Never Been Married- 45 Year Old Woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You, of course, being divorced with children, are quite the prize, right?

Yes, I am.

dp than why are you divorced if you are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you opposed to dating a mid-40s woman who is divorced or widowed? Men who remain single in their mid-40s also tend to be underdeveloped in either social skills or emotional intelligence.

I've noticed that men and women in their mid-40s or older who have had no long term relationships or marriages tend to be commitment-phobic in some way. And maybe that comes across as odd in terms of behavior (i.e., doing something off-putting to drive the potential partner away, a kind of self-sabotage).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There probably aren’t too many normal 45 year old women who have never been married.

Yes. I've never met one. I've met a few nice women like this but they are all messed up, mostly from childhood. Plus total freedom and treating themselves as a priority from never having kids. Or just crazy.

The thing with 40's who are unmarried and don't have children is they are #1 in their lives and, understandably, expect to retain that spot. It isn't good or bad, just reality.

Yes, a 50 year old never-married, never-had-kids friend always seemed surprised when I mentioned my lack of availability to hang out, how I have to juggle schedules with DH to get free time, how we have commitments on the weekend for the children's activities, etc. (My kids are older now and more independent, and my friend and I can hang out more often.) She's not weird, just doesn't have any frame of reference for the this.

OP, I also think you should stick to women who have kids. Those women will understand where you're coming from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of is the fact you’re finding these women online. I joined a couple sites at various times and they definitely attract the lowest common denominator—that I clouded you OP. If you’re desperate enough to go online because you’re too afraid to be alone and you’re not able to attract people in person, then you’re one of the people you’re complaining about.

NP. I don't think this is the case. Everyone uses dating apps nowadays. It's just one major way people meet. At least half of the people I know have met their partners/spouses online (including me and DH). OP was just noticing a commonality among the small sample size of always-been-single-45+ year old women he and his friends have met. I'm sure it'd be the same if they had met them all in real life first instead of online.

[Anonymous]

I had dinner with an old friend this week. Hadn't seen her in a few years. She just got married at 59. Met a great and wealthy guy, I might add, on okcupid. They dated for 4 years and got married last August. I was thrilled for her and he's a great guy. He'd been married and had grown kids (he was 67). She's never been married.

[Anonymous]

As a never married 37 year old man, I would definitely date a never married 45 year old woman, depending on how attractive she is. I probably wouldn't marry her, but I would certainly date her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 50s Divorced Man. 3 Kids.

Old and dear friend told me that when I was back on the dating scene, only go out with women who have had kids. Sage guidance.

I went out with some never-before-married and attractive and successful single women and each time I thought about this advice. They would always tell you that they understand the role of a parent because they are active aunts. Never bring up the topic of your kids or you might get an all out lecture on what you should do as a parent. With three kids at home that was always too much to take.

I found that age does make a difference. Too old and their kids were out of the house and they wanted to look forward to retirement. Too young and they were still thinking about having a family. I finally got together with a fantastic mid-40s woman with one kid.

Same demographic here - found a mid 40's woman with a kid that is a total disaster too in just about every way...your mileage may vary and I agree with your other points.

I feel your pain. We didn't introduce our kids for 6 months and even then very slowly. Fast forward a couple of years and we easily take family vacations together and all the kids seem to get along. But I know we are lucky

[Anonymous]

I am a never married 45 year old woman. No kids.

I don't have any more issues than anyone else and in some ways my life has been far more carefree and drama free than many of my married friends.

I completely understand how different life is for parents and married folks. Most of my friends and siblings have had kids over the years and I have changed my plans to accommodate them 1000s of times. I also am usually the last person consulted about plans as they assume I have the most flexible schedule.

For the most part, I still think I could be in a healthy happy relationship - as least as healthy and happy as those I see around me.

The hardest part for me would be that I have lived alone for 12 years. Sharing my space and my life would be an adjustment. The only person I have had to be responsible to or for is myself. However my nature I am a pretty generous and giving person and in past relationships, I haven't been about myself so I think that is not a major issue. What I think would be the hardest is that I have become very independent and being alone means you only have yourself so giving some of that up to let another person meet my needs or do things for me may be a challenge. I manage all my own emotions with no one to talk to, I come home to an empty house every day and spend a great deal of time alone. I do everything that needs to be done - from home repairs to financial decisions to career changes - all without anyone to confer with or make decisions with. I dealt with a major illness and went through it alone. I am just used to meeting all my own needs, making all the decisions that need to be made about my life myself, planning all my own time, coping with life alone. I trust myself and I think at this point, it will take someone pretty amazing or a love at first sight scenario to change the status quo.

Just to add I do have friends and family (I am not socially alone) but everyone has very busy lives and lots of their own responsibilities and so I rarely turn to others as I likely I have more resources myself than they have. I tend instead to help others out but rarely ask for help myself. In times when I have, there are people who respond.

I have gotten to travel the world, make risky career and life choices, go on adventures, live in different places - all without needing to consider someone else. There is a freedom in that. However there is also a loneliness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a never married 45 year old woman. No kids.

I don't have any more issues than anyone else and in some ways my life has been far more carefree and drama free than many of my married friends.

I completely understand how different life is for parents and married folks. Most of my friends and siblings have had kids over the years and I have changed my plans to accommodate them 1000s of times. I also am usually the last person consulted about plans as they assume I have the most flexible schedule.

For the most part, I still think I could be in a healthy happy relationship - as least as healthy and happy as those I see around me.

The hardest part for me would be that I have lived alone for 12 years. Sharing my space and my life would be an adjustment. The only person I have had to be responsible to or for is myself. However my nature I am a pretty generous and giving person and in past relationships, I haven't been about myself so I think that is not a major issue. What I think would be the hardest is that I have become very independent and being alone means you only have yourself so giving some of that up to let another person meet my needs or do things for me may be a challenge. I manage all my own emotions with no one to talk to, I come home to an empty house every day and spend a great deal of time alone. I do everything that needs to be done - from home repairs to financial decisions to career changes - all without anyone to confer with or make decisions with. I dealt with a major illness and went through it alone. I am just used to meeting all my own needs, making all the decisions that need to be made about my life myself, planning all my own time, coping with life alone. I trust myself and I think at this point, it will take someone pretty amazing or a love at first sight scenario to change the status quo.

Just to add I do have friends and family (I am not socially alone) but everyone has very busy lives and lots of their own responsibilities and so I rarely turn to others as I likely I have more resources myself than they have. I tend instead to help others out but rarely ask for help myself. In times when I have, there are people who respond.

I have gotten to travel the world, make risky career and life choices, go on adventures, live in different places - all without needing to consider someone else. There is a freedom in that. However there is also a loneliness.

Great post. Very honest. I hope you are actively trying to date. It is nice having a partner.

[Anonymous]

Over 40 and never married is a red flag = 2-3 times divorces. There are going to be fatal flaws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a never married 45 year old woman. No kids.

I don't have any more issues than anyone else and in some ways my life has been far more carefree and drama free than many of my married friends.

I completely understand how different life is for parents and married folks. Most of my friends and siblings have had kids over the years and I have changed my plans to accommodate them 1000s of times. I also am usually the last person consulted about plans as they assume I have the most flexible schedule.

For the most part, I still think I could be in a healthy happy relationship - as least as healthy and happy as those I see around me.

The hardest part for me would be that I have lived alone for 12 years. Sharing my space and my life would be an adjustment. The only person I have had to be responsible to or for is myself. However my nature I am a pretty generous and giving person and in past relationships, I haven't been about myself so I think that is not a major issue. What I think would be the hardest is that I have become very independent and being alone means you only have yourself so giving some of that up to let another person meet my needs or do things for me may be a challenge. I manage all my own emotions with no one to talk to, I come home to an empty house every day and spend a great deal of time alone. I do everything that needs to be done - from home repairs to financial decisions to career changes - all without anyone to confer with or make decisions with. I dealt with a major illness and went through it alone. I am just used to meeting all my own needs, making all the decisions that need to be made about my life myself, planning all my own time, coping with life alone. I trust myself and I think at this point, it will take someone pretty amazing or a love at first sight scenario to change the status quo.

Just to add I do have friends and family (I am not socially alone) but everyone has very busy lives and lots of their own responsibilities and so I rarely turn to others as I likely I have more resources myself than they have. I tend instead to help others out but rarely ask for help myself. In times when I have, there are people who respond.

I have gotten to travel the world, make risky career and life choices, go on adventures, live in different places - all without needing to consider someone else. There is a freedom in that. However there is also a loneliness.

Great post. Very honest. I hope you are actively trying to date. It is nice having a partner.

It's a problem when you can't easily compromise with a partner. You can have everything your way and you like it. You are in an intimate relationship with yourself, a partner would be an interloper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a never married 45 year old woman. No kids.

I don't have any more issues than anyone else and in some ways my life has been far more carefree and drama free than many of my married friends.

I completely understand how different life is for parents and married folks. Most of my friends and siblings have had kids over the years and I have changed my plans to accommodate them 1000s of times. I also am usually the last person consulted about plans as they assume I have the most flexible schedule.

For the most part, I still think I could be in a healthy happy relationship - as least as healthy and happy as those I see around me.

The hardest part for me would be that I have lived alone for 12 years. Sharing my space and my life would be an adjustment. The only person I have had to be responsible to or for is myself. However my nature I am a pretty generous and giving person and in past relationships, I haven't been about myself so I think that is not a major issue. What I think would be the hardest is that I have become very independent and being alone means you only have yourself so giving some of that up to let another person meet my needs or do things for me may be a challenge. I manage all my own emotions with no one to talk to, I come home to an empty house every day and spend a great deal of time alone. I do everything that needs to be done - from home repairs to financial decisions to career changes - all without anyone to confer with or make decisions with. I dealt with a major illness and went through it alone. I am just used to meeting all my own needs, making all the decisions that need to be made about my life myself, planning all my own time, coping with life alone. I trust myself and I think at this point, it will take someone pretty amazing or a love at first sight scenario to change the status quo.

Just to add I do have friends and family (I am not socially alone) but everyone has very busy lives and lots of their own responsibilities and so I rarely turn to others as I likely I have more resources myself than they have. I tend instead to help others out but rarely ask for help myself. In times when I have, there are people who respond.

I have gotten to travel the world, make risky career and life choices, go on adventures, live in different places - all without needing to consider someone else. There is a freedom in that. However there is also a loneliness.

Great post. Very honest. I hope you are actively trying to date. It is nice having a partner.

It's a problem when you can't easily compromise with a partner. You can have everything your way and you like it. You are in an intimate relationship with yourself, a partner would be an interloper.

You are right. I think what I have going for me is that I am a really laid back, easy going person. I don't care about a lot of things and am very flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a never married 45 year old woman. No kids.

I don't have any more issues than anyone else and in some ways my life has been far more carefree and drama free than many of my married friends.

I completely understand how different life is for parents and married folks. Most of my friends and siblings have had kids over the years and I have changed my plans to accommodate them 1000s of times. I also am usually the last person consulted about plans as they assume I have the most flexible schedule.

For the most part, I still think I could be in a healthy happy relationship - as least as healthy and happy as those I see around me.

The hardest part for me would be that I have lived alone for 12 years. Sharing my space and my life would be an adjustment. The only person I have had to be responsible to or for is myself. However my nature I am a pretty generous and giving person and in past relationships, I haven't been about myself so I think that is not a major issue. What I think would be the hardest is that I have become very independent and being alone means you only have yourself so giving some of that up to let another person meet my needs or do things for me may be a challenge. I manage all my own emotions with no one to talk to, I come home to an empty house every day and spend a great deal of time alone. I do everything that needs to be done - from home repairs to financial decisions to career changes - all without anyone to confer with or make decisions with. I dealt with a major illness and went through it alone. I am just used to meeting all my own needs, making all the decisions that need to be made about my life myself, planning all my own time, coping with life alone. I trust myself and I think at this point, it will take someone pretty amazing or a love at first sight scenario to change the status quo.

Just to add I do have friends and family (I am not socially alone) but everyone has very busy lives and lots of their own responsibilities and so I rarely turn to others as I likely I have more resources myself than they have. I tend instead to help others out but rarely ask for help myself. In times when I have, there are people who respond.

I have gotten to travel the world, make risky career and life choices, go on adventures, live in different places - all without needing to consider someone else. There is a freedom in that. However there is also a loneliness.

Great post. Very honest. I hope you are actively trying to date. It is nice having a partner.

+1 I got married at 41 and I relate to most of what was written in this particular post. (Married a 48-year-old guy who had never been married either.) I work in a field where I encounter attractive, well-traveled, interesting, and adventurous women, some in their 40s and still single and it always amazes me they haven't been snapped up. It's difficult to connect out there and meet the right person, esp in this age group. PP I hope the universe is holding out someone special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You, of course, being divorced with children, are quite the prize, right?

Yes, I am.

dp than why are you divorced if you are?

Different 52yo divorced man here. But people divorce for all kinds of reasons. Doesn’t mean he isn’t a catch. It takes two to make a marriage work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You, of course, being divorced with children, are quite the prize, right?

Yes, I am.

dp than why are you divorced if you are?

Different 52yo divorced man here. But people divorce for all kinds of reasons. Doesn’t mean he isn’t a catch. It takes two to make a marriage work.

By definition, a divorced man is never a catch, he's a fail. Sorry.