IL’s kid is a nightmare and I don’t want him back at our house.
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Anonymous
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I’m a FTM and a little hormonal.
The IL’s just came by to see the new baby and their kid was a NIGHTMARE the entire time. Jumping on the couches from cushion to cushion, sticking his hands and face in our newborns face after we repeatedly asked him not to. Terrorizing the pets and chasing them through the house. My SIL asked my husband if this behavior was ok and my husband just shrugged. I let the cats out and took the baby away after about 10 minutes, sat in the bedroom nursing and their kid busts in the bedroom while I’m nursing LO. I used a stern voice and said this room is off limits and asked him to go find his mom. My husband wants to make excuses for their kid because he’s 4. WWYD if this was your kid?! SIL and BIL didn’t really keep an eye on him and let him run rampant throughout the house. I’m not ok with it and have asked DH to not invite them over again for a while unless they bring toys for him or play outside now that it’s warm. |
Anonymous
| It's your hormones. But that's ok. You should feel exactly this way when your new baby is involved. Your SIL asked your DH if her kid's straight up bad behavior was ok and your DH shrugged? I would definitely coach him on how to be a better gatekeeper at this juncture. Don't invite the kid back until the 1st birthday party - they'll be 5 and you can observe if their behavior has improved. If not, you can take it from there. |
Anonymous
| No, that is not o.k. behavior and, yes, the in-laws should have been watching their child better. |
Anonymous
This was your opening! Say “No, we do not allow jumping on the furniture. Also, we don’t want kids touching the pets - they’re not used to children and I don’t know how they would react to being handled so roughly.” Speak up next time! Before I had kids I felt very uncomfortable correcting kids in my own house. I got over it fast after I a few play dates where parents just did not care what their kids did. You will soon see that there is a very big range in what parents will tolerate from children. It’s okay to say “No, that’s not allowed in our house” If the kid pushes back that they do it all the time at home, just smile and say “Every family has different rules!” |
Anonymous
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It's not ok behavior. But unfortunately your husband gave the indication that it was. If he had said "no, your kid is being disruptive" hopefully your in laws reaction would have been different. Before banning them, DH should tell them that it actually wasn't ok. And then give them another chance. If the behavior continues after being told it wasn't ok then reevaluate.
Also a good time to discuss what's appropriate behavior and what's not. You'll be in for a miserable few years if DH allows bad behavior because " he's whatever age" and you're trying to set behavior limits |
Anonymous
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They asked. Your husband shrugged. Direct your frustration there.
Nothing you listed is abnormal for a 4 year old (who is probably bored in a house without age appropriate toys), but I can understand why it is overwhelming. |
Anonymous
Op here. This is good advice. Thank you. I just told DH we have two new rules in our house: we don’t jump on furniture and we leave the animals alone if they don’t want to play. But I think it’s probably going to be a while before we invite them back over. |
Anonymous
| I agree the parents/husband should have been less accepting of which behavior, but it’s not a bad idea to buy a few basic toys (blocks, etc) that older children can play with- for your nephew and for any other children that might come over. It was a little unrealistic to think a preschooler would sit in a corner and stare while the adults met the baby. In any case, of older babies (5+ months) love having older children around. |
Anonymous
| Not OK. 4 years old is old enough to understand that his behavior is not acceptable. I think parents can be too tolerant of this kind of stuff. I have 3 kids, the last one is actually 4, and they never acted or act that way. I'd be so embarrassed if they were putting a show like that kid did, especially with a newborn. Sorry for you OP, but some kids can be raised as untitled brat and that's not OK. |
Anonymous
| I get that you’re hormonal but this is your nephew, right (dh’s sister’s son)? So presumably you’ve met him before? You have gotten good advice but if his parents thought the behavior was ok (I would have stopped my 4 year old from jumping on someone else’s furniture) you need to impose boundaries in your house for your own peace of mind. I’m sure someone can give you a script for how to do it tactfully. Good luck and congrats on the new baby. |
Anonymous
| Your husband blew it and didn’t put a stop to it. Yes, 4 year olds can be a little crazy but they are old enough to understand the word no. Tell your husband that if the next time they visit he does it again it is up to him to put a stop to it and if he doesn’t you will and he will suffer the consequences. It’s quite likely that the little monster gets little discipline at home. |
Anonymous
New poster here. I can’t imagine parents thought this behavior was okay especially when OP explicitly asked their son not to put his hands in the babies face multiple times. I thought it was more of a cop out of not wanting to discipline son so they put it on Op’s husband to be the bad guy to say yup, you need to fix this. There is no way this behavior is flying at preschool so either the in-laws are always up at the preschool because son has issues with self control or your nephew keeps it together at school and it’s only at home that he does this. I do agree that no toys and coped in the house is not a good recipe for a kid in general and definitely not one with a lot of energy. I would say either outdoor gathering, neutral ground (like meet up at the park) or go to in-laws house where your nephew has toys and things to capture his interest. My thought is I don’t want to have to correct someone else’s child (though I will in my home) or set up a scenario where it’s tough for the kid to succeed so meet someplace that makes more sense and where everyone can have a more enjoyable time. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like they are not going to parent him, so you shouldin your home. This will cause tension. When he’s jumping on the couch: Johnny, we don’t jump in furniture. Please stop. If he gets near the baby, swoop in. We just touch the feet. |
Anonymous
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You are new to being a parent, so you will learn this: you can create house rules. It's on you to enforce them.
Joey, in this house there's no putting your feet on the couch or throwing cushions. If you put your feet on the couch I'm going to have to ask you to sit on the floor. Joey, we respect all living things in this house. Chasing animals and scaring them is not okay. If you want to sit next to Duncan Dog and pet him, he likes that. I wouldn't invite that kid back to my house, personally. |
Anonymous
| Ok, if the mother of this holy terror has to ask “is his behavior ok”?, that’s a clear sign that they know their kid is a little sheet. |