Grandma not going to DS Graduation

[Anonymous]

So my DS is very close to his grandmother. DS is graduating this year from a school in NE, and just found out that his grandmother has decided she won't come to the graduation. Her reasons are a little nebulous, along the lines of "I don't want to cry, I don't like the flight, you'll be busy, you don't need me, etc". DS is upset about it. I'm super pissed about it, because he's really upset. FWIW, Grandma is not in poor health, flies around the world with BF for vacations.

Any thoughts or advice on how to proceed? Or get over it, beyond....just get over it?

[Anonymous]

You extended an invitation; invitations are not summons. She declined the invitation. You can get DS excited about looking forward to another visit in the late spring/early summer--ask her to start planning something with you now so you can share that with him.

The first thing you wrote about your mom is that she is very close to your son. Pause and be grateful for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You extended an invitation; invitations are not summons. She declined the invitation. You can get DS excited about looking forward to another visit in the late spring/early summer--ask her to start planning something with you now so you can share that with him.

The first thing you wrote about your mom is that she is very close to your son. Pause and be grateful for that.

This, but also, if you extended the invitation, DS should call her to invite her personally. She might be thinking (wrongly) that he doesn't want her there.

[Anonymous]

Get over it. Maybe she has another event that she'd rather attend. Such is life. Send her photos. He's upset, but he's an 18 year old.

[Anonymous]

I don't consider graduations to be important at all, at any academic level, and would not travel for one - is it possible that Grandma feels the same way?

If this is a major deal for your son, perhaps you can explain this to your mother, but I would be wary of guilting her into going. If someone did that to me, I wouldn't like it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I didn't write that I extended the invitation, or that this is my mother. Of course there is nothing else going on, otherwise I would have mentioned that as well.


I think DS feels it is important for her to be there. I'm not particularly concerned with graduations personally, as I managed to avoid both my undergrad and graduate school ones, but it's not about me. I think that's what irks me--it should be about DS, not about what we, the other adults, find convenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't write that I extended the invitation, or that this is my mother. Of course there is nothing else going on, otherwise I would have mentioned that as well.


I think DS feels it is important for her to be there. I'm not particularly concerned with graduations personally, as I managed to avoid both my undergrad and graduate school ones, but it's not about me. I think that's what irks me--it should be about DS, not about what we, the other adults, find convenient.

No. You'll just have to accept that not everything revolves around your child, OP. It's not reasonable to expect people to travel for a graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Maybe she has another event that she'd rather attend. Such is life. Send her photos. He's upset, but he's an 18 year old.

You obviously either don't have kids, or they're still toddlers. THere is no advice in what you wrote, nor relevance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't write that I extended the invitation, or that this is my mother. Of course there is nothing else going on, otherwise I would have mentioned that as well.


I think DS feels it is important for her to be there. I'm not particularly concerned with graduations personally, as I managed to avoid both my undergrad and graduate school ones, but it's not about me. I think that's what irks me--it should be about DS, not about what we, the other adults, find convenient.

Um...no. This is an invitation. It is to be accepted or declined. It's not a summons. Would it be nice if she came? Yes. But she is not obligated to if she doesn't want to, for ANY reason.

"I think DS feels"...well, what with being 18 and all, DS can get on the phone and talk to his grandma, with whom he is close, if he wants to.

You are warming up to really work yourself into a resentful place over this. Take a step back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't write that I extended the invitation, or that this is my mother. Of course there is nothing else going on, otherwise I would have mentioned that as well.


I think DS feels it is important for her to be there. I'm not particularly concerned with graduations personally, as I managed to avoid both my undergrad and graduate school ones, but it's not about me. I think that's what irks me--it should be about DS, not about what we, the other adults, find convenient.

No. You'll just have to accept that not everything revolves around your child, OP. It's not reasonable to expect people to travel for a graduation.

His grandmother is a little different than expecting "people" to travel. From where? Iceland? Thirty miles away? Kind of matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't write that I extended the invitation, or that this is my mother. Of course there is nothing else going on, otherwise I would have mentioned that as well.


I think DS feels it is important for her to be there. I'm not particularly concerned with graduations personally, as I managed to avoid both my undergrad and graduate school ones, but it's not about me. I think that's what irks me--it should be about DS, not about what we, the other adults, find convenient.

Um...no. This is an invitation. It is to be accepted or declined. It's not a summons. Would it be nice if she came? Yes. But she is not obligated to if she doesn't want to, for ANY reason.

"I think DS feels"...well, what with being 18 and all, DS can get on the phone and talk to his grandma, with whom he is close, if he wants to.

You are warming up to really work yourself into a resentful place over this. Take a step back.

I didn't say it wasn't an invitation, I said *I* didn't do the inviting. Of course it's not a summons.

I clearly disagree that there is no obligation to attend important events in the life of your family. Am I really the only one that thinks there *are* familial obligations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't write that I extended the invitation, or that this is my mother. Of course there is nothing else going on, otherwise I would have mentioned that as well.


I think DS feels it is important for her to be there. I'm not particularly concerned with graduations personally, as I managed to avoid both my undergrad and graduate school ones, but it's not about me. I think that's what irks me--it should be about DS, not about what we, the other adults, find convenient.

No. You'll just have to accept that not everything revolves around your child, OP. It's not reasonable to expect people to travel for a graduation.

His grandmother is a little different than expecting "people" to travel. From where? Iceland? Thirty miles away? Kind of matters.

If there is a flight involved, travel for graduation should not be pushed on people. Grandparents are part of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't write that I extended the invitation, or that this is my mother. Of course there is nothing else going on, otherwise I would have mentioned that as well.


I think DS feels it is important for her to be there. I'm not particularly concerned with graduations personally, as I managed to avoid both my undergrad and graduate school ones, but it's not about me. I think that's what irks me--it should be about DS, not about what we, the other adults, find convenient.

Um...no. This is an invitation. It is to be accepted or declined. It's not a summons. Would it be nice if she came? Yes. But she is not obligated to if she doesn't want to, for ANY reason.

"I think DS feels"...well, what with being 18 and all, DS can get on the phone and talk to his grandma, with whom he is close, if he wants to.

You are warming up to really work yourself into a resentful place over this. Take a step back.

I didn't say it wasn't an invitation, I said *I* didn't do the inviting. Of course it's not a summons.

I clearly disagree that there is no obligation to attend important events in the life of your family. Am I really the only one that thinks there *are* familial obligations?

Seems like it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Maybe she has another event that she'd rather attend. Such is life. Send her photos. He's upset, but he's an 18 year old.

You obviously either don't have kids, or they're still toddlers. THere is no advice in what you wrote, nor relevance.

Wow, you're really offended on his behalf. At some point, however, you'll take PP's advice to get over it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't write that I extended the invitation, or that this is my mother. Of course there is nothing else going on, otherwise I would have mentioned that as well.


I think DS feels it is important for her to be there. I'm not particularly concerned with graduations personally, as I managed to avoid both my undergrad and graduate school ones, but it's not about me. I think that's what irks me--it should be about DS, not about what we, the other adults, find convenient.

Um...no. This is an invitation. It is to be accepted or declined. It's not a summons. Would it be nice if she came? Yes. But she is not obligated to if she doesn't want to, for ANY reason.

"I think DS feels"...well, what with being 18 and all, DS can get on the phone and talk to his grandma, with whom he is close, if he wants to.

You are warming up to really work yourself into a resentful place over this. Take a step back.

I didn't say it wasn't an invitation, I said *I* didn't do the inviting. Of course it's not a summons.

I clearly disagree that there is no obligation to attend important events in the life of your family. Am I really the only one that thinks there *are* familial obligations?

I think graduations are NBD and no, I don't this qualifies for a familial obligation.