Boyfriend Texts Ex-wife Too Often

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was laying in the bed with boyfriend and saw a text on his phone come through from his ex-wife. I asked him what it was about because it was late. He wouldn't show me the text, but said it had to do with one of their children. They haven't been divorced long (6 mos) and I'm concerned that he's not over her. We started dating a year before their divorce was final and they fought a lot over every detail of custody, the house and alimony. He shared a lot with me about how mean and vindictive she was. Anyway, this morning I looked at his texts and saw that he sent her a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year text. Why is he being nice to her? Like why does he even still care to do this? I get that they have kids, but this seems a little too buddy, buddy for me. Should I be concerned that he's not over her?

Was there something more to the texts than Happy Holidays? My former neighbor texted me to say Happy New Year. We’re not too buddy, buddy. I wouldn’t read more into the texts than was there. OTOH, if they were fondly reminiscing about Christmases past or he told he that he missed her, that would be different. I think it’s a smart move for him to try to build some good will and maintain a cordial relationship. It will pay off in the future when the next big issue crops up between them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think it's overkill to send a nice text to the mother of your children?

Divorced man here. I send occasional texts to my ex. Sent her a Merry Christmas one, none for New Years. Usually send her a birthday and Mother’s Day text.
They mean nothing more to me than wishing her well.
She’s the mother of my children and being nice to each other provides many benefits when we occasionally have to be in the same room.

OP, this is the type of man you want to be with. Sounds like you’re not mature enough though for a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Merry Christmas and Happy New Year are too buddy for people who have children together?!? You sound a bit insecure.

I do feel insecure. I've never been married and after witnessing how horrible their divorce was I just figured she would be way out of the picture and they would only communicate about their children. It wasn't a good marriage. I didn't expect them to become friends after the divorce. This time last year they absolutely hated each other. So yes, I'm insecure. I'm wondering if this communication will lead to something else.

She is the mother of his children. She would be a part of your life forever if your relationship lasts. But it won’t. Find someone untethered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Merry Christmas and Happy New Year are too buddy for people who have children together?!? You sound a bit insecure.

I do feel insecure. I've never been married and after witnessing how horrible their divorce was I just figured she would be way out of the picture and they would only communicate about their children. It wasn't a good marriage. I didn't expect them to become friends after the divorce. This time last year they absolutely hated each other. So yes, I'm insecure. I'm wondering if this communication will lead to something else.

You’ll always be wondering how much he’s missing his family. Have fun with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You started sleeping with this guy ONE YEAR BEFORE he was even divorced. That’s nuts. He needed at least a year or two post divorce before having a relationship. Sorry but this will not last. He’s probably too scared to be alone. Never get involved with a married man. I do not care if he separated or intends to get divorced. It shows such a lack of strength of character on both your parts.

I know that it sounds bad. We've known each other for years. They separated and our friendship turned into a relationship. Their marriage was over years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You started sleeping with this guy ONE YEAR BEFORE he was even divorced. That’s nuts. He needed at least a year or two post divorce before having a relationship. Sorry but this will not last. He’s probably too scared to be alone. Never get involved with a married man. I do not care if he separated or intends to get divorced. It shows such a lack of strength of character on both your parts.

I know that it sounds bad. We've known each other for years. They separated and our friendship turned into a relationship. Their marriage was over years ago.

Oh hon. I know he told you that. Except it wasn’t. It was over 6 months ago, but as PP said, it’s never ever EVER going to be over because she is the mother of his children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Merry Christmas and Happy New Year are too buddy for people who have children together?!? You sound a bit insecure.

I do feel insecure. I've never been married and after witnessing how horrible their divorce was I just figured she would be way out of the picture and they would only communicate about their children. It wasn't a good marriage. I didn't expect them to become friends after the divorce. This time last year they absolutely hated each other. So yes, I'm insecure. I'm wondering if this communication will lead to something else.

This time last year you were dating a married man with children. No wonder she was angry. Generally it is advised that men and women should not date for 1 year
after the divorce paperwork is signed to gain emotional health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Merry Christmas and Happy New Year are too buddy for people who have children together?!? You sound a bit insecure.

I do feel insecure. I've never been married and after witnessing how horrible their divorce was I just figured she would be way out of the picture and they would only communicate about their children. It wasn't a good marriage. I didn't expect them to become friends after the divorce. This time last year they absolutely hated each other. So yes, I'm insecure. I'm wondering if this communication will lead to something else.

You saw the end of a marriage and heard his version of things in the heat of the moment. You did not witness the highs of the relationship from dating up to the end. Now that they've made it through the divorce, it's easy for both sides to remember the good about each other more than the bad stretch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was laying in the bed with boyfriend and saw a text on his phone come through from his ex-wife. I asked him what it was about because it was late. He wouldn't show me the text, but said it had to do with one of their children. They haven't been divorced long (6 mos) and I'm concerned that he's not over her. We started dating a year before their divorce was final and they fought a lot over every detail of custody, the house and alimony. He shared a lot with me about how mean and vindictive she was. Anyway, this morning I looked at his texts and saw that he sent her a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year text. Why is he being nice to her? Like why does he even still care to do this? I get that they have kids, but this seems a little too buddy, buddy for me. Should I be concerned that he's not over her?

Was there something more to the texts than Happy Holidays? My former neighbor texted me to say Happy New Year. We’re not too buddy, buddy. I wouldn’t read more into the texts than was there. OTOH, if they were fondly reminiscing about Christmases past or he told he that he missed her, that would be different. I think it’s a smart move for him to try to build some good will and maintain a cordial relationship. It will pay off in the future when the next big issue crops up between them.

No, there wasn't anything about missing each other. But there were other random conversations that didn't have anything to do with their children. They seem to talk several times throughout the week. I just had no idea they were communicating this much. They hated each other's guts a few months ago. Now they're chatting away like old chums. - Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was laying in the bed with boyfriend and saw a text on his phone come through from his ex-wife. I asked him what it was about because it was late. He wouldn't show me the text, but said it had to do with one of their children. They haven't been divorced long (6 mos) and I'm concerned that he's not over her. We started dating a year before their divorce was final and they fought a lot over every detail of custody, the house and alimony. He shared a lot with me about how mean and vindictive she was. Anyway, this morning I looked at his texts and saw that he sent her a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year text. Why is he being nice to her? Like why does he even still care to do this? I get that they have kids, but this seems a little too buddy, buddy for me. Should I be concerned that he's not over her?

Was there something more to the texts than Happy Holidays? My former neighbor texted me to say Happy New Year. We’re not too buddy, buddy. I wouldn’t read more into the texts than was there. OTOH, if they were fondly reminiscing about Christmases past or he told he that he missed her, that would be different. I think it’s a smart move for him to try to build some good will and maintain a cordial relationship. It will pay off in the future when the next big issue crops up between them.

It is not uncommon for emotionally stable divorced people to text and wish: Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Mothers Day Happy Birthday etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was laying in the bed with boyfriend and saw a text on his phone come through from his ex-wife. I asked him what it was about because it was late. He wouldn't show me the text, but said it had to do with one of their children. They haven't been divorced long (6 mos) and I'm concerned that he's not over her. We started dating a year before their divorce was final and they fought a lot over every detail of custody, the house and alimony. He shared a lot with me about how mean and vindictive she was. Anyway, this morning I looked at his texts and saw that he sent her a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year text. Why is he being nice to her? Like why does he even still care to do this? I get that they have kids, but this seems a little too buddy, buddy for me. Should I be concerned that he's not over her?

Was there something more to the texts than Happy Holidays? My former neighbor texted me to say Happy New Year. We’re not too buddy, buddy. I wouldn’t read more into the texts than was there. OTOH, if they were fondly reminiscing about Christmases past or he told he that he missed her, that would be different. I think it’s a smart move for him to try to build some good will and maintain a cordial relationship. It will pay off in the future when the next big issue crops up between them.

No, there wasn't anything about missing each other. But there were other random conversations that didn't have anything to do with their children. They seem to talk several times throughout the week. I just had no idea they were communicating this much. They hated each other's guts a few months ago. Now they're chatting away like old chums. - Op

Not uncommon. They share children together and shared a life together. I know divorced people who text back and forth about tv shows or sports. This is not uncommon
when you are a girlfriend to a man who is recently divorced and who has children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was laying in the bed with boyfriend and saw a text on his phone come through from his ex-wife. I asked him what it was about because it was late. He wouldn't show me the text, but said it had to do with one of their children. They haven't been divorced long (6 mos) and I'm concerned that he's not over her. We started dating a year before their divorce was final and they fought a lot over every detail of custody, the house and alimony. He shared a lot with me about how mean and vindictive she was. Anyway, this morning I looked at his texts and saw that he sent her a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year text. Why is he being nice to her? Like why does he even still care to do this? I get that they have kids, but this seems a little too buddy, buddy for me. Should I be concerned that he's not over her?

Was there something more to the texts than Happy Holidays? My former neighbor texted me to say Happy New Year. We’re not too buddy, buddy. I wouldn’t read more into the texts than was there. OTOH, if they were fondly reminiscing about Christmases past or he told he that he missed her, that would be different. I think it’s a smart move for him to try to build some good will and maintain a cordial relationship. It will pay off in the future when the next big issue crops up between them.

It is not uncommon for emotionally stable divorced people to text and wish: Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Mothers Day Happy Birthday etc.

His ex-wife is not emotionally stable. I've heard her go off on him before. She is very mean and nasty. That's why I don't understand why he's initiating conversations with her. - Op

[Anonymous]

My ex wife was divorced with a kid when I married her and she and I eventually divorced years later after having two children.

Just like her and her first ex, she and I have few pleasantries. I don’t actively bear her ill will, but I have absolutely no interest in chatting her up or wishing her happy whatever. I’m kind to her with respect to the kids and we don’t give each other a hard time. I say nice things about her to the kids if it naturally comes up.

What’s more is any text I received from her I would be happy to share with my current girlfriend. My ex is the mother of my children sure, but beyond that she is like a distant cousin you see at the odd wedding every couple years. Handshake or head nod.

Despite what others may think, our kids respect the way she and I interact and we’ve always made the kids a priority. Treating her extra special with happy New Years or whatever is not part of it and would seem fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think it's overkill to send a nice text to the mother of your children?

Plus 1. He is the mother of his children. They shared many good years together.

Yes, she is the mother of his children, but they did not share many good years together. You are wrong about that. He slept on the couch the last year they were married and they argued all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex wife was divorced with a kid when I married her and she and I eventually divorced years later after having two children.

Just like her and her first ex, she and I have few pleasantries. I don’t actively bear her ill will, but I have absolutely no interest in chatting her up or wishing her happy whatever. I’m kind to her with respect to the kids and we don’t give each other a hard time. I say nice things about her to the kids if it naturally comes up.

What’s more is any text I received from her I would be happy to share with my current girlfriend. My ex is the mother of my children sure, but beyond that she is like a distant cousin you see at the odd wedding every couple years. Handshake or head nod.

Despite what others may think, our kids respect the way she and I interact and we’ve always made the kids a priority. Treating her extra special with happy New Years or whatever is not part of it and would seem fake.

This is exactly what I was expecting. I get that they have kids together and there is a need to communicate about them, but the text exchange was really, really friendly. I would not want to see him constantly upset by getting into arguments with her all the time, but this extra friendliness has taken me aback. - Op