IL’s kid is a nightmare and I don’t want him back at our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone raises kids differently but the trend of letting the kid do whatever they want and not correcting the behavior is going to lead to bad things down the road.

I know some will not like the example but it's easy to train a dog as a pup but if you let it poop in the house and jump on guests without correcting it, the dog will be that way for life.

That said, these are your H's family. You can't ban them. You can ask him to talk to his sibling. If he's unwilling, then you have the tough conversation. "Hey, I know everyone does it different and I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your child but we have a little one now and it's going to be confusing to our child to see your son behaving in a way our child isn't allowed to. Also, although domesticated, pets are still animals and when cornered, they will let instincts take over. I'd hate to see little Damien have to go to the hospital because he didn't understand how to safely behave around animals and how to treat them properly."

Mom of two boys here and, yes, the puppy training and "kid training" comparison is pretty accurate. But human children also mature and develop reason as they get older. They aren't necessarily doomed to be holy terrors forever, it's just easier on everyone if you are consistent with the discipline early on.

Allowing your little one to run amok in another person's house is just not a good plan.

I’m the mom of 3 with 2 boys from a couple posts up, and I think expecting any child to develop reason as they get older and improve their behavior is a big mistake. It’s great if they do start understanding things for themselves, but you need to run a tight ship from early on. Old habits die hard. If you want well behaved kids, it starts at literally one year old.

I agree with you. I also know that some kids are harder/easier than others. The sad thing about Op's ILs is that they aren't even bothering to try with their kid.

[Anonymous]

Your in laws set him up to fail by not bringing something...anything...for him to do. All in all not terribly abnormal behavior for a high energy kid, but by 4 I would expect them to understand and respect the word no. You won't be this hormonal and exhausted for long and baby won't be this fragile for long, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The child is FOUR. You had to have an idea of his energy level before inviting him/his family to your home.

Yes, wait a few years OP and you’ll be experiencing similar energy levels with your child. The real nightmare here is all of the adults. Your ILs should have controlled their child and brought toys. You and your husband should have put the pets out of harm’s way and spoken up. You should have locked the door when you were nursing. Some children become overstimulated in a new environments and act in ways they wouldn’t normally behave. It also sounds as if you don’t really like other people’s children. You need to be a little more flexible. We were in a similar situation with some friends recently with our two and four year olds, but they have tons of toys, so our children enjoyed themselves and had fun with their pets. We also kept an eye on them.

This is how brats are raised.

If you can’t keep your 4 year old from acting like a terror at people’s houses then DONT bring them out. If your kids won’t behave without toys then it’s your responsibility to bring the toys. You don’t just shrug and say “boys will be boys” as they jump all over furniture and harass the pets.

I say this as a parent of 4 and 2 year old boys.

Whatever you say, Sanctimommy. I didn’t say this behavior was ok. Try to read more carefully next time. I said the adults were misbehaving.

The parents of that boy should have been supervising their child. Op is a new mom with a brand new baby - she just got out of the hospital for goodness sake.

She had a baby. It wasn’t the end of the world.

You have no idea how the birth went for Op. But if she is sore and tired (like most new moms) she probably shouldn't be expected to ride herd on a visitor's misbehaved child.

Neither do you.

She just gave birth. Yes, she is tired and sore. Duh.

Your eye rolling is just pain weird. I suppose you birthed your baby and got right back out there plowing the fields, right?

I'm not the quoted but I'm rolling my eyes too - I sure as hell was PARENTING a toddler of my own when I just had a baby and brought him home.

I had a 2 1/2 year old when my second was born. I was still sore and tired and I would have resented the heck out of some clueless relative bringing their ill mannered kid over to my house for me to watch while they sat around and ignored him like they were on some kind of break.

And hopefully you would have done the grownup thing and said something to your spouse or ILs. In this case, OP seems to resent the child instead of the parents.

I think that Op DID say something. That's the thing that people aren't picking up on. She did not scold the kid or directly tell the parents to watch their child but anyone with half a brain would see that the kid was bothering Op and step in to correct their own child.

I would have a hard time inviting them back to my house until I was physically recovered enough to deal with him.

She chose to say something to a four-year-old instead of her husband or ILs. The ILs obviously aren’t perceptive enough, so a more direct approach was needed. I get that OP is upset, but she’s directing her anger at the child.

O.k. these people were not perceptive enough to not notice that their kid was bouncing on furniture, chasing around and tormenting pets, barging into rooms uninvited......and you think that Op could have said something magical to make them wake up and supervise their child? Really?

They apparently thought that their little angel's behavior was perfectly acceptable.

If you don’t like something IN YOUR OWN HOME, you say something. What’s so hard about that? It’s better than silently fuming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The child is FOUR. You had to have an idea of his energy level before inviting him/his family to your home.

Yes, wait a few years OP and you’ll be experiencing similar energy levels with your child. The real nightmare here is all of the adults. Your ILs should have controlled their child and brought toys. You and your husband should have put the pets out of harm’s way and spoken up. You should have locked the door when you were nursing. Some children become overstimulated in a new environments and act in ways they wouldn’t normally behave. It also sounds as if you don’t really like other people’s children. You need to be a little more flexible. We were in a similar situation with some friends recently with our two and four year olds, but they have tons of toys, so our children enjoyed themselves and had fun with their pets. We also kept an eye on them.

This is how brats are raised.

If you can’t keep your 4 year old from acting like a terror at people’s houses then DONT bring them out. If your kids won’t behave without toys then it’s your responsibility to bring the toys. You don’t just shrug and say “boys will be boys” as they jump all over furniture and harass the pets.

I say this as a parent of 4 and 2 year old boys.

Whatever you say, Sanctimommy. I didn’t say this behavior was ok. Try to read more carefully next time. I said the adults were misbehaving.

The parents of that boy should have been supervising their child. Op is a new mom with a brand new baby - she just got out of the hospital for goodness sake.

She had a baby. It wasn’t the end of the world.

You have no idea how the birth went for Op. But if she is sore and tired (like most new moms) she probably shouldn't be expected to ride herd on a visitor's misbehaved child.

Neither do you.

She just gave birth. Yes, she is tired and sore. Duh.

Your eye rolling is just pain weird. I suppose you birthed your baby and got right back out there plowing the fields, right?

I'm not the quoted but I'm rolling my eyes too - I sure as hell was PARENTING a toddler of my own when I just had a baby and brought him home.

I had a 2 1/2 year old when my second was born. I was still sore and tired and I would have resented the heck out of some clueless relative bringing their ill mannered kid over to my house for me to watch while they sat around and ignored him like they were on some kind of break.

And hopefully you would have done the grownup thing and said something to your spouse or ILs. In this case, OP seems to resent the child instead of the parents.

I think that Op DID say something. That's the thing that people aren't picking up on. She did not scold the kid or directly tell the parents to watch their child but anyone with half a brain would see that the kid was bothering Op and step in to correct their own child.

I would have a hard time inviting them back to my house until I was physically recovered enough to deal with him.

She chose to say something to a four-year-old instead of her husband or ILs. The ILs obviously aren’t perceptive enough, so a more direct approach was needed. I get that OP is upset, but she’s directing her anger at the child.

O.k. these people were not perceptive enough to not notice that their kid was bouncing on furniture, chasing around and tormenting pets, barging into rooms uninvited......and you think that Op could have said something magical to make them wake up and supervise their child? Really?

They apparently thought that their little angel's behavior was perfectly acceptable.

If you don’t like something IN YOUR OWN HOME, you say something. What’s so hard about that? It’s better than silently fuming.

She repeatedly DID say something when the boy put his hands and face up close to the baby's face. She asked him to please stop doing that and HE DID NOT LISTEN.

The parents sat there and just watched her struggle with THEIR kid which is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The child is FOUR. You had to have an idea of his energy level before inviting him/his family to your home.

Yes, wait a few years OP and you’ll be experiencing similar energy levels with your child. The real nightmare here is all of the adults. Your ILs should have controlled their child and brought toys. You and your husband should have put the pets out of harm’s way and spoken up. You should have locked the door when you were nursing. Some children become overstimulated in a new environments and act in ways they wouldn’t normally behave. It also sounds as if you don’t really like other people’s children. You need to be a little more flexible. We were in a similar situation with some friends recently with our two and four year olds, but they have tons of toys, so our children enjoyed themselves and had fun with their pets. We also kept an eye on them.

This is how brats are raised.

If you can’t keep your 4 year old from acting like a terror at people’s houses then DONT bring them out. If your kids won’t behave without toys then it’s your responsibility to bring the toys. You don’t just shrug and say “boys will be boys” as they jump all over furniture and harass the pets.

I say this as a parent of 4 and 2 year old boys.

Whatever you say, Sanctimommy. I didn’t say this behavior was ok. Try to read more carefully next time. I said the adults were misbehaving.

The parents of that boy should have been supervising their child. Op is a new mom with a brand new baby - she just got out of the hospital for goodness sake.

She had a baby. It wasn’t the end of the world.

You have no idea how the birth went for Op. But if she is sore and tired (like most new moms) she probably shouldn't be expected to ride herd on a visitor's misbehaved child.

Neither do you.

She just gave birth. Yes, she is tired and sore. Duh.

Your eye rolling is just pain weird. I suppose you birthed your baby and got right back out there plowing the fields, right?

I'm not the quoted but I'm rolling my eyes too - I sure as hell was PARENTING a toddler of my own when I just had a baby and brought him home.

I had a 2 1/2 year old when my second was born. I was still sore and tired and I would have resented the heck out of some clueless relative bringing their ill mannered kid over to my house for me to watch while they sat around and ignored him like they were on some kind of break.

And hopefully you would have done the grownup thing and said something to your spouse or ILs. In this case, OP seems to resent the child instead of the parents.

I think that Op DID say something. That's the thing that people aren't picking up on. She did not scold the kid or directly tell the parents to watch their child but anyone with half a brain would see that the kid was bothering Op and step in to correct their own child.

I would have a hard time inviting them back to my house until I was physically recovered enough to deal with him.

She chose to say something to a four-year-old instead of her husband or ILs. The ILs obviously aren’t perceptive enough, so a more direct approach was needed. I get that OP is upset, but she’s directing her anger at the child.

O.k. these people were not perceptive enough to not notice that their kid was bouncing on furniture, chasing around and tormenting pets, barging into rooms uninvited......and you think that Op could have said something magical to make them wake up and supervise their child? Really?

They apparently thought that their little angel's behavior was perfectly acceptable.

If you don’t like something IN YOUR OWN HOME, you say something. What’s so hard about that? It’s better than silently fuming.

She repeatedly DID say something when the boy put his hands and face up close to the baby's face. She asked him to please stop doing that and HE DID NOT LISTEN.

The parents sat there and just watched her struggle with THEIR kid which is ridiculous.

The kid is 4. I'm not saying that the parents shouldn't have managed him better, but some kids are just more difficult than others. When I had a baby/very young child, I would be horrified at the behavior of some toddlers/preschoolers and wonder why their parents didn't control them better. As my kids aged, I recognize that I can only control so much of their behavior, and need to pick my battles. They may not see getting close to the baby as something that would harm the baby in the grand scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone raises kids differently but the trend of letting the kid do whatever they want and not correcting the behavior is going to lead to bad things down the road.

I know some will not like the example but it's easy to train a dog as a pup but if you let it poop in the house and jump on guests without correcting it, the dog will be that way for life.

That said, these are your H's family. You can't ban them. You can ask him to talk to his sibling. If he's unwilling, then you have the tough conversation. "Hey, I know everyone does it different and I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your child but we have a little one now and it's going to be confusing to our child to see your son behaving in a way our child isn't allowed to. Also, although domesticated, pets are still animals and when cornered, they will let instincts take over. I'd hate to see little Damien have to go to the hospital because he didn't understand how to safely behave around animals and how to treat them properly."

They are his family and I’m not stopping him from visiting them or visiting in general at a restaurant/park/their house.I just don’t want the visits at my house.

For context, DH and I have been together 5 years, married for 3 and I’ve been to SIL’s house all of twice. We moved into our new house nearly two years ago and this is the second or third time SIL has been here, so it’s not abnormal in the relationship we have now to not to visits at each other’s houses.

I'm sure you meant to say "our house" Ftm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone raises kids differently but the trend of letting the kid do whatever they want and not correcting the behavior is going to lead to bad things down the road.

I know some will not like the example but it's easy to train a dog as a pup but if you let it poop in the house and jump on guests without correcting it, the dog will be that way for life.

That said, these are your H's family. You can't ban them. You can ask him to talk to his sibling. If he's unwilling, then you have the tough conversation. "Hey, I know everyone does it different and I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your child but we have a little one now and it's going to be confusing to our child to see your son behaving in a way our child isn't allowed to. Also, although domesticated, pets are still animals and when cornered, they will let instincts take over. I'd hate to see little Damien have to go to the hospital because he didn't understand how to safely behave around animals and how to treat them properly."

They are his family and I’m not stopping him from visiting them or visiting in general at a restaurant/park/their house.I just don’t want the visits at my house.

For context, DH and I have been together 5 years, married for 3 and I’ve been to SIL’s house all of twice. We moved into our new house nearly two years ago and this is the second or third time SIL has been here, so it’s not abnormal in the relationship we have now to not to visits at each other’s houses.

Oh and I need to add, they are your family now too. You chose to marry him and make his family your family. That's how marriage works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The child is FOUR. You had to have an idea of his energy level before inviting him/his family to your home.

Yes, wait a few years OP and you’ll be experiencing similar energy levels with your child. The real nightmare here is all of the adults. Your ILs should have controlled their child and brought toys. You and your husband should have put the pets out of harm’s way and spoken up. You should have locked the door when you were nursing. Some children become overstimulated in a new environments and act in ways they wouldn’t normally behave. It also sounds as if you don’t really like other people’s children. You need to be a little more flexible. We were in a similar situation with some friends recently with our two and four year olds, but they have tons of toys, so our children enjoyed themselves and had fun with their pets. We also kept an eye on them.

This is how brats are raised.

If you can’t keep your 4 year old from acting like a terror at people’s houses then DONT bring them out. If your kids won’t behave without toys then it’s your responsibility to bring the toys. You don’t just shrug and say “boys will be boys” as they jump all over furniture and harass the pets.

I say this as a parent of 4 and 2 year old boys.

Whatever you say, Sanctimommy. I didn’t say this behavior was ok. Try to read more carefully next time. I said the adults were misbehaving.

The parents of that boy should have been supervising their child. Op is a new mom with a brand new baby - she just got out of the hospital for goodness sake.

She had a baby. It wasn’t the end of the world.

You have no idea how the birth went for Op. But if she is sore and tired (like most new moms) she probably shouldn't be expected to ride herd on a visitor's misbehaved child.

Neither do you.

She just gave birth. Yes, she is tired and sore. Duh.

Your eye rolling is just pain weird. I suppose you birthed your baby and got right back out there plowing the fields, right?

I'm not the quoted but I'm rolling my eyes too - I sure as hell was PARENTING a toddler of my own when I just had a baby and brought him home.

I had a 2 1/2 year old when my second was born. I was still sore and tired and I would have resented the heck out of some clueless relative bringing their ill mannered kid over to my house for me to watch while they sat around and ignored him like they were on some kind of break.

And hopefully you would have done the grownup thing and said something to your spouse or ILs. In this case, OP seems to resent the child instead of the parents.

I think that Op DID say something. That's the thing that people aren't picking up on. She did not scold the kid or directly tell the parents to watch their child but anyone with half a brain would see that the kid was bothering Op and step in to correct their own child.

I would have a hard time inviting them back to my house until I was physically recovered enough to deal with him.

She chose to say something to a four-year-old instead of her husband or ILs. The ILs obviously aren’t perceptive enough, so a more direct approach was needed. I get that OP is upset, but she’s directing her anger at the child.

O.k. these people were not perceptive enough to not notice that their kid was bouncing on furniture, chasing around and tormenting pets, barging into rooms uninvited......and you think that Op could have said something magical to make them wake up and supervise their child? Really?

They apparently thought that their little angel's behavior was perfectly acceptable.

If you don’t like something IN YOUR OWN HOME, you say something. What’s so hard about that? It’s better than silently fuming.

She repeatedly DID say something when the boy put his hands and face up close to the baby's face. She asked him to please stop doing that and HE DID NOT LISTEN.

The parents sat there and just watched her struggle with THEIR kid which is ridiculous.

The kid is 4. I'm not saying that the parents shouldn't have managed him better, but some kids are just more difficult than others. When I had a baby/very young child, I would be horrified at the behavior of some toddlers/preschoolers and wonder why their parents didn't control them better. As my kids aged, I recognize that I can only control so much of their behavior, and need to pick my battles. They may not see getting close to the baby as something that would harm the baby in the grand scheme of things.

I had two active little boys myself. I get that parenting is hard and that little kids can be rambunctious. But there is no excuse for allowing your kid to jump on other people's furniture. There is no excuse for not stepping in when your kid is very clearly not listening when another adult says "Damian! Please don't put your fingers on the baby's face!" This kid was chasing Op's pets around to the point where Op had to put the animals outside, this kid then proceeded to barge in on Op when she was breast feeding her infant with the door closed. His idiot parents sat there and did nothing.

I personally wouldn't have the little guy over again until I was physically able to follow him around and keep him properly entertained. Obviously his parents aren't going to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The child is FOUR. You had to have an idea of his energy level before inviting him/his family to your home.

Yes, wait a few years OP and you’ll be experiencing similar energy levels with your child. The real nightmare here is all of the adults. Your ILs should have controlled their child and brought toys. You and your husband should have put the pets out of harm’s way and spoken up. You should have locked the door when you were nursing. Some children become overstimulated in a new environments and act in ways they wouldn’t normally behave. It also sounds as if you don’t really like other people’s children. You need to be a little more flexible. We were in a similar situation with some friends recently with our two and four year olds, but they have tons of toys, so our children enjoyed themselves and had fun with their pets. We also kept an eye on them.

This is how brats are raised.

If you can’t keep your 4 year old from acting like a terror at people’s houses then DONT bring them out. If your kids won’t behave without toys then it’s your responsibility to bring the toys. You don’t just shrug and say “boys will be boys” as they jump all over furniture and harass the pets.

I say this as a parent of 4 and 2 year old boys.

......

The kid is 4. I'm not saying that the parents shouldn't have managed him better, but some kids are just more difficult than others. When I had a baby/very young child, I would be horrified at the behavior of some toddlers/preschoolers and wonder why their parents didn't control them better. As my kids aged, I recognize that I can only control so much of their behavior, and need to pick my battles. They may not see getting close to the baby as something that would harm the baby in the grand scheme of things.

sorry, had to clean that up, it was unruly.

Yes, there is only so much you can do and they did none of it. It starts by hearing the mom's words and correcting your child about putting his hands in the baby's face. If he persists, you physically remove him and sit him on your lap an ask him if he wants to see the baby or not and make sure he understands the rules. If he persists, you remove him from the situation. It's not hard. If he acts out, you say "sorry, we have to leave. Maybe we will get a sister next time." he needs to understand actions have consequences and behaviors will not be tolerated. The number of parents that let kids run around in restaurants like they are on the playground is off the charts and it's obnoxious. If I owned a restaurant, those adults would be spoken to and asked to control their child/children or leave. If I lost the business, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone raises kids differently but the trend of letting the kid do whatever they want and not correcting the behavior is going to lead to bad things down the road.

I know some will not like the example but it's easy to train a dog as a pup but if you let it poop in the house and jump on guests without correcting it, the dog will be that way for life.

That said, these are your H's family. You can't ban them. You can ask him to talk to his sibling. If he's unwilling, then you have the tough conversation. "Hey, I know everyone does it different and I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your child but we have a little one now and it's going to be confusing to our child to see your son behaving in a way our child isn't allowed to. Also, although domesticated, pets are still animals and when cornered, they will let instincts take over. I'd hate to see little Damien have to go to the hospital because he didn't understand how to safely behave around animals and how to treat them properly."

They are his family and I’m not stopping him from visiting them or visiting in general at a restaurant/park/their house.I just don’t want the visits at my house.

For context, DH and I have been together 5 years, married for 3 and I’ve been to SIL’s house all of twice. We moved into our new house nearly two years ago and this is the second or third time SIL has been here, so it’s not abnormal in the relationship we have now to not to visits at each other’s houses.

Oh and I need to add, they are your family now too. You chose to marry him and make his family your family. That's how marriage works.

It is not Op's job to watch this kid and it is not Op's job to put up with this kid jumping on her furniture and being too wild around her baby and pets. Especially when she has just recently gotten home from the hospital after giving birth and is up 24/7 taking care of a brand new baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone raises kids differently but the trend of letting the kid do whatever they want and not correcting the behavior is going to lead to bad things down the road.

I know some will not like the example but it's easy to train a dog as a pup but if you let it poop in the house and jump on guests without correcting it, the dog will be that way for life.

That said, these are your H's family. You can't ban them. You can ask him to talk to his sibling. If he's unwilling, then you have the tough conversation. "Hey, I know everyone does it different and I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your child but we have a little one now and it's going to be confusing to our child to see your son behaving in a way our child isn't allowed to. Also, although domesticated, pets are still animals and when cornered, they will let instincts take over. I'd hate to see little Damien have to go to the hospital because he didn't understand how to safely behave around animals and how to treat them properly."

They are his family and I’m not stopping him from visiting them or visiting in general at a restaurant/park/their house.I just don’t want the visits at my house.

For context, DH and I have been together 5 years, married for 3 and I’ve been to SIL’s house all of twice. We moved into our new house nearly two years ago and this is the second or third time SIL has been here, so it’s not abnormal in the relationship we have now to not to visits at each other’s houses.

Oh and I need to add, they are your family now too. You chose to marry him and make his family your family. That's how marriage works.

It is not Op's job to watch this kid and it is not Op's job to put up with this kid jumping on her furniture and being too wild around her baby and pets. Especially when she has just recently gotten home from the hospital after giving birth and is up 24/7 taking care of a brand new baby.

Op here.

Thank you. You summarized how I felt perfectly,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The child is FOUR. You had to have an idea of his energy level before inviting him/his family to your home.

Yes, wait a few years OP and you’ll be experiencing similar energy levels with your child. The real nightmare here is all of the adults. Your ILs should have controlled their child and brought toys. You and your husband should have put the pets out of harm’s way and spoken up. You should have locked the door when you were nursing. Some children become overstimulated in a new environments and act in ways they wouldn’t normally behave. It also sounds as if you don’t really like other people’s children. You need to be a little more flexible. We were in a similar situation with some friends recently with our two and four year olds, but they have tons of toys, so our children enjoyed themselves and had fun with their pets. We also kept an eye on them.

This is how brats are raised.

If you can’t keep your 4 year old from acting like a terror at people’s houses then DONT bring them out. If your kids won’t behave without toys then it’s your responsibility to bring the toys. You don’t just shrug and say “boys will be boys” as they jump all over furniture and harass the pets.

I say this as a parent of 4 and 2 year old boys.

Whatever you say, Sanctimommy. I didn’t say this behavior was ok. Try to read more carefully next time. I said the adults were misbehaving.

The parents of that boy should have been supervising their child. Op is a new mom with a brand new baby - she just got out of the hospital for goodness sake.

She had a baby. It wasn’t the end of the world.

You have no idea how the birth went for Op. But if she is sore and tired (like most new moms) she probably shouldn't be expected to ride herd on a visitor's misbehaved child.

Neither do you.

She just gave birth. Yes, she is tired and sore. Duh.

Your eye rolling is just pain weird. I suppose you birthed your baby and got right back out there plowing the fields, right?

I'm not the quoted but I'm rolling my eyes too - I sure as hell was PARENTING a toddler of my own when I just had a baby and brought him home.

I had a 2 1/2 year old when my second was born. I was still sore and tired and I would have resented the heck out of some clueless relative bringing their ill mannered kid over to my house for me to watch while they sat around and ignored him like they were on some kind of break.

And hopefully you would have done the grownup thing and said something to your spouse or ILs. In this case, OP seems to resent the child instead of the parents.

I think that Op DID say something. That's the thing that people aren't picking up on. She did not scold the kid or directly tell the parents to watch their child but anyone with half a brain would see that the kid was bothering Op and step in to correct their own child.

I would have a hard time inviting them back to my house until I was physically recovered enough to deal with him.

She chose to say something to a four-year-old instead of her husband or ILs. The ILs obviously aren’t perceptive enough, so a more direct approach was needed. I get that OP is upset, but she’s directing her anger at the child.

O.k. these people were not perceptive enough to not notice that their kid was bouncing on furniture, chasing around and tormenting pets, barging into rooms uninvited......and you think that Op could have said something magical to make them wake up and supervise their child? Really?

They apparently thought that their little angel's behavior was perfectly acceptable.

If you don’t like something IN YOUR OWN HOME, you say something. What’s so hard about that? It’s better than silently fuming.

She repeatedly DID say something when the boy put his hands and face up close to the baby's face. She asked him to please stop doing that and HE DID NOT LISTEN.

The parents sat there and just watched her struggle with THEIR kid which is ridiculous.

OMG SHE SHOULD HAVE SPOKEN TO THE PARENTS! Yes, they’ve ridiculous. All of these adults involved are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

Yes, I and DH absolutely should have said something. I was a little shocked to be honest that the parents wouldn’t intervene or do anything.

I’m sure my kid will inevitably have bad behavior at some point, I hope I will be wise enough to intervene if they literally start jumping on the furniture while a guest in another persons home, bothering their pets or barging in on people.

I don’t have much interest in inviting them over any time soon and have made it clear to DH and he agrees and is fine with it. He visits with his family often so he will see them again sooner than I will. We’ve agreed to do lunch sometime later this summer but visits at our house are not going to happen again for a while.

And the whole “isn’t he your nephew” argument? This is bound to be an unpopular answer. But, I mean sure? I guess he is but it’s never really felt like that because he was born before DH and I were married and I saw my SIL maybe once every few months at holidays so I never really got to know her or her kid that well (which is why I didn’t feel comfortable disciplining him). I don’t spend much time with them to begin with so I never really felt like much of an aunt. DH is more involved in his nephews life. It would probably be much different if I was related my blood to him.

He agreed because he’s a wimp as he’s already proven. However, don’t be too surprised when one day he throws all of this back in your face and accuses you of damaging his relationship with his family.

[Anonymous]

Geez give OP a break !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone raises kids differently but the trend of letting the kid do whatever they want and not correcting the behavior is going to lead to bad things down the road.

I know some will not like the example but it's easy to train a dog as a pup but if you let it poop in the house and jump on guests without correcting it, the dog will be that way for life.

That said, these are your H's family. You can't ban them. You can ask him to talk to his sibling. If he's unwilling, then you have the tough conversation. "Hey, I know everyone does it different and I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your child but we have a little one now and it's going to be confusing to our child to see your son behaving in a way our child isn't allowed to. Also, although domesticated, pets are still animals and when cornered, they will let instincts take over. I'd hate to see little Damien have to go to the hospital because he didn't understand how to safely behave around animals and how to treat them properly."

They are his family and I’m not stopping him from visiting them or visiting in general at a restaurant/park/their house.I just don’t want the visits at my house.

For context, DH and I have been together 5 years, married for 3 and I’ve been to SIL’s house all of twice. We moved into our new house nearly two years ago and this is the second or third time SIL has been here, so it’s not abnormal in the relationship we have now to not to visits at each other’s houses.

Oh and I need to add, they are your family now too. You chose to marry him and make his family your family. That's how marriage works.

It is not Op's job to watch this kid and it is not Op's job to put up with this kid jumping on her furniture and being too wild around her baby and pets. Especially when she has just recently gotten home from the hospital after giving birth and is up 24/7 taking care of a brand new baby.

Op here.

Thank you. You summarized how I felt perfectly,

Your welcome, Op. Hang in there.