Regret having children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]I don't regret having kids but I didn't realize how much is was a forever thing. The joys and sorrows that come with them don't dissipate with age.[/b]

As my kids are nearing graduation, I'm beginning to realize that and actually the thought scares me.

[Anonymous]

This is such a great thread. I am not sure about having children and this thread proved me it’s worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a teenager. I regret having her almost every day. I got breast cancer when I carried her and I refused doctor's advice to have an abortion and treat the cancer. I work and have given my all for her. I need her to outgrow her selfishness. It has eaten a hole in my soul. Everything, all the time, every moment of everyday is about her...or she feels it is.
I am exhausted and cannot wait for her to leave for college. Her Dad funds everything for her and does not allow her to have any consequences for her actions.
So yes OP I do regret it. I wish I had put myself first.

I’m sorry for your situation. When my first was 18 months my DD started having Major health issues that no doctor could seem to diagnose or cure and a specialist at Hopkins told me “you really need to quit your job to take care of her, I’ve never seen such a young child so stressed in my career.” So I did, although I was pregnant with my second and loved my career. Three months later, just poof my daughter’s health issues just disappeared, no explanation. And I couldn’t get my job back. Or any job. I looked for 5 years, and no one would hire me despite my experience and credentials. My career was over, for nothing.

Now my DD is a teen and like yours it’s all about her 24/7. She’s rude, salty in the mouth, uncooperative, and just so hard. She fights with me constantly. It turns me into someone I can’t stand to me. The arguing, the discipline, the exhaustion. I feel like she took my career, my livelihood, for what? Yes, I’ve beem to therapy over this. No, I don’t tell her these feelings. Yes, I love her. But it kills me a little each day what could have been. And she has no clue.

Well, why not clue her in? I know people on this board are against showing any negative feelings to your kids, but I don’t know how else these kids are supposed to develop empathy. I am very upfront with my 5 yo and tell him when he is being selfish or unpleasant. During particularly bratty episodes I make him say “I am not the only one who needs something “. It seems to be working so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a great thread. I am not sure about having children and this thread proved me it’s worth it.

This thread, along with a lot of DCUM threads, has proved to me that having children aren’t worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I don't regret having kids but I didn't realize how much is was a forever thing. The joys and sorrows that come with them don't dissipate with age.[/b]

As my kids are nearing graduation, I'm beginning to realize that and actually the thought scares me.

We were talking about our mid-20s kids with some friends and we all agreed that it never ends. Parenting, that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you regret having children, then you are a miserable, self-centered excuse for a human being, and very obviously a crappy parent.

I sometimes regret having children. Because life has become so hard and I worry that they won’t have a happy life. I can’t bear the thought of them suffering and sometimes feel guilty for bringing them into this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you regret having children, then you are a miserable, self-centered excuse for a human being, and very obviously a crappy parent.

I sometimes regret having children. Because life has become so hard and I worry that they won’t have a happy life. I can’t bear the thought of them suffering and sometimes feel guilty for bringing them into this world.

This is rather dramatic now isn't it? How is life more difficult than it was 20-30 years ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you regret having children, then you are a miserable, self-centered excuse for a human being, and very obviously a crappy parent.

I sometimes regret having children. Because life has become so hard and I worry that they won’t have a happy life. I can’t bear the thought of them suffering and sometimes feel guilty for bringing them into this world.

This is rather dramatic now isn't it? How is life more difficult than it was 20-30 years ago?

I'm a new poster, a CFBC woman. I get what PP is saying because life is inherently difficult. Health problems, plus impending death...relationship issues...threat of victimization or crime or horrific accidents...I mean, it's the human condition and not everything is within one's control. Read up on the anti-natalist movement if you haven't heard of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a teenager. I regret having her almost every day. I got breast cancer when I carried her and I refused doctor's advice to have an abortion and treat the cancer. I work and have given my all for her. I need her to outgrow her selfishness. It has eaten a hole in my soul. Everything, all the time, every moment of everyday is about her...or she feels it is.
I am exhausted and cannot wait for her to leave for college. Her Dad funds everything for her and does not allow her to have any consequences for her actions.
So yes OP I do regret it. I wish I had put myself first.

I’m sorry for your situation. When my first was 18 months my DD started having Major health issues that no doctor could seem to diagnose or cure and a specialist at Hopkins told me “you really need to quit your job to take care of her, I’ve never seen such a young child so stressed in my career.” So I did, although I was pregnant with my second and loved my career. Three months later, just poof my daughter’s health issues just disappeared, no explanation. And I couldn’t get my job back. Or any job. I looked for 5 years, and no one would hire me despite my experience and credentials. My career was over, for nothing.

Now my DD is a teen and like yours it’s all about her 24/7. She’s rude, salty in the mouth, uncooperative, and just so hard. She fights with me constantly. It turns me into someone I can’t stand to me. The arguing, the discipline, the exhaustion. I feel like she took my career, my livelihood, for what? Yes, I’ve beem to therapy over this. No, I don’t tell her these feelings. Yes, I love her. But it kills me a little each day what could have been. And she has no clue.

The resentment you carry about this makes me sad. What kind of job did you have that no one would hire you after stopping? I know some career tracks have few off and on ramps.

As for your daughter's health issues, is it possible that your being home with her did in fact help her?

I think it's easy to feel resentful for the self-sacrifice. But remember that these are your choices. You decided to have a child. You decided to stop working and care for her. That's the best you knew how to do at the time. Try to let go and live in the present. Opening your heart to your teen and working with her might help your relationship. Do you do therapy with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a teenager. I regret having her almost every day. I got breast cancer when I carried her and I refused doctor's advice to have an abortion and treat the cancer. I work and have given my all for her. I need her to outgrow her selfishness. It has eaten a hole in my soul. Everything, all the time, every moment of everyday is about her...or she feels it is.
I am exhausted and cannot wait for her to leave for college. Her Dad funds everything for her and does not allow her to have any consequences for her actions.
So yes OP I do regret it. I wish I had put myself first.

I’m sorry for your situation. When my first was 18 months my DD started having Major health issues that no doctor could seem to diagnose or cure and a specialist at Hopkins told me “you really need to quit your job to take care of her, I’ve never seen such a young child so stressed in my career.” So I did, although I was pregnant with my second and loved my career. Three months later, just poof my daughter’s health issues just disappeared, no explanation. And I couldn’t get my job back. Or any job. I looked for 5 years, and no one would hire me despite my experience and credentials. My career was over, for nothing.

Now my DD is a teen and like yours it’s all about her 24/7. She’s rude, salty in the mouth, uncooperative, and just so hard. She fights with me constantly. It turns me into someone I can’t stand to me. The arguing, the discipline, the exhaustion. I feel like she took my career, my livelihood, for what? Yes, I’ve beem to therapy over this. No, I don’t tell her these feelings. Yes, I love her. But it kills me a little each day what could have been. And she has no clue.

The resentment you carry about this makes me sad. What kind of job did you have that no one would hire you after stopping? I know some career tracks have few off and on ramps.

As for your daughter's health issues, is it possible that your being home with her did in fact help her?

I think it's easy to feel resentful for the self-sacrifice. But remember that these are your choices. You decided to have a child. You decided to stop working and care for her. That's the best you knew how to do at the time. Try to let go and live in the present. Opening your heart to your teen and working with her might help your relationship. Do you do therapy with her?

You're a prime example of an idiot person who would encourage someone to have a child and yet when someone confides about the difficulty of said child,you turn around and go "BUT you made a choice." Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I don't regret having kids but I didn't realize how much is was a forever thing. The joys and sorrows that come with them don't dissipate with age.[/b]

As my kids are nearing graduation, I'm beginning to realize that and actually the thought scares me.

We were talking about our mid-20s kids with some friends and we all agreed that it never ends. Parenting, that is.

It’s so true. I have loved every minute though. I’m lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you regret having children, then you are a miserable, self-centered excuse for a human being, and very obviously a crappy parent.

I sometimes regret having children. Because life has become so hard and I worry that they won’t have a happy life. I can’t bear the thought of them suffering and sometimes feel guilty for bringing them into this world.

This is rather dramatic now isn't it? How is life more difficult than it was 20-30 years ago?

I'm a new poster, a CFBC woman. I get what PP is saying because life is inherently difficult. Health problems, plus impending death...relationship issues...threat of victimization or crime or horrific accidents...I mean, it's the human condition and not everything is within one's control. Read up on the anti-natalist movement if you haven't heard of it.

If we worried about all this, we would never be happy. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP - to all of you crapping on people who are admitting regrets, I bet you never had to make a safety plan for the family and for any other siblings to ensure no physical injuries when the SN child of your house becomes violent. Probably not, right? Then you have no idea what my life is like.

I am so, so sorry, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a teenager. I regret having her almost every day. I got breast cancer when I carried her and I refused doctor's advice to have an abortion and treat the cancer. I work and have given my all for her. I need her to outgrow her selfishness. It has eaten a hole in my soul. Everything, all the time, every moment of everyday is about her...or she feels it is.
I am exhausted and cannot wait for her to leave for college. Her Dad funds everything for her and does not allow her to have any consequences for her actions.
So yes OP I do regret it. I wish I had put myself first.

I’m sorry for your situation. When my first was 18 months my DD started having Major health issues that no doctor could seem to diagnose or cure and a specialist at Hopkins told me “you really need to quit your job to take care of her, I’ve never seen such a young child so stressed in my career.” So I did, although I was pregnant with my second and loved my career. Three months later, just poof my daughter’s health issues just disappeared, no explanation. And I couldn’t get my job back. Or any job. I looked for 5 years, and no one would hire me despite my experience and credentials. My career was over, for nothing.

Now my DD is a teen and like yours it’s all about her 24/7. She’s rude, salty in the mouth, uncooperative, and just so hard. She fights with me constantly. It turns me into someone I can’t stand to me. The arguing, the discipline, the exhaustion. I feel like she took my career, my livelihood, for what? Yes, I’ve beem to therapy over this. No, I don’t tell her these feelings. Yes, I love her. But it kills me a little each day what could have been. And she has no clue.

Give her to her Dad. My mom has resented me for many years. She always called me her oops baby (she was older/2nd child). We barely have a relationship now. Its pretty sad but she has no idea despite me, my husband and her boyfriend pointing out how she treats me and its even more sad what she has said to my kids so I have to limit their contact. Think about your behavior toward her and maybe that is why she acts the way she does. She didn't ruin your career. She had health issues, doctor recommended pulling her out of child care, YOU choose to and now resent her. I have a SN child. I quit to care for her to daily therapies. I cannot get my career back. I have no regrets. I have a great kid who still struggles slightly but happy and doing well. It was my choice, just like it was yours. You cannot blame your kids for your mistakes or choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you regret having children, then you are a miserable, self-centered excuse for a human being, and very obviously a crappy parent.

I sometimes regret having children. Because life has become so hard and I worry that they won’t have a happy life. I can’t bear the thought of them suffering and sometimes feel guilty for bringing them into this world.

This is rather dramatic now isn't it? How is life more difficult than it was 20-30 years ago?

I'm a new poster, a CFBC woman. I get what PP is saying because life is inherently difficult. Health problems, plus impending death...relationship issues...threat of victimization or crime or horrific accidents...I mean, it's the human condition and not everything is within one's control. Read up on the anti-natalist movement if you haven't heard of it.

If we worried about all this, we would never be happy. Good grief.

Are you one of those people who thinks that any worrying is an anxiety disorder? Welcome to reality lady. Life is indeed difficult, and no amount of "don't worry, be happy' isn't going to cure anything. Be strategic and be smart. For example, don't go out at 12 am at night in some dodgy area if you don't want to get mugged. Or don't have children if you can't deal with them having issues. And in this age, children have a ton of issues.