DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, please consider being more involved and then trying to get custody.

This is both reasonable and useful advice.

In addition, the main benefit of divorce is that you are no longer in the sort of relationship with that person where they are in control or charge of your life. Changing her, no matter how "helpfully," is not in your scope of practice, OP.

You can make sure your child is safe, and you can become more involved. But you aren't important in her life anymore, and you never will be again. Just the father of the kid, and that's where it ends.

[Anonymous]

^+1. That’s my sense as well and I don’t think he’ll admit to it anyway.

I don’t even the issue. Kids socialize through class time, after care, sports, other activities. The issue must be that he wants socialization with certain types of kids/families?

since now that OP is divorced, he should do what he wants on his own time and the ex has the right to do what she wants on her own time. Not sure why make this an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The hate doesn't surprise me, tbh. It just proves I'm right.

I already coach his baseball team. My ex does nothing. She's a loser and a bad mom so I was asking for help to get her to be a better mom. Apparently that touched a few nerves. lol.

You mean you do things for your son's social life even though you're not a girly girl? Amazing. What do you do for his social life outside of baseball season?

[Anonymous]

Does your child have friends from school?

Most of my kids friends are from their classes at school. Some friends are just school friends. Others have some similar activities. Then there are a few we do play dates when convenient but it is the kids asking to play. Moms have nothing to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Who makes and takes him to his doctors' appointments, buys his clothing/shoes and tosses out what he's outgrown, takes him for haircuts, deals with his homework on a nightly basis, signs him up for aftercare, researches and signs him up for summer camps, plans his birthday parties, buys presents for him to give his friends on their birthdays, his teachers at Christmas, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The hate doesn't surprise me, tbh. It just proves I'm right.

I already coach his baseball team. My ex does nothing. She's a loser and a bad mom so I was asking for help to get her to be a better mom. Apparently that touched a few nerves. lol.

You screwed up by marrying a loser.

You fixed that by divorcing her.

Unfortunately, you can't fix her or change the fact that she is the mother of your child. You will have to make up where she is lacking. Perhaps you can get sole custody and hire a nanny/personal assistant to do some of what you need done.

+1

+1 isn't this what moms with deadbeat ex-husbands do.. compensate for the lacking parent? That's what my sister has done with her deadbeat ex.

Why are assuming this mol is a deadbeat, a lacking parent etc? WTH? I’m also a mom who works FT and is not in “junior league” (is anyone in that anymore!?) - I think those criteria apply to most moms on this board.

My kids attend aftercare 4 days a week and are enrolled in an activity pretty much every season. We do play dates sometimes as well- on the weekends. I don’t go out of my way to do more than that- both kids are thriving and happy and I am not a “deadbeat”.

OP if she works, does your son go to aftercare?? And you said he plays baseball..between aftercare and baseball he is getting plenty of socializing. If you want to play social climber/social engineer do it on your own time with your DS. She doesn’t appear to want to and thst is fine.

Calm down dear. I was using OP's view point of the ex wife. If you do those things for your kids, then you're not dead beat mom. I don't go out of my way to social engineer my kids' friendships either. I certainly wouldn't join a "sorority" type group to get my kids in the in-crowd. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see why you’re divorced. Happy for your wife.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is OP sees his kid every Wednesday night and every other weekend, and coaching baseball (which he probably coaches because baseball is OP's thing) is the sum total of his involvement in his son's extracurricular activities and social life. Meanwhile, mom has primary physical custody and is the only person making sure homework gets done, driving the kid to any other extracurricular activities, scheduling and attending doctor's appointments, booking summer camps, making sure the kid has clothes that fit, and a million other little things that go into caring for and raising kids. And then OP doesn't understand why she doesn't drop Junior League on top of it. Which, by the way, is a huge sign that OP is the worst kind of social climber and that this is really about the kid not being cool enough in OP's mind.

You sound like you think being a SAHM is a job.

And you sound like an idiot who has no way of substantively refuting the point. OP has said his ex-wife works, which means she is doing all of that on top of a full-time job while OP does his own thing except for 2-3 times a week during baseball season when he's at practices/games. And yet of course OP thinks his ex is the one who should step up more to curate a more impressive social circle for his son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is OP sees his kid every Wednesday night and every other weekend, and coaching baseball (which he probably coaches because baseball is OP's thing) is the sum total of his involvement in his son's extracurricular activities and social life. Meanwhile, mom has primary physical custody and is the only person making sure homework gets done, driving the kid to any other extracurricular activities, scheduling and attending doctor's appointments, booking summer camps, making sure the kid has clothes that fit, and a million other little things that go into caring for and raising kids. And then OP doesn't understand why she doesn't drop Junior League on top of it. Which, by the way, is a huge sign that OP is the worst kind of social climber and that this is really about the kid not being cool enough in OP's mind.

Completely agree.

[Anonymous]

I’m an introvert and I belong to Junior League. And somehow my children manage to have friends. I didn’t realize moms need to belong to junior league in order for their children to have friends. Somehow I must have lucked out.

[Anonymous]

Alright OP...so you are being flamed mightily but I’m willing to take a stab at helping. Clearly this is triggered by something- what is it, specifically...a particular group you feel your son is being left out of? Maybe one from school? Or a sports group? Or what kind of group is it? Or is your son complaining about being left out of a group? If so, what is the situation? If you describe it specifically we can try to help. Like: there is a group of boys my son plays with at school but he is never invited along- I think it is because my exwife isn’t a member of xyz? There are other ways to make friends with the group beyond resenting that your ex join junior league...

You aren’t giving us much to go on here..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The hate doesn't surprise me, tbh. It just proves I'm right.

I already coach his baseball team. My ex does nothing. She's a loser and a bad mom so I was asking for help to get her to be a better mom. Apparently that touched a few nerves. lol.

Oh, honey. The only nerve that's touched is yours. Roll up the sleeves and take responsibility for your own child.

Hate is an awfully awkward term for largely helpful feedback. Definitely his nerves.

[Anonymous]

Your 8 year old doesn't have friends? I don't think mom is the loser, sorry. Maybe enroll him in some sort of social skills class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your 8 year old doesn't have friends? I don't think mom is the loser, sorry. Maybe enroll him in some sort of social skills class.

While I wouldn’t put it that way, I think the problem might be with the 8yo as well- most make friends at school/aftercare/sports really easily. If he is struggling it may help to work on social skills and invite over a nice kid or two from class (ask the teacher who he plays with).

Mom and dad don’t have much to do with it IMHO. It isn’t like preschool, and it isn’t complicated like tween friendships can be either. These are the easy years unless there is a particular issue OP. If he isn’t unhappy, enjoy the laid back life and save your energy for the tween years when things get more complicated- don’t borrow trouble!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had to google junior league.

This makes me feel so old, probably because I am old.