Boyfriend Texts Ex-wife Too Often

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was laying in the bed with boyfriend and saw a text on his phone come through from his ex-wife. I asked him what it was about because it was late. He wouldn't show me the text, but said it had to do with one of their children. They haven't been divorced long (6 mos) and I'm concerned that he's not over her. We started dating a year before their divorce was final and they fought a lot over every detail of custody, the house and alimony. He shared a lot with me about how mean and vindictive she was. Anyway, this morning I looked at his texts and saw that he sent her a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year text. Why is he being nice to her? Like why does he even still care to do this? I get that they have kids, but this seems a little too buddy, buddy for me. Should I be concerned that he's not over her?

You are as dumb as a box of rocks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Merry Christmas and Happy New Year are too buddy for people who have children together?!? You sound a bit insecure.

I do feel insecure. I've never been married and after witnessing how horrible their divorce was I just figured she would be way out of the picture and they would only communicate about their children. It wasn't a good marriage. I didn't expect them to become friends after the divorce. This time last year they absolutely hated each other. So yes, I'm insecure. I'm wondering if this communication will lead to something else.

I've read two of your posts, and this comes as no surprise. Excited to see what nonsense comes later . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was laying in the bed with boyfriend and saw a text on his phone come through from his ex-wife. I asked him what it was about because it was late. He wouldn't show me the text, but said it had to do with one of their children. They haven't been divorced long (6 mos) and I'm concerned that he's not over her. We started dating a year before their divorce was final and they fought a lot over every detail of custody, the house and alimony. He shared a lot with me about how mean and vindictive she was. Anyway, this morning I looked at his texts and saw that he sent her a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year text. Why is he being nice to her? Like why does he even still care to do this? I get that they have kids, but this seems a little too buddy, buddy for me. Should I be concerned that he's not over her?

Was there something more to the texts than Happy Holidays? My former neighbor texted me to say Happy New Year. We’re not too buddy, buddy. I wouldn’t read more into the texts than was there. OTOH, if they were fondly reminiscing about Christmases past or he told he that he missed her, that would be different. I think it’s a smart move for him to try to build some good will and maintain a cordial relationship. It will pay off in the future when the next big issue crops up between them.

It is not uncommon for emotionally stable divorced people to text and wish: Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Mothers Day Happy Birthday etc.

His ex-wife is not emotionally stable. I've heard her go off on him before. She is very mean and nasty. That's why I don't understand why he's initiating conversations with her. - Op

It appears we have discovered what his type is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was laying in the bed with boyfriend and saw a text on his phone come through from his ex-wife. I asked him what it was about because it was late. He wouldn't show me the text, but said it had to do with one of their children. They haven't been divorced long (6 mos) and I'm concerned that he's not over her. We started dating a year before their divorce was final and they fought a lot over every detail of custody, the house and alimony. He shared a lot with me about how mean and vindictive she was. Anyway, this morning I looked at his texts and saw that he sent her a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year text. Why is he being nice to her? Like why does he even still care to do this? I get that they have kids, but this seems a little too buddy, buddy for me. Should I be concerned that he's not over her?

You are as dumb as a box of rocks.

I would like to pat myself on the back forr this post, as I came to this conclusion after reading just the initial post. All of OP's posts thereafter confirmed this impression.

Of course, there's a decent chance this is a troll.

[Anonymous]

OP has very low emotional intelligence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has very low emotional intelligence.

Think it's confirmed OP is lacking any type of intelligence. At least she won't be raising her own kids.

[Anonymous]

Is OP the affair partner that caused his marriage to end in divorce?

[Anonymous]

At this point he would rather sleep on her couch alone than in the bed with you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he’s still sleeping with her (and you).

He's still married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that nobody is innocent in a divorce.
Also feel that you shouldn't be with someone until they are properly divorced if you have kids. I know of a few cases where the parents have split, found new partners within a couple months and then been pushing the partners onto the kids as a new 'Mommy/Daddy' type figure. I feel so sad for them. Kids even had time to process the split. Your lack of empathy towards your partners children is astounding. I think you come across as very self serving and immature.

I get that OP has no kids of her own, rocky marriage or not, but this part does stand out.

[Anonymous]

You are too insecure to be in this relationship. She’s going to be in his life forever so you either trust him or don’t but doesn’t sound like you do so move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are too insecure to be in this relationship. She’s going to be in his life forever so you either trust him or don’t but doesn’t sound like you do so move on.

No, his children are in his life forever, NOT his ex.

He needs to draw straight lines with his ex and his own personal life with OP. If he wants to be all chummy with his unstable ex, they should have stayed married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said they hate each other. Clearly they do not hate each other. Their behavior dictates that they like and miss each other. Keep your options open and good luck, you're going to need it.

Agree with you. I'm divorced and we are amicable but not friendly. The only time I might contact him for something other than the children is maybe in regards to his parents. Once he met someone, I was even more careful about my texts, because I didn't want to jeopardize his new relationship or mine. We didn't hate each other or fight bitterly, it just didn't work out. The people talking about fight bonders are on to something. You don't go from intense feelings and fighting to friendly chit-chat. That's not really the way those relationships work. Indifference is the way you know they've truly moved on.

[Anonymous]

Op, you are too young to be dating divorced dads. There are still many decent single men with no kids in your dating age range. *I* date divorced dads because I am 45. So the divorced dads in my dating pool are often better catches than the non divorced dads despite the baggage. But at your age? No way. Stop wasting your relative youth on guys with so much baggage.

And if you do date people who’ve been married - wait until they are divorced!! Do not date men who are only separated!

I prefer to date men who have cordial but distant and businesslike relationships with their ex wives. The super buddy buddy ones don’t work for me either.

This is not the guy for you. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been divorced 5 years. We still send Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Birthday, Happy Mother's or Father's day texts. We are very much over each other, but maintain a positive co-parenting relationship. He also wished my Husband a Happy new year by text, and bought us both a small Christmas gift & got us a card.

Is he remarried?

No, he has dated 2 women that I know of. I'm not sure marriage is really for him.