The realization that I’ve missed out by working my kids entire lives

[Anonymous]

I have a teen and a 6 yr old and I’ve worked full time my entire life outside of the home. I’ve enjoyed being with them so much these last couple of weeks, but realized today how much I’ve missed on. I would give anything not to go back to work after all of this.

[Anonymous]

I've been thinking about all the people who are getting to stay home with their little babies and toddlers, moms and dads who were previously full of conflict and angst about working full time while the kids were in daycare. I'm not saying everybody because I know many parents have little or no conflict or angst about putting their babies and toddlers in full time daycare. I'm talking about the ones who actually want to stay home with their little kids but financially couldn't.

For those parents, although it's obviously very hard to manage life (bills, groceries, rent, etc.) during these difficult times, I'm sad to think of how they will feel when they have to go back to work.

I guess for all you DCUM parents whose children love daycare and thrive there while you are also happy going to your important jobs, I feel bad for you too because this situation must really be driving you nuts.

[Anonymous]

SAHM - I love being home but I think the time with them when they are in elementary school on up through high school is far far more important than when they are little ones as that is what they will remember. Kids need you more, not less as they get older even though they start to separate. Maybe you can switch to part-time as a compromise.

[Anonymous]

A friend told me the same thing recently.

I have stayed home for most of my kids’ lives. I don’t regret it, despite the hit to our income and my professional regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHM - I love being home but I think the time with them when they are in elementary school on up through high school is far far more important than when they are little ones as that is what they will remember. Kids need you more, not less as they get older even though they start to separate. Maybe you can switch to part-time as a compromise.

I worked full time until my children were 12, 10 and 8 though I did have a short commute which really helped. But when we moved to a new city I was worried that they were reaching an age when their new peers could have a good or bad influence on them. I did get very involved in our new community and eventually took a part time job that aligned with their school schedules. I was lucky that we could make this move financially but I’m really glad I did make the move.

[Anonymous]

Weird. I’m spending less time with my kids now.

We would normally be out and about doing things together.

Sitting around the house is not more bonding than what I did before with them.

If you didn’t work... you realize you would be home alone because they are at school.

Your post sounds very illogical and unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHM - I love being home but I think the time with them when they are in elementary school on up through high school is far far more important than when they are little ones as that is what they will remember. Kids need you more, not less as they get older even though they start to separate. Maybe you can switch to part-time as a compromise.

They are at school all day. So no.

[Anonymous]

My youngest is significantly younger than my older two. I remember the three months I stayed home. I lived for the time school was out because my kids were just so fun. But, honestly, I never regretted going back to work. I spend most of my outside of work time with my family and we do a lot together. Even after being home this past week, I feel like I have the best of both worlds. I'm enjoying them immensely. We're having a lot of fun together. But, I also know that the second that I lift our social distancing restrictions, they will go back to activities and will spend most of their free time with their friends. And, we'll be back to later evening and weekend time together. And, that's what I get when I work.

I also think that how we all feel after week one may not be the same as we will feel after week eight. People's patience will wane and things that are petty annoyances now will magnify when there has been so much together time, when we are sick of cooking and want a restaurant meal, when we run out of craft supplies and Michael's is no longer doing carside pick up, etc.

So, I think you should really enjoy your time. Make the most of it. Try to avoid getting into conflicts over minor annoyances. But, don't let yourself be filled with regret over something that has a romanticized view right now. And, use this time to figure out if you want to make changes in the way you spend your time together after the risks and the isolation passes.

I'm glad you're really happy, OP. It's nice because a lot of people are struggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird. I’m spending less time with my kids now.

We would normally be out and about doing things together.

Sitting around the house is not more bonding than what I did before with them.

If you didn’t work... you realize you would be home alone because they are at school.

Your post sounds very illogical and unrealistic.

My children have friends they spend time with, sports, and band practice. I’m spending a lot more time with my kids now by filling those voids. Are your children very young or don’t participate in any extracurricular activities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird. I’m spending less time with my kids now.

We would normally be out and about doing things together.

Sitting around the house is not more bonding than what I did before with them.

If you didn’t work... you realize you would be home alone because they are at school.

Your post sounds very illogical and unrealistic.

My children have friends they spend time with, sports, and band practice. I’m spending a lot more time with my kids now by filling those voids. Are your children very young or don’t participate in any extracurricular activities?

My kids do all kinds of extracurriculars.

You don’t spend time with your kids when there is not a pandemic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird. I’m spending less time with my kids now.

We would normally be out and about doing things together.

Sitting around the house is not more bonding than what I did before with them.

If you didn’t work... you realize you would be home alone because they are at school.

Your post sounds very illogical and unrealistic.

Opposite for us. Both parents here working FT at home. I thought we would be at each other's throats by now, but the kids have been really great so far. We have been laughing a lot at meal times, and just generally spending a lot of time together as opposed to schlepping the kids around from one activity to another on the weekend. Today, we started preparing our garden for spring planting.

OP - it's great that you are connecting with your kids. It's always great if you have that choice and chance to quit for a year or so to spend some time with the kids. I did it for a year or so.

IMO, this crisis has brought my family closer.

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and my kids are teens, now.

Look, OP, there are significant downsides. One of which is since you are always there, your time, and your presence, is taken for granted. The relationship you are having now with your kids is like a vacation-relationship; if you were there all the time, the nature of the relationship would change.

I have a friend who works long hours away from home and when she's home, the family prioritizes their togetherness. Eating as a family. Hiking as a family. Etc. The kids like, and value, spending time with their mom because they've had to *miss* their mom when they wanted her around.

So enjoy the unexpected gift of this situation, but don't mistake the acute for the chronic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird. I’m spending less time with my kids now.

We would normally be out and about doing things together.

Sitting around the house is not more bonding than what I did before with them.

If you didn’t work... you realize you would be home alone because they are at school.

Your post sounds very illogical and unrealistic.

I am spending more time with my kids, for sure, but am definitely more distracted when with them. I used to be able to really dial in for the hours we had. Now I'm trying to make sure they learn something, hold up my work commitments best as possible, and just figure out what's happening. I have enjoyed the extra time and very much would love to be having them home and not trying to work. But this hasn't made me regret having a life where they do their thing at school, I do mine at work, and we come together for breakfast, dinner, weekends, and vacation.

[Anonymous]

I'm making the best of it with my 4 year old and infant right now. The oldest misses preschool and all her friends but we have gone on a trial adventure with her every day it's not raining (me or dh) and she's spending more time with the baby which is good for both of them.
I do miss work though and being able to know that my kid is having fun while I'm working. Now she knows I'm home so it's so much harder to get anything done.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, OP.