Boyfriend Texts Ex-wife Too Often

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think it's overkill to send a nice text to the mother of your children?

Plus 1. He is the mother of his children. They shared many good years together.

Yes, she is the mother of his children, but they did not share many good years together. You are wrong about that. He slept on the couch the last year they were married and they argued all the time.

Uh huh. Sure honey. Keep believing right on through your own messy divorce with this guy.

[Anonymous]

Good lord OP you are so incredibly immature you're going to ruin your relationship. Granted I think he should run anyways because you sound completely mental

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think it's overkill to send a nice text to the mother of your children?

Plus 1. He is the mother of his children. They shared many good years together.

Yes, she is the mother of his children, but they did not share many good years together. You are wrong about that. He slept on the couch the last year they were married and they argued all the time.

Uh huh. Sure honey. Keep believing right on through your own messy divorce with this guy.

If he was happy they would not have divorced. Clearly, the marriage wasn't good.

[Anonymous]

Many couples make peace once the pressure is off. It doesn’t mean they want to be together again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many couples make peace once the pressure is off. It doesn’t mean they want to be together again.

Ok. - Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many couples make peace once the pressure is off. It doesn’t mean they want to be together again.

Ok. - Op

How old are you? Is this your first serious relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many couples make peace once the pressure is off. It doesn’t mean they want to be together again.

Ok. - Op

How old are you? Is this your first serious relationship?

I'm 36. No, this isn't my first serious relationship, but it's the first time I've been with someone who's divorced with children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many couples make peace once the pressure is off. It doesn’t mean they want to be together again.

Ok. - Op

How old are you? Is this your first serious relationship?

I'm 36. No, this isn't my first serious relationship, but it's the first time I've been with someone who's divorced with children.

You're not mature enough for this relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been there, done that. It didn't end well for me. Good luck.

You are the rebound relationship. Some of them do work out. Not many.

Even after divorce?? They went back to their ex-spouse?

Not usually. But they don't want to make it permanent with a rebound relationship either. They typically move on to someone else once you have stroked their ego, restored their self esteem and helped them stabilize emotionally. They do typically appreciate you for what they needed you for, but it doesn't happen often that they realize that you are "the one". It's also not unusual for a newly divorced guy to go on to date a lot and stay single for quite awhile after the rebound relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been there, done that. It didn't end well for me. Good luck.

You are the rebound relationship. Some of them do work out. Not many.

Even after divorce?? They went back to their ex-spouse?

Not usually. But they don't want to make it permanent with a rebound relationship either. They typically move on to someone else once you have stroked their ego, restored their self esteem and helped them stabilize emotionally. They do typically appreciate you for what they needed you for, but it doesn't happen often that they realize that you are "the one". It's also not unusual for a newly divorced guy to go on to date a lot and stay single for quite awhile after the rebound relationship.

I don't believe our relationship is a rebound relationship. I didn't just hook up with him while he was married. We were friends for many years. We worked together a long time ago and stayed in touch throughout the years. That's how I know that his marriage wasn't a good one. I don't think he would just use me as a rebound when we have a long, established friendship. We really do have a deep connection. - Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been there, done that. It didn't end well for me. Good luck.

You are the rebound relationship. Some of them do work out. Not many.

Even after divorce?? They went back to their ex-spouse?

Not usually. But they don't want to make it permanent with a rebound relationship either. They typically move on to someone else once you have stroked their ego, restored their self esteem and helped them stabilize emotionally. They do typically appreciate you for what they needed you for, but it doesn't happen often that they realize that you are "the one". It's also not unusual for a newly divorced guy to go on to date a lot and stay single for quite awhile after the rebound relationship.

I don't believe our relationship is a rebound relationship. I didn't just hook up with him while he was married. We were friends for many years. We worked together a long time ago and stayed in touch throughout the years. That's how I know that his marriage wasn't a good one. I don't think he would just use me as a rebound when we have a long, established friendship. We really do have a deep connection. - Op

Oh, you sure do. So deep that when you're in bed together and he gets a secret text from another woman, you get mental about it.

Think long and hard about the irony in that statement, and realize that's your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex wife was divorced with a kid when I married her and she and I eventually divorced years later after having two children.

Just like her and her first ex, she and I have few pleasantries. I don’t actively bear her ill will, but I have absolutely no interest in chatting her up or wishing her happy whatever. I’m kind to her with respect to the kids and we don’t give each other a hard time. I say nice things about her to the kids if it naturally comes up.

What’s more is any text I received from her I would be happy to share with my current girlfriend. My ex is the mother of my children sure, but beyond that she is like a distant cousin you see at the odd wedding every couple years. Handshake or head nod.

Despite what others may think, our kids respect the way she and I interact and we’ve always made the kids a priority. Treating her extra special with happy New Years or whatever is not part of it and would seem fake.

This is exactly what I was expecting. I get that they have kids together and there is a need to communicate about them, but the text exchange was really, really friendly. I would not want to see him constantly upset by getting into arguments with her all the time, but this extra friendliness has taken me aback. - Op

To OP - I think some of these posters are being mean and judging you harshly. It won’t be the first time on DCUM I’ve said I wish you were my friend or I was your therapist. I’d listen to your view, factor in what could be his side, and we’d help you determine if it’s good for you. Trust your instinct. Your it is telling you something that you need to factor in. Take it slow and take things in. Don’t make quick movements. But he may have used you as a rebound. Sure. It’s disconcerting. I understand. He may be working through things as well. Time will tell. So no need to worry.

[Anonymous]

OP, your biggest mistake is thinking that because there was so much fighting and so much hatred directed toward each other, they must be done with the marriage. Nothing could be further from the truth - this kind of intensity can be indicative of a very strong bond, even though the bond carries a lot of misery with it.

Your thinking about relationships is simplistic. I'd suggest some therapy to learn more about yourself - and others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your biggest mistake is thinking that because there was so much fighting and so much hatred directed toward each other, they must be done with the marriage. Nothing could be further from the truth - this kind of intensity can be indicative of a very strong bond, even though the bond carries a lot of misery with it.

Your thinking about relationships is simplistic. I'd suggest some therapy to learn more about yourself - and others.

These fight-bonders are the worst. Literally the worst. And they get everyone around them to buy into their shit. They need to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex wife was divorced with a kid when I married her and she and I eventually divorced years later after having two children.

Just like her and her first ex, she and I have few pleasantries. I don’t actively bear her ill will, but I have absolutely no interest in chatting her up or wishing her happy whatever. I’m kind to her with respect to the kids and we don’t give each other a hard time. I say nice things about her to the kids if it naturally comes up.

What’s more is any text I received from her I would be happy to share with my current girlfriend. My ex is the mother of my children sure, but beyond that she is like a distant cousin you see at the odd wedding every couple years. Handshake or head nod.

Despite what others may think, our kids respect the way she and I interact and we’ve always made the kids a priority. Treating her extra special with happy New Years or whatever is not part of it and would seem fake.

This is exactly what I was expecting. I get that they have kids together and there is a need to communicate about them, but the text exchange was really, really friendly. I would not want to see him constantly upset by getting into arguments with her all the time, but this extra friendliness has taken me aback. - Op

To OP - I think some of these posters are being mean and judging you harshly. It won’t be the first time on DCUM I’ve said I wish you were my friend or I was your therapist. I’d listen to your view, factor in what could be his side, and we’d help you determine if it’s good for you. Trust your instinct. Your it is telling you something that you need to factor in. Take it slow and take things in. Don’t make quick movements. But he may have used you as a rebound. Sure. It’s disconcerting. I understand. He may be working through things as well. Time will tell. So no need to worry.

Thank you for your kindness. I appreciate it. - Op