The realization that I’ve missed out by working my kids entire lives

[Anonymous]

Ahhh never change DCUM. The only way you can make everyone here happy is if you have that rare flexible p/t job that lets you be home the same hours as your kids but make 250,000+ a year while they are at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope that one positive thing to come out of this pandemic is teleworking. This may be the new reality which will allow a lot of work-life balance. Hopefully, it will also allow many WOHMs to remain in the workforce and not quit to become a SAHM.

I became a SAHM because I could swing it economically and my work was then not as important to me as physically being with my kids. The workplace is so mother-unfriendly that I have had no regrets in my choice. And no retirement fund for me could be better than all the time I spent with my kids, when they were babies and now when they are teens in HS. But, if I had the flexibility to work from home, I would have hired a full time nanny to be with me and my child and happily given her my entire paycheck for the five years my kid was at home. After my children would have started going to school, I would not have needed a nanny but again I would have been happy to pay someone to do chores etc while I worked some flex hours from home.

This is interesting. I luckily was fairly high up in my company when I had my kids and therefore was able to have a lot of flexibility/freedom to come and go as needed, wfh when needed, and earn about 7 weeks of time off each year. That's probably the reason why I chose to stay in the workforce.

[Anonymous]

I don’t feel regret, but I have learned things about my kids / appreciated new things about them that I didn’t get to experience in our ordinary life. For example, my space cadet 8 year old can really focus and turn out some good school work with minimal direction when that’s the expectation. His teachers had said this about him, but honestly I didn’t really believe them until I saw it first hand. My older son has been weirdly helpful and compliant since school closed, and we’ve been having lots of deep conversations with both. I certainly am not glad we’re in this situation (especially since I know our situation is better than many others) but I can appreciate this as the silver lining. The temporary break from the rat race has its benefits and I’m trying to appreciate them amidst the crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope that one positive thing to come out of this pandemic is teleworking. This may be the new reality which will allow a lot of work-life balance. Hopefully, it will also allow many WOHMs to remain in the workforce and not quit to become a SAHM.

I became a SAHM because I could swing it economically and my work was then not as important to me as physically being with my kids. The workplace is so mother-unfriendly that I have had no regrets in my choice. And no retirement fund for me could be better than all the time I spent with my kids, when they were babies and now when they are teens in HS. But, if I had the flexibility to work from home, I would have hired a full time nanny to be with me and my child and happily given her my entire paycheck for the five years my kid was at home. After my children would have started going to school, I would not have needed a nanny but again I would have been happy to pay someone to do chores etc while I worked some flex hours from home.

This is interesting. I luckily was fairly high up in my company when I had my kids and therefore was able to have a lot of flexibility/freedom to come and go as needed, wfh when needed, and earn about 7 weeks of time off each year. That's probably the reason why I chose to stay in the workforce.

Good for you. I hope since you are very high up in your company that you can think about and push for changes in company policies, so the flexibility you enjoyed is available to other WOHMs and WOHPs who are not as high up as you.

[Anonymous]

I love working full time and hate this. The kids are loving it. They beg to sit with me during conference calls and promise to be quiet.

The only thing getting me through this is knowing it's temporary - I am totally not cut out for full time childcare. Thank goodness for our nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope that one positive thing to come out of this pandemic is teleworking. This may be the new reality which will allow a lot of work-life balance. Hopefully, it will also allow many WOHMs to remain in the workforce and not quit to become a SAHM.

I became a SAHM because I could swing it economically and my work was then not as important to me as physically being with my kids. The workplace is so mother-unfriendly that I have had no regrets in my choice. And no retirement fund for me could be better than all the time I spent with my kids, when they were babies and now when they are teens in HS. But, if I had the flexibility to work from home, I would have hired a full time nanny to be with me and my child and happily given her my entire paycheck for the five years my kid was at home. After my children would have started going to school, I would not have needed a nanny but again I would have been happy to pay someone to do chores etc while I worked some flex hours from home.

Agree. If I didn’t have work flexibility, a good partner, and family help, I would not have continued working. I would have missed my kids too much. Luckily, if they are with DH or grandma, I don’t “miss” them as much because I know they’re spending time with someone just as good as me, and it’s good for them to have that bonding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHM - I love being home but I think the time with them when they are in elementary school on up through high school is far far more important than when they are little ones as that is what they will remember. Kids need you more, not less as they get older even though they start to separate. Maybe you can switch to part-time as a compromise.

+1 to this. I have been WOH and SAH. You missed less than you think from the kids' early years. Part time is either the worst of both worlds or the perfect answer for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: You sound overly emotional, OP. These are tough and very precarious times right now. Try to postpone your regret for choices made until after this is over and we’ve returned to normal.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Oh look, another "let's bash working parents thread". SO MUCH FUN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You sound overly emotional, OP. These are tough and very precarious times right now. Try to postpone your regret for choices made until after this is over and we’ve returned to normal.

+1.

I was just going to write a post asking, what to do when you feel like screaming from all of the stress of working from home, child care, cleaning, etc... lol It is special times to be at home but they are in school usually most of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

My kids are super lucky then, they have two full time parents. They just both happen to have jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

So working parents aren’t full time parents? Do you homeschool your children, PP?

Don’t take the bait, the pp is a frump stay at home that feels better by making statements like this.

I am a WOHM but I kind of agree with this statement - and I would agree 100% if you add “or educated grandparent” to the end of the sentence. If I didn’t have my mom around to oversee our nanny, I would quit for sure.

You have young children. By the time your children are in elementary school, you'll be missing, at most, 2 hours of their day. And the older they get, the more of that two hours they'll spend outside of the home doing clubs, sports, etc., anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a teen and a 6 yr old and I’ve worked full time my entire life outside of the home. I’ve enjoyed being with them so much these last couple of weeks, but realized today how much I’ve missed on. I would give anything not to go back to work after all of this.

So what are you doing now? Are you working from home or did you just stop working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

So working parents aren’t full time parents? Do you homeschool your children, PP?

Don’t take the bait, the pp is a frump stay at home that feels better by making statements like this.

I am a WOHM but I kind of agree with this statement - and I would agree 100% if you add “or educated grandparent” to the end of the sentence. If I didn’t have my mom around to oversee our nanny, I would quit for sure.

You have young children. By the time your children are in elementary school, you'll be missing, at most, 2 hours of their day. And the older they get, the more of that two hours they'll spend outside of the home doing clubs, sports, etc., anyway.

PP here and I totally agree with you. That’s why I keep working - these early years are few, and I don’t want to sacrifice my career completely. I have ambition. I disagree with those who say having a SAH parent is more important after they start school. A WOH parent with flexibility, or two WOH parents who stagger their hours, or an involved grandparent, is just as good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You sound overly emotional, OP. These are tough and very precarious times right now. Try to postpone your regret for choices made until after this is over and we’ve returned to normal.

+1.

+2. This is not the time.