The Rage Mothers Don’t Talk About

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with autistic DD again. Grandmother just called and urged us to “support niece” by attending bat mitzvah. Now we will be the bad guys if we don’t. Smh

I'm so unclear on this. When grandmother says this, do you not respond with something like "when will my dc be supported? " I would even lay it right out and say "dc will he invited to few parties by friends. We would think family would have supported and welcomed us unconditionally. You're talking about my child like some sort of animal that's uncontrollable and filthy and noisy. How dare you!"
The worst part of this is You're now expected to give her a gift after this outrageous insult.
Idk. People treat you how you allow them to treat you. I would make it clear this isn't allowed.

DP I would suggest the niece isn't ready for her bat mitzvah. She, clearly, needs to go back and study a lot more if she thinks an undisturbed ceremony is more important than demonstrating you understand how to live a moral and just life. Excluding someone with a disability like this is shameful and contrary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with autistic DD again. Grandmother just called and urged us to “support niece” by attending bat mitzvah. Now we will be the bad guys if we don’t. Smh

I'm so unclear on this. When grandmother says this, do you not respond with something like "when will my dc be supported? " I would even lay it right out and say "dc will he invited to few parties by friends. We would think family would have supported and welcomed us unconditionally. You're talking about my child like some sort of animal that's uncontrollable and filthy and noisy. How dare you!"
The worst part of this is You're now expected to give her a gift after this outrageous insult.
Idk. People treat you how you allow them to treat you. I would make it clear this isn't allowed.

DP I would suggest the niece isn't ready for her bat mitzvah. She, clearly, needs to go back and study a lot more if she thinks an undisturbed ceremony is more important than demonstrating you understand how to live a moral and just life. Excluding someone with a disability like this is shameful and contrary.

+1. These so-called family members are treating your daughter like an inconvenience, someone to be ashamed of and avoided. Blow it up. Call it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with autistic DD again. Grandmother just called and urged us to “support niece” by attending bat mitzvah. Now we will be the bad guys if we don’t. Smh

I'm so unclear on this. When grandmother says this, do you not respond with something like "when will my dc be supported? " I would even lay it right out and say "dc will he invited to few parties by friends. We would think family would have supported and welcomed us unconditionally. You're talking about my child like some sort of animal that's uncontrollable and filthy and noisy. How dare you!"
The worst part of this is You're now expected to give her a gift after this outrageous insult.
Idk. People treat you how you allow them to treat you. I would make it clear this isn't allowed.

DP I would suggest the niece isn't ready for her bat mitzvah. She, clearly, needs to go back and study a lot more if she thinks an undisturbed ceremony is more important than demonstrating you understand how to live a moral and just life. Excluding someone with a disability like this is shameful and contrary.

+1. These so-called family members are treating your daughter like an inconvenience, someone to be ashamed of and avoided. Blow it up. Call it out.

This just makes me so sad.

But I would be horribly tempted to send a note to all of the family with a cc to the appropriate rabbi expressing my regrets at not being able to attend due to the concern about my child. There are clearly gaps in her religious preparation and the parenting she has received.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a therapist. The rage women feel is from an invalidating environment and the fact that they are ultimately held responsible for their children's conduct. There is an epidemic of children born with mental health problems (from ADHD to Autism to ODD) and these mothers are punished, judged, and excluded by society - as they were once blamed as "refrigerator moms" not that long ago, we haven't come much farther in our society. Today, it's the mother's job to deliver the therapy interventions to the child despite the fact that many of these interventions don't bring much success and thereby bring more feelings of inadequacy, frustration, fatigue, and failure to the mother. Then these children hit adolescence. No one talks about the emotional and physical abuse that mothers endure from their children from the earliest of ages while they are responsible for nurturing and caring for them. Day in and day out, day in and day out. Knowing these kids may be dependent forever. This is a societal problem. Isolation and rejection from society causes rage and depression. It's like having a homeless person come to therapy to discuss how they can manage being homeless better. Ridiculous.

+1000