The realization that I’ve missed out by working my kids entire lives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my kids and have been entertaining them nonstop. But my 3.5 year old is SO SAD to not see her daycare friends. It makes me wonder how SAHMs do it without daily friends for their kids. Are none raising extroverts?

I am a SAHM with an 11YO and a 4YO. With my older child, I was in a large moms group that had activities daily during the week. I just picked which ones I wanted to go to. We also took lots of classes (many times with the moms/kids in the group). He did Little Gym, music, art, Spanish and swimming (not all in the same cycle) plus library story times. He also started half day preschool three days/week at 3.5. With my youngest, I do many of the same things. We definitely don’t sit in the house like our current situation. My kids definitely have friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my kids and have been entertaining them nonstop. But my 3.5 year old is SO SAD to not see her daycare friends. It makes me wonder how SAHMs do it without daily friends for their kids. Are none raising extroverts?

It’s not good that your DD is extroverted to the extent that she heavily prefers her “friends” to her parents’ company. Makes her more susceptible to peer pressure, drugs, etc. later on

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

Your blanket statement is not true. I guess you can keep saying it if it makes you feel better about your choice, but then that says something about how you feel about your choice, doesn't it?

I'm not the PP here but you are right, it's not always true. What is true is that children benefit from having a full time parent who wants to be a full time parent. If their parents don't want to then the kid is better off spending the majority of their day with someone who actually wants to be with them, assuming the daycare provider does it for that reason and not just to make a difficult buck.

Actually, I think kids benefit from being around many different people who all teach them different things. Your post is disgusting, by the way. Parents who work still "actually want to be with" their kids. Seriously, you're an asshole.

Some parents don't enjoy being parents. My mom was clearly one of them. Thank goodness she worked. I don't think I would have survived my childhood with her home. I SAH and love it. I can see the benefits for my children given their needs. To each their own, but not everyone enjoys being a parent.

Lol! I am a WOHM and enjoy being a parent. But I also enjoy the intellectual stimulation that comes from my profession. The fact that I work also means that DD gets to spend a lot more time than she otherwise would have with DH, grandparents, and her nanny. We all have different strengths in childcare (e.g., her nanny is great at pretend play and art, DH is great with building things, grandma and grandpa play gross motor games, I’m all about the music and books) so she gets the benefits of the “specialization”. There are pros and cons to one dedicated caregiver vs. multiple.

Great for your daughter. Not everyone has that or a mom who really enjoys being a mom (which became clearer when she had grandkids).

Well, I’m sorry for you and your kids that you don’t have that. But you can stop conflating wanting to WOH with not loving your kids. Thx!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a teen and a 6 yr old and I’ve worked full time my entire life outside of the home. I’ve enjoyed being with them so much these last couple of weeks, but realized today how much I’ve missed on. I would give anything not to go back to work after all of this.

Then you will miss things you were able to afford when you were working. Life is trade off. You pick one, you pay the price that comes with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my kids and have been entertaining them nonstop. But my 3.5 year old is SO SAD to not see her daycare friends. It makes me wonder how SAHMs do it without daily friends for their kids. Are none raising extroverts?

It’s not good that your DD is extroverted to the extent that she heavily prefers her “friends” to her parents’ company. Makes her more susceptible to peer pressure, drugs, etc. later on

Ummmm... WHAT? What an insane thing to say. Not OP but also have an extroverted 4 yo kid. Pardon him if he also wants kids his own age who enjoy duplos more than I do. gawd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my kids and have been entertaining them nonstop. But my 3.5 year old is SO SAD to not see her daycare friends. It makes me wonder how SAHMs do it without daily friends for their kids. Are none raising extroverts?

The routine day of a SAHM is nothing like a social isolation day you are currently experiencing. Many of us have rotating play groups, meet up with friends at the park or library, take mommy and me classes, do half day preschool. My own (adult) life as a SAHM is much more social than my career/office life was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

Your blanket statement is not true. I guess you can keep saying it if it makes you feel better about your choice, but then that says something about how you feel about your choice, doesn't it?

I'm not the PP here but you are right, it's not always true. What is true is that children benefit from having a full time parent who wants to be a full time parent. If their parents don't want to then the kid is better off spending the majority of their day with someone who actually wants to be with them, assuming the daycare provider does it for that reason and not just to make a difficult buck.

Actually, I think kids benefit from being around many different people who all teach them different things. Your post is disgusting, by the way. Parents who work still "actually want to be with" their kids. Seriously, you're an asshole.

Some parents don't enjoy being parents. My mom was clearly one of them. Thank goodness she worked. I don't think I would have survived my childhood with her home. I SAH and love it. I can see the benefits for my children given their needs. To each their own, but not everyone enjoys being a parent.

Lol! I am a WOHM and enjoy being a parent. But I also enjoy the intellectual stimulation that comes from my profession. The fact that I work also means that DD gets to spend a lot more time than she otherwise would have with DH, grandparents, and her nanny. We all have different strengths in childcare (e.g., her nanny is great at pretend play and art, DH is great with building things, grandma and grandpa play gross motor games, I’m all about the music and books) so she gets the benefits of the “specialization”. There are pros and cons to one dedicated caregiver vs. multiple.

Great for your daughter. Not everyone has that or a mom who really enjoys being a mom (which became clearer when she had grandkids).

Well, I’m sorry for you and your kids that you don’t have that. But you can stop conflating wanting to WOH with not loving your kids. Thx!

+1000

Sorry you had such a bad experience with your own mother, PP. But that doesn't give you the right to extrapolate your situation to all mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my kids and have been entertaining them nonstop. But my 3.5 year old is SO SAD to not see her daycare friends. It makes me wonder how SAHMs do it without daily friends for their kids. Are none raising extroverts?

It’s not good that your DD is extroverted to the extent that she heavily prefers her “friends” to her parents’ company. Makes her more susceptible to peer pressure, drugs, etc. later on

Whaaaat? Do you even have kids over the age of 2? Most kids enjoy being with other kids. A 3 year old who enjoys the company of their friends is not destined to be a drug user.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a teen and a 6 yr old and I’ve worked full time my entire life outside of the home. I’ve enjoyed being with them so much these last couple of weeks, but realized today how much I’ve missed on. I would give anything not to go back to work after all of this.

Downsize your life. Sell your house. Move to something smaller in a low cost of living area. Sell a car. Quit your job. Mr. Money Mustache.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a teen and a 6 yr old and I’ve worked full time my entire life outside of the home. I’ve enjoyed being with them so much these last couple of weeks, but realized today how much I’ve missed on. I would give anything not to go back to work after all of this.

Downsize your life. Sell your house. Move to something smaller in a low cost of living area. Sell a car. Quit your job. Mr. Money Mustache.

Make it happen. You only go through life once. Check out the Mr Money Mustache blog.

[Anonymous]

I truly wish i could relate to this. I've never been more irritated by my three year old :-/ I am desperate to send her back to daycare and I feel really guilty about that.

My 1 year old, on the other hand, has been a delight. I've enjoyed this time with her but I can barely pay any attention to her because the 3 yo is such a time suck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been thinking about all the people who are getting to stay home with their little babies and toddlers, moms and dads who were previously full of conflict and angst about working full time while the kids were in daycare. I'm not saying everybody because I know many parents have little or no conflict or angst about putting their babies and toddlers in full time daycare. I'm talking about the ones who actually want to stay home with their little kids but financially couldn't.

For those parents, although it's obviously very hard to manage life (bills, groceries, rent, etc.) during these difficult times, I'm sad to think of how they will feel when they have to go back to work.

I guess for all you DCUM parents whose children love daycare and thrive there while you are also happy going to your important jobs, I feel bad for you too because this situation must really be driving you nuts.

Oh yay another mommy wars thread. Glad the pandemic hasn't knocked anyone off their high horses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been thinking about all the people who are getting to stay home with their little babies and toddlers, moms and dads who were previously full of conflict and angst about working full time while the kids were in daycare. I'm not saying everybody because I know many parents have little or no conflict or angst about putting their babies and toddlers in full time daycare. I'm talking about the ones who actually want to stay home with their little kids but financially couldn't.

For those parents, although it's obviously very hard to manage life (bills, groceries, rent, etc.) during these difficult times, I'm sad to think of how they will feel when they have to go back to work.

I guess for all you DCUM parents whose children love daycare and thrive there while you are also happy going to your important jobs, I feel bad for you too because this situation must really be driving you nuts.

Oh yay another mommy wars thread. Glad the pandemic hasn't knocked anyone off their high horses.

I know. I seriously believe it is just a few sahms that are bitter and jealous about the fact that they are sort of worthless.

[Anonymous]

Note: nothing that you are experiencing right now is what life would be like if you weren't working. This is not normal. This is not what it is like to SAH.

[Anonymous]

It's a great time for self-introspection. In 4 weeks you can reinvent yourself.