How Do U Know When to Pull Plug?

[Anonymous]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inside-the-criminal-mind/201307/errors-in-thinking-apply-alcoholics-problem-drinkers

*Failure to put oneself in the place of others;
*Lying (about their drinking and other aspects of their life);
*A domineering personality in which controlling others is paramount to their self esteem;
*Unrealistic expectations of others and often of themselves;
*A pronounced proclivity to blame others or circumstances when they are held accountable;
*An ability to shut off from awareness their knowledge of possible consequences to their actions;
*A thin skin in which they take small slights very personally;
*A tendency to defer or totally default when it comes to fulfilling obligations;
*A failure to deal constructively with adversity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inside-the-criminal-mind/201307/errors-in-thinking-apply-alcoholics-problem-drinkers

*Failure to put oneself in the place of others;
*Lying (about their drinking and other aspects of their life);
*A domineering personality in which controlling others is paramount to their self esteem;
*Unrealistic expectations of others and often of themselves;
*A pronounced proclivity to blame others or circumstances when they are held accountable;
*An ability to shut off from awareness their knowledge of possible consequences to their actions;
*A thin skin in which they take small slights very personally;
*A tendency to defer or totally default when it comes to fulfilling obligations;
*A failure to deal constructively with adversity.

My recovering DH is the most honest man I know...except when it comes to his alcoholism. He will lie, lie, lie. Do not think you daughter is telling you the truth;she's not.

And they have very much over estimate their ability to overcome alcoholism.

[Anonymous]

"How do you know when to pull the plug?"

You're there. Now is the time.

Get her into rehab. Sounds like she's already an alcoholic and was sexually assaulted at least once. This will not end well without intervention. This is your one and only remaining chance to save your daughter from drug addiction.

Right now. No joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"How do you know when to pull the plug?"

You're there. Now is the time.

Get her into rehab. Sounds like she's already an alcoholic and was sexually assaulted at least once. This will not end well without intervention. This is your one and only remaining chance to save your daughter from drug addiction.

Right now. No joke.

10000000% yes.

As an alcoholic I can tell you with confidence, anything she tells you about her drinking - double it (amount, frequency, consequences)

Good luck to you, OP and to your daughter

[Anonymous]

OP, what were her grades last semester of 12th grade?

Did she sit for May AP exams? Didn’t AP scores come out recently? How’d she do?

Did she have a job this summer?

[Anonymous]

Rehab for a kid who’s been letting off steam after grinding her way into a top 15 U for probably last 10 years? You guys sound like nutbags.

Now if her grades were awful, she bombed all her AP exams, and she got fired from a summer job. Yeah, I’d probably have her do a gap year. But we need more details.

[Anonymous]

If she were mine, I'd call NU about medical leave and think about starting in January. She'd only be a quarter behind.

There is not nearly enough structure at college to handle her problems - alcohol and dealing with the assault.

NU has a lot of frats. There are many ways to abuse alcohol there - just like at every other college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rehab for a kid who’s been letting off steam after grinding her way into a top 15 U for probably last 10 years? You guys sound like nutbags.

Now if her grades were awful, she bombed all her AP exams, and she got fired from a summer job. Yeah, I’d probably have her do a gap year. But we need more details.

I would let her go to college, but no car there and have her go to counseling there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rehab for a kid who’s been letting off steam after grinding her way into a top 15 U for probably last 10 years? You guys sound like nutbags.

Now if her grades were awful, she bombed all her AP exams, and she got fired from a summer job. Yeah, I’d probably have her do a gap year. But we need more details.

I would let her go to college, but no car there and have her go to counseling there.

College can be incredibly stressful for kids, especially when they've already proven that they have trouble appropriately handling stress. Becoming an alcoholic when she's not even at college yet is a seriously big red flag. And then the assault. Allowing herself into such a vulnerable position and being such a poor judge of character, etc. There are way more guys waiting to prey on sloppy young women at college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember telling my mom if she wanted me to live, she should not let me go back. It took seven years and getting married to stop drinking. It took ten years to get a degree. I’ve always felt that if someone has just sat down with me and explained what I was doing to myself and helped me regroup AT SCHOOL, that I could have made the life I wanted. I’ve got a great life now, but none of it was by choice, and all of it was a hard lesson. If you think she will ever thank you for not sending her back to school, you are the one headed for a hard lesson.

What an odd post. You terrified your parents by implying that by returning you would not live. Then, when they kept you back, it was “not by choice” and you resent them still years later for a “hard lesson”.

Strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember telling my mom if she wanted me to live, she should not let me go back. It took seven years and getting married to stop drinking. It took ten years to get a degree. I’ve always felt that if someone has just sat down with me and explained what I was doing to myself and helped me regroup AT SCHOOL, that I could have made the life I wanted. I’ve got a great life now, but none of it was by choice, and all of it was a hard lesson. If you think she will ever thank you for not sending her back to school, you are the one headed for a hard lesson.

What an odd post. You terrified your parents by implying that by returning you would not live. Then, when they kept you back, it was “not by choice” and you resent them still years later for a “hard lesson”.

Strange.

That's an alcoholic brain talking. PP might be sober, but she is still thinking like an alcoholic. That's called being a dry drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rehab for a kid who’s been letting off steam after grinding her way into a top 15 U for probably last 10 years? You guys sound like nutbags.

Now if her grades were awful, she bombed all her AP exams, and she got fired from a summer job. Yeah, I’d probably have her do a gap year. But we need more details.

I would let her go to college, but no car there and have her go to counseling there.

I agree.

Basically you are punishing her for being raped.

You need to get her into counseling and alcohol counseling. But I would not "pull the plug".

Find a counselor close to her school, she has a current shrink that can help with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember telling my mom if she wanted me to live, she should not let me go back. It took seven years and getting married to stop drinking. It took ten years to get a degree. I’ve always felt that if someone has just sat down with me and explained what I was doing to myself and helped me regroup AT SCHOOL, that I could have made the life I wanted. I’ve got a great life now, but none of it was by choice, and all of it was a hard lesson. If you think she will ever thank you for not sending her back to school, you are the one headed for a hard lesson.

What an odd post. You terrified your parents by implying that by returning you would not live. Then, when they kept you back, it was “not by choice” and you resent them still years later for a “hard lesson”.

Strange.

That's an alcoholic brain talking. PP might be sober, but she is still thinking like an alcoholic. That's called being a dry drunk.

Well... OP's daughter is not an alcoholic. She is abusing alcohol to cope with a rape. If she was overeating would you not send her to college.

She is not addicted to alcohol. That is what an alcoholic is.

She just needs some help to cope with being assaulted.

[Anonymous]

Alanon for you and your husband.

90 day outpatient recovery program or
inpatient rehab or
AA (women's AA groups are available and free)

If you send her to a counselor send her to
one that specializes in alcoholism.

See if you can delay the college admission and maybe
she can pickup a couple of community college
classes in the meantime.

Be aware that the key thing is that your daughter
wants to get sober. Rehab will work, outpatient
90 day will work, and AA works but all three
only work if the user wants recover.

Success rate at outpatient will be better at the
90 day level. I would not get approval for shorter time.

[Anonymous]

If she is driving drunk at 5:30 am she has a problem
with alcoholism. She could have killed people on the road.