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How Do U Know When to Pull Plug?
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Anonymous
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My DD worked really hard her whole HS years and was accepted into NU. For the last 6 months she has developed a problem with alcohol.
She leaves in 3 weeks and showed up drunk in her car on early Friday am (5:30am). She was attacked by a boy who was home alone and one she thought of as a casual friend. We texted with her shrink (migraines and panic attacks) over the weekend and she has an appointment with him on Thursday. I am just unsure that sending her to college is the right thing to do. She claims her drinking issues stem from this town and she is just desperate to go to college. WWYD? |
Anonymous
| A girl I knew in high school straight As sweetheart you name it became a full blown alcoholic in college. She later went to rehab, got married became a mother, etc. (high school reunion) but had a hard addiction there for a bit. You’re daughter sounds on the path and definitely needs guidance and structure she may not get away from home? |
Anonymous
| Have her go to the therapist. Call the college and find out if she can defer for a semester for medical reasons. |
Anonymous
This is classic alcoholic talk. She will tell you what you want to hear so she can go to college and keep on drinking. Terrible idea. She needs to go to rehab. If she doesn't go to rehab, any resource you give her (whether it's food, money, time) will feed the addiction. |
Anonymous
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Yah. Towns do not cause alcoholism, though the environment can trigger hazardous behaviors. By environment, I mean her OLD friends, common sites of drinking etc. Problem is though, since the addiction is in her now, it will follow her where she goes...unless she seeks treatment. There are willing co-conspirators on every campus--especially big football or greek schools. Look what happened even living under your nose. I suggest you get her to therapy, ask their advice. But I think sending her away in the throes of a substance abuse disorder is not going to end well.
I am sorry for you guys, and angry that so many men prey upon women in this condition. They are a really a big shame on humanity, and I wish HE would get therapy before going away to college also. (Actually, I wish you could call HIS college and ask for a deferment for being a predator!!) |
Anonymous
| No. She needs to delay. How is she getting alcohol? Having had an alcohol issue before, it takes a lot of alcohol to be an alcoholic so someone is enabling her and buying it. |
Anonymous
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Important to note also that she drank to this excess when she was responsible for driving. SUCH a bad sign of the state she is in. Try to console yourself that you did not get a call that she had died in a crash or killed someone else.
Also, I hate to tell you this...but prior sexual assault is a risk factor for future assaults. This is your wake up call to save your child. |
Anonymous
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I learned from being married to an alcoholic who had all sorts of "reasons" for drinking that the reasons don't matter. It is the drinking that is the problem. Full stop.
Defer the acceptance and get her back on track. |
Anonymous
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Nobody is addressing the “she was attacked by a boy” statement?
Was she raped? |
Anonymous
Yes, if that is the case, the first call should have been to the police and not the therapist. |
Anonymous
| I remember telling my mom if she wanted me to live, she should not let me go back. It took seven years and getting married to stop drinking. It took ten years to get a degree. I’ve always felt that if someone has just sat down with me and explained what I was doing to myself and helped me regroup AT SCHOOL, that I could have made the life I wanted. I’ve got a great life now, but none of it was by choice, and all of it was a hard lesson. If you think she will ever thank you for not sending her back to school, you are the one headed for a hard lesson. |
Anonymous
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If you do decide to let her go, make sure you have full HIPAA and FERPA.
I speak from unfortunate experience that the school will communicate nothing to you without this. |
Anonymous
And a medical POA. |
Anonymous
May want to extend this also to legal medical directive and power of attorney. Kids over 18 at school can withdraw HIPAA/FERPA permissions at any time. |
Anonymous
This is a terrible idea OP. Sending someone with known addiction to college is recipe for turning alcoholism into drug addiction. Someone with an addiction needs to be focused on getting better (not worrying about grades, jobs, social pressures, parties, etc) PP, you're still talking like an alcoholic btw. It wasn't your circumstance that set you back ('if only my parents kept me at school'), it was your addiction. |