DS Suffers Socially Because His Mom Doesn't Make friends With Other Moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex DW is not a girly girl. She doesn't do junior league or volunteer at food centers or any other of the things my son's friends moms do. She does not click with them at all. She's not socially awkward at all and is quite successful professionally, but she just isn't a sorority girl.

As such, my 8 year old son gets excluded from a lot of thing organized by the other moms.

How do I change this?

No wonder you are divorced. Your son is not missing out. Your ex is not required to make certain kinds of friends. I work. I have no time to volunteer or do “mom friend” crap. My daughters are not missing out. My job is not to organize play dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your 8 year old doesn't have friends? I don't think mom is the loser, sorry. Maybe enroll him in some sort of social skills class.

While I wouldn’t put it that way, I think the problem might be with the 8yo as well- most make friends at school/aftercare/sports really easily. If he is struggling it may help to work on social skills and invite over a nice kid or two from class (ask the teacher who he plays with).

Mom and dad don’t have much to do with it IMHO. It isn’t like preschool, and it isn’t complicated like tween friendships can be either. These are the easy years unless there is a particular issue OP. If he isn’t unhappy, enjoy the laid back life and save your energy for the tween years when things get more complicated- don’t borrow trouble!

I have 2 boys. 1 is very social and has multiple groups of friends. He is constantly invited to play dates. Families invite him along with theirs to go out to eat, volunteer, family only birthday dinners where he is the only friend invited. He is 8. I have nothing to do with his invitations. I’m friendly but not necessarily friends with his friends’ parents.

I also have a 10yo who is more of an introvert. 10yo has smaller group of friends from school. His closest friend’s parents are divorced. Both parents have hosted DS at their home. I do think he has gotten a few birthday parties because of me. I put more effort because this DS isn’t as social.

[Anonymous]

Damn, y'all are a mean ass crowd. He said the other moms do that stuff. Obviously they have a mom clique. Not unheard of. If his kid's mom isn't in the clique then he gets no invite. I get it, why don't you all? I agree with a few of the posters who said get him involved in a sport or ask who his friend(s) are and invite them out. Kids don't need a bunch of friends, one is plenty enough. I'm sure he has at least one. Take the two of them out to hang for awhile. I get it, OP, it's tough thinking that your kid doesn't have any friends.

[Anonymous]

I’m literally your ex wife and all my kids are super popular so it maybe something else that is holding your child back from all these fabulous social events in elementary school.... oh wait there are no fabulous social events in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m literally your ex wife and all my kids are super popular so it maybe something else that is holding your child back from all these fabulous social events in elementary school.... oh wait there are no fabulous social events in elementary school.

LOL. There are so many opportunities to socialize in school, after school care, sports, clubs that I don’t understand what the OP is talking about. I’m genuinely puzzled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m literally your ex wife and all my kids are super popular so it maybe something else that is holding your child back from all these fabulous social events in elementary school.... oh wait there are no fabulous social events in elementary school.

LOL. There are so many opportunities to socialize in school, after school care, sports, clubs that I don’t understand what the OP is talking about. I’m genuinely puzzled.

There are definitely kids and parents who are the planners. My kid has a friend who is a ring leader. He coordinates and hosts play dates with his friends. Parents aren’t overly outgoing. Their older daughter is more introverted. I have also witnessed some moms of girls who seem to hang out together. Moms and daughters hang out altogether as friends.

I think you just naturally gravitate towards people you like and it is an added bonus if your kids are good friends as well.

[Anonymous]

Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?

Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?

Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.

Oh we know they exist...but it is NOT necessary to be a part of one for your kid to have friends. I am not and all 3 of my kids have plenty of friends. They make friends at school, aftercare, and sports. They get invited to birthday parties and play dates, and we invite as well. No mom clique membership needed.

[Anonymous]

+1. You don’t need to be part of that clique at all and kids find friends anyway. That’s my learning to not get caught up in this kind of thinking. In hindsight, it doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?

Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.

Given your derogatory tone, you’re not really suggesting the OP’s ex should be forced to join such a mom clique just to increase the number of birthday party invitations their son gets, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?

Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.

That is such an accurate depiction. Though I'd add, unemployed and stretch pants. Theyre like grown up teenagers. Cringe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?

Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.

That is such an accurate depiction. Though I'd add, unemployed and stretch pants. Theyre like grown up teenagers. Cringe.

Tennis, working out, volunteering at the school, etc. Yeah, all of this exists! Your kids can make friends without you being part of the mom clique, but, at the same time, friendships are also formed, at times, due to the mom cliques.

[Anonymous]

Junior League? I'm out, bro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?

Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.

That is such an accurate depiction. Though I'd add, unemployed and stretch pants. Theyre like grown up teenagers. Cringe.

Tennis, working out, volunteering at the school, etc. Yeah, all of this exists! Your kids can make friends without you being part of the mom clique, but, at the same time, friendships are also formed, at times, due to the mom cliques.

My kids ride the bus so I don’t congregate in front of the school.

I do drink coffee, wear athleisure and wear uggs. This is just typical SAHM attire. I never thought anyone would judge my bumming clothing. My parka is pretty damn ugly if I do say so myself. It keeps me warm.

I have 3 kids with active social lives. I’m in no mom cliques at school. I am active in the PTA and a room parent. I chit chat with people we know when I see th but I’m not friends with anyone from my kids’ elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people here actually going to pretend there aren't mom clicques? I'm laughing out loud. The coffee cup clutching, Ugg boot wearing, down parka donning moms that hang out in front of the school at pick up and drop off every single day chatting?

Yeeeaah, they don't exist. lol.

That is such an accurate depiction. Though I'd add, unemployed and stretch pants. Theyre like grown up teenagers. Cringe.

Tennis, working out, volunteering at the school, etc. Yeah, all of this exists! Your kids can make friends without you being part of the mom clique, but, at the same time, friendships are also formed, at times, due to the mom cliques.

My kids ride the bus so I don’t congregate in front of the school.

I do drink coffee, wear athleisure and wear uggs. This is just typical SAHM attire. I never thought anyone would judge my bumming clothing. My parka is pretty damn ugly if I do say so myself. It keeps me warm.

I have 3 kids with active social lives. I’m in no mom cliques at school. I am active in the PTA and a room parent. I chit chat with people we know when I see th but I’m not friends with anyone from my kids’ elementary school.

Pretty much this. I was “around” more than some due to being a sahm (just went back to work PT - youngest is 8) and dressed like a sahm because, well, I was one. I was on the pta board a few years ago as well. I never made a single friend at my kids’ schools- acquaintances sure- many. I would say hello and chat politely for a moment but that is pretty much it. Are you all sure that you are viewing these “mom cliques” correctly? I do not know of any mom groups that originated through a kids’ elementary school. The groups I know are based on people knowing each other waaay back to toddler playgroups, or through kids’ sports team or similar. So my advice is to get the kid in more activities.