Dating in 50’s - people who have children vs people who dont

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aka he went on a date with one woman in her 40s who implied she was late thirties one time.

Peter Cook, who has a $100 million net worth, is marrying the worlds ugliest woman in her twenties. If that’s what an actual wealthy person can get there is no one on this board that is in their 50s dating someone in their twenties.

Is a 15-20 year age gap really that surprising? I know a handful of couples like this and they seem to have great relationships that have aged well.

I’m seeing a man 19 years older (me early 30s/him early 50s). Yes, he’s more emotionally available, mature, and better in bed than men my own age, but I think he’s also better at those than most other 50s men, too. It works well for us.

Unfortunately you will see a big difference in 40s (if not before). As you both age the changes and differences will become more pronounced. It will be like you are living a decade or so older than yourself. In your 50s, you will have peers with husbands in 50s having fun, enjoying life. You will be dealing with an elderly man who has been on Medicare already for 5 years. Time goes by very fast. Good luck!

This has crossed my mind. One thing going for us is that he’s very energetic and physically active- way more than any man I know that’s my own age. I also adore the guy so much that I don’t really care. I figure it’s better to have a few really great years with someone I’m madly in love with than several decades with someone I’m just meh about.

NP. I know a number of couples with a 15-25 year age difference. Most are very happy. I would imagine, however, that as both get older the age-related issues increase. That said, it's not a guarantee that they won't in partners who are close in age.

I'm 3 months younger than my husband (we're both 48) but he's much more out of shape, and he already has a number of age related health issues (he has to take statins for his heart, antacids for heartburn, and anti-inflammatory meds for his shoulder and knees). I'm no spring chicken either but I've been taking better care of myself. It's a crap shoot, I guess, but if a partner is significantly older, even those who take exceptional care of themselves will eventually hit old age hard before the younger one.

As for dating someone in their 50s, if I were dating again, I would be open to dating someone with or without kids. But I'm female and generally easy-going. I've read it's tough out there for people in their 50s dating. I wouldn't want to narrow the field even more by seeking only those with the same life experiences as myself.

This makes a point..see the bolded above. Both are now 48. What state do you think your DH would be in now if he was also 15-20 years older than 48? Scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aka he went on a date with one woman in her 40s who implied she was late thirties one time.

Peter Cook, who has a $100 million net worth, is marrying the worlds ugliest woman in her twenties. If that’s what an actual wealthy person can get there is no one on this board that is in their 50s dating someone in their twenties.

Is a 15-20 year age gap really that surprising? I know a handful of couples like this and they seem to have great relationships that have aged well.

I’m seeing a man 19 years older (me early 30s/him early 50s). Yes, he’s more emotionally available, mature, and better in bed than men my own age, but I think he’s also better at those than most other 50s men, too. It works well for us.

Unfortunately you will see a big difference in 40s (if not before). As you both age the changes and differences will become more pronounced. It will be like you are living a decade or so older than yourself. In your 50s, you will have peers with husbands in 50s having fun, enjoying life. You will be dealing with an elderly man who has been on Medicare already for 5 years. Time goes by very fast. Good luck!

This has crossed my mind. One thing going for us is that he’s very energetic and physically active- way more than any man I know that’s my own age. I also adore the guy so much that I don’t really care. I figure it’s better to have a few really great years with someone I’m madly in love with than several decades with someone I’m just meh about.

NP. I know a number of couples with a 15-25 year age difference. Most are very happy. I would imagine, however, that as both get older the age-related issues increase. That said, it's not a guarantee that they won't in partners who are close in age.

I'm 3 months younger than my husband (we're both 48) but he's much more out of shape, and he already has a number of age related health issues (he has to take statins for his heart, antacids for heartburn, and anti-inflammatory meds for his shoulder and knees). I'm no spring chicken either but I've been taking better care of myself. It's a crap shoot, I guess, but if a partner is significantly older, even those who take exceptional care of themselves will eventually hit old age hard before the younger one.

As for dating someone in their 50s, if I were dating again, I would be open to dating someone with or without kids. But I'm female and generally easy-going. I've read it's tough out there for people in their 50s dating. I wouldn't want to narrow the field even more by seeking only those with the same life experiences as myself.

This makes a point..see the bolded above. Both are now 48. What state do you think your DH would be in now if he was also 15-20 years older than 48? Scary.

It totally depends on him. Not all men are out of shape at 48. I am 55 and I do not have any of those problems listed above (that require statins for the heart, antacids for heartburn, and anti-inflammatory meds for shoulder and knees). I lift weights, ski, hike, and kayak.

If you marry a guy who is 15-20 years older and he turns into a trembling old basket case, then you are bad at picking men. You made the choice to marry a guy who doesn't take care of himself, and you didn't have to.

Not to mention, as the PP above indicates, if you marry a guy the same age as you, he can also turn out to be a wreck too. It's all about the individual man, not the chronological age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are wonderful people in both groups, but just in my own experience, people without children don't fully understand how fundamentally central parenting is to the identity of people with children. I mean I think they understand it intellectually, in the abstract sense, but not fully. I know I didn't when I didn't have children!

I think this is narrow-minded. A caring, kind person with empathy will relate to what their partner is going through.

For eg A co-worker was just telling me that she can't wait for the step kids to be out of the house, she would hate her life if they came to live with her full time and it's much less enjoyable when they are in the house. She has three kids of her own but can't stand her new husband's children. In saying that I'm sure she understands how central parenting is to him, she just doesn't seem to care. Maturity doesn't automatically come with parenting regardless of what society tries to tell you.

[Anonymous]

I think this is narrow-minded. A caring, kind person with empathy will relate to what their partner is going through.

For eg A co-worker was just telling me that she can't wait for the step kids to be out of the house, she would hate her life if they came to live with her full time and it's much less enjoyable when they are in the house. She has three kids of her own but can't stand her new husband's children. In saying that I'm sure she understands how central parenting is to him, she just doesn't seem to care. Maturity doesn't automatically come with parenting regardless of what society tries to tell you.

The poster above points out a problem that can happen when you have kids and date someone with kids. They turn out to be, like the woman in the example above, a very poor step-parent. I realize that we do not know the whole story here.

However, in my experience when a woman cannot stand her step-children the issue is her and not them. If we had more information, we could see why she views her three kids as enjoyable and cannot stand his kids. Do his children set fires in her house, rob 7-Elevens when her back is turned? Okay, I understand.

Does she just not like them as much as her kids? Does she believe her kids are naturally better? This line of questioning reveals the issue. She expected that he wanted to help her raise her children (in addition to any help she gets from their father) while she would have nothing to do with his children. He made a mistake his kids are now paying for every time they are with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men or women in your 50’s: do you feel that you have more in common when dating someone , specially around life experience, with people who have kids vs. who don’t? And men- do you view a female in her 50’s differently who haven’t had children?

54M here.

I don't care if women in their 50s have kids or not, because I only date women in their 20s and 30s.

I don't think OP was asking the age cohort that you date, only if you yourself are in your 50's and if you have kids, do you also prefer to date people with kids, or vice versa.

She asked me how I view women in their 50s.

I don't view them at all. They are invisible to me.

You do know that those blue pills won't work forever? Eventually you will consider woman much older who will put up with a lack of blue pill enhancement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men or women in your 50’s: do you feel that you have more in common when dating someone , specially around life experience, with people who have kids vs. who don’t? And men- do you view a female in her 50’s differently who haven’t had children?

54M here.

I don't care if women in their 50s have kids or not, because I only date women in their 20s and 30s.

I don't think OP was asking the age cohort that you date, only if you yourself are in your 50's and if you have kids, do you also prefer to date people with kids, or vice versa.

She asked me how I view women in their 50s.

I don't view them at all. They are invisible to me.

You do know that those blue pills won't work forever? Eventually you will consider woman much older who will put up with a lack of blue pill enhancement

What blue pills are these? I need no such nostrums.

And the idea that I'd want women around after I was incapable of having sex with them is... not very convincing to say the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All my passing curiosity about why childless people are on a parenting forum aside, if I were to date at my age, I’d prefer to be with someone who’s been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt. Shared experiences matter to me, and raising people is a biggie.

I can't speak for others, but I can tell you why I am here. When I was interviewing for school administrator jobs, I found this site looking for dirt on the school. I got the job, and then came back to see what people were saying about the school and the admin team. Now I'm just hooked.

[Anonymous]

LOL I’m hooked as well and I don’t even live in DC area. I do have kids though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my passing curiosity about why childless people are on a parenting forum aside, if I were to date at my age, I’d prefer to be with someone who’s been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt. Shared experiences matter to me, and raising people is a biggie.

I can't speak for others, but I can tell you why I am here. When I was interviewing for school administrator jobs, I found this site looking for dirt on the school. I got the job, and then came back to see what people were saying about the school and the admin team. Now I'm just hooked.

PP you're quoting. Ok, I get that. Checked back in, and hoo boy, people had feelings about my being curious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men or women in your 50’s: do you feel that you have more in common when dating someone , specially around life experience, with people who have kids vs. who don’t? And men- do you view a female in her 50’s differently who haven’t had children?

54M here.

I don't care if women in their 50s have kids or not, because I only date women in their 20s and 30s.

I don't think OP was asking the age cohort that you date, only if you yourself are in your 50's and if you have kids, do you also prefer to date people with kids, or vice versa.

She asked me how I view women in their 50s.

I don't view them at all. They are invisible to me.

You do know that those blue pills won't work forever? Eventually you will consider woman much older who will put up with a lack of blue pill enhancement

What blue pills are these? I need no such nostrums.

And the idea that I'd want women around after I was incapable of having sex with them is... not very convincing to say the least.

I agree with this.

As long as a fossil keeps paying he can find them in their teens. Same with older women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men or women in your 50’s: do you feel that you have more in common when dating someone , specially around life experience, with people who have kids vs. who don’t? And men- do you view a female in her 50’s differently who haven’t had children?

54M here.

I don't care if women in their 50s have kids or not, because I only date women in their 20s and 30s.

I don't think OP was asking the age cohort that you date, only if you yourself are in your 50's and if you have kids, do you also prefer to date people with kids, or vice versa.

She asked me how I view women in their 50s.

I don't view them at all. They are invisible to me.

You do know that those blue pills won't work forever? Eventually you will consider woman much older who will put up with a lack of blue pill enhancement

No. Older women won’t put up with it either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is narrow-minded. A caring, kind person with empathy will relate to what their partner is going through.

For eg A co-worker was just telling me that she can't wait for the step kids to be out of the house, she would hate her life if they came to live with her full time and it's much less enjoyable when they are in the house. She has three kids of her own but can't stand her new husband's children. In saying that I'm sure she understands how central parenting is to him, she just doesn't seem to care. Maturity doesn't automatically come with parenting regardless of what society tries to tell you.

The poster above points out a problem that can happen when you have kids and date someone with kids. They turn out to be, like the woman in the example above, a very poor step-parent. I realize that we do not know the whole story here.

However, in my experience when a woman cannot stand her step-children the issue is her and not them. If we had more information, we could see why she views her three kids as enjoyable and cannot stand his kids. Do his children set fires in her house, rob 7-Elevens when her back is turned? Okay, I understand.

Does she just not like them as much as her kids? Does she believe her kids are naturally better? This line of questioning reveals the issue. She expected that he wanted to help her raise her children (in addition to any help she gets from their father) while she would have nothing to do with his children. He made a mistake his kids are now paying for every time they are with her.

From conversations with her, they aren't bad kids, it's her. I was shocked when she mentioned it. From a dating point of view though she has kids and yes the kids will pay for her attitude, who knows if someone childless may have accepted them more openly.

I guess I just think you can't really tell how someone will blend into your life, having kids isn't an automatic guarantee of things working out because they have some understanding of what parenting is like. I guess be open to everyone because you don't know how anyone will gel into your family. Preconceived notions may not be accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men or women in your 50’s: do you feel that you have more in common when dating someone , specially around life experience, with people who have kids vs. who don’t? And men- do you view a female in her 50’s differently who haven’t had children?

54M here.

I don't care if women in their 50s have kids or not, because I only date women in their 20s and 30s.

I don't think OP was asking the age cohort that you date, only if you yourself are in your 50's and if you have kids, do you also prefer to date people with kids, or vice versa.

She asked me how I view women in their 50s.

I don't view them at all. They are invisible to me.

yeah ok boomer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men or women in your 50’s: do you feel that you have more in common when dating someone , specially around life experience, with people who have kids vs. who don’t? And men- do you view a female in her 50’s differently who haven’t had children?

54M here.

I don't care if women in their 50s have kids or not, because I only date women in their 20s and 30s.

I don't think OP was asking the age cohort that you date, only if you yourself are in your 50's and if you have kids, do you also prefer to date people with kids, or vice versa.

She asked me how I view women in their 50s.

I don't view them at all. They are invisible to me.

Did you have something to add to the actual topic or just trying to stir the pot a little. The topic is more about people with children vs childless. This isn't about what age range you want to date.

If have no experience with women in their 50's then you don't have anything of value to add.

I am adding the valuable, relevant perspective that it does not matter if she has kids or not because The Wall is so far behind her it isn't even in the rearview mirror any more.

As divorced man in my 50s, I, too, don’t consider women anywhere near my age. But I understand the other people wondering why this guy is posting at all on this topic.

Might I suggest he start a spinoff thread on men on 50s dating? Personally I can’t even imagine dating a woman in her 50s. I’m so immature and have so much energy that there is a huge energy and life expectation disparity with late 40s and 50s women. Of course I’d be open to it if I met one.

Just because a woman is in her 50’s means she’s dead! I’m a 53 year old female, have a lot of energy, huge sexual appetite, like to have fun, still go to my alma mater games and tailgate like I’m 20, and look great! You and the other dude who won’t consider dating someone in her 50’s are doing nothing but feeding your male ego. And those young women in their 20s & 30s dating you are using you for your money, nice dinners, etc. I was in my 20s and 30s once, dated a man in his 50s.....it was kind of a joke and my friends made fun of men like you. You think your cool.....trust me, you look pathetic. Enjoy their attention now, because when you hit 60 no one will want you!

Here’s the thing, we don’t care if they are using us for money or connections. I know I’m bringing my A game and know how to make them O big time. I won’t get explicit so nothing more on that. I’ll also just say younger women often have much less if any baggage. And lots of women in their 40s and 50s seem insane after a few dates. Sorry. Not sorry.

OMG. I'm laughing so hard right now. You have such a high opinion of yourself, and you know what? Someday you are going to be 64, or 69 or 72 and still be needing to feed your oversized ego, except then you will be just as saggy and flabby as all humans are as their bodies age. You may look fabulous for your age, but you will still be an OLD MAN, who has no ability to function without the attentions of younger women who will roll their eyes at you. "Ooh look at that sexy fit 72 year old" said no young woman ever. You absolutely deserve everything that is coming your way! LOLOL

[Anonymous]

OMG. I'm laughing so hard right now. You have such a high opinion of yourself, and you know what? Someday you are going to be 64, or 69 or 72 and still be needing to feed your oversized ego, except then you will be just as saggy and flabby as all humans are as their bodies age. You may look fabulous for your age, but you will still be an OLD MAN, who has no ability to function without the attentions of younger women who will roll their eyes at you. "Ooh look at that sexy fit 72 year old" said no young woman ever. You absolutely deserve everything that is coming your way! LOLOL

And how will this make him worse off than all the trembling old women in assisted living whose husbands died years ago? (It's 7 to 10 women for every man in those places.)

Everyone gets old. Everyone winds up in the same place - alone in a box. What matters is what you do on the journey to that point. If he enjoyed dating much younger women for years on his way to dotage and death, then that will be a successful journey as far as he's concerned.