Grandma not going to DS Graduation

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. No extended family, including none of my grandparents (all four were living and fairly well at the time) came to my graduation. They all still traveled and didn't live all that far away. My one set was going to come until my grandpa realized he couldn't work a fishing trip into the same trip. I think the otherside didn't because one of them had a podiatry appointment or something equally unurgent a day after they would be driving back.

The good news is while my feelings were slightly hurt (my parents' moreso), but I still enjoyed my graduation day and long term it didn't damage my relationships with them overall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the answers here.

Graduations are a big deal to the graduates. It is sad and crappy that grandma won’t attend. Honestly, shame on Grandma. I would be angry.

Seriously I think this generation of grandparents is ridiculously selfish. If you have means and don’t have a job or serious health issue, why can’t you go to your grandson’s graduation? What is more important than that? What the hell else do you have going on?

Step up and recognize this as an important day for your grandson and his parents. I would be delighted if my grandson wanted me at his graduation and would move heaven and earth to support him.

Grandma is probably 70+ years old. These sorts of events get harder as one gets older.

The OP said that grandma flies around the world with her boyfriend.....

[Anonymous]

I don’t know. I think it is pretty weird. I think most grandparents who are loving would fall over themselves to get here if the grandkid really wanted the person in attendance. I know mine would have. And certainly my parents would. But everyone here has crazy families. So YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know. I think it is pretty weird. I think most grandparents who are loving would fall over themselves to get here if the grandkid really wanted the person in attendance. I know mine would have. And certainly my parents would. But everyone here has crazy families. So YMMV.

Really? They'd fall all over themselves to get to a high school graduation? I mean, it's HIGH SCHOOL.
I grew up very close with my grandparents - brunch or dinner once a week, sleepover over any time there was a three-day weekend, calling my grandma just to chat, etc. I'm 42, and can't remember if they were at my high school graduation or not. I remember that my hair was in a french braid, and can envision the picture of me with my parents that morning, but that's it. My brother didn't come - I think he had something going on that day. But it's just high school. And I didn't graduate from college so it's not like there were other, bigger graduation ceremonies. It's just not that big a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, graduations are long and boring. There's about 2 minutes of total activity, with hours and hours of wait time. It doesn't mean she isn't proud of him or excited for him - but once you've attended one graduation, you've attended them all.

Hell, I know so many people that skipped out on their college and graduate graduations, because the ceremonies are an annoying chore. There are a million other ways you can celebrate the occasion besides sitting in a hard chair in a crowded room for hours on end.

I skipped my undergraduate graduation. My dad and I packed up the car, got lunch in a near-empty restaurant, and hit the road before the traffic got jacked up from the stadium lot emptying. It was really nice. Still had a party in my hometown, still got my diploma, etc.

For my graduate degree, my family came to see me walk--it was GW, so it was on the Mall in front of the Capitol. Now THAT was something!

For my college graduation, I would have had to take time off work AND pay some sort of graduation ceremony fee. I skipped the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know. I think it is pretty weird. I think most grandparents who are loving would fall over themselves to get here if the grandkid really wanted the person in attendance. I know mine would have. And certainly my parents would. But everyone here has crazy families. So YMMV.

Really? They'd fall all over themselves to get to a high school graduation? I mean, it's HIGH SCHOOL.
I grew up very close with my grandparents - brunch or dinner once a week, sleepover over any time there was a three-day weekend, calling my grandma just to chat, etc. I'm 42, and can't remember if they were at my high school graduation or not. I remember that my hair was in a french braid, and can envision the picture of me with my parents that morning, but that's it. My brother didn't come - I think he had something going on that day. But it's just high school. And I didn't graduate from college so it's not like there were other, bigger graduation ceremonies. It's just not that big a deal.

Definitely. If I had wanted it. They would have walked if they had to. As it was, I didn’t care, so no one came.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know. I think it is pretty weird. I think most grandparents who are loving would fall over themselves to get here if the grandkid really wanted the person in attendance. I know mine would have. And certainly my parents would. But everyone here has crazy families. So YMMV.

Really? They'd fall all over themselves to get to a high school graduation? I mean, it's HIGH SCHOOL.
I grew up very close with my grandparents - brunch or dinner once a week, sleepover over any time there was a three-day weekend, calling my grandma just to chat, etc. I'm 42, and can't remember if they were at my high school graduation or not. I remember that my hair was in a french braid, and can envision the picture of me with my parents that morning, but that's it. My brother didn't come - I think he had something going on that day. But it's just high school. And I didn't graduate from college so it's not like there were other, bigger graduation ceremonies. It's just not that big a deal.

Yes. Both sets of my kids’ grandparents and my only surviving grandparent and his wife (he’s 93 and she’s 86) asked to attend and attended my sons’ high school graduations that happened last year and 5 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know. I think it is pretty weird. I think most grandparents who are loving would fall over themselves to get here if the grandkid really wanted the person in attendance. I know mine would have. And certainly my parents would. But everyone here has crazy families. So YMMV.

Really? They'd fall all over themselves to get to a high school graduation? I mean, it's HIGH SCHOOL.
I grew up very close with my grandparents - brunch or dinner once a week, sleepover over any time there was a three-day weekend, calling my grandma just to chat, etc. I'm 42, and can't remember if they were at my high school graduation or not. I remember that my hair was in a french braid, and can envision the picture of me with my parents that morning, but that's it. My brother didn't come - I think he had something going on that day. But it's just high school. And I didn't graduate from college so it's not like there were other, bigger graduation ceremonies. It's just not that big a deal.

Yes. Both sets of my kids’ grandparents and my only surviving grandparent and his wife (he’s 93 and she’s 86) asked to attend and attended my sons’ high school graduations that happened last year and 5 years ago.

I think high school graduation is a big deal to the graduates and their families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the answers here.

Graduations are a big deal to the graduates. It is sad and crappy that grandma won’t attend. Honestly, shame on Grandma. I would be angry.

Seriously I think this generation of grandparents is ridiculously selfish. If you have means and don’t have a job or serious health issue, why can’t you go to your grandson’s graduation? What is more important than that? What the hell else do you have going on?

Step up and recognize this as an important day for your grandson and his parents. I would be delighted if my grandson wanted me at his graduation and would move heaven and earth to support him.

Grandma is probably 70+ years old. These sorts of events get harder as one gets older.

The OP said that grandma flies around the world with her boyfriend.....

Yes, and? Is a trip to Italy worth effort, cost and discomfort? Yes. Is 3 hours in a gym a good use of a septuagenarian's time or energy? Nah.

Guess who gets to decide whether she wants to go or not? Grandma. She made her choice, move on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the answers here.

Graduations are a big deal to the graduates. It is sad and crappy that grandma won’t attend. Honestly, shame on Grandma. I would be angry.

Seriously I think this generation of grandparents is ridiculously selfish. If you have means and don’t have a job or serious health issue, why can’t you go to your grandson’s graduation? What is more important than that? What the hell else do you have going on?

Step up and recognize this as an important day for your grandson and his parents. I would be delighted if my grandson wanted me at his graduation and would move heaven and earth to support him.

Grandma is probably 70+ years old. These sorts of events get harder as one gets older.

The OP said that grandma flies around the world with her boyfriend.....

Yes, and? Is a trip to Italy worth effort, cost and discomfort? Yes. Is 3 hours in a gym a good use of a septuagenarian's time or energy? Nah.

Guess who gets to decide whether she wants to go or not? Grandma. She made her choice, move on!

Nobody is saying that grandma can or should be compelled to attend, but I think grandma’s choice is a crappy one and she is in the wrong.

I really don’t understand the grandmother here. This doesn’t seem like a huge ask or outside the realm of what grandparents do for their grandkids. There were many grandparents at every graduation I have ever attended.

This will have consequences on the relationship between the grandmother and her grandson.

Why can’t grandma just go to Italy later? It’s not like she has a job or is raising children or has just months to live.

[Anonymous]

High school graduation is no big deal, unless there is some special circumstance. Clarify for DS that it is inconsequential if Grandma shows up at the ceremony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't write that I extended the invitation, or that this is my mother. Of course there is nothing else going on, otherwise I would have mentioned that as well.


I think DS feels it is important for her to be there. I'm not particularly concerned with graduations personally, as I managed to avoid both my undergrad and graduate school ones, but it's not about me. I think that's what irks me--it should be about DS, not about what we, the other adults, find convenient.

Um...no. This is an invitation. It is to be accepted or declined. It's not a summons. Would it be nice if she came? Yes. But she is not obligated to if she doesn't want to, for ANY reason.

"I think DS feels"...well, what with being 18 and all, DS can get on the phone and talk to his grandma, with whom he is close, if he wants to.

You are warming up to really work yourself into a resentful place over this. Take a step back.

I didn't say it wasn't an invitation, I said *I* didn't do the inviting. Of course it's not a summons.

I clearly disagree that there is no obligation to attend important events in the life of your family. Am I really the only one that thinks there *are* familial obligations?

Obligation to do what YOU think they should do? Heffa please.

[Anonymous]

Count me as another one that feels high school graduations are not obligatory for anyone except the immediate family of the graduate. And really, OP, have your son reflect on how happy he's going to feel to have Grandma there while knowing/wondering in the back of his head if there was something she's not saying, some reason she didn't want to come, and she's there because she feels emotionally blackmailed. He really wants her there under those circumstances? Because he'll always wonder.

My grandfather was on hospice and declining quickly just before my graduation from college. My mother was at his side with her siblings waiting for the end. She was torn on what to do. I told her that it was 100% fine with me if she did not come to my graduation, that I would never hold it against her, and that my dad and brother being there was enough and I totally understood if she skipped it. She came anyway, flying in the morning of commencement with plans to fly back to him the next morning. She watched me walk and then during our celebratory dinner she received a call that he had died. It's been 15 years and I still feel terrible that she wasn't there for her father's final moments because she was at my event, even though it was her choice. I really, really hope that nothing I said or did influenced her decision one way or another. But we can't go back in time. Graduation just isn't that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

OP I guess I'm one of the lone dissenters who is on your and your son's side here. My grandparents flew from South America to be at my high school graduation in the DC area. As they did for all 5 grandchildren. Celebrating milestones are important in my family.

And yes, graduations suck and are long and boring but that's what being a family means. You make yourself a little uncomfortable for a few hours to show someone how much you care about them and display your pride for them. Why are people so adverse to doing imperfect, non-ideal things nowadays?

I hope your son having a heart to heart with his grandmother helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the answers here.

Graduations are a big deal to the graduates. It is sad and crappy that grandma won’t attend. Honestly, shame on Grandma. I would be angry.

Seriously I think this generation of grandparents is ridiculously selfish. If you have means and don’t have a job or serious health issue, why can’t you go to your grandson’s graduation? What is more important than that? What the hell else do you have going on?

Step up and recognize this as an important day for your grandson and his parents. I would be delighted if my grandson wanted me at his graduation and would move heaven and earth to support him.

Grandma is probably 70+ years old. These sorts of events get harder as one gets older.

The OP said that grandma flies around the world with her boyfriend.....

Yes, and? Is a trip to Italy worth effort, cost and discomfort? Yes. Is 3 hours in a gym a good use of a septuagenarian's time or energy? Nah.

Guess who gets to decide whether she wants to go or not? Grandma. She made her choice, move on!

Nobody is saying that grandma can or should be compelled to attend, but I think grandma’s choice is a crappy one and she is in the wrong.

I really don’t understand the grandmother here. This doesn’t seem like a huge ask or outside the realm of what grandparents do for their grandkids. There were many grandparents at every graduation I have ever attended.

This will have consequences on the relationship between the grandmother and her grandson.

Why can’t grandma just go to Italy later? It’s not like she has a job or is raising children or has just months to live.

Only if the son chooses that. Someone not wanting to travel so they can sit in a gym or whatever for three hours and listen to boring speeches so they can watch the ten seconds it takes you to walk across the stage to get your high school diploma does not mean they don't love you, don't value you, and wouldn't make the effort for other important events.