Regret having children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, NEVER tell your kid you might not have had him/her, if you had known how difficult it is.

My mom has repeatedly told me, "I love you and your sister so much, but if I had known how emotionally draining raising children is, I don't know if I would have done it."

Mind you, my sister and I were relatively easy kids--we did well in school, neither of us has special needs of any kind, we didn't do drugs/smoke/have sex or even skip class--and we're both married to nice guys and have professional careers.

I'm sure you can imagine the number that has done to me, so please--just don't share your thoughts with your kid.

I think it’s sad that you can’t appreciate your mother’s honesty and insight. I was a surprise pregnancy for my parents and there is no way in hell they would have chosen to have me, but I know they love me. I’m not hung up about the fact that they would have made a different choice, if they’d had a choice. It’s not a reflection on me—it’s just a reflection of the fact that raising kids is damn hard and not something you should really do unless you’re well set up for it. Really, I think more people should be more honest about this. Your mother was trying to make sure your eyes were open and tell you it’s okah to choose not to go down that road.

My MIL who is an awful person and was an awful mother, gushes no end about how being a mother is the most important thing and of course it’s the best thing she’s done. She has no insight or self-awareness at all.

My mom has made it abundantly clear that "I only ever got pregnant when I wanted to." My sister and I were 100% planned.

There's a difference between saying "it's ok to not want to have kids" and to say "you and your sister were so emotionally draining that I might not have had kids if I had to do it over again." It has led to me constantly wondering what made me so emotionally draining. It has led to me constantly striving for my mother's acceptance and approval, even though I know I will never really get it.

It has been horribly painful.

[Anonymous]

OP (and others who feel similarly) - May I ask why you feel that way? I am in my late 30s with a toddler and a baby, haven’t had a full night of sleep in way too long, and some days I miss my carefree pre-kid life so much it hurts, but at the same time I adore these kids so much and can’t picture a future without them in it... is it the teen years that did it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, NEVER tell your kid you might not have had him/her, if you had known how difficult it is.

My mom has repeatedly told me, "I love you and your sister so much, but if I had known how emotionally draining raising children is, I don't know if I would have done it."

Mind you, my sister and I were relatively easy kids--we did well in school, neither of us has special needs of any kind, we didn't do drugs/smoke/have sex or even skip class--and we're both married to nice guys and have professional careers.

I'm sure you can imagine the number that has done to me, so please--just don't share your thoughts with your kid.

I think it’s sad that you can’t appreciate your mother’s honesty and insight. I was a surprise pregnancy for my parents and there is no way in hell they would have chosen to have me, but I know they love me. I’m not hung up about the fact that they would have made a different choice, if they’d had a choice. It’s not a reflection on me—it’s just a reflection of the fact that raising kids is damn hard and not something you should really do unless you’re well set up for it. Really, I think more people should be more honest about this. Your mother was trying to make sure your eyes were open and tell you it’s okah to choose not to go down that road.

My MIL who is an awful person and was an awful mother, gushes no end about how being a mother is the most important thing and of course it’s the best thing she’s done. She has no insight or self-awareness at all.

My mom has made it abundantly clear that "I only ever got pregnant when I wanted to." My sister and I were 100% planned.

There's a difference between saying "it's ok to not want to have kids" and to say "you and your sister were so emotionally draining that I might not have had kids if I had to do it over again." It has led to me constantly wondering what made me so emotionally draining. It has led to me constantly striving for my mother's acceptance and approval, even though I know I will never really get it.

It has been horribly painful.

Ok I think you're being a bit dramatic here. Sounds like you ARE emotionally draining because you're so needy and sensitive.

[Anonymous]

I don't regret having kids (so far anyway, mine are only 5 and 3) BUT I am fortunate to have a DH who does just as much as I do, if not more, with the kids and around the house. I can see my answer being different if he wasn't as involved as he is.

[Anonymous]

Or me! Thy are the best thing about my world. I am so happy being with them.

[Anonymous]

Raising my children was the happiest time of my life.

[Anonymous]

I definitely have regretted having them while at the same time wanting another one or two. Mixed emotions.

I love them, of course, and I think I'm an OK parent. But there are times when I just wish I could magically opt out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, NEVER tell your kid you might not have had him/her, if you had known how difficult it is.

My mom has repeatedly told me, "I love you and your sister so much, but if I had known how emotionally draining raising children is, I don't know if I would have done it."

Mind you, my sister and I were relatively easy kids--we did well in school, neither of us has special needs of any kind, we didn't do drugs/smoke/have sex or even skip class--and we're both married to nice guys and have professional careers.

I'm sure you can imagine the number that has done to me, so please--just don't share your thoughts with your kid.

Well, mine told me repeatedly that she wished abortion was legal so she could have aborted me. I turned out ok but she's out of my life. (I'm really OK. have a doctoral degree, have a career, two kids I don't regret having, a good enough husband, house, car, coat...)

[Anonymous]

It’s the purest form of love I have experienced in life, no other love even comes close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, NEVER tell your kid you might not have had him/her, if you had known how difficult it is.

My mom has repeatedly told me, "I love you and your sister so much, but if I had known how emotionally draining raising children is, I don't know if I would have done it."

Mind you, my sister and I were relatively easy kids--we did well in school, neither of us has special needs of any kind, we didn't do drugs/smoke/have sex or even skip class--and we're both married to nice guys and have professional careers.

I'm sure you can imagine the number that has done to me, so please--just don't share your thoughts with your kid.

I think it’s sad that you can’t appreciate your mother’s honesty and insight. I was a surprise pregnancy for my parents and there is no way in hell they would have chosen to have me, but I know they love me. I’m not hung up about the fact that they would have made a different choice, if they’d had a choice. It’s not a reflection on me—it’s just a reflection of the fact that raising kids is damn hard and not something you should really do unless you’re well set up for it. Really, I think more people should be more honest about this. Your mother was trying to make sure your eyes were open and tell you it’s okah to choose not to go down that road.

My MIL who is an awful person and was an awful mother, gushes no end about how being a mother is the most important thing and of course it’s the best thing she’s done. She has no insight or self-awareness at all.

My mom has made it abundantly clear that "I only ever got pregnant when I wanted to." My sister and I were 100% planned.

There's a difference between saying "it's ok to not want to have kids" and to say "you and your sister were so emotionally draining that I might not have had kids if I had to do it over again." It has led to me constantly wondering what made me so emotionally draining. It has led to me constantly striving for my mother's acceptance and approval, even though I know I will never really get it.

It has been horribly painful.

Ok I think you're being a bit dramatic here. Sounds like you ARE emotionally draining because you're so needy and sensitive.

I'm just being honest. It's a pretty dramatic situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, NEVER tell your kid you might not have had him/her, if you had known how difficult it is.

My mom has repeatedly told me, "I love you and your sister so much, but if I had known how emotionally draining raising children is, I don't know if I would have done it."

Mind you, my sister and I were relatively easy kids--we did well in school, neither of us has special needs of any kind, we didn't do drugs/smoke/have sex or even skip class--and we're both married to nice guys and have professional careers.

I'm sure you can imagine the number that has done to me, so please--just don't share your thoughts with your kid.

I think it’s sad that you can’t appreciate your mother’s honesty and insight. I was a surprise pregnancy for my parents and there is no way in hell they would have chosen to have me, but I know they love me. I’m not hung up about the fact that they would have made a different choice, if they’d had a choice. It’s not a reflection on me—it’s just a reflection of the fact that raising kids is damn hard and not something you should really do unless you’re well set up for it. Really, I think more people should be more honest about this. Your mother was trying to make sure your eyes were open and tell you it’s okah to choose not to go down that road.

My MIL who is an awful person and was an awful mother, gushes no end about how being a mother is the most important thing and of course it’s the best thing she’s done. She has no insight or self-awareness at all.

My mom has made it abundantly clear that "I only ever got pregnant when I wanted to." My sister and I were 100% planned.

There's a difference between saying "it's ok to not want to have kids" and to say "you and your sister were so emotionally draining that I might not have had kids if I had to do it over again." It has led to me constantly wondering what made me so emotionally draining. It has led to me constantly striving for my mother's acceptance and approval, even though I know I will never really get it.

It has been horribly painful.

Ok I think you're being a bit dramatic here. Sounds like you ARE emotionally draining because you're so needy and sensitive.

I'm just being honest. It's a pretty dramatic situation.

So opt out, PP. You're choosing to do this dance with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, NEVER tell your kid you might not have had him/her, if you had known how difficult it is.

My mom has repeatedly told me, "I love you and your sister so much, but if I had known how emotionally draining raising children is, I don't know if I would have done it."

Mind you, my sister and I were relatively easy kids--we did well in school, neither of us has special needs of any kind, we didn't do drugs/smoke/have sex or even skip class--and we're both married to nice guys and have professional careers.

I'm sure you can imagine the number that has done to me, so please--just don't share your thoughts with your kid.

I think it’s sad that you can’t appreciate your mother’s honesty and insight. I was a surprise pregnancy for my parents and there is no way in hell they would have chosen to have me, but I know they love me. I’m not hung up about the fact that they would have made a different choice, if they’d had a choice. It’s not a reflection on me—it’s just a reflection of the fact that raising kids is damn hard and not something you should really do unless you’re well set up for it. Really, I think more people should be more honest about this. Your mother was trying to make sure your eyes were open and tell you it’s okah to choose not to go down that road.

My MIL who is an awful person and was an awful mother, gushes no end about how being a mother is the most important thing and of course it’s the best thing she’s done. She has no insight or self-awareness at all.

My mom has made it abundantly clear that "I only ever got pregnant when I wanted to." My sister and I were 100% planned.

There's a difference between saying "it's ok to not want to have kids" and to say "you and your sister were so emotionally draining that I might not have had kids if I had to do it over again." It has led to me constantly wondering what made me so emotionally draining. It has led to me constantly striving for my mother's acceptance and approval, even though I know I will never really get it.

It has been horribly painful.

Ok I think you're being a bit dramatic here. Sounds like you ARE emotionally draining because you're so needy and sensitive.

I'm just being honest. It's a pretty dramatic situation.

So opt out, PP. You're choosing to do this dance with her.

Dance? What dance?

[Anonymous]

Do not regret my one and only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, NEVER tell your kid you might not have had him/her, if you had known how difficult it is.

My mom has repeatedly told me, "I love you and your sister so much, but if I had known how emotionally draining raising children is, I don't know if I would have done it."

Mind you, my sister and I were relatively easy kids--we did well in school, neither of us has special needs of any kind, we didn't do drugs/smoke/have sex or even skip class--and we're both married to nice guys and have professional careers.

I'm sure you can imagine the number that has done to me, so please--just don't share your thoughts with your kid.

I think it’s sad that you can’t appreciate your mother’s honesty and insight. I was a surprise pregnancy for my parents and there is no way in hell they would have chosen to have me, but I know they love me. I’m not hung up about the fact that they would have made a different choice, if they’d had a choice. It’s not a reflection on me—it’s just a reflection of the fact that raising kids is damn hard and not something you should really do unless you’re well set up for it. Really, I think more people should be more honest about this. Your mother was trying to make sure your eyes were open and tell you it’s okah to choose not to go down that road.

My MIL who is an awful person and was an awful mother, gushes no end about how being a mother is the most important thing and of course it’s the best thing she’s done. She has no insight or self-awareness at all.

My mom has made it abundantly clear that "I only ever got pregnant when I wanted to." My sister and I were 100% planned.

There's a difference between saying "it's ok to not want to have kids" and to say "you and your sister were so emotionally draining that I might not have had kids if I had to do it over again." It has led to me constantly wondering what made me so emotionally draining. It has led to me constantly striving for my mother's acceptance and approval, even though I know I will never really get it.

It has been horribly painful.

Ok I think you're being a bit dramatic here. Sounds like you ARE emotionally draining because you're so needy and sensitive.

I'm just being honest. It's a pretty dramatic situation.

So opt out, PP. You're choosing to do this dance with her.

Dance? What dance?

She baits you and you respond by "constantly striving" for her acceptance and approval though you know you'll never get it. Unless you enjoy the drama of this dramatic situation, why do you put up with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, NEVER tell your kid you might not have had him/her, if you had known how difficult it is.

My mom has repeatedly told me, "I love you and your sister so much, but if I had known how emotionally draining raising children is, I don't know if I would have done it."

Mind you, my sister and I were relatively easy kids--we did well in school, neither of us has special needs of any kind, we didn't do drugs/smoke/have sex or even skip class--and we're both married to nice guys and have professional careers.

I'm sure you can imagine the number that has done to me, so please--just don't share your thoughts with your kid.

I think it’s sad that you can’t appreciate your mother’s honesty and insight. I was a surprise pregnancy for my parents and there is no way in hell they would have chosen to have me, but I know they love me. I’m not hung up about the fact that they would have made a different choice, if they’d had a choice. It’s not a reflection on me—it’s just a reflection of the fact that raising kids is damn hard and not something you should really do unless you’re well set up for it. Really, I think more people should be more honest about this. Your mother was trying to make sure your eyes were open and tell you it’s okah to choose not to go down that road.

My MIL who is an awful person and was an awful mother, gushes no end about how being a mother is the most important thing and of course it’s the best thing she’s done. She has no insight or self-awareness at all.

My mom has made it abundantly clear that "I only ever got pregnant when I wanted to." My sister and I were 100% planned.

There's a difference between saying "it's ok to not want to have kids" and to say "you and your sister were so emotionally draining that I might not have had kids if I had to do it over again." It has led to me constantly wondering what made me so emotionally draining. It has led to me constantly striving for my mother's acceptance and approval, even though I know I will never really get it.

It has been horribly painful.

Ok I think you're being a bit dramatic here. Sounds like you ARE emotionally draining because you're so needy and sensitive.

I'm just being honest. It's a pretty dramatic situation.

So opt out, PP. You're choosing to do this dance with her.

Dance? What dance?

She baits you and you respond by "constantly striving" for her acceptance and approval though you know you'll never get it. Unless you enjoy the drama of this dramatic situation, why do you put up with it?

I don't know. My daughter loves her, so I don't want to cut her out of my life. I tried severely limiting contact right after she berated my then-fiancé (now husband) for 2 hours the first time she met him, but that led to her calling me constantly to tell me how awful I was being. She finally came down to DC and basically forced me to meet with her.