IL’s kid is a nightmare and I don’t want him back at our house.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The child is FOUR. You had to have an idea of his energy level before inviting him/his family to your home.

Yes, wait a few years OP and you’ll be experiencing similar energy levels with your child. The real nightmare here is all of the adults. Your ILs should have controlled their child and brought toys. You and your husband should have put the pets out of harm’s way and spoken up. You should have locked the door when you were nursing. Some children become overstimulated in a new environments and act in ways they wouldn’t normally behave. It also sounds as if you don’t really like other people’s children. You need to be a little more flexible. We were in a similar situation with some friends recently with our two and four year olds, but they have tons of toys, so our children enjoyed themselves and had fun with their pets. We also kept an eye on them.

This is how brats are raised.

If you can’t keep your 4 year old from acting like a terror at people’s houses then DONT bring them out. If your kids won’t behave without toys then it’s your responsibility to bring the toys. You don’t just shrug and say “boys will be boys” as they jump all over furniture and harass the pets.

I say this as a parent of 4 and 2 year old boys.

Whatever you say, Sanctimommy. I didn’t say this behavior was ok. Try to read more carefully next time. I said the adults were misbehaving.

The parents of that boy should have been supervising their child. Op is a new mom with a brand new baby - she just got out of the hospital for goodness sake.

She had a baby. It wasn’t the end of the world.

You have no idea how the birth went for Op. But if she is sore and tired (like most new moms) she probably shouldn't be expected to ride herd on a visitor's misbehaved child.

Neither do you.

She just gave birth. Yes, she is tired and sore. Duh.

Your eye rolling is just pain weird. I suppose you birthed your baby and got right back out there plowing the fields, right?

Why yes, I did. Didn’t you? Wimp.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The child is FOUR. You had to have an idea of his energy level before inviting him/his family to your home.

Yes, wait a few years OP and you’ll be experiencing similar energy levels with your child. The real nightmare here is all of the adults. Your ILs should have controlled their child and brought toys. You and your husband should have put the pets out of harm’s way and spoken up. You should have locked the door when you were nursing. Some children become overstimulated in a new environments and act in ways they wouldn’t normally behave. It also sounds as if you don’t really like other people’s children. You need to be a little more flexible. We were in a similar situation with some friends recently with our two and four year olds, but they have tons of toys, so our children enjoyed themselves and had fun with their pets. We also kept an eye on them.

This is how brats are raised.

If you can’t keep your 4 year old from acting like a terror at people’s houses then DONT bring them out. If your kids won’t behave without toys then it’s your responsibility to bring the toys. You don’t just shrug and say “boys will be boys” as they jump all over furniture and harass the pets.

I say this as a parent of 4 and 2 year old boys.

Whatever you say, Sanctimommy. I didn’t say this behavior was ok. Try to read more carefully next time. I said the adults were misbehaving.

The parents of that boy should have been supervising their child. Op is a new mom with a brand new baby - she just got out of the hospital for goodness sake.

She had a baby. It wasn’t the end of the world.

You have no idea how the birth went for Op. But if she is sore and tired (like most new moms) she probably shouldn't be expected to ride herd on a visitor's misbehaved child.

Neither do you.

She just gave birth. Yes, she is tired and sore. Duh.

Your eye rolling is just pain weird. I suppose you birthed your baby and got right back out there plowing the fields, right?

I'm not the quoted but I'm rolling my eyes too - I sure as hell was PARENTING a toddler of my own when I just had a baby and brought him home.

I had a 2 1/2 year old when my second was born. I was still sore and tired and I would have resented the heck out of some clueless relative bringing their ill mannered kid over to my house for me to watch while they sat around and ignored him like they were on some kind of break.

And hopefully you would have done the grownup thing and said something to your spouse or ILs. In this case, OP seems to resent the child instead of the parents.

[Anonymous]

If other parents don’t discipline their kids, I do it. I would have no problem implementing consequences for a kid’s bad behavior. What you’re describing is not totally unusual for a 4yo. Shrugging it off or thinking it is “ok” is the problem. It’s not the 4yo’s fault his born to people who don’t know how to parent.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The child is FOUR. You had to have an idea of his energy level before inviting him/his family to your home.

Yes, wait a few years OP and you’ll be experiencing similar energy levels with your child. The real nightmare here is all of the adults. Your ILs should have controlled their child and brought toys. You and your husband should have put the pets out of harm’s way and spoken up. You should have locked the door when you were nursing. Some children become overstimulated in a new environments and act in ways they wouldn’t normally behave. It also sounds as if you don’t really like other people’s children. You need to be a little more flexible. We were in a similar situation with some friends recently with our two and four year olds, but they have tons of toys, so our children enjoyed themselves and had fun with their pets. We also kept an eye on them.

This is how brats are raised.

If you can’t keep your 4 year old from acting like a terror at people’s houses then DONT bring them out. If your kids won’t behave without toys then it’s your responsibility to bring the toys. You don’t just shrug and say “boys will be boys” as they jump all over furniture and harass the pets.

I say this as a parent of 4 and 2 year old boys.

Whatever you say, Sanctimommy. I didn’t say this behavior was ok. Try to read more carefully next time. I said the adults were misbehaving.

The parents of that boy should have been supervising their child. Op is a new mom with a brand new baby - she just got out of the hospital for goodness sake.

She had a baby. It wasn’t the end of the world.

You have no idea how the birth went for Op. But if she is sore and tired (like most new moms) she probably shouldn't be expected to ride herd on a visitor's misbehaved child.

Neither do you.

She just gave birth. Yes, she is tired and sore. Duh.

Your eye rolling is just pain weird. I suppose you birthed your baby and got right back out there plowing the fields, right?

I'm not the quoted but I'm rolling my eyes too - I sure as hell was PARENTING a toddler of my own when I just had a baby and brought him home.

I had a 2 1/2 year old when my second was born. I was still sore and tired and I would have resented the heck out of some clueless relative bringing their ill mannered kid over to my house for me to watch while they sat around and ignored him like they were on some kind of break.

And hopefully you would have done the grownup thing and said something to your spouse or ILs. In this case, OP seems to resent the child instead of the parents.

I think that Op DID say something. That's the thing that people aren't picking up on. She did not scold the kid or directly tell the parents to watch their child but anyone with half a brain would see that the kid was bothering Op and step in to correct their own child.

I would have a hard time inviting them back to my house until I was physically recovered enough to deal with him.

[Anonymous]

FTM says it all! I was a FTM-and I was very protective. Your DH will know to not shrug once you calmly tell him how bothered you were. Congrats on mommyhood!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They asked. Your husband shrugged. Direct your frustration there.

Nothing you listed is abnormal for a 4 year old (who is probably bored in a house without age appropriate toys), but I can understand why it is overwhelming.

DH here - x a million. your DH needs to step up and be much more assertive and protective. his lackadaisical attitude/behavior is just ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The child is FOUR. You had to have an idea of his energy level before inviting him/his family to your home.

Yes, wait a few years OP and you’ll be experiencing similar energy levels with your child. The real nightmare here is all of the adults. Your ILs should have controlled their child and brought toys. You and your husband should have put the pets out of harm’s way and spoken up. You should have locked the door when you were nursing. Some children become overstimulated in a new environments and act in ways they wouldn’t normally behave. It also sounds as if you don’t really like other people’s children. You need to be a little more flexible. We were in a similar situation with some friends recently with our two and four year olds, but they have tons of toys, so our children enjoyed themselves and had fun with their pets. We also kept an eye on them.

This is how brats are raised.

If you can’t keep your 4 year old from acting like a terror at people’s houses then DONT bring them out. If your kids won’t behave without toys then it’s your responsibility to bring the toys. You don’t just shrug and say “boys will be boys” as they jump all over furniture and harass the pets.

I say this as a parent of 4 and 2 year old boys.

Whatever you say, Sanctimommy. I didn’t say this behavior was ok. Try to read more carefully next time. I said the adults were misbehaving.

The parents of that boy should have been supervising their child. Op is a new mom with a brand new baby - she just got out of the hospital for goodness sake.

She had a baby. It wasn’t the end of the world.

You have no idea how the birth went for Op. But if she is sore and tired (like most new moms) she probably shouldn't be expected to ride herd on a visitor's misbehaved child.

Neither do you.

She just gave birth. Yes, she is tired and sore. Duh.

Your eye rolling is just pain weird. I suppose you birthed your baby and got right back out there plowing the fields, right?

I'm not the quoted but I'm rolling my eyes too - I sure as hell was PARENTING a toddler of my own when I just had a baby and brought him home.

I had a 2 1/2 year old when my second was born. I was still sore and tired and I would have resented the heck out of some clueless relative bringing their ill mannered kid over to my house for me to watch while they sat around and ignored him like they were on some kind of break.

And hopefully you would have done the grownup thing and said something to your spouse or ILs. In this case, OP seems to resent the child instead of the parents.

I think that Op DID say something. That's the thing that people aren't picking up on. She did not scold the kid or directly tell the parents to watch their child but anyone with half a brain would see that the kid was bothering Op and step in to correct their own child.

I would have a hard time inviting them back to my house until I was physically recovered enough to deal with him.

She chose to say something to a four-year-old instead of her husband or ILs. The ILs obviously aren’t perceptive enough, so a more direct approach was needed. I get that OP is upset, but she’s directing her anger at the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The child is FOUR. You had to have an idea of his energy level before inviting him/his family to your home.

Yes, wait a few years OP and you’ll be experiencing similar energy levels with your child. The real nightmare here is all of the adults. Your ILs should have controlled their child and brought toys. You and your husband should have put the pets out of harm’s way and spoken up. You should have locked the door when you were nursing. Some children become overstimulated in a new environments and act in ways they wouldn’t normally behave. It also sounds as if you don’t really like other people’s children. You need to be a little more flexible. We were in a similar situation with some friends recently with our two and four year olds, but they have tons of toys, so our children enjoyed themselves and had fun with their pets. We also kept an eye on them.

This is how brats are raised.

If you can’t keep your 4 year old from acting like a terror at people’s houses then DONT bring them out. If your kids won’t behave without toys then it’s your responsibility to bring the toys. You don’t just shrug and say “boys will be boys” as they jump all over furniture and harass the pets.

I say this as a parent of 4 and 2 year old boys.

Whatever you say, Sanctimommy. I didn’t say this behavior was ok. Try to read more carefully next time. I said the adults were misbehaving.

The parents of that boy should have been supervising their child. Op is a new mom with a brand new baby - she just got out of the hospital for goodness sake.

She had a baby. It wasn’t the end of the world.

You have no idea how the birth went for Op. But if she is sore and tired (like most new moms) she probably shouldn't be expected to ride herd on a visitor's misbehaved child.

Neither do you.

She just gave birth. Yes, she is tired and sore. Duh.

Your eye rolling is just pain weird. I suppose you birthed your baby and got right back out there plowing the fields, right?

I'm not the quoted but I'm rolling my eyes too - I sure as hell was PARENTING a toddler of my own when I just had a baby and brought him home.

I had a 2 1/2 year old when my second was born. I was still sore and tired and I would have resented the heck out of some clueless relative bringing their ill mannered kid over to my house for me to watch while they sat around and ignored him like they were on some kind of break.

And hopefully you would have done the grownup thing and said something to your spouse or ILs. In this case, OP seems to resent the child instead of the parents.

I think that Op DID say something. That's the thing that people aren't picking up on. She did not scold the kid or directly tell the parents to watch their child but anyone with half a brain would see that the kid was bothering Op and step in to correct their own child.

I would have a hard time inviting them back to my house until I was physically recovered enough to deal with him.

She chose to say something to a four-year-old instead of her husband or ILs. The ILs obviously aren’t perceptive enough, so a more direct approach was needed. I get that OP is upset, but she’s directing her anger at the child.

O.k. these people were not perceptive enough to not notice that their kid was bouncing on furniture, chasing around and tormenting pets, barging into rooms uninvited......and you think that Op could have said something magical to make them wake up and supervise their child? Really?

They apparently thought that their little angel's behavior was perfectly acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

Yes, I and DH absolutely should have said something. I was a little shocked to be honest that the parents wouldn’t intervene or do anything.

I’m sure my kid will inevitably have bad behavior at some point, I hope I will be wise enough to intervene if they literally start jumping on the furniture while a guest in another persons home, bothering their pets or barging in on people.

I don’t have much interest in inviting them over any time soon and have made it clear to DH and he agrees and is fine with it. He visits with his family often so he will see them again sooner than I will. We’ve agreed to do lunch sometime later this summer but visits at our house are not going to happen again for a while.

And the whole “isn’t he your nephew” argument? This is bound to be an unpopular answer. But, I mean sure? I guess he is but it’s never really felt like that because he was born before DH and I were married and I saw my SIL maybe once every few months at holidays so I never really got to know her or her kid that well (which is why I didn’t feel comfortable disciplining him). I don’t spend much time with them to begin with so I never really felt like much of an aunt. DH is more involved in his nephews life. It would probably be much different if I was related my blood to him.

[Anonymous]

Everyone raises kids differently but the trend of letting the kid do whatever they want and not correcting the behavior is going to lead to bad things down the road.

I know some will not like the example but it's easy to train a dog as a pup but if you let it poop in the house and jump on guests without correcting it, the dog will be that way for life.

That said, these are your H's family. You can't ban them. You can ask him to talk to his sibling. If he's unwilling, then you have the tough conversation. "Hey, I know everyone does it different and I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your child but we have a little one now and it's going to be confusing to our child to see your son behaving in a way our child isn't allowed to. Also, although domesticated, pets are still animals and when cornered, they will let instincts take over. I'd hate to see little Damien have to go to the hospital because he didn't understand how to safely behave around animals and how to treat them properly."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone raises kids differently but the trend of letting the kid do whatever they want and not correcting the behavior is going to lead to bad things down the road.

I know some will not like the example but it's easy to train a dog as a pup but if you let it poop in the house and jump on guests without correcting it, the dog will be that way for life.

That said, these are your H's family. You can't ban them. You can ask him to talk to his sibling. If he's unwilling, then you have the tough conversation. "Hey, I know everyone does it different and I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your child but we have a little one now and it's going to be confusing to our child to see your son behaving in a way our child isn't allowed to. Also, although domesticated, pets are still animals and when cornered, they will let instincts take over. I'd hate to see little Damien have to go to the hospital because he didn't understand how to safely behave around animals and how to treat them properly."

They are his family and I’m not stopping him from visiting them or visiting in general at a restaurant/park/their house.I just don’t want the visits at my house.

For context, DH and I have been together 5 years, married for 3 and I’ve been to SIL’s house all of twice. We moved into our new house nearly two years ago and this is the second or third time SIL has been here, so it’s not abnormal in the relationship we have now to not to visits at each other’s houses.

[Anonymous]

Mom of 3 here, including very energetic 4 yo and 6 yo boys.

I would definitely not consider what you’re describing to be normal or okay. This is something where I’d put my foot down. Imagine the damage that terror will do when he’s bigger and stronger.

[Anonymous]

If they were concerned about being invited back they would have treated you and your home more respectfully, Op. This is on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone raises kids differently but the trend of letting the kid do whatever they want and not correcting the behavior is going to lead to bad things down the road.

I know some will not like the example but it's easy to train a dog as a pup but if you let it poop in the house and jump on guests without correcting it, the dog will be that way for life.

That said, these are your H's family. You can't ban them. You can ask him to talk to his sibling. If he's unwilling, then you have the tough conversation. "Hey, I know everyone does it different and I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your child but we have a little one now and it's going to be confusing to our child to see your son behaving in a way our child isn't allowed to. Also, although domesticated, pets are still animals and when cornered, they will let instincts take over. I'd hate to see little Damien have to go to the hospital because he didn't understand how to safely behave around animals and how to treat them properly."

Mom of two boys here and, yes, the puppy training and "kid training" comparison is pretty accurate. But human children also mature and develop reason as they get older. They aren't necessarily doomed to be holy terrors forever, it's just easier on everyone if you are consistent with the discipline early on.

Allowing your little one to run amok in another person's house is just not a good plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone raises kids differently but the trend of letting the kid do whatever they want and not correcting the behavior is going to lead to bad things down the road.

I know some will not like the example but it's easy to train a dog as a pup but if you let it poop in the house and jump on guests without correcting it, the dog will be that way for life.

That said, these are your H's family. You can't ban them. You can ask him to talk to his sibling. If he's unwilling, then you have the tough conversation. "Hey, I know everyone does it different and I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your child but we have a little one now and it's going to be confusing to our child to see your son behaving in a way our child isn't allowed to. Also, although domesticated, pets are still animals and when cornered, they will let instincts take over. I'd hate to see little Damien have to go to the hospital because he didn't understand how to safely behave around animals and how to treat them properly."

Mom of two boys here and, yes, the puppy training and "kid training" comparison is pretty accurate. But human children also mature and develop reason as they get older. They aren't necessarily doomed to be holy terrors forever, it's just easier on everyone if you are consistent with the discipline early on.

Allowing your little one to run amok in another person's house is just not a good plan.

I’m the mom of 3 with 2 boys from a couple posts up, and I think expecting any child to develop reason as they get older and improve their behavior is a big mistake. It’s great if they do start understanding things for themselves, but you need to run a tight ship from early on. Old habits die hard. If you want well behaved kids, it starts at literally one year old.