How Do U Know When to Pull Plug?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

You don’t understand what an alcoholic is. If she were an alcoholic her mom would have needed to take her to the hospital to detox.

She is using alcohol to deal with a rape.

She needs counseling to deal with the rape.

Would you stop going on about your own narrative? You're wrong.

OP clearly said in the OP, " For the last 6 months she has developed a problem with alcohol.

She leaves in 3 weeks and showed up drunk in her car on early Friday am (5:30am). She was attacked by a boy who was home alone and one she thought of as a casual friend. "

------

So she's had a problem with alcohol for 6 months, then last week was drunk with a guy who was a "casual friend" (AKA drinking buddy) while alone with him in his house and got attacked by him.

And yes, the mom DOES need to take her to detox. In rehab. That's exactly what most of us are telling her.

Trouble with alcohol <> alcoholic

She needs support, but not for the alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

You don’t understand what an alcoholic is. If she were an alcoholic her mom would have needed to take her to the hospital to detox.

She is using alcohol to deal with a rape.

She needs counseling to deal with the rape.

I absolutely understand alcoholism. I am married to one, and he (yes HE) is also a rape victim and used alcohol to deal with it. Many many alcoholics are in fact victims of rape.

You are completely clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have her go to the therapist. Call the college and find out if she can defer for a semester for medical reasons.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

You don’t understand what an alcoholic is. If she were an alcoholic her mom would have needed to take her to the hospital to detox.

She is using alcohol to deal with a rape.

She needs counseling to deal with the rape.

Would you stop going on about your own narrative? You're wrong.

OP clearly said in the OP, " For the last 6 months she has developed a problem with alcohol.

She leaves in 3 weeks and showed up drunk in her car on early Friday am (5:30am). She was attacked by a boy who was home alone and one she thought of as a casual friend. "

------

So she's had a problem with alcohol for 6 months, then last week was drunk with a guy who was a "casual friend" (AKA drinking buddy) while alone with him in his house and got attacked by him.

And yes, the mom DOES need to take her to detox. In rehab. That's exactly what most of us are telling her.

Trouble with alcohol <> alcoholic

She needs support, but not for the alcohol.

No offense, but you sound like an alcoholic. Only an alcoholic could think it's no big deal for a young woman to be sloppy drunk with a guy who's almost a stranger alone at his house, for someone to be drink driving, for someone to be fired from work for STEALING ALCOHOL when she had been a law abiding nice responsible citizen up to that point, etc etc.

I happen to know plenty about alcoholism, unfortunately, and this sounds exactly like alcoholism. Quite a bad case, I'd even say. She needs professional help before she screws up her life permanently by getting a criminal record or killing someone while driving drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. Appreciate your honesty. FWIW, we no longer live in the DC area.

Found a good program that offers 2 1/2 hour sessions 3 or 4 times a week. Usually they require 90 days commitment but are currently considering an exception. They would also help us locate and set-up some support at her college.

I am hopeful they come through and accept her as an outpatient. We will likely follow their advice regarding a medical deferment.

My DD asked us to help her locate some alcohol counseling, so she is aware that she cannot continue this way.

OP I think you have a good plan. I hope they accept her.

I have a child with serious mental illness and I know how hard these type of decisions are. The two most important things I can say is be honest- tell the whole truth without judgment, defensiveness or emotion to the therapist and then listen honestly and totally to what they say even if it’s not what you want to hear.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all of the posts, but there seem to be posts asking if the DD was attacked. Some of the people posting those posts seem to think that the DD's drinking is irrelevant.

There are posts about the problems with drinking. The people posting those posts seem to think that whether the daughter was attacked is irrelevant.

It seems to me that the DD probably needs help with both problems.

It sounds as if she's had a problem with alcohol for at least a few months. Obviously, she should talk to someone about that.

It also sounds as if it's possible that the DD was, at the very least, the victim of an attempted crime. If the OP has good reason to believe the DD is lying: That would put this situation in a different light. If the OP believes the DD is telling the truth: How much the DD and the drinking buddy drank might be relevant if the DD wants to press charges against the drinking buddy, but it's not relevant to parents trying to help their DD cope with the effects of an attack, or attempted attack.

The only good first response to someone who's been attacked is to try to help the person deal with the effects of the attack, not to complain about the victim's drinking.

As for college: How hard is the college likely to be, and where does the DD want to be?

If the DD would studying physics at MIT, maybe she should try to get a medical deferral.

If she'd be studying marketing at Brigham Young, maybe she could heal there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

You don’t understand what an alcoholic is. If she were an alcoholic her mom would have needed to take her to the hospital to detox.

She is using alcohol to deal with a rape.

She needs counseling to deal with the rape.

I absolutely understand alcoholism. I am married to one, and he (yes HE) is also a rape victim and used alcohol to deal with it. Many many alcoholics are in fact victims of rape.

You are completely clueless.

So you want OP to take advice from a codependent.

Clearly you are too close to the situation to understand the difference from an old ass alcoholic who never got counseling right after his rape and let years between the rape and counseling destroy his life with alcohol and anger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

You don’t understand what an alcoholic is. If she were an alcoholic her mom would have needed to take her to the hospital to detox.

She is using alcohol to deal with a rape.

She needs counseling to deal with the rape.

Would you stop going on about your own narrative? You're wrong.

OP clearly said in the OP, " For the last 6 months she has developed a problem with alcohol.

She leaves in 3 weeks and showed up drunk in her car on early Friday am (5:30am). She was attacked by a boy who was home alone and one she thought of as a casual friend. "

------

So she's had a problem with alcohol for 6 months, then last week was drunk with a guy who was a "casual friend" (AKA drinking buddy) while alone with him in his house and got attacked by him.

And yes, the mom DOES need to take her to detox. In rehab. That's exactly what most of us are telling her.

No the mom did not take her to detox they just stayed at home and she stopped drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

You don’t understand what an alcoholic is. If she were an alcoholic her mom would have needed to take her to the hospital to detox.

She is using alcohol to deal with a rape.

She needs counseling to deal with the rape.

Would you stop going on about your own narrative? You're wrong.

OP clearly said in the OP, " For the last 6 months she has developed a problem with alcohol.

She leaves in 3 weeks and showed up drunk in her car on early Friday am (5:30am). She was attacked by a boy who was home alone and one she thought of as a casual friend. "

------

So she's had a problem with alcohol for 6 months, then last week was drunk with a guy who was a "casual friend" (AKA drinking buddy) while alone with him in his house and got attacked by him.

And yes, the mom DOES need to take her to detox. In rehab. That's exactly what most of us are telling her.

No the mom did not take her to detox they just stayed at home and she stopped drinking.

The teen still gets to leave the house. There’s no way of knowing if she has actually stopped drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

You don’t understand what an alcoholic is. If she were an alcoholic her mom would have needed to take her to the hospital to detox.

She is using alcohol to deal with a rape.

She needs counseling to deal with the rape.

I absolutely understand alcoholism. I am married to one, and he (yes HE) is also a rape victim and used alcohol to deal with it. Many many alcoholics are in fact victims of rape.

You are completely clueless.

So you want OP to take advice from a codependent.

Clearly you are too close to the situation to understand the difference from an old ass alcoholic who never got counseling right after his rape and let years between the rape and counseling destroy his life with alcohol and anger.

I’m not codependent and my husband is sober and has not ruined his life.

Even if I were codependent, better to take advice from me than you who is a complete moron and is probably alcoholic yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

You don’t understand what an alcoholic is. If she were an alcoholic her mom would have needed to take her to the hospital to detox.

She is using alcohol to deal with a rape.

She needs counseling to deal with the rape.

Would you stop going on about your own narrative? You're wrong.

OP clearly said in the OP, " For the last 6 months she has developed a problem with alcohol.

She leaves in 3 weeks and showed up drunk in her car on early Friday am (5:30am). She was attacked by a boy who was home alone and one she thought of as a casual friend. "

------

So she's had a problem with alcohol for 6 months, then last week was drunk with a guy who was a "casual friend" (AKA drinking buddy) while alone with him in his house and got attacked by him.

And yes, the mom DOES need to take her to detox. In rehab. That's exactly what most of us are telling her.

Trouble with alcohol <> alcoholic

She needs support, but not for the alcohol.

No offense, but you sound like an alcoholic. Only an alcoholic could think it's no big deal for a young woman to be sloppy drunk with a guy who's almost a stranger alone at his house, for someone to be drink driving, for someone to be fired from work for STEALING ALCOHOL when she had been a law abiding nice responsible citizen up to that point, etc etc.

I happen to know plenty about alcoholism, unfortunately, and this sounds exactly like alcoholism. Quite a bad case, I'd even say. She needs professional help before she screws up her life permanently by getting a criminal record or killing someone while driving drunk.

This, 100%. And these are the incidents that OP know about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What social 12th grader hadn’t had an “issue” with alcohol for the 6 months leading up to college? Once you get into your college, most seniors are just mailing it in and partying, letting off steam after years of rat race.

And there we go. This is where it starts. In France this is not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

You don’t understand what an alcoholic is. If she were an alcoholic her mom would have needed to take her to the hospital to detox.

She is using alcohol to deal with a rape.

She needs counseling to deal with the rape.

I absolutely understand alcoholism. I am married to one, and he (yes HE) is also a rape victim and used alcohol to deal with it. Many many alcoholics are in fact victims of rape.

You are completely clueless.

So you want OP to take advice from a codependent.

Clearly you are too close to the situation to understand the difference from an old ass alcoholic who never got counseling right after his rape and let years between the rape and counseling destroy his life with alcohol and anger.

I’m not codependent and my husband is sober and has not ruined his life.

Even if I were codependent, better to take advice from me than you who is a complete moron and is probably alcoholic yourself.

So. Alcoholism didn’t ruin his life. He never hit rock bottom. He only drank for 6 months of his life.

Girl, you are a codependent. Stay in your lane.

You too close to the situation to understand this one is nothing like yours.

[Anonymous]

pP here: what I mean is this unhinged drinking isn’t an issue. Mom is worried about her DD, she is right to seek help. A professional can decide if her DD is heading toward a drinking problem or not. We cannot. We are not experts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

You don’t understand what an alcoholic is. If she were an alcoholic her mom would have needed to take her to the hospital to detox.

She is using alcohol to deal with a rape.

She needs counseling to deal with the rape.

Would you stop going on about your own narrative? You're wrong.

OP clearly said in the OP, " For the last 6 months she has developed a problem with alcohol.

She leaves in 3 weeks and showed up drunk in her car on early Friday am (5:30am). She was attacked by a boy who was home alone and one she thought of as a casual friend. "

------

So she's had a problem with alcohol for 6 months, then last week was drunk with a guy who was a "casual friend" (AKA drinking buddy) while alone with him in his house and got attacked by him.

And yes, the mom DOES need to take her to detox. In rehab. That's exactly what most of us are telling her.

Trouble with alcohol <> alcoholic

She needs support, but not for the alcohol.

No offense, but you sound like an alcoholic. Only an alcoholic could think it's no big deal for a young woman to be sloppy drunk with a guy who's almost a stranger alone at his house, for someone to be drink driving, for someone to be fired from work for STEALING ALCOHOL when she had been a law abiding nice responsible citizen up to that point, etc etc.

I happen to know plenty about alcoholism, unfortunately, and this sounds exactly like alcoholism. Quite a bad case, I'd even say. She needs professional help before she screws up her life permanently by getting a criminal record or killing someone while driving drunk.

This, 100%. And these are the incidents that OP know about.

No offense but you seem clueless about sexual assaults.

She did not drink alone with a stranger.
She drove away from a rape, FFS.

I don’t think you know 1 alcoholic that drank for 6 months.