The realization that I’ve missed out by working my kids entire lives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

So working parents aren’t full time parents? Do you homeschool your children, PP?

Don’t take the bait, the pp is a frump stay at home that feels better by making statements like this.

I am a WOHM but I kind of agree with this statement - and I would agree 100% if you add “or educated grandparent” to the end of the sentence. If I didn’t have my mom around to oversee our nanny, I would quit for sure.

You have young children. By the time your children are in elementary school, you'll be missing, at most, 2 hours of their day. And the older they get, the more of that two hours they'll spend outside of the home doing clubs, sports, etc., anyway.

Not exactly as you can do the cooking, cleaning, shopping and everything else when they are in school and your time is 100% theirs plus summers.

I actually see that as a danger of being a SAHM. They get used to having their live-in housekeeper do everything for them instead of seeing Dad pitch in and also they themselves pitching in. At the end of the day, it’s good for everyone to pitch in. Also, kids don’t need a helicopter who is 100% focused on them and whose only source of accomplishment is how well they turn out. That’s a lot of pressure.

Nice way of twisting things to justify your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

So working parents aren’t full time parents? Do you homeschool your children, PP?

Don’t take the bait, the pp is a frump stay at home that feels better by making statements like this.

I am a WOHM but I kind of agree with this statement - and I would agree 100% if you add “or educated grandparent” to the end of the sentence. If I didn’t have my mom around to oversee our nanny, I would quit for sure.

You have young children. By the time your children are in elementary school, you'll be missing, at most, 2 hours of their day. And the older they get, the more of that two hours they'll spend outside of the home doing clubs, sports, etc., anyway.

Not exactly as you can do the cooking, cleaning, shopping and everything else when they are in school and your time is 100% theirs plus summers.

That sounds pretty miserable, lol!

Not really, usually I sleep in most days, relax, clean a little, pick up the kids and we rotate who does activities but Dad does them more. I don't cook much because of activities. Pretty nice life.

[Anonymous]

Yep, there's a reason I gave up my career to stay home and DH is on a daddy track to work remotely.

The kids are sponges that repeat everything, absorb everything. We want them learning from us, not someone else.

[Anonymous]

Me teleworking, tutoring and entertaining my child doesn't exactly make me think I've missed out. If anything it reinforces that I love all the people that enriched my son's life from day 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHM - I love being home but I think the time with them when they are in elementary school on up through high school is far far more important than when they are little ones as that is what they will remember. Kids need you more, not less as they get older even though they start to separate. Maybe you can switch to part-time as a compromise.

+10. This is what I did. Had kids later and worked 120 percent until early grade school. Then cut back for a few years, then later quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

Your blanket statement is not true. I guess you can keep saying it if it makes you feel better about your choice, but then that says something about how you feel about your choice, doesn't it?

I'm not the PP here but you are right, it's not always true. What is true is that children benefit from having a full time parent who wants to be a full time parent. If their parents don't want to then the kid is better off spending the majority of their day with someone who actually wants to be with them, assuming the daycare provider does it for that reason and not just to make a difficult buck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

Your blanket statement is not true. I guess you can keep saying it if it makes you feel better about your choice, but then that says something about how you feel about your choice, doesn't it?

I'm not the PP here but you are right, it's not always true. What is true is that children benefit from having a full time parent who wants to be a full time parent. If their parents don't want to then the kid is better off spending the majority of their day with someone who actually wants to be with them, assuming the daycare provider does it for that reason and not just to make a difficult buck.

Actually, I think kids benefit from being around many different people who all teach them different things. Your post is disgusting, by the way. Parents who work still "actually want to be with" their kids. Seriously, you're an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

Your blanket statement is not true. I guess you can keep saying it if it makes you feel better about your choice, but then that says something about how you feel about your choice, doesn't it?

I'm not the PP here but you are right, it's not always true. What is true is that children benefit from having a full time parent who wants to be a full time parent. If their parents don't want to then the kid is better off spending the majority of their day with someone who actually wants to be with them, assuming the daycare provider does it for that reason and not just to make a difficult buck.

Actually, I think kids benefit from being around many different people who all teach them different things. Your post is disgusting, by the way. Parents who work still "actually want to be with" their kids. Seriously, you're an asshole.

+1

SAHMs set a terrible example for our daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, there's a reason I gave up my career to stay home and DH is on a daddy track to work remotely.

The kids are sponges that repeat everything, absorb everything. We want them learning from us, not someone else.

I feel bad for your kids, being raised and isolated by narcissists. Do you plan to homeschool? Because if not, they’re going to be spending most of their waking hours with other people once they’re 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, there's a reason I gave up my career to stay home and DH is on a daddy track to work remotely.

The kids are sponges that repeat everything, absorb everything. We want them learning from us, not someone else.

I feel bad for your kids, being raised and isolated by narcissists. Do you plan to homeschool? Because if not, they’re going to be spending most of their waking hours with other people once they’re 5.

Kids are at school about six and a half hours each weekday. How is that most of their waking hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, there's a reason I gave up my career to stay home and DH is on a daddy track to work remotely.

The kids are sponges that repeat everything, absorb everything. We want them learning from us, not someone else.

I feel bad for your kids, being raised and isolated by narcissists. Do you plan to homeschool? Because if not, they’re going to be spending most of their waking hours with other people once they’re 5.

Kids are at school about six and a half hours each weekday. How is that most of their waking hours?

It's more like 8 hours where I live with the bus ride (and the SAHMs in my neighborhood all have kids that take the bus) for elementary school. School day is long. Even if you pick them up and drop off in your own car, it's still 7 without you. So it actually ends up being the majority of their waking hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

So working parents aren’t full time parents? Do you homeschool your children, PP?

Don’t take the bait, the pp is a frump stay at home that feels better by making statements like this.

I am a WOHM but I kind of agree with this statement - and I would agree 100% if you add “or educated grandparent” to the end of the sentence. If I didn’t have my mom around to oversee our nanny, I would quit for sure.

You have young children. By the time your children are in elementary school, you'll be missing, at most, 2 hours of their day. And the older they get, the more of that two hours they'll spend outside of the home doing clubs, sports, etc., anyway.

How are you missing “at most two hours” of their day? School is over at 2:30/3. Many kids don’t go to bed until 7-8. That’s 4-5 hours not including morning wake up/breakfast.

School in my city isn't over until almost 4. The bus gets in at 4:15-4:30. All the Stay at Home parents have kids that take the bus, but there are WOHMs that pick up their kids at the bus stop because they have flexibility. A lot of kids never use aftercare or beforecare but have two working parents because one parent drops them off and the other picks them up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, there's a reason I gave up my career to stay home and DH is on a daddy track to work remotely.

The kids are sponges that repeat everything, absorb everything. We want them learning from us, not someone else.

I feel bad for your kids, being raised and isolated by narcissists. Do you plan to homeschool? Because if not, they’re going to be spending most of their waking hours with other people once they’re 5.

Kids are at school about six and a half hours each weekday. How is that most of their waking hours?

It's more like 8 hours where I live with the bus ride (and the SAHMs in my neighborhood all have kids that take the bus) for elementary school. School day is long. Even if you pick them up and drop off in your own car, it's still 7 without you. So it actually ends up being the majority of their waking hours.

plus more the hours of school are their prime functioning hours. Sure you get an hour at home in the morning but they're usually waking up and the entire family is doing tasks (so it's not exactly time for deep conversations or learning) and then after school they're at activities/sports/socializing with friends followed by homework. or when they're younger they're pretty tired/checked out many days after school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, there's a reason I gave up my career to stay home and DH is on a daddy track to work remotely.

The kids are sponges that repeat everything, absorb everything. We want them learning from us, not someone else.

I feel bad for your kids, being raised and isolated by narcissists. Do you plan to homeschool? Because if not, they’re going to be spending most of their waking hours with other people once they’re 5.

Kids are at school about six and a half hours each weekday. How is that most of their waking hours?

You missed the point. The point is that kids are going to be learning a lot of things from people other than mommy and daddy once they go to school. And presumably they will have friends whose houses they go to, activities, etc. Wanting to be your child’s only influence is not only unrealistic but also creepy.

[Anonymous]

I have an infant, and I’m definitely pretty glad to be able to delay putting her in daycare (so much so I feel a little guilty about being happy in the midst of this chaos). But I’m sure it will get harder when I do eventually have to go back to work, even if my boss is sympathetic and lets me do odd hours/part time. I think also infants are probably easier than toddlers/elementary schoolers though. All of you managing your bigger/older families through this are awesome, just saying!