Stepdaughter, ex and new baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is weird. Siblings do not attend birth, parents do.
She is a sibling, not someone who will be part time parent, mother's helper.
Let her live her life. My guess is that [/b]she is too shy to say she doesn't want to be there, so her mom is helping her get out of this.[b]

She should be doing teenager things, not be into babies

+1. Often the kids use “mom won’t let us” as an excuse to get out of something that they don’t want to do. Sometimes they deploy it without asking me. Sometimes they come to me and explain why it is uncomfortable for them and then I refuse permission. When it’s a request for something on my time, I’m not obliged to say why I am declining or to negotiate. This is probably received as me being a bad mom, but in reality, the kid doesn’t want to go and while I may, where appropriate ask them to reframe or reconsider, if they feel strongly, I won’t and can’t force them.

-1 not all familes are dysfunctional like your. In many families siblings even half siblings come to the hospital and celebrate a new sibling. .

I think it's not necessarily "dysfunctional" when kids draw boundaries and refuse to participate in things that make them feel uncomfortable. If this works for your family great, but please don't impose your norms on others who might not have the same family dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is weird. Siblings do not attend birth, parents do.
She is a sibling, not someone who will be part time parent, mother's helper.
Let her live her life. My guess is that [/b]she is too shy to say she doesn't want to be there, so her mom is helping her get out of this.[b]

She should be doing teenager things, not be into babies

+1. Often the kids use “mom won’t let us” as an excuse to get out of something that they don’t want to do. Sometimes they deploy it without asking me. Sometimes they come to me and explain why it is uncomfortable for them and then I refuse permission. When it’s a request for something on my time, I’m not obliged to say why I am declining or to negotiate. This is probably received as me being a bad mom, but in reality, the kid doesn’t want to go and while I may, where appropriate ask them to reframe or reconsider, if they feel strongly, I won’t and can’t force them.

-1 not all familes are dysfunctional like your. In many families siblings even half siblings come to the hospital and celebrate a new sibling. .

I think it's not necessarily "dysfunctional" when kids draw boundaries and refuse to participate in things that make them feel uncomfortable. If this works for your family great, but please don't impose your norms on others who might not have the same family dynamics.

But it's okay for you and others to impose your family dynamics on others and assume or imply the teenager must be being forced to participate just because that's your experience? You're a joke pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I've been married for 23 years. But my parents divorced, and my step mother behaved much like OP and it was awful. She had 3 kids with my dad and thought the whole world revolved around her babies. As teenagers, we were expected to babysit, plan our activities around nap time, etc.. We ended up spending more and more time at our mom's house to get away from her and her spoiled kids. Our dad resented it, too. He had already done the baby thing 4 times at that point, so didn't think every sniffle and babble was earth shattering. They divorced about 3 years after her second kid.

I'm telling you, lady... let it go. It's not worth this petty drama. The fact that you are on the internet calling a stranger names doesn't bode well for your ability to navigate blended family dynamics.

She does need to let it go. Whatever bad feelings she already knew what the reaction would be. Still chose to build it up to the lady's child. How does OP know BM doesn't consider her kids siblings of OPs? Where is she getting all this info......?
Stick to the court ordered days. Don't face time on moms day either.

All these little games tend to backfire at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And this, my friends, is why second marriages fail at such a high rate. [/quote.

Exactly. And the idiot men who go on to have more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I've been married for 23 years. But my parents divorced, and my step mother behaved much like OP and it was awful. She had 3 kids with my dad and thought the whole world revolved around her babies. As teenagers, we were expected to babysit, plan our activities around nap time, etc.. We ended up spending more and more time at our mom's house to get away from her and her spoiled kids. Our dad resented it, too. He had already done the baby thing 4 times at that point, so didn't think every sniffle and babble was earth shattering. They divorced about 3 years after her second kid.

I'm telling you, lady... let it go. It's not worth this petty drama. The fact that you are on the internet calling a stranger names doesn't bode well for your ability to navigate blended family dynamics.

.
How is op behaving? She seems perfectly lovely. You seem crazy and in need of some therapy.

I know right? It seems like OP is trying to listen to her stepdaughter and include her in family events that are important to the girl. Lost in the background is that OP has another stepchild who isn't as committed to going to the hospital --- and OP is okay with it! OP is letting each child meet their new sibling in ways that make them comfortable and happy. Now, if only bio-mom was as receptive to the children in the family! If only!

I think OP is showing a lot of grace.

Now, the PPs who insist on calling the younger siblings names because they don't like their parents? -- well, you have shown what type of person you are. But, Really? Calling babies "litter" and spoiled? Get some therapy, guys, this isn't healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this, my friends, is why second marriages fail at such a high rate.

Exactly. And the idiot men who go on to have more kids.

I don't get this response.

OP's marriage sounds great. OP's relationship with her stepchildren sounds great. The only relationship that seems to be strained is between the stepdaughter and bio-mom. Trying to stop a teen girl from meeting her baby sibling is pretty out there behavior.

[Anonymous]

Five kids is a lot. Having a baby 16 months after having twins is also a lot.

I suggest both of you take a pause after this.

[Anonymous]

The ex wife isn't spending anywhere near as much time or energy on this as OP is.

People are trying to give OP good advice. She can not change this. People who have been there and done that are saying its not a battle worth having. If she wants to make it a thing, she can go right ahead, but she has no leverage. No authority. No power. And the stakes aren't even high, so it seems bizarre she'd want to unless there is something else motivating her behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ex wife isn't spending anywhere near as much time or energy on this as OP is.

People are trying to give OP good advice. She can not change this. People who have been there and done that are saying its not a battle worth having. If she wants to make it a thing, she can go right ahead, but she has no leverage. No authority. No power. And the stakes aren't even high, so it seems bizarre she'd want to unless there is something else motivating her behavior.

Except op didn't say anything about changing bio mom's mind. She asked for advice on how to include stepdaughter so she can still celebrate her new sibling

You and others projected your own issues on to the situation. As possible said seek therapy. Carrying so much hatred and bitterness isn't healthy for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I've been married for 23 years. But my parents divorced, and my step mother behaved much like OP and it was awful. She had 3 kids with my dad and thought the whole world revolved around her babies. As teenagers, we were expected to babysit, plan our activities around nap time, etc.. We ended up spending more and more time at our mom's house to get away from her and her spoiled kids. Our dad resented it, too. He had already done the baby thing 4 times at that point, so didn't think every sniffle and babble was earth shattering. They divorced about 3 years after her second kid.

I'm telling you, lady... let it go. It's not worth this petty drama. The fact that you are on the internet calling a stranger names doesn't bode well for your ability to navigate blended family dynamics.

.
How is op behaving? She seems perfectly lovely. You seem crazy and in need of some therapy.

I know right? It seems like OP is trying to listen to her stepdaughter and include her in family events that are important to the girl. Lost in the background is that OP has another stepchild who isn't as committed to going to the hospital --- and OP is okay with it! OP is letting each child meet their new sibling in ways that make them comfortable and happy. Now, if only bio-mom was as receptive to the children in the family! If only!

I think OP is showing a lot of grace.

Now, the PPs who insist on calling the younger siblings names because they don't like their parents? -- well, you have shown what type of person you are. But, Really? Calling babies "litter" and spoiled? Get some therapy, guys, this isn't healthy.

+1000 Finally someone with sense!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ex wife isn't spending anywhere near as much time or energy on this as OP is.

People are trying to give OP good advice. She can not change this. People who have been there and done that are saying its not a battle worth having. If she wants to make it a thing, she can go right ahead, but she has no leverage. No authority. No power. And the stakes aren't even high, so it seems bizarre she'd want to unless there is something else motivating her behavior.

Bull. I think she is probably stewing and fuming over this, otherwise she'd just let the daughter go

[Anonymous]

Let it go..... let it go......

[Anonymous]

A hospital is not a place for a family reunion. After giving birth the mother's need time to rest and sleep. Childbirth is exhausting and labor can go on for a very long time.
Even if you get a large number of people who do not feel uncomfortable imposing themselves, your roommate could have just arrived from the labor Ward and need time to rest. A lot also goes on that guests do not want to be exposed to.
My parents sent us away for the whole week off to grandparents when a sibling was born. We did not miss out on a good sibling relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A hospital is not a place for a family reunion. After giving birth the mother's need time to rest and sleep. Childbirth is exhausting and labor can go on for a very long time.
Even if you get a large number of people who do not feel uncomfortable imposing themselves, your roommate could have just arrived from the labor Ward and need time to rest. A lot also goes on that guests do not want to be exposed to.
My parents sent us away for the whole week off to grandparents when a sibling was born. We did not miss out on a good sibling relationship

That's your opinion and how your family did things. This is not a universal law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A hospital is not a place for a family reunion. After giving birth the mother's need time to rest and sleep. Childbirth is exhausting and labor can go on for a very long time.
Even if you get a large number of people who do not feel uncomfortable imposing themselves, your roommate could have just arrived from the labor Ward and need time to rest. A lot also goes on that guests do not want to be exposed to.
My parents sent us away for the whole week off to grandparents when a sibling was born. We did not miss out on a good sibling relationship

That's your opinion and how your family did things. This is not a universal law.

Roommate? At what hospital in this area do you share a room?