Regret having children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No regrets! I’m more proud of the wonderful young adults we’ve raised than anything else we’ve ever accomplished. They are all married and parents themselves and I really enjoy when they ask me for advice on parenting, investing etc. and OMG do I ever adore my grandchildren. For part of the year we all live less then an hour apart and it’s a perfect day for me when we are all together.

I do feel very sad for those who regret having children and I feel sorry for their children.

I'm assuming none of your had special needs. Great for you. Please allow people to express how hard it can be. You can't understand.

+1000 Completely different ball game.

I have a special needs kid who is nonverbal so not high functioning. It completely disrupted and changed my life. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s like the unconditional innocent love and pure joy that you have for your very young child only it lasts a lifetime. It was intense for a while, but I’ve had more fun with this guy then I ever could have imagined having in a lifetime.
I could care less about what my life used to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No regrets! I’m more proud of the wonderful young adults we’ve raised than anything else we’ve ever accomplished. They are all married and parents themselves and I really enjoy when they ask me for advice on parenting, investing etc. and OMG do I ever adore my grandchildren. For part of the year we all live less then an hour apart and it’s a perfect day for me when we are all together.

I do feel very sad for those who regret having children and I feel sorry for their children.

I'm assuming none of your had special needs. Great for you. Please allow people to express how hard it can be. You can't understand.

+1000 Completely different ball game.

I have a special needs kid who is nonverbal so not high functioning. It completely disrupted and changed my life. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s like the unconditional innocent love and pure joy that you have for your very young child only it lasts a lifetime. It was intense for a while, but I’ve had more fun with this guy then I ever could have imagined having in a lifetime.
I could care less about what my life used to be.

You’re lucky, so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No regrets! I’m more proud of the wonderful young adults we’ve raised than anything else we’ve ever accomplished. They are all married and parents themselves and I really enjoy when they ask me for advice on parenting, investing etc. and OMG do I ever adore my grandchildren. For part of the year we all live less then an hour apart and it’s a perfect day for me when we are all together.

I do feel very sad for those who regret having children and I feel sorry for their children.

I'm assuming none of your had special needs. Great for you. Please allow people to express how hard it can be. You can't understand.

+1000 Completely different ball game.

+2000

Sounds like your life and your children are perfect- -How nice for you. Don’t judge others and “feel sorry for them and their children” until you walk in the shoes. You are clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always had an aversion to kids, the thought of a mini-me physically creeped me out, so I basically had no maternal instinct. I've met quite a few women later who also admitted that they had no instinct and didn't miss having kids either. It's a dirty little secret as supposedly that's not possible.

Just out of curiosity: are all these women came from dysfunctional families? I always assume there is some childhood trauma, depressed mom or something else that contributed to suppressing an instinct. Some women end up suppressing their sexual instincts, some maternal. But from what I've seen, there is always a reason for why they doing it.

For me, yes. Depressed, anxious mom, neglect verging on emotional abuse, no relationship with extended family. I just don't see the upside of having kids - nothing about the parent-child relationship was positive in my experience.

New poster...I am a CFBC woman and have to say that my family life wasn't great growing up. I know you think we're deficient because of a lack of 'instinct' but I think such experiences actually contribute to a better insight that raising children isn't a bed of roses. You also forget that for 99.9% of human history, women were unable to dictate their reproductive choices. It's only been what, the last 60 years or so that women have been able to choose. My grandmother had 7 kids...none of them were planned, people just banged like rabbits back in the day. She still died alone so excuse me for being cynical and being "suppressed".

[Anonymous]

Why do people look down on women who don't want kids ? iMO the women who have multiple children by multiple men who they should be stigmatizing again. Like Ashley from 90 Day Fiancé.

[Anonymous]

Stigmatizing against

[Anonymous]

Op, for you to actually think that you regret having your kids, I think you have a mental illness. I truly do.

Not wanting kids when you don't have them is different. That is a preference that is normal.
Regretting that you had them, once you have had them, that is mental illness, IMO

[Anonymous]

I don't regret my kids, they are my heart and soul, but man, do I miss my pre-kid life. It's a grind when they are little (toddler and baby, about 20 months apart).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, for you to actually think that you regret having your kids, I think you have a mental illness. I truly do.

Not wanting kids when you don't have them is different. That is a preference that is normal.
Regretting that you had them, once you have had them, that is mental illness, IMO

You sound like a mental health professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always had an aversion to kids, the thought of a mini-me physically creeped me out, so I basically had no maternal instinct. I've met quite a few women later who also admitted that they had no instinct and didn't miss having kids either. It's a dirty little secret as supposedly that's not possible.

Just out of curiosity: are all these women came from dysfunctional families? I always assume there is some childhood trauma, depressed mom or something else that contributed to suppressing an instinct. Some women end up suppressing their sexual instincts, some maternal. But from what I've seen, there is always a reason for why they doing it.

Or they are like me: physically infertile, and my dh and decided to accept being childfree rather than adopt or go to great lengths with treatment's. I like children, and wish I could have had my own, but decided to go forward childfree and accept it.

One of my friends, who went on to have 7 kids, now tells me she regrets having so many. It does make me feel better about our decision. Hers are all adults now, but still are dependant on mom and dad either monetarily or emotionally on a regular basis.

In my case, both dh and I were both self supporting and our parents weren't interested in our emotional lives, so were on our own by our mid 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I will raise my hand, and hang my head in shame.

I suspect most people here either have kids who have launched, and thus have some more distance, or, as some previous poster, have very young kids.

I have a tween and a teen, and if you had asked me even two years ago, I would have said that my kids are amazing, that I love them more than my own life, and that I couldn't imagine my life without them. The first two of those statements still hold true, but over the past year I have been longingly daydreaming about the day when they are finally out of the house.

They both have some mild special needs, and the hormones are not helping, but they are both difficult, rude, argumentative, stubborn and dare I say lazy. We have spent countless hours and $ on various therapies for both, we put every support imaginable in place to help them, we spent a lot of time exposing them to every possible beneficial EC but let them chose their own path and interests in which we have been unfailingly supportive. Yet, they barely get by academically, are selfish and inconsiderate of the effort that it takes to keep our household running and meeting their every need, and take little to no responsibility for their own failings - everything is always someone else's fault.

I am sure that we as parents are partially to blame for this, but I am not sure what else we could have done. I have read many parenting books, taken classes, I am in therapy myself for the anxiety that keeps mounting because I worry so much about my children. We support them academically, help with homework, remind about projects, instrument practice, take them to playdates, drive them to and from their chosen sports, make sure they have enough downtime, spend enough time outdoors, provide healthy meals, travel to both fun and educational places, and yet, none of it seems to make any difference.

I fervently hope that this is just a stage, and that my smart, funny, sunny kids will eventually return to us, but right now I am dejected and almost dreading walking through the door each afternoon, only to be faced with a new drama, or some other way that I have allegedly failed them. I am not sure how much more of this I can take. So maybe you just caught me at a bad time, but if you are asking me today whether I regret having children, the answer is "yes, absolutely".

There, flame away.

No flames for you. Only hugs. Be kind to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I had known how hard it was going to be and how much of my life would have been affected, I may have made a different choice. Once they are here, there is no going back.

I am grateful that my mother was pretty clear with me on this. Yes, it was also hard knowing she regretted having kids, but it saved me from making the same mistake. Her words were basically 'think long and hard before you do it, because there's no way out for the rest of your life'. I am a content DINK with a fun, meaningful life, and I get to be honorary aunt to my friends' children.

Sorry but you are probably 32. Some day you will long for kids.

I'm assuming you are a troll but, in case you are not... Every person I know who is DINK by choice is very happy with no regrets.

If they had kids just to please naysayers like yoi, they'd probably end up on that Facebook page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I had known how hard it was going to be and how much of my life would have been affected, I may have made a different choice. Once they are here, there is no going back.

I am grateful that my mother was pretty clear with me on this. Yes, it was also hard knowing she regretted having kids, but it saved me from making the same mistake. Her words were basically 'think long and hard before you do it, because there's no way out for the rest of your life'. I am a content DINK with a fun, meaningful life, and I get to be honorary aunt to my friends' children.

Sorry but you are probably 32. Some day you will long for kids.

Why do you assume that everyone wants/will eventually want what you do/did??? I am 40, don’t want kids, & never have.

I have a pet Pygmy goat, wanted one for years, has never once regretted getting one. Do you want a goat? If the answer is no, you just think you don’t want one. There is no way you can live a happy, full life goatless, you are just too young to realize this.

I cackled at this.

I am pro pygmy goat choice.

[Anonymous]

Well, my situation is atypical, but I'll share it anyway. Got married relatively late, really wanted to have children, underwent multiple fertility treatments and, finally, had my precious DC in my late 30s. Three years later, out of the blue, I was diagnosed with cancer that I've been fighting, on and off, for the last 4 years. It has been hell.. so on my worst days, I toss and turn in bed thinking that, if it only were the two of us, DH and me, the cancer struggle would have been, in a weird way, easier for me. Now not only do I have to parent through all of this, I face a very real possibility of dying on my still very young one-and-only
And, as you all can imagine, would suck so much more than just a childless woman dying in her mid-forties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always had an aversion to kids, the thought of a mini-me physically creeped me out, so I basically had no maternal instinct. I've met quite a few women later who also admitted that they had no instinct and didn't miss having kids either. It's a dirty little secret as supposedly that's not possible.

Just out of curiosity: are all these women came from dysfunctional families? I always assume there is some childhood trauma, depressed mom or something else that contributed to suppressing an instinct. Some women end up suppressing their sexual instincts, some maternal. But from what I've seen, there is always a reason for why they doing it.

Would you feel the same way about men who don't want kids?