Parent Intensity at Sidwell vs. STA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

NP. That has not been our family’s experience at Sidwell. Yes, there are a small number of kids (and maybe parents) who try to use their affluence as a chip to gain social popularity. And there are a small number of kids (and parents) who are enamoured of the affluence. But overall, the number of people in that crowd is pretty small, and the effect seems to fade fairly rapidly. After a couple years together, most kids (and parents) just acknowledge the affluence of some families and don’t worry about it.

My kids and their friends will comment on a wealthy classmate’s house or car or vacation, but it doesn’t change how they view the classmate. Indeed, they sometimes will laugh about any classmates who seem to suck up to the affluence.

My impression when we were choosing schools was that was more of an issue at STA, and that displays of wealth were more socially acceptable and rewarded there. That impression came from friends with students there, and my own observations of things like that cars in the parking lot, the clubs parents discussed attending, and how the parents dressed. But maybe my impression was wrong, or maybe STA has changed since then.

That’s not a criticism of STA, which seems like a great school in many respects. Indeed, it’s a perfectly legitimate approach to say “if you’ve got it, flaunt it.” But that’s just not my family’s approach to the world.

Good luck with decisions.

I think both schools have wealthy families, probably in similar proportions. I disagree that displays of wealth is more acceptable at STA among students. One of the reasons STA has a dress code (not quite a uniform) is to minimize class differences among the students. The boys don’t know whose parents are the wealthiest, and the school’s ethos encourages boys to focus on character, not money. The most popular boys are the ones who are funniest, smartest, nicest, most athletic.

The schools has a parent body that tilts formal in matters of dress. I would say that’s more about formality, not wealth.

The number of country club families varies from year to year, but they are always a minority and do not dominate the way parents interact.

The entire comparison is asinine. Tuition at both schools is $42-45K. At each school, around 23-25% of students get aid, meaning at least 75% are full pay. Are we really trying to argue that one school is 'more affluent' than the other? News flash: they're both full of the affluent. Your mere presence at STA or Sidwell is a show of affluence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS fortunate enough to have been admitted to both. We know that both are very rigorous academically, but we are trying to get a sense of how much of the academic intensity comes from the boys/students, the school, and the parents. At the STA open house, it seemed like the school really wanted parents to let the boys develop independence and discipline without much parental involvement. We have heard more mixed things about the parent community and their intensity and involvement regarding student performance at Sidwell. It’s a tough question to ask directly, so taking a little bit of a chance indirectly here.

Op what sport does your son play? What did you decide?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS fortunate enough to have been admitted to both. We know that both are very rigorous academically, but we are trying to get a sense of how much of the academic intensity comes from the boys/students, the school, and the parents. At the STA open house, it seemed like the school really wanted parents to let the boys develop independence and discipline without much parental involvement. We have heard more mixed things about the parent community and their intensity and involvement regarding student performance at Sidwell. It’s a tough question to ask directly, so taking a little bit of a chance indirectly here.

Op what sport does your son play? What did you decide?

I'd rather not give details in case it outs Ds. We went with sta, though I confess I remain conflicted. Both had so much to offer, and ds didn't end up with a strong preference, surprisingly (guess he's indecisive like his parents). Perhaps what tipped the scales was the close interaction between faculty and students. We are hopeful, but the schools are both just too good to feel as if there was an obvious choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a Sidwell parent, I never feel uncomfortable when I dive my 15-year-old car to pick my DC.

Cathedral parent here. I never feel uncomfortable driving my 13-year old compact either. The notion that car status is important at any of the Big 3 is way overblown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS fortunate enough to have been admitted to both. We know that both are very rigorous academically, but we are trying to get a sense of how much of the academic intensity comes from the boys/students, the school, and the parents. At the STA open house, it seemed like the school really wanted parents to let the boys develop independence and discipline without much parental involvement. We have heard more mixed things about the parent community and their intensity and involvement regarding student performance at Sidwell. It’s a tough question to ask directly, so taking a little bit of a chance indirectly here.

Op what sport does your son play? What did you decide?

I'd rather not give details in case it outs Ds. We went with sta, though I confess I remain conflicted. Both had so much to offer, and ds didn't end up with a strong preference, surprisingly (guess he's indecisive like his parents). Perhaps what tipped the scales was the close interaction between faculty and students. We are hopeful, but the schools are both just too good to feel as if there was an obvious choice.

Congratulations! Welcome to the STA community. I think you and your DS will find that closeness really helps to mitigate a lot of the academic pressure that almost all high school students feel. The school also requires the kids to be physically active, which is another pressure release valve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Sidwell parent, I never feel uncomfortable when I dive my 15-year-old car to pick my DC.

Cathedral parent here. I never feel uncomfortable driving my 13-year old compact either. The notion that car status is important at any of the Big 3 is way overblown.

Exactly. Being worried about the car you drive to school only says something about you, not about the school that is your destination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a Sidwell parent, I never feel uncomfortable when I dive my 15-year-old car to pick my DC.

Cathedral parent here. I never feel uncomfortable driving my 13-year old compact either. The notion that car status is important at any of the Big 3 is way overblown.

+100 NCS is all about scholastics. Some wealthy families, many not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

This is the definition of STA in many cases too. Some of the most socially competitive people I know in Washington have kids there. The "I won't look your way if you're not important enough" types.
My son has as a few of these on his travel sports team. I know there are nice people there but let's not pretend that STA families are any different than Sidwell in this regard. I have a daughter in the upper grades
at NCS so I have a decent amount of exposure to the STA world in this way as well.

Both are great schools. I know a lot of families at both and while STA is mostly nice families DC is a small town and it is no secret that there are a few nasty parents there as well. A few incidnets come to mind. One involving a mom calling and disinviting another mom from an event at a social club is pretty low and the worse part is that other STA moms sat idly by and allowed it to happen in fear of retribution from the mean mom. Friends that belong to that club that found out afterward were upset and told others about it.

Op I think your son will be happy at STA. It is a great school. I waited to reply to this post because I did not want to influence anyone’s decision because I still think STA is a great school. That being said, while we are not at the school we did hear about this incident from several friends at the school that were not pleased this happened in their community and yes the other STA parents just allowed it to happen instead of stepping in to make the situation right. So if you’re comparing communities I think you can find some nasty parents I’m sure at both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

This is the definition of STA in many cases too. Some of the most socially competitive people I know in Washington have kids there. The "I won't look your way if you're not important enough" types.
My son has as a few of these on his travel sports team. I know there are nice people there but let's not pretend that STA families are any different than Sidwell in this regard. I have a daughter in the upper grades
at NCS so I have a decent amount of exposure to the STA world in this way as well.

Both are great schools. I know a lot of families at both and while STA is mostly nice families DC is a small town and it is no secret that there are a few nasty parents there as well. A few incidnets come to mind. One involving a mom calling and disinviting another mom from an event at a social club is pretty low and the worse part is that other STA moms sat idly by and allowed it to happen in fear of retribution from the mean mom. Friends that belong to that club that found out afterward were upset and told others about it.

Op I think your son will be happy at STA. It is a great school. I waited to reply to this post because I did not want to influence anyone’s decision because I still think STA is a great school. That being said, while we are not at the school we did hear about this incident from several friends at the school that were not pleased this happened in their community and yes the other STA parents just allowed it to happen instead of stepping in to make the situation right. So if you’re comparing communities I think you can find some nasty parents I’m sure at both.

Middle-aged mean moms really need to grow up. I hope this doesn't affect the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

This is the definition of STA in many cases too. Some of the most socially competitive people I know in Washington have kids there. The "I won't look your way if you're not important enough" types.
My son has as a few of these on his travel sports team. I know there are nice people there but let's not pretend that STA families are any different than Sidwell in this regard. I have a daughter in the upper grades
at NCS so I have a decent amount of exposure to the STA world in this way as well.

Both are great schools. I know a lot of families at both and while STA is mostly nice families DC is a small town and it is no secret that there are a few nasty parents there as well. A few incidnets come to mind. One involving a mom calling and disinviting another mom from an event at a social club is pretty low and the worse part is that other STA moms sat idly by and allowed it to happen in fear of retribution from the mean mom. Friends that belong to that club that found out afterward were upset and told others about it.

Op I think your son will be happy at STA. It is a great school. I waited to reply to this post because I did not want to influence anyone’s decision because I still think STA is a great school. That being said, while we are not at the school we did hear about this incident from several friends at the school that were not pleased this happened in their community and yes the other STA parents just allowed it to happen instead of stepping in to make the situation right. So if you’re comparing communities I think you can find some nasty parents I’m sure at both.

Well, I’m an STA parent who had not heard of this incident, assuming it is accurately portrayed.

However, it raises in my mind - what did the troubled parents do about it? Was anyone brave enough to deliver the message to mean mom that the community was not happy with what she’d done?

And, yes, this is outlier behavior IME. I think the more you care about social status and being in a certain parent clique, the more vulnerable you are to this kind of ridiculous behavior. But, assuming it really happened, I’d note that it was in the social sphere where the school can’t intervene.

I find it much more disconcerting that a Sidwell parent called the admissions office of a school to defame another student. And, the school did nothing to respond.

[Anonymous]

By all means, if you didn't hear about it, it didn't happen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

This is the definition of STA in many cases too. Some of the most socially competitive people I know in Washington have kids there. The "I won't look your way if you're not important enough" types.
My son has as a few of these on his travel sports team. I know there are nice people there but let's not pretend that STA families are any different than Sidwell in this regard. I have a daughter in the upper grades
at NCS so I have a decent amount of exposure to the STA world in this way as well.

Both are great schools. I know a lot of families at both and while STA is mostly nice families DC is a small town and it is no secret that there are a few nasty parents there as well. A few incidnets come to mind. One involving a mom calling and disinviting another mom from an event at a social club is pretty low and the worse part is that other STA moms sat idly by and allowed it to happen in fear of retribution from the mean mom. Friends that belong to that club that found out afterward were upset and told others about it.

Op I think your son will be happy at STA. It is a great school. I waited to reply to this post because I did not want to influence anyone’s decision because I still think STA is a great school. That being said, while we are not at the school we did hear about this incident from several friends at the school that were not pleased this happened in their community and yes the other STA parents just allowed it to happen instead of stepping in to make the situation right. So if you’re comparing communities I think you can find some nasty parents I’m sure at both.

Well, I’m an STA parent who had not heard of this incident, assuming it is accurately portrayed.

However, it raises in my mind - what did the troubled parents do about it? Was anyone brave enough to deliver the message to mean mom that the community was not happy with what she’d done?

And, yes, this is outlier behavior IME. I think the more you care about social status and being in a certain parent clique, the more vulnerable you are to this kind of ridiculous behavior. But, assuming it really happened, I’d note that it was in the social sphere where the school can’t intervene.

I find it much more disconcerting that a Sidwell parent called the admissions office of a school to defame another student. And, the school did nothing to respond.

New poster. STA is a nice community overall from the families I know and I don’t think it’s the norm at STA but I definitely believe it happened. A good friend that belongs to Chevy told me she was completely dismayed that an STA mom with a vendetta against another STA mom was trying to get another mom’s KIDS blackballed from being guests at Chevy. Nice kids so no problems there. My friend said she made it very clear to people that she didn’t want this parents’ kids coming to Chevy and is rude enough to make them uncomfortable coming so they stopped getting invited. So eventhough I don’t know anything about the incident above I believe it mostly likely did happen. Btw most schools would consider something like this as falling under school authority if it’s intention is to harm a student already in their community.

[Anonymous]

Maybe someone should speak gently about this with the school. If parents want to be awful to one another, that is one thing. Taking out your petty grudges on the kids? Perhaps at least a conversation with a chaplain or advisor is warranted. Or maybe they need to do a special chapel for these moms. This is what gives communities that people try so hard to build a horrible name. What a shame. Theses moms should feel humiliated, but I bet they're not bothered at all. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

This is the definition of STA in many cases too. Some of the most socially competitive people I know in Washington have kids there. The "I won't look your way if you're not important enough" types.
My son has as a few of these on his travel sports team. I know there are nice people there but let's not pretend that STA families are any different than Sidwell in this regard. I have a daughter in the upper grades
at NCS so I have a decent amount of exposure to the STA world in this way as well.

Both are great schools. I know a lot of families at both and while STA is mostly nice families DC is a small town and it is no secret that there are a few nasty parents there as well. A few incidnets come to mind. One involving a mom calling and disinviting another mom from an event at a social club is pretty low and the worse part is that other STA moms sat idly by and allowed it to happen in fear of retribution from the mean mom. Friends that belong to that club that found out afterward were upset and told others about it.

Op I think your son will be happy at STA. It is a great school. I waited to reply to this post because I did not want to influence anyone’s decision because I still think STA is a great school. That being said, while we are not at the school we did hear about this incident from several friends at the school that were not pleased this happened in their community and yes the other STA parents just allowed it to happen instead of stepping in to make the situation right. So if you’re comparing communities I think you can find some nasty parents I’m sure at both.

Well, I’m an STA parent who had not heard of this incident, assuming it is accurately portrayed.

However, it raises in my mind - what did the troubled parents do about it? Was anyone brave enough to deliver the message to mean mom that the community was not happy with what she’d done?

And, yes, this is outlier behavior IME. I think the more you care about social status and being in a certain parent clique, the more vulnerable you are to this kind of ridiculous behavior. But, assuming it really happened, I’d note that it was in the social sphere where the school can’t intervene.

I find it much more disconcerting that a Sidwell parent called the admissions office of a school to defame another student. And, the school did nothing to respond.

No dog in the fight, but I don't think it was a call, but an anonymous letter. What, exactly, do you expect the school to do about an unknown parent? Keep the whole parent community on campus for detention until someone confesses?

[Anonymous]

So basically a bunch of terrible humans in the parent communities. Lovely.