn't have her one kid until about 40.

I agree she needs to get into the work world at some capacity. Having never worked in her life, OP comes off as someone who is just desperate to find someone to be her next meal ticket because she has zero sense of independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. This cannot work.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP has never worked a day in her adult life. Meaning, she finished college, moved in with her ex, and stayed at home after that doing who knows what because she is "traditional and Southern." But she didn't have a kid until late 30s/nearly 40. So she was just a stay at home wife with no kids for 15+ years.

But at the same time, she wants an enlightened liberal, city-dwelling, successful, man. You know, exactly the type who would be weirded out by her staying home with NO kids for 15+ kids in the name of tradition and being from the South.

Hmmm...

OP took care of sick family members. I wonder if she inherited money from them.

[Anonymous]

I have extremely limited dating experience

I couldn't read all 10 pages, but this jumped out. I think you simply have not had enough experience with relationships, at all, to know or to be able to handle differences. You've been a SAHM for years and it sounds like you got married young and now you are asking us whether it could work with this guy? I think you need to put the brakes on relationships and just date casually for a while. WHy rush into another serious relationship?

[Anonymous]

Can he learn to handle his own accounts and take charge financially?

I dont know, can you ge ta job and take charge of your own life?

You sound like my ex sister in law. highly educated BIL put her through top rated B school but she never held a job, nothing was good enough for her, eventually finally my brother, they never had a kid and then she left him after 10 year sand a day and is bleeding him dry with alimony because they live in california and she can. She went from daddy to my brother and is back with mommy and daddy, living on wealth she didn't lift a finger for and still things men should b e falling over a 40 year old neurotic anorexic with an mba and no employment history.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am not as bad a person as y'all think I am, goodness. I was raised to get an education but then to take care of a house and home. I cooked meals and kept a spotless house every single day for my husband who worked long hours at a law firm. Many of his co workers, male and female, said they wished they had a wife life me or some of the women said they would like to do what i was doing. We were a single income family happily. He did make a lot of money so I didn't "have" to work. It worked for us. A year after I got married, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I took care of her for close to 10 years. I put off having children the last few years of her life because of that. I sat by her bedside, cooked her meals, changed her bandages after brain surgery, made her doctor's appointments, dealt with her insurance, so all of you who think I sat around and took my husband's money are dead wrong. Cultural relativism works inside the US, too. We tried for children for almost 3 years so that caused further delays, and during that time my father was diagnosed. So ALL i know how to do, or want to do, is take care of people I love. My boyfriend and I get along great I just wonder if we can make it because of our differences and his lack of money management. I am not a snob, nor lazy. No, I do not want to work outside the home but if that's what I had to do to put my food in my child't mouth, I would. To those that had helpful comments, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am not as bad a person as y'all think I am, goodness. I was raised to get an education but then to take care of a house and home. I cooked meals and kept a spotless house every single day for my husband who worked long hours at a law firm. Many of his co workers, male and female, said they wished they had a wife life me or some of the women said they would like to do what i was doing. We were a single income family happily. He did make a lot of money so I didn't "have" to work. It worked for us. A year after I got married, my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I took care of her for close to 10 years. I put off having children the last few years of her life because of that. I sat by her bedside, cooked her meals, changed her bandages after brain surgery, made her doctor's appointments, dealt with her insurance, so all of you who think I sat around and took my husband's money are dead wrong. Cultural relativism works inside the US, too. We tried for children for almost 3 years so that caused further delays, and during that time my father was diagnosed. So ALL i know how to do, or want to do, is take care of people I love. My boyfriend and I get along great I just wonder if we can make it because of our differences and his lack of money management. I am not a snob, nor lazy. No, I do not want to work outside the home but if that's what I had to do to put my food in my child't mouth, I would. To those that had helpful comments, thank you.

You sound like a good person, OP. DCUM is a harsh crowd, don't let them get to you. Good luck in figuring things out, wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

OP, why did you get divorced?