Parent Intensity at Sidwell vs. STA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, take a look at the recent Sidwell thread about the anti-Semitic incident that happened there:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/789861.page

Towards page 7 or 8 of the thread, you'll see some discussion of STA that might be relevant to your decision-making process.

There’s no mention of STA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, take a look at the recent Sidwell thread about the anti-Semitic incident that happened there:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/789861.page

Towards page 7 or 8 of the thread, you'll see some discussion of STA that might be relevant to your decision-making process.

There’s no mention of STA?

I saw a few mentions, mostly about the expulsions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there anyone on here who got accepted to SFS and STA? What grade? Which way are you leaning?

Yes. Leaning toward STA.

OP, we have one child at each school already. I will not identify which grade we're applying to this year, because that will out us.

The bottom line is that I think for boys, STA is a better environment. It is surprisingly warm and nurturing, which was not obvious to us initially from the outside. Sidwell is also an outstanding school, but I feel STA's faculty relate to the boys differently. I don't know quite how to describe it, but it just seems like the faculty in toto are more personally invested in each child's success. STA also gets all kinds of boys -- shy, anxious, insecure, snotty, overconfident, athletic, bookish -- and knows how to bring the best out of each one. The boys develop a very tight bond that is different than what I see at Sidwell. "Band of brothers" sounds cliche, but there's a real culture of appreciating everyone for their unique talents.

DD is entrepreneurial, high-energy, and a go-getter. She loves Sidwell, and always has. Perhaps because of her, I think of Sidwell as a place where extroverted personalities thrive. Older DS is just as smart, but not as high energy or as driven. STA challenges him in the Goldilocks zone. He's thriving there.

Academically, they are on par by high school, but STA ramps up more slowly and with more support. There's a lot of focus on developing executive skills. A nice balance between independence and safety nets. Despite the school's push to develop independence for the kids, they are proactive in ensuring that parents know what they need to know to support their kids. Sidwell leans more towards independence and kids taking on leadership. For a child with a personality more like my daughter's it might be a better fit.

Sidwell seems to capture more publicly high profile families. STA has it's share, but it seems to me that Sidwell cares more about having prestigious families attend and recruits more actively to that end. That may be a pro or a con depending on your perspective.

Insightful and honest -- from another parent with children who attend/have attended both schools

[Anonymous]

^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

[Anonymous]

Affluence is not a factor in popularity——

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

This is the definition of STA in many cases too. Some of the most socially competitive people I know in Washington have kids there. The "I won't look your way if you're not important enough" types.
My son has as a few of these on his travel sports team. I know there are nice people there but let's not pretend that STA families are any different than Sidwell in this regard. I have a daughter in the upper grades
at NCS so I have a decent amount of exposure to the STA world in this way as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

This is the definition of STA in many cases too. Some of the most socially competitive people I know in Washington have kids there. The "I won't look your way if you're not important enough" types.
My son has as a few of these on his travel sports team. I know there are nice people there but let's not pretend that STA families are any different than Sidwell in this regard. I have a daughter in the upper grades
at NCS so I have a decent amount of exposure to the STA world in this way as well.

Both are great schools. I know a lot of families at both and while STA is mostly nice families DC is a small town and it is no secret that there are a few nasty parents there as well. A few incidnets come to mind. One involving a mom calling and disinviting another mom from an event at a social club is pretty low and the worse part is that other STA moms sat idly by and allowed it to happen in fear of retribution from the mean mom. Friends that belong to that club that found out afterward were upset and told others about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

NP. That has not been our family’s experience at Sidwell. Yes, there are a small number of kids (and maybe parents) who try to use their affluence as a chip to gain social popularity. And there are a small number of kids (and parents) who are enamoured of the affluence. But overall, the number of people in that crowd is pretty small, and the effect seems to fade fairly rapidly. After a couple years together, most kids (and parents) just acknowledge the affluence of some families and don’t worry about it.

My kids and their friends will comment on a wealthy classmate’s house or car or vacation, but it doesn’t change how they view the classmate. Indeed, they sometimes will laugh about any classmates who seem to suck up to the affluence.

My impression when we were choosing schools was that was more of an issue at STA, and that displays of wealth were more socially acceptable and rewarded there. That impression came from friends with students there, and my own observations of things like that cars in the parking lot, the clubs parents discussed attending, and how the parents dressed. But maybe my impression was wrong, or maybe STA has changed since then.

That’s not a criticism of STA, which seems like a great school in many respects. Indeed, it’s a perfectly legitimate approach to say “if you’ve got it, flaunt it.” But that’s just not my family’s approach to the world.

Good luck with decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

NP. That has not been our family’s experience at Sidwell. Yes, there are a small number of kids (and maybe parents) who try to use their affluence as a chip to gain social popularity. And there are a small number of kids (and parents) who are enamoured of the affluence. But overall, the number of people in that crowd is pretty small, and the effect seems to fade fairly rapidly. After a couple years together, most kids (and parents) just acknowledge the affluence of some families and don’t worry about it.

My kids and their friends will comment on a wealthy classmate’s house or car or vacation, but it doesn’t change how they view the classmate. Indeed, they sometimes will laugh about any classmates who seem to suck up to the affluence.

My impression when we were choosing schools was that was more of an issue at STA, and that displays of wealth were more socially acceptable and rewarded there. That impression came from friends with students there, and my own observations of things like that cars in the parking lot, the clubs parents discussed attending, and how the parents dressed. But maybe my impression was wrong, or maybe STA has changed since then.

That’s not a criticism of STA, which seems like a great school in many respects. Indeed, it’s a perfectly legitimate approach to say “if you’ve got it, flaunt it.” But that’s just not my family’s approach to the world.

Good luck with decisions.

STA parent - it's a useless exercise to determine which school flaunts affluence. In the end both schools contain families who do and families who don't. We have socially competitive people and those who don't care, and the mix varies greatly grade by grade. Your personal experience is influenced who your kid ends up being friends with (or wants to be friends with).

I would focus on the things that are structurally different at the schools - coed vs. single sex, dress code, after school sports requirements (they both require but in somewhat different ways from what I've gathered), the types of clubs they have, how specific academic departments work (what are the math and science tracks, how much choice will your child have in classes, how does honors and AP work if that matters to you). Trying to make your decision on social atmosphere is going to be a frustrating exercise since it is entirely subjective and inconsistent year to year.

[Anonymous]

The country club thing that is more an STA issue is a total turnoff. It was a non-starter that pushed our kids to Sidwell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

NP. That has not been our family’s experience at Sidwell. Yes, there are a small number of kids (and maybe parents) who try to use their affluence as a chip to gain social popularity. And there are a small number of kids (and parents) who are enamoured of the affluence. But overall, the number of people in that crowd is pretty small, and the effect seems to fade fairly rapidly. After a couple years together, most kids (and parents) just acknowledge the affluence of some families and don’t worry about it.

My kids and their friends will comment on a wealthy classmate’s house or car or vacation, but it doesn’t change how they view the classmate. Indeed, they sometimes will laugh about any classmates who seem to suck up to the affluence.

My impression when we were choosing schools was that was more of an issue at STA, and that displays of wealth were more socially acceptable and rewarded there. That impression came from friends with students there, and my own observations of things like that cars in the parking lot, the clubs parents discussed attending, and how the parents dressed. But maybe my impression was wrong, or maybe STA has changed since then.

That’s not a criticism of STA, which seems like a great school in many respects. Indeed, it’s a perfectly legitimate approach to say “if you’ve got it, flaunt it.” But that’s just not my family’s approach to the world.

Good luck with decisions.

I can’t agree more. These are all excellent schools, but they are different. After you attend some school events, you will pretty much know where you can fit in well. As a Sidwell parent, I never feel uncomfortable when I dive my 15-year-old car to pick my DC.

[Anonymous]

While it's nice to talk about country clubs and cocktail parties, I kind of think the OP was asking more about the parental influence on the academics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

NP. That has not been our family’s experience at Sidwell. Yes, there are a small number of kids (and maybe parents) who try to use their affluence as a chip to gain social popularity. And there are a small number of kids (and parents) who are enamoured of the affluence. But overall, the number of people in that crowd is pretty small, and the effect seems to fade fairly rapidly. After a couple years together, most kids (and parents) just acknowledge the affluence of some families and don’t worry about it.

My kids and their friends will comment on a wealthy classmate’s house or car or vacation, but it doesn’t change how they view the classmate. Indeed, they sometimes will laugh about any classmates who seem to suck up to the affluence.

My impression when we were choosing schools was that was more of an issue at STA, and that displays of wealth were more socially acceptable and rewarded there. That impression came from friends with students there, and my own observations of things like that cars in the parking lot, the clubs parents discussed attending, and how the parents dressed. But maybe my impression was wrong, or maybe STA has changed since then.

That’s not a criticism of STA, which seems like a great school in many respects. Indeed, it’s a perfectly legitimate approach to say “if you’ve got it, flaunt it.” But that’s just not my family’s approach to the world.

Good luck with decisions.

I can’t agree more. These are all excellent schools, but they are different. After you attend some school events, you will pretty much know where you can fit in well. As a Sidwell parent, I never feel uncomfortable when I dive my 15-year-old car to pick my DC.

Nor do I doing the same at STA, what's your point?

[Anonymous]

Have you had a shadow day yet at the two schools? Your son will be able to get a better feel of where he feels comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ -- just adding that Sidwell is a very competitive social environment, which can create an emphasis on affluence -- you might or might not want your child to be part of that

NP. That has not been our family’s experience at Sidwell. Yes, there are a small number of kids (and maybe parents) who try to use their affluence as a chip to gain social popularity. And there are a small number of kids (and parents) who are enamoured of the affluence. But overall, the number of people in that crowd is pretty small, and the effect seems to fade fairly rapidly. After a couple years together, most kids (and parents) just acknowledge the affluence of some families and don’t worry about it.

My kids and their friends will comment on a wealthy classmate’s house or car or vacation, but it doesn’t change how they view the classmate. Indeed, they sometimes will laugh about any classmates who seem to suck up to the affluence.

My impression when we were choosing schools was that was more of an issue at STA, and that displays of wealth were more socially acceptable and rewarded there. That impression came from friends with students there, and my own observations of things like that cars in the parking lot, the clubs parents discussed attending, and how the parents dressed. But maybe my impression was wrong, or maybe STA has changed since then.

That’s not a criticism of STA, which seems like a great school in many respects. Indeed, it’s a perfectly legitimate approach to say “if you’ve got it, flaunt it.” But that’s just not my family’s approach to the world.

Good luck with decisions.

I think both schools have wealthy families, probably in similar proportions. I disagree that displays of wealth is more acceptable at STA among students. One of the reasons STA has a dress code (not quite a uniform) is to minimize class differences among the students. The boys don’t know whose parents are the wealthiest, and the school’s ethos encourages boys to focus on character, not money. The most popular boys are the ones who are funniest, smartest, nicest, most athletic.

The schools has a parent body that tilts formal in matters of dress. I would say that’s more about formality, not wealth.

The number of country club families varies from year to year, but they are always a minority and do not dominate the way parents interact.