The realization that I’ve missed out by working my kids entire lives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You sound overly emotional, OP. These are tough and very precarious times right now. Try to postpone your regret for choices made until after this is over and we’ve returned to normal.

+1.

+2. This is not the time.

+3 Op - you've spent a mere, what?, 9 consecutive days with your kids. It's a bit different than if you spent, say, 5+ consecutive years as SAHM. And, as you well know, not everyone is cut out for Sahm lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

So working parents aren’t full time parents? Do you homeschool your children, PP?

Don’t take the bait, the pp is a frump stay at home that feels better by making statements like this.

I am a WOHM but I kind of agree with this statement - and I would agree 100% if you add “or educated grandparent” to the end of the sentence. If I didn’t have my mom around to oversee our nanny, I would quit for sure.

You have young children. By the time your children are in elementary school, you'll be missing, at most, 2 hours of their day. And the older they get, the more of that two hours they'll spend outside of the home doing clubs, sports, etc., anyway.

Not exactly as you can do the cooking, cleaning, shopping and everything else when they are in school and your time is 100% theirs plus summers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

So working parents aren’t full time parents? Do you homeschool your children, PP?

Don’t take the bait, the pp is a frump stay at home that feels better by making statements like this.

I am a WOHM but I kind of agree with this statement - and I would agree 100% if you add “or educated grandparent” to the end of the sentence. If I didn’t have my mom around to oversee our nanny, I would quit for sure.

You have young children. By the time your children are in elementary school, you'll be missing, at most, 2 hours of their day. And the older they get, the more of that two hours they'll spend outside of the home doing clubs, sports, etc., anyway.

Not exactly as you can do the cooking, cleaning, shopping and everything else when they are in school and your time is 100% theirs plus summers.

I actually see that as a danger of being a SAHM. They get used to having their live-in housekeeper do everything for them instead of seeing Dad pitch in and also they themselves pitching in. At the end of the day, it’s good for everyone to pitch in. Also, kids don’t need a helicopter who is 100% focused on them and whose only source of accomplishment is how well they turn out. That’s a lot of pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a teen and a 6 yr old and I’ve worked full time my entire life outside of the home. I’ve enjoyed being with them so much these last couple of weeks, but realized today how much I’ve missed on. I would give anything not to go back to work after all of this.

I feel this pain as well, but the reality is I can not afford to not work and I can't turn back time, so hopefully my children look at me and are proud of my professional accomplishments and appreciate all the fun things I am able to do with them and for them by working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

Your blanket statement is not true. I guess you can keep saying it if it makes you feel better about your choice, but then that says something about how you feel about your choice, doesn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

Your blanket statement is not true. I guess you can keep saying it if it makes you feel better about your choice, but then that says something about how you feel about your choice, doesn't it?

I guess everyone who doesn't homeschool is a part time parent and their kids don't benefit. How unfortunate for the world's population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? Geez, DH and I don’t feel that way at all. Maybe because we always prioritized time with the kids on evenings and weekends. And we both have fulfilling careers. My kids are now 14 and 11 and I knew them (enjoyed them fully) way before this situation . It’s been fine being home but I love our normal life.

I’d sad you feel such regret, OP.

+1. DH and I have one daughter, now 14, who has always been our priority. Night, weekends, holidays, summer trips... we know her. We know her friends, her beliefs, her ambitions. This past week hasn’t given us any realizations. She is now and has always been a great person to be around.

+1 - but a 14 yo son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

Your blanket statement is not true. I guess you can keep saying it if it makes you feel better about your choice, but then that says something about how you feel about your choice, doesn't it?

Totally agree with the PP. But I’ll take it a step further. Society benefits when one parent is at home. Unfortunately, we have a system that makes that difficult/impossible for most families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been thinking about all the people who are getting to stay home with their little babies and toddlers, moms and dads who were previously full of conflict and angst about working full time while the kids were in daycare. I'm not saying everybody because I know many parents have little or no conflict or angst about putting their babies and toddlers in full time daycare. I'm talking about the ones who actually want to stay home with their little kids but financially couldn't.

For those parents, although it's obviously very hard to manage life (bills, groceries, rent, etc.) during these difficult times, I'm sad to think of how they will feel when they have to go back to work.

I guess for all you DCUM parents whose children love daycare and thrive there while you are also happy going to your important jobs, I feel bad for you too because this situation must really be driving you nuts.

Honestly, I think it is worse right now. Trying to work with my too kids - Elementary and toddler and supposedly trying to home school
Has been more exhausting than anything. If I could just BE at home, that’d be one thing.

[Anonymous]

Aw op it’s all good. They would be in school anyways. Sure there were the 0-5 years you can’t go back. Just enjoy the time maybe scale back so that you are more present for them going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM - I love being home but I think the time with them when they are in elementary school on up through high school is far far more important than when they are little ones as that is what they will remember. Kids need you more, not less as they get older even though they start to separate. Maybe you can switch to part-time as a compromise.

They are at school all day. So no.

Not all day. From 8:45 to 3:15.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been really enjoying it, more than I thought I would. I work PT and DH and I are having a pretty peaceful time with the kids now. I wouldn’t want to do this forever - I miss going to work and adults - but this is shaping up to be a nice sabbatical. It helps we left our apartment and rented a house in the woods, so there’s lots to explore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

So working parents aren’t full time parents? Do you homeschool your children, PP?

Don’t take the bait, the pp is a frump stay at home that feels better by making statements like this.

I am a WOHM but I kind of agree with this statement - and I would agree 100% if you add “or educated grandparent” to the end of the sentence. If I didn’t have my mom around to oversee our nanny, I would quit for sure.

You have young children. By the time your children are in elementary school, you'll be missing, at most, 2 hours of their day. And the older they get, the more of that two hours they'll spend outside of the home doing clubs, sports, etc., anyway.

How are you missing “at most two hours” of their day? School is over at 2:30/3. Many kids don’t go to bed until 7-8. That’s 4-5 hours not including morning wake up/breakfast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

So working parents aren’t full time parents? Do you homeschool your children, PP?

Don’t take the bait, the pp is a frump stay at home that feels better by making statements like this.

I am a WOHM but I kind of agree with this statement - and I would agree 100% if you add “or educated grandparent” to the end of the sentence. If I didn’t have my mom around to oversee our nanny, I would quit for sure.

You have young children. By the time your children are in elementary school, you'll be missing, at most, 2 hours of their day. And the older they get, the more of that two hours they'll spend outside of the home doing clubs, sports, etc., anyway.

Not exactly as you can do the cooking, cleaning, shopping and everything else when they are in school and your time is 100% theirs plus summers.

That sounds pretty miserable, lol!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

So working parents aren’t full time parents? Do you homeschool your children, PP?

Don’t take the bait, the pp is a frump stay at home that feels better by making statements like this.

I am a WOHM but I kind of agree with this statement - and I would agree 100% if you add “or educated grandparent” to the end of the sentence. If I didn’t have my mom around to oversee our nanny, I would quit for sure.

You have young children. By the time your children are in elementary school, you'll be missing, at most, 2 hours of their day. And the older they get, the more of that two hours they'll spend outside of the home doing clubs, sports, etc., anyway.

How are you missing “at most two hours” of their day? School is over at 2:30/3. Many kids don’t go to bed until 7-8. That’s 4-5 hours not including morning wake up/breakfast.

I get home at 5:00, so...