Boyfriend Texts Ex-wife Too Often

[Anonymous]

It’s difficult when you don’t get all the attention, hunh?

[Anonymous]

The bottom line is that you don't trust him, OP. That has nothing at all to do with his ex. You've misidentified the core issue which is not his ex, their kids, or their marriage, but that you don't trust him. So what if he didn't show you a text to his ex. He could be in touch with numerous women that you don't even know about. He could have a secret phone you don't know about. If you can't even trust him when he's lying in bed right next to you, you can't trust him at all, can you? Goes with the territory of getting involved with a married man. Won't ever change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Merry Christmas and Happy New Year are too buddy for people who have children together?!? You sound a bit insecure.

I do feel insecure. I've never been married and after witnessing how horrible their divorce was I just figured she would be way out of the picture and they would only communicate about their children. It wasn't a good marriage. I didn't expect them to become friends after the divorce. This time last year they absolutely hated each other. So yes, I'm insecure. I'm wondering if this communication will lead to something else.

Guess what? I still hate my ex from the bottom of my heart. I gave him he'll and denied him any kind of contact. 6 months into his rebound relationship he came begging on his knees. I gave him more hell. Two days into the New Year after ignoring his Merry Xmas and all, I get all off his true feelings and declarations of everlasting love, calling his new girlfriend a mistake in writing. No way, I want him back. Just waiting for the right moment to blow this proof into his girlfriend's face. Oh and my ex-MIL's too. She thought he found true love that made him leave his family behind. Seriously, OP spare yourself the heartache. And never go for a guy who whines and complains about his ex, especially if she's the mom of his children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Merry Christmas and Happy New Year are too buddy for people who have children together?!? You sound a bit insecure.

I do feel insecure. I've never been married and after witnessing how horrible their divorce was I just figured she would be way out of the picture and they would only communicate about their children. It wasn't a good marriage. I didn't expect them to become friends after the divorce. This time last year they absolutely hated each other. So yes, I'm insecure. I'm wondering if this communication will lead to something else.

Guess what? I still hate my ex from the bottom of my heart. I gave him he'll and denied him any kind of contact. 6 months into his rebound relationship he came begging on his knees. I gave him more hell. Two days into the New Year after ignoring his Merry Xmas and all, I get all off his true feelings and declarations of everlasting love, calling his new girlfriend a mistake in writing. No way, I want him back. Just waiting for the right moment to blow this proof into his girlfriend's face. Oh and my ex-MIL's too. She thought he found true love that made him leave his family behind. Seriously, OP spare yourself the heartache. And never go for a guy who whines and complains about his ex, especially if she's the mom of his children.

I see that the OP’s boyfriends ex-wife has found this thread. Welcome to the party!

[Anonymous]

This relationship isn't for you. It doesn't really matter what his relationship with his ex-wife is (i.e. if he's sleeping with her or just trying to be friendly) but you clearly can't handle the fact that this woman will be in his life forever. I'm not saying that to be mean, just to be truthful. Being with someone who has kids with someone else isn't for everyone. I purposefully never dated anyone with kids because I knew it wasn't for me. Just find someone else, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Merry Christmas and Happy New Year are too buddy for people who have children together?!? You sound a bit insecure.

I do feel insecure. I've never been married and after witnessing how horrible their divorce was I just figured she would be way out of the picture and they would only communicate about their children. It wasn't a good marriage. I didn't expect them to become friends after the divorce. This time last year they absolutely hated each other. So yes, I'm insecure. I'm wondering if this communication will lead to something else.

This is literally the best case for all involved. If you don't think it's the best case for you, then you need to exit the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was laying in the bed with boyfriend and saw a text on his phone come through from his ex-wife. I asked him what it was about because it was late. He wouldn't show me the text, but said it had to do with one of their children. They haven't been divorced long (6 mos) and I'm concerned that he's not over her. We started dating a year before their divorce was final and they fought a lot over every detail of custody, the house and alimony. He shared a lot with me about how mean and vindictive she was. Anyway, this morning I looked at his texts and saw that he sent her a Merry Christmas text and a Happy New Year text. Why is he being nice to her? Like why does he even still care to do this? I get that they have kids, but this seems a little too buddy, buddy for me. Should I be concerned that he's not over her?

Was there something more to the texts than Happy Holidays? My former neighbor texted me to say Happy New Year. We’re not too buddy, buddy. I wouldn’t read more into the texts than was there. OTOH, if they were fondly reminiscing about Christmases past or he told he that he missed her, that would be different. I think it’s a smart move for him to try to build some good will and maintain a cordial relationship. It will pay off in the future when the next big issue crops up between them.

It is not uncommon for emotionally stable divorced people to text and wish: Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Mothers Day Happy Birthday etc.

His ex-wife is not emotionally stable. I've heard her go off on him before. She is very mean and nasty. That's why I don't understand why he's initiating conversations with her. - Op

I hope your boyfriend reads this. I would never want to be with someone who thought that way about my ex if that person was going to be around my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Merry Christmas and Happy New Year are too buddy for people who have children together?!? You sound a bit insecure.

I do feel insecure. I've never been married and after witnessing how horrible their divorce was I just figured she would be way out of the picture and they would only communicate about their children. It wasn't a good marriage. I didn't expect them to become friends after the divorce. This time last year they absolutely hated each other. So yes, I'm insecure. I'm wondering if this communication will lead to something else.

Guess what? I still hate my ex from the bottom of my heart. I gave him he'll and denied him any kind of contact. 6 months into his rebound relationship he came begging on his knees. I gave him more hell. Two days into the New Year after ignoring his Merry Xmas and all, I get all off his true feelings and declarations of everlasting love, calling his new girlfriend a mistake in writing. No way, I want him back. Just waiting for the right moment to blow this proof into his girlfriend's face. Oh and my ex-MIL's too. She thought he found true love that made him leave his family behind. Seriously, OP spare yourself the heartache. And never go for a guy who whines and complains about his ex, especially if she's the mom of his children.

I see that the OP’s boyfriends ex-wife has found this thread. Welcome to the party!

Just part of a gang of ex-wives who've had to read through sulky texts written by pathetic midlife-crislers from their girlfriends bathroom or listening eyes-rolling to drunk and sullen mea culpa over the phone while stuffing the turkey for the kids. Women don't always want to remain friends either. Where's the benefit of getting the man-child out otherwise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi Op, I can make this easy for you. I was the ex-wife in your story, and yes, after the divorce we were still sleeping together. Contrary to popular belief, a lot of exes find their way back into the bed.

A signed decree dissolves the legal union, but not necessarily the emotional/spiritual union. Ties are difficult to break. If something as innocuous as a well wish via text sets you off, I would suggest that you may not be cut out for the blended family scenario. You feeling secure in the relationship should not be contingent on their hatred of one another.

No, it means her radar is working as evidenced by you.

[Anonymous]

If he shares so much with you about his ex.... know that he will share just as much about you to his next AP....and there WILL be another AP.

Get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This relationship isn't for you. It doesn't really matter what his relationship with his ex-wife is (i.e. if he's sleeping with her or just trying to be friendly) but you clearly can't handle the fact that this woman will be in his life forever. I'm not saying that to be mean, just to be truthful. Being with someone who has kids with someone else isn't for everyone. I purposefully never dated anyone with kids because I knew it wasn't for me. Just find someone else, please.

This. Consider whether you will be able to handle this long term. I say it as the ex-wife in this scenario. I have zero romantic feelings towards me ex, at all, and he was the one who wanted the divorce. We are very friendly now and frequently text, typically kid related. We will never, ever get back together. But, we co-parent well because we have a friendly relationship and open communication, we still do big events/holidays together, etc. Please PLEASE do not continue this relationship if it's going to be an issue for you going forward.

[Anonymous]

Funny how it goes in a massive circle, the AP doesn't care about the wife's feelings at the time but then later the ex-wife doesn't care about the new girlfriends feelings. The new girlfriend will never be number 1.

Op I think you need a partner with no baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny how it goes in a massive circle, the AP doesn't care about the wife's feelings at the time but then later the ex-wife doesn't care about the new girlfriends feelings. The new girlfriend will never be number 1.

Op I think you need a partner with no baggage.

+1 Yes. It's obvious OP's boyfriend cheated on his ex-wife with her and now she's worried abt the ex-wife. This is all pretty funny (yet sad).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I get why it sounds cruel. Yes, he was married but it was a shell of a marriage. He hadn't been really happy for at least 10 years or more. I'm not super annoyed by the texts just trying to figure out if there's more behind it. Most people commenting seemed to have missed where I said they hated each other. Is it not odd that they'd be friendly now? It's a turn I wasn't expecting and I have to admit that it did provide a little sense of security for me seeing them at each other's throats.

In less than five years the kids will be off to college so it's okay if they don't like me because they'll be gone most of the time soon anyway. I will just continue to be nice.

I want you to read all of this, but consider that your boyfriend is not a reliable narrator of his own situation.

What is most of this was a lie, meant to get your sympathy and to make him seem more available than he was? What if it wasn't a "shell" of a marriage until he started cheating? What if he hadn't been unhappy for 10 years? What if they didn't really hate each other, but hated the divorce enough to project hatred on one another?

Basically, you fell for the oldest 40+ man trick in the book. Your boyfriend told you a pack of lies. He may have even believed them at the time, because that's what liminence plus a midlife crisis do to your brain. But now that the dust has settled and liminence has worn off (it takes roughly 12 months), he's wondering if he made a mistake by blowing up his family for something that's now looking kind of...normal.

+1 the word is "limerence" btw

Run OP. You don’t deserve all the crap you’ll have to be dealing with.

Yes, yes she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been there, done that. It didn't end well for me. Good luck.

You are the rebound relationship. Some of them do work out. Not many.

Even after divorce?? They went back to their ex-spouse?

No the op is stating that the rebound relationships don’t work out

Never be the first relationship a separated or divorced person has bc it is absolutely a rebound

Made the mistake once, recognized it, broke it off and told him if he was sure he really loved me look me up in a couple years, he did, I was single at the time, decided to try again and it didn’t go anywhere as a relationship but we stayed in touch. Now I am good friends with his long term girlfriend !