How Do U Know When to Pull Plug?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone asking about her grades and AP scores has missed the point. The answers to those questions can tell us if she is a high functioning alcoholic or not but will not tell us if she is an alcoholic or not.

It is clear that her relationship to alcohol is problematic at the very least.

Problem drinking + blaming drinking on environment + stupid, reckless decisions (drunk driving) are classic hallmarks of alcoholism

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks the OP isn't real? Something about the way the post was written doesn't seem sincere to me.

You may very well be right. We’ve had a number of threads lately that have been highly questionable. OP seems to gradually make up her story, and has trouble responding to basic questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do decide to let her go, make sure you have full HIPAA and FERPA.

I speak from unfortunate experience that the school will communicate nothing to you without this.

May want to extend this also to legal medical directive and power of attorney. Kids over 18 at school can withdraw HIPAA/FERPA permissions at any time.

Was going to say this as well as put the car in her name. When she drives drunk again (because she will) and if she wrecks, you do not want to be the one ruined because of her bad decisions. My parents had to learn that the hard way. The car my brother was driving was in their name. It was their insurance that had to pay out and then raised their policy $$$$. They were the ones who had to pay damages billed by the state over what the insurance covered. They were the ones who were sued.

Unfortunately, you cannot contact the university about a deferment. You can call and tell them about her issues, but no one will do that unless she requests it. If she believes that her current living situation is the cause of her issues, she'll probably not want to take a break from college.

If you're paying for her college and housing, you may want to play the "do what I say or I do pay" card.

[Anonymous]

Parent funded alcoholism is insane.

And WHY does she even HAVE a CAR?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks the OP isn't real? Something about the way the post was written doesn't seem sincere to me.

You may very well be right. We’ve had a number of threads lately that have been highly questionable. OP seems to gradually make up her story, and has trouble responding to basic questions.

Damn you guys are always so hard. I am OP. I am real. DD continued to excel in all areas (except maybe socially) her entire SR year.

She was fired from her job in June as she took a hard seltzer from the store fridge. She lied to us about what happened of course. We discovered the truth when we went through her phone that Friday.

I don't know if DD is an alcoholic. She drank to excess several times that I know about since January. I assume there were many other times of which I was not aware.

Since Friday am, she has been on a very tight lease and has had no alcohol. We are letting her drive to Art class and her SB volunteer coaching job during the day. But sending her with a packed lunch, full gas tank, phone, but no access to $.

She has had fake id's which is how she purchased the alcohol. To the best of my knowledge, that Friday am was the only time she drove drunk and she did that to escape the boy that assaulted her. There are no ride sharing services or taxi's where we live.

I am having a hard time finding anyone who will talk to her about her assault. I called 6 therapists and noone will meet with her as she is leaving (we think) to go to college in 2 1/2 weeks.

She is seeing her psychiatrist on Thursday. I will schedule a few more appointments with him if I can b4 she leaves.

Also I did find and talk to an educational consultant with a lot of experience in helping teens transition and coordinating mental support services at colleges and at home. DD has a face time appointment with her tomorrow.

Thank you to all of you with kind words and encouragement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks the OP isn't real? Something about the way the post was written doesn't seem sincere to me.

You may very well be right. We’ve had a number of threads lately that have been highly questionable. OP seems to gradually make up her story, and has trouble responding to basic questions.

Damn you guys are always so hard. I am OP. I am real. DD continued to excel in all areas (except maybe socially) her entire SR year.

She was fired from her job in June as she took a hard seltzer from the store fridge. She lied to us about what happened of course. We discovered the truth when we went through her phone that Friday.

I don't know if DD is an alcoholic. She drank to excess several times that I know about since January. I assume there were many other times of which I was not aware.

Since Friday am, she has been on a very tight lease and has had no alcohol. We are letting her drive to Art class and her SB volunteer coaching job during the day. But sending her with a packed lunch, full gas tank, phone, but no access to $.

She has had fake id's which is how she purchased the alcohol. To the best of my knowledge, that Friday am was the only time she drove drunk and she did that to escape the boy that assaulted her. There are no ride sharing services or taxi's where we live.

I am having a hard time finding anyone who will talk to her about her assault. I called 6 therapists and noone will meet with her as she is leaving (we think) to go to college in 2 1/2 weeks.

She is seeing her psychiatrist on Thursday. I will schedule a few more appointments with him if I can b4 she leaves.

Also I did find and talk to an educational consultant with a lot of experience in helping teens transition and coordinating mental support services at colleges and at home. DD has a face time appointment with her tomorrow.

Thank you to all of you with kind words and encouragement.

Good luck OP. There are definitely some red flags.

Getting fired for stealing alcohol is another red flag. I'm presuming she was drinking at work, and my bet is that that was not the only time she stole.

The fact that she does not have access to money does not mean she can't get her hands on alcohol (especially given that she has stolen alcohol in the past.) And what is your plan for when she goes to college? (FYI - you should definitely be going to Al Anon.)

[Anonymous]

Why exactly are you sending her back? At least wait to hear if her psychiatrist is recommending that. Is she taking her car back to college? Why wouldn’t she drink and drive again?

Alcohol poisoning is real.

[Anonymous]

OP here. No car at college. Told her no night driving for 9 months and we have purchased a breathalyzer so we can threaten to/or actually test her.

We are not sending her back to college. We are sending her to college for the first time -- she will be a freshman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No car at college. Told her no night driving for 9 months and we have purchased a breathalyzer so we can threaten to/or actually test her.

We are not sending her back to college. We are sending her to college for the first time -- she will be a freshman.

You are doing a good job.

[Anonymous]

The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD worked really hard her whole HS years and was accepted into NU. For the last 6 months she has developed a problem with alcohol.

She leaves in 3 weeks and showed up drunk in her car on early Friday am (5:30am). She was attacked by a boy who was home alone and one she thought of as a casual friend.

We texted with her shrink (migraines and panic attacks) over the weekend and she has an appointment with him on Thursday.

I am just unsure that sending her to college is the right thing to do. She claims her drinking issues stem from this town and she is just desperate to go to college.

WWYD?

Was she raped in the boy’s home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

It seems mom is in denial, and just wants to believe DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

You don’t understand what an alcoholic is. If she were an alcoholic her mom would have needed to take her to the hospital to detox.

She is using alcohol to deal with a rape.

She needs counseling to deal with the rape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks the OP isn't real? Something about the way the post was written doesn't seem sincere to me.

You may very well be right. We’ve had a number of threads lately that have been highly questionable. OP seems to gradually make up her story, and has trouble responding to basic questions.

Damn you guys are always so hard. I am OP. I am real. DD continued to excel in all areas (except maybe socially) her entire SR year.

She was fired from her job in June as she took a hard seltzer from the store fridge. She lied to us about what happened of course. We discovered the truth when we went through her phone that Friday.

I don't know if DD is an alcoholic. She drank to excess several times that I know about since January. I assume there were many other times of which I was not aware.

Since Friday am, she has been on a very tight lease and has had no alcohol. We are letting her drive to Art class and her SB volunteer coaching job during the day. But sending her with a packed lunch, full gas tank, phone, but no access to $.

She has had fake id's which is how she purchased the alcohol. To the best of my knowledge, that Friday am was the only time she drove drunk and she did that to escape the boy that assaulted her. There are no ride sharing services or taxi's where we live.

I am having a hard time finding anyone who will talk to her about her assault. I called 6 therapists and noone will meet with her as she is leaving (we think) to go to college in 2 1/2 weeks.

She is seeing her psychiatrist on Thursday. I will schedule a few more appointments with him if I can b4 she leaves.

Also I did find and talk to an educational consultant with a lot of experience in helping teens transition and coordinating mental support services at colleges and at home. DD has a face time appointment with her tomorrow.

Thank you to all of you with kind words and encouragement.

Weird - we have seen them everywhere - even in remote locations.

Can you call the school health services? Maybe they'd be willing to help because she is already enrolled.
https://www.northwestern.edu/counseling/
https://www.northwestern.edu/sexual-misconduct/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teen drinks at work, got fired for stealing alcohol, has driven drunk, and drinks alone? Then blames it on her environment?
Please. That girl is an alcoholic.

You don’t understand what an alcoholic is. If she were an alcoholic her mom would have needed to take her to the hospital to detox.

She is using alcohol to deal with a rape.

She needs counseling to deal with the rape.

Would you stop going on about your own narrative? You're wrong.

OP clearly said in the OP, " For the last 6 months she has developed a problem with alcohol.

She leaves in 3 weeks and showed up drunk in her car on early Friday am (5:30am). She was attacked by a boy who was home alone and one she thought of as a casual friend. "

------

So she's had a problem with alcohol for 6 months, then last week was drunk with a guy who was a "casual friend" (AKA drinking buddy) while alone with him in his house and got attacked by him.

And yes, the mom DOES need to take her to detox. In rehab. That's exactly what most of us are telling her.