s/o Why so much delusion by parents of adult kids around "big happy family get togethers"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the vacations always revolve around what the older parents want? In my 20s I really wanted to travel and only had 2 weeks vacation. Why go to a beach with my family when I could see them just on a random weekend and not need to use annual leave? I wanted to go overseas or South America on vacations. I’m in my 30s now. I don’t remember my grandparents forcing everyone on a vacation. What’s wrong with just Christmas or thanksgiving?

Agree! We lived local to all of our family, saw them regularly, were fairly close, and never vacationed together!

x10000

Just because you summon the minions to schlep 6+ (always longer than six hour trip, BTW, always) hours away every year, to a place you chose, crammed into to a house you have never been to, on a date that is not convenient for them and their growing families, so you can ignore most of your grandchildren (like you ignored your children), that involves crossing a highway to get to a beach, with nothing but terrible food within driving distance, and a week full of chores involving about 15 peoples' filth and dishes, on limited vacation time.......where do I even start? My God, you don't even talk to each other while you are there, and people are constantly slipping out, not telling people where they are going. That's messed up. Thank you PP, well said. If you want to see us, we live down the street! We are not here so you can brag to your "friends" about your idea of "vacation" - it is not a vacation for us, in any sense of the word. Makes zero sense.

Yes to all of this!! I had no idea where my inlaws were half the time on this vacation they insisted we all take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the vacations always revolve around what the older parents want? In my 20s I really wanted to travel and only had 2 weeks vacation. Why go to a beach with my family when I could see them just on a random weekend and not need to use annual leave? I wanted to go overseas or South America on vacations. I’m in my 30s now. I don’t remember my grandparents forcing everyone on a vacation. What’s wrong with just Christmas or thanksgiving?

Agree! We lived local to all of our family, saw them regularly, were fairly close, and never vacationed together!

Honestly that sounds like a dream! I want to vacation with my own kids and focus my time and money on them. When we're with extended family, my kids don't get my whole attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the vacations always revolve around what the older parents want? In my 20s I really wanted to travel and only had 2 weeks vacation. Why go to a beach with my family when I could see them just on a random weekend and not need to use annual leave? I wanted to go overseas or South America on vacations. I’m in my 30s now. I don’t remember my grandparents forcing everyone on a vacation. What’s wrong with just Christmas or thanksgiving?

Agree! We lived local to all of our family, saw them regularly, were fairly close, and never vacationed together!

x10000

Just because you summon the minions to schlep 6+ (always longer than six hour trip, BTW, always) hours away every year, to a place you chose, crammed into to a house you have never been to, on a date that is not convenient for them and their growing families, so you can ignore most of your grandchildren (like you ignored your children), that involves crossing a highway to get to a beach, with nothing but terrible food within driving distance, and a week full of chores involving about 15 peoples' filth and dishes, on limited vacation time.......where do I even start? My God, you don't even talk to each other while you are there, and people are constantly slipping out, not telling people where they are going. That's messed up. Thank you PP, well said. If you want to see us, we live down the street! We are not here so you can brag to your "friends" about your idea of "vacation" - it is not a vacation for us, in any sense of the word. Makes zero sense.

Yes to all of this!! I had no idea where my inlaws were half the time on this vacation they insisted we all take.

x1000

It is so obviously deliberate - WTH *does* that? So freaking rude!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the vacations always revolve around what the older parents want? In my 20s I really wanted to travel and only had 2 weeks vacation. Why go to a beach with my family when I could see them just on a random weekend and not need to use annual leave? I wanted to go overseas or South America on vacations. I’m in my 30s now. I don’t remember my grandparents forcing everyone on a vacation. What’s wrong with just Christmas or thanksgiving?

Agree! We lived local to all of our family, saw them regularly, were fairly close, and never vacationed together!

Honestly that sounds like a dream! I want to vacation with my own kids and focus my time and money on them. When we're with extended family, my kids don't get my whole attention.

+1

It becomes extremely selfish when the trip happens pretty much just for bragging rights. My friends grandparents at least spend their money on their extended family (not just themselves) - and take truly special and exotic trips outside the U.S.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, MIL pulls this every year with her "vacation" idea. I stay home, because we are just different people, and one person embracing the other person's differences simply does not work, it has to go both ways. Plus, I get stuck with dishes and have a hard time living in filth, which they embrace. Sounds petty on my part, but it is just one example. If the IL's were warm, welcoming and inclusive (to my kids as well, not just me, I could not care less) - that would be another story. They just don't have it in them.

As far as their family, no they don't get along, they barely even talk to each other - (one example) SIL gets along with very few people. If someone grew up in an area, yet has literally no friends from that area, that is a huge red flag to me, and tells me loud and clear that it is not me. I have my own family and friends, and we happen to enjoy each other. (Another example) MIL would complain about snow days, even without young children - meanwhile, we (me and my nuclear family) were out sledding together and enjoying the snow. Just one example, telling me MIL wasn't really into her self chosen "role".

That, and I just don't have the acting skills to pull off a whole week with these people, any more than they have the acting skills to pretend they are one big happy family, like they want outsiders to believe. I don't go on "vacations" for bragging rights, I go on vacations with people I enjoy, who don't have historical friction and hostility so thick you can cut it with a knife. The IL's inevitably fall into their old roles, and it is just ugly.

DH and I have such limited vacation time, we choose wisely.

I think we have the same in laws, except my husband's parents had an contentious divorce. One of his sisters was OBSESSED with having big family gatherings to create what she didn't have. The only problem is she is a hostile gossip who has unreasonably expectations of everyone and then spends her time sulking and being passive aggressive if not downright angry. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the vacations always revolve around what the older parents want? In my 20s I really wanted to travel and only had 2 weeks vacation. Why go to a beach with my family when I could see them just on a random weekend and not need to use annual leave? I wanted to go overseas or South America on vacations. I’m in my 30s now. I don’t remember my grandparents forcing everyone on a vacation. What’s wrong with just Christmas or thanksgiving?

Agree! We lived local to all of our family, saw them regularly, were fairly close, and never vacationed together!

Honestly that sounds like a dream! I want to vacation with my own kids and focus my time and money on them. When we're with extended family, my kids don't get my whole attention.

+1

It becomes extremely selfish when the trip happens pretty much just for bragging rights. My friends grandparents at least spend their money on their extended family (not just themselves) - and take truly special and exotic trips outside the U.S.

Just offer to all wear the same stupid shirt and pants and meet at some cheesy photo place with a beach backdrop. They get their stupid photo to show off and you only have to spend 20 minutes suffering together instead of a whole family vacation. They can lie to their friends and say it was the best vacation ever. If needed drink before the photo.