The realization that I’ve missed out by working my kids entire lives

[Anonymous]

Um it hasn't been a "few weeks" OP. Looks like you think it's been way longer than it has been.

[Anonymous]

Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and my kids are teens, now.

Look, OP, there are significant downsides. One of which is since you are always there, your time, and your presence, is taken for granted. The relationship you are having now with your kids is like a vacation-relationship; if you were there all the time, the nature of the relationship would change.

I have a friend who works long hours away from home and when she's home, the family prioritizes their togetherness. Eating as a family. Hiking as a family. Etc. The kids like, and value, spending time with their mom because they've had to *miss* their mom when they wanted her around.

So enjoy the unexpected gift of this situation, but don't mistake the acute for the chronic.

This is such a nice post. And so true as I was also a SAHM and now work part time. I am definitely taken for granted

[Anonymous]

Really? Geez, DH and I don’t feel that way at all. Maybe because we always prioritized time with the kids on evenings and weekends. And we both have fulfilling careers. My kids are now 14 and 11 and I knew them (enjoyed them fully) way before this situation . It’s been fine being home but I love our normal life.

I’d sad you feel such regret, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

So working parents aren’t full time parents? Do you homeschool your children, PP?

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand, what have you missed? I have a four your old and while the extra time is great I don’t feel like I am seeing anything extra.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

So working parents aren’t full time parents? Do you homeschool your children, PP?

Don’t take the bait, the pp is a frump stay at home that feels better by making statements like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children really do benefit from having a full time parent. There's no way around that.

So working parents aren’t full time parents? Do you homeschool your children, PP?

Don’t take the bait, the pp is a frump stay at home that feels better by making statements like this.

I am a WOHM but I kind of agree with this statement - and I would agree 100% if you add “or educated grandparent” to the end of the sentence. If I didn’t have my mom around to oversee our nanny, I would quit for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHM - I love being home but I think the time with them when they are in elementary school on up through high school is far far more important than when they are little ones as that is what they will remember. Kids need you more, not less as they get older even though they start to separate. Maybe you can switch to part-time as a compromise.

Actually, research refutes this. It's not about the child's "memories" when considering the long game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird. I’m spending less time with my kids now.

We would normally be out and about doing things together.

Sitting around the house is not more bonding than what I did before with them.

If you didn’t work... you realize you would be home alone because they are at school.

Your post sounds very illogical and unrealistic.

Opposite for us. Both parents here working FT at home. I thought we would be at each other's throats by now, but the kids have been really great so far. We have been laughing a lot at meal times, and just generally spending a lot of time together as opposed to schlepping the kids around from one activity to another on the weekend. Today, we started preparing our garden for spring planting.

OP - it's great that you are connecting with your kids. It's always great if you have that choice and chance to quit for a year or so to spend some time with the kids. I did it for a year or so.

IMO, this crisis has brought my family closer.

This is us too.

Its been good though I am working a ton.

[Anonymous]

I used to be a fantastic mom for the hours I was home 4-8pm when they went to sleep. Now I’m teleworking much longer hours, distracted nonstop, anxious and my kids are little devils. It’s all too much. I can either be a sahm or working mom. Both combined is horrific.

So maybe I’d enjoy my kids if I wasn’t working. We spent most of our weekends at activities, museums, playgrounds and with friends. It’s just lonely now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? Geez, DH and I don’t feel that way at all. Maybe because we always prioritized time with the kids on evenings and weekends. And we both have fulfilling careers. My kids are now 14 and 11 and I knew them (enjoyed them fully) way before this situation . It’s been fine being home but I love our normal life.

I’d sad you feel such regret, OP.

+1. DH and I have one daughter, now 14, who has always been our priority. Night, weekends, holidays, summer trips... we know her. We know her friends, her beliefs, her ambitions. This past week hasn’t given us any realizations. She is now and has always been a great person to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird. I’m spending less time with my kids now.

We would normally be out and about doing things together.

Sitting around the house is not more bonding than what I did before with them.

If you didn’t work... you realize you would be home alone because they are at school.

Your post sounds very illogical and unrealistic.

My children have friends they spend time with, sports, and band practice. I’m spending a lot more time with my kids now by filling those voids. Are your children very young or don’t participate in any extracurricular activities?

My kids do all kinds of extracurriculars.

You don’t spend time with your kids when there is not a pandemic?

If they are in sports and band practice, they need lots of rides. Its nightly for us.

[Anonymous]

You sound overly emotional, OP. These are tough and very precarious times right now. Try to postpone your regret for choices made until after this is over and we’ve returned to normal.

[Anonymous]

I hope that one positive thing to come out of this pandemic is teleworking. This may be the new reality which will allow a lot of work-life balance. Hopefully, it will also allow many WOHMs to remain in the workforce and not quit to become a SAHM.

I became a SAHM because I could swing it economically and my work was then not as important to me as physically being with my kids. The workplace is so mother-unfriendly that I have had no regrets in my choice. And no retirement fund for me could be better than all the time I spent with my kids, when they were babies and now when they are teens in HS. But, if I had the flexibility to work from home, I would have hired a full time nanny to be with me and my child and happily given her my entire paycheck for the five years my kid was at home. After my children would have started going to school, I would not have needed a nanny but again I would have been happy to pay someone to do chores etc while I worked some flex hours from home.