I'm afraid that my daughter is not very smart and I'm worried about her future job prospects

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will flat out admit it. I don't think my daughter is particularly bright. She is 12 years old and has taken the WISC IV that showed her IQ as being a 110, but with an extremely low processing speed. I realize that her iq definitely puts her well in the average range, but she is so impacted by her low processing speed that for all practical purposes she doesn't come across as smart in many areas. Her teachers always have concerns about her. She has to study very hard to retain anything, and she's very easily distracted and only manages to get B's because we sit down with her to study every night. But this can't go on forever and I have a hard time seeing how she can get through college. However, what worries me even more than college is if she will be able to remain employed. To be completely honest, I just can't imagine her being very good at any job. This is extremely painful for me to admit to myself, much less post. But I am absolutely worried to death about her future, and am just trying to envision what kind of job a person like her could possibly do.

STOP IT.....JUST STOP IT.

Your daughter will be fine. At 12 years old, she has lots of maturing to do and decide what she wants in life. Just encourage her to do her best.

You know, I want more than anything to believe this, but when being honest with myself I have to assume that the mothers of most adults who aren't capable of holding down a job that pays a livable wage, probably had concerns about their kids at age 12 as well. How am I supposed to know whether this is something that maturing will solve or if she is indeed just not that bright?

She’s 12....just let her blossom. Stop worrying. She will be successful at whatever she decides to do.

But many people aren't successful at what they decide to do.

Most of the world works at jobs which pay the bills. Most of the world does not work for personal fulfillment. Most people can get it together to do something. I don't see anything in the OP's posts which would indicate that her daughter won't be able to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will flat out admit it. I don't think my daughter is particularly bright. She is 12 years old and has taken the WISC IV that showed her IQ as being a 110, but with an extremely low processing speed. I realize that her iq definitely puts her well in the average range, but she is so impacted by her low processing speed that for all practical purposes she doesn't come across as smart in many areas. Her teachers always have concerns about her. She has to study very hard to retain anything, and she's very easily distracted and only manages to get B's because we sit down with her to study every night. But this can't go on forever and I have a hard time seeing how she can get through college. However, what worries me even more than college is if she will be able to remain employed. To be completely honest, I just can't imagine her being very good at any job. This is extremely painful for me to admit to myself, much less post. But I am absolutely worried to death about her future, and am just trying to envision what kind of job a person like her could possibly do.

STOP IT.....JUST STOP IT.

Your daughter will be fine. At 12 years old, she has lots of maturing to do and decide what she wants in life. Just encourage her to do her best.

You know, I want more than anything to believe this, but when being honest with myself I have to assume that the mothers of most adults who aren't capable of holding down a job that pays a livable wage, probably had concerns about their kids at age 12 as well. How am I supposed to know whether this is something that maturing will solve or if she is indeed just not that bright?

Nothing you wrote here indicates she will have trouble holding down a job?![/quote]


It's very hard to explain and I'm still trying to understand it myself, but as my husband puts it, she doesn't seem to have a very efficient brain.

[Anonymous]

My sister wasn't school smart and couldn't make it through college. Likely executive functing issues. She is 50 now, a manager, supports herself, has a full and happy life. Holding a job was NEVER a problem for her. You need to chill. Be proud of how hard she is working since THAT is going to spell sucess for her. I don't see a problem here.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I hope you're still reading this because my son is gifted and learning disabled (processing speed extremely low) and his IQ is in the average range.

It's only when you look at the GAI (the cognitive skills like reading comp and math-related exercises) that you realize they're all above the 90th percentile.

In these cases, the total IQ score you see is completely non-descriptive of the person tested: it's an artificial median between extreme scores and doesn't even begin to measure the cognitive potential on one hand, and the disability on the other. The psychologist said it should not even be reported for such children.

These kids are twice exceptional and need special education, lots of monitoring and careful parenting. They can do great things! My husband and I are both research scientists, and my son will probably be a researcher of some kind (maybe not science).

You need to talk to a reputable psychologist who can do a more thorough evaluation and steer you in the right direction. It's likely your child has ADHD and perhaps other issues, and schools can and will accommodates for that. The most important accommodation is extra time on tests and deadlines for assignments. It can change your child's like, as it did with mine.

[Anonymous]

life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will flat out admit it. I don't think my daughter is particularly bright. She is 12 years old and has taken the WISC IV that showed her IQ as being a 110, but with an extremely low processing speed. I realize that her iq definitely puts her well in the average range, but she is so impacted by her low processing speed that for all practical purposes she doesn't come across as smart in many areas. Her teachers always have concerns about her. She has to study very hard to retain anything, and she's very easily distracted and only manages to get B's because we sit down with her to study every night. But this can't go on forever and I have a hard time seeing how she can get through college. However, what worries me even more than college is if she will be able to remain employed. To be completely honest, I just can't imagine her being very good at any job. This is extremely painful for me to admit to myself, much less post. But I am absolutely worried to death about her future, and am just trying to envision what kind of job a person like her could possibly do.

STOP IT.....JUST STOP IT.

Your daughter will be fine. At 12 years old, she has lots of maturing to do and decide what she wants in life. Just encourage her to do her best.

You know, I want more than anything to believe this, but when being honest with myself I have to assume that the mothers of most adults who aren't capable of holding down a job that pays a livable wage, probably had concerns about their kids at age 12 as well. How am I supposed to know whether this is something that maturing will solve or if she is indeed just not that bright?

Nothing you wrote here indicates she will have trouble holding down a job?![/quote]


It's very hard to explain and I'm still trying to understand it myself, but as my husband puts it, she doesn't seem to have a very efficient brain.

Join 70% of the US. She will be fine. Believe me - how many people you have worked with in your life were sharp (30%)? How many people were a little dumb but showed up and did what they needed to do (70%)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]Find her passion. And put tons of effort into that and she will be fine.

[/b]


Her passion is dance, but she can't realistically make a career out of that.

I know a woman who majored in dance and she has a dance studio and has about 10 teachers working for her and she makes really good money.

I also have a friend who majored in theater and runs a place like Strathmore hall. She started out booking acts and marketing and now manages the whole place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of jobs out there for people who aren't that smart. In fact, to look around my office there are a ton of idiots out there making decent money.

My DD is not one of the brightest, and I have recently been grappling with my expectations. I think she'll be very successful in the workforce but I don't see an elite college in her future.

Do you have any examples? I really want to try to start steering her into these types of careers.

Two things on this thread that depress me:

Count on marriage.
"Steer her" into whatever kind of career.

How about, instead of either:
Make sure she has all the academic support she needs. I gather there has never been any discussion of 504 or IEP plans--but it may be that documenting her need to spend a great deal of time and get a lot of help to maintain grade level could support a need for accommodations or additional services. Also, as someone else suggested, comprehensive evaluation, but don't make it look like she is "defective", rather as simply a resource.
Look for her strengths. Strong social skills can compensate for a lot--and I do NOT mean finding a husband. The ability to sustain a great deal of effort is also a plus--some careers may not require as much in the area of brilliant analysis or insight but do require a lot of prolonged effort in areas many of us would find excruciatingly boring.
Look for and encourage her interests.
My nephew is married to a woman I don't regard as super smart (she brags about hating to read) and I think she had minimal post-high school education but she works hard and makes $60k in contract management for a Microsoft vendor, basically a lot of repetitive detail work that would make me crazy. And they live in an area that has reasonable COL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will flat out admit it. I don't think my daughter is particularly bright. She is 12 years old and has taken the WISC IV that showed her IQ as being a 110, but with an extremely low processing speed. I realize that her iq definitely puts her well in the average range, but she is so impacted by her low processing speed that for all practical purposes she doesn't come across as smart in many areas. Her teachers always have concerns about her. She has to study very hard to retain anything, and she's very easily distracted and only manages to get B's because we sit down with her to study every night. But this can't go on forever and I have a hard time seeing how she can get through college. However, what worries me even more than college is if she will be able to remain employed. To be completely honest, I just can't imagine her being very good at any job. This is extremely painful for me to admit to myself, much less post. But I am absolutely worried to death about her future, and am just trying to envision what kind of job a person like her could possibly do.

STOP IT.....JUST STOP IT.

Your daughter will be fine. At 12 years old, she has lots of maturing to do and decide what she wants in life. Just encourage her to do her best.

I think for people like OP who are facing this is situation with their kids is that high school is going to be a struggle as will college. Students like this will have to studying three times as hard and work at it vs. a peer and that's tough and lots of kids won't be able to hang in there and do it. With college admissions they way they are, it's tough if you have a 2.8 to get into a public college these days.

It's also way more of a practical issue. Since my own child deals with low processing, in every day situations, since it takes her a little longer, or she can confuse something, or she doesn't quite get innuendo like others do, she can come off looking not so bright to others. People who don't know the person are not as forgiving and especially if it's a first impression. I think people don't understand that slow processing goes beyond academic work and effects kids in other areas and will eventually effect them as adults.

With maturity comes the ability to be better able to hide these deficits not necessarily that they go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty? She can marry well and be a SAHM.

A lot of people won’t like this answer but it’s realistic. Women do this and it’s totally accepted and even applauded, depending on how wealthy you are.

OP here. Yes, she is and sad to say, this does seem to be her best hope. But obviously I can't hedge my bets on this.

NO. Now I think you're a troll.

OP here. Believe me I am not a troll, I'm just sad and at my witt's end and hoping someone can give me some advice.

Lots of people (including me) have given you the exact right advice which is to seek out a professional evaluation if you truly have concerns about how she is doing in school. But you keep ignoring that, probably because you are on here for your own jollies.

Like I have said before my big concern at the moment isn't school Yes, it's possible to get her accomodations that will help her get through. But that won't help her on the job. Her future employer won't care about whether she has a designated learning disability and be willing to extend accomodations. An employer only cares about how she performs. THIS is my big worry.

This is not realistic. I have managed many poeple and everybody is bad at something. We are constantly sending poeple to Franklin Covey for organizational skills and communications classes.

Give me an agreeable person ... a book smart know it all will be fired quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will flat out admit it. I don't think my daughter is particularly bright. She is 12 years old and has taken the WISC IV that showed her IQ as being a 110, but with an extremely low processing speed. I realize that her iq definitely puts her well in the average range, but she is so impacted by her low processing speed that for all practical purposes she doesn't come across as smart in many areas. Her teachers always have concerns about her. She has to study very hard to retain anything, and she's very easily distracted and only manages to get B's because we sit down with her to study every night. But this can't go on forever and I have a hard time seeing how she can get through college. However, what worries me even more than college is if she will be able to remain employed. To be completely honest, I just can't imagine her being very good at any job. This is extremely painful for me to admit to myself, much less post. But I am absolutely worried to death about her future, and am just trying to envision what kind of job a person like her could possibly do.

STOP IT.....JUST STOP IT.

Your daughter will be fine. At 12 years old, she has lots of maturing to do and decide what she wants in life. Just encourage her to do her best.

I think for people like OP who are facing this is situation with their kids is that high school is going to be a struggle as will college. Students like this will have to studying three times as hard and work at it vs. a peer and that's tough and lots of kids won't be able to hang in there and do it. With college admissions they way they are, it's tough if you have a 2.8 to get into a public college these days.

It's also way more of a practical issue. Since my own child deals with low processing, in every day situations, since it takes her a little longer, or she can confuse something, or she doesn't quite get innuendo like others do, she can come off looking not so bright to others. People who don't know the person are not as forgiving and especially if it's a first impression. I think people don't understand that slow processing goes beyond academic work and effects kids in other areas and will eventually effect them as adults.

With maturity comes the ability to be better able to hide these deficits not necessarily that they go away.

No - outside of the desired schools, public and private universities are facing enrollment slumps and will happily admit C high school students. College isn't harder than high school - she may need to seek support of free peer tutors at the learning center and sh can easily get extra time on exams with documentation of slow processing speed. She be fine IF she shows up and does the work (I say this as someone who adjuncts at local colleges). She'll be fine both in college at at most jobs by just showing up and doing the work. Calm down and enjoy your kid. Mental illness, drug use, criminal behavors. THESE are the things that derail lives. Slow processing speed is just who she is and not something that will stop her from a life of gainfull employment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I hope you're still reading this because my son is gifted and learning disabled (processing speed extremely low) and his IQ is in the average range.

It's only when you look at the GAI (the cognitive skills like reading comp and math-related exercises) that you realize they're all above the 90th percentile.

In these cases, the total IQ score you see is completely non-descriptive of the person tested: it's an artificial median between extreme scores and doesn't even begin to measure the cognitive potential on one hand, and the disability on the other. The psychologist said it should not even be reported for such children.

These kids are twice exceptional and need special education, lots of monitoring and careful parenting. They can do great things! My husband and I are both research scientists, and my son will probably be a researcher of some kind (maybe not science).

You need to talk to a reputable psychologist who can do a more thorough evaluation and steer you in the right direction. It's likely your child has ADHD and perhaps other issues, and schools can and will accommodates for that. The most important accommodation is extra time on tests and deadlines for assignments. It can change your child's like, as it did with mine.

Her DD doesn't fit this description. Not everyone with average IQs is "2E."

[Anonymous]

OP's DD could be my son, similar IQ and processing speed and he's spacey. He also has an LD. We're trying to find his niche where he could excel, in his own way, and make his way in the world. I anticipate that we will send him to community college for his first year out of high school and then he can try to transfer to a 4-year university. He's a great kid and has great insights in his own way. He will find his footing but he might need a bit longer to get there.

However, I'm not opposed to him marrying well. If he marries a high earner, I'll be relieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will flat out admit it. I don't think my daughter is particularly bright. She is 12 years old and has taken the WISC IV that showed her IQ as being a 110, but with an extremely low processing speed. I realize that her iq definitely puts her well in the average range, but she is so impacted by her low processing speed that for all practical purposes she doesn't come across as smart in many areas. Her teachers always have concerns about her. She has to study very hard to retain anything, and she's very easily distracted and only manages to get B's because we sit down with her to study every night. But this can't go on forever and I have a hard time seeing how she can get through college. However, what worries me even more than college is if she will be able to remain employed. To be completely honest, I just can't imagine her being very good at any job. This is extremely painful for me to admit to myself, much less post. But I am absolutely worried to death about her future, and am just trying to envision what kind of job a person like her could possibly do.

STOP IT.....JUST STOP IT.

Your daughter will be fine. At 12 years old, she has lots of maturing to do and decide what she wants in life. Just encourage her to do her best.

I think for people like OP who are facing this is situation with their kids is that high school is going to be a struggle as will college. Students like this will have to studying three times as hard and work at it vs. a peer and that's tough and lots of kids won't be able to hang in there and do it. With college admissions they way they are, it's tough if you have a 2.8 to get into a public college these days.

It's also way more of a practical issue. Since my own child deals with low processing, in every day situations, since it takes her a little longer, or she can confuse something, or she doesn't quite get innuendo like others do, she can come off looking not so bright to others. People who don't know the person are not as forgiving and especially if it's a first impression. I think people don't understand that slow processing goes beyond academic work and effects kids in other areas and will eventually effect them as adults.

With maturity comes the ability to be better able to hide these deficits not necessarily that they go away.

OP here. EXACTLY. You get it. This is not just about her grades, she comes across as not so bright and it definitely carries over into other areas, I'm extremely worried about how this will impact her on the job as an adult. I also have to say, I'm surprised at how hostile some of the responses have been. I can't possibly be the only mom that suspects that her child might not have the chops to reasonably make it as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty? She can marry well and be a SAHM.

A lot of people won’t like this answer but it’s realistic. Women do this and it’s totally accepted and even applauded, depending on how wealthy you are.

OP here. Yes, she is and sad to say, this does seem to be her best hope. But obviously I can't hedge my bets on this.

NO. Now I think you're a troll.

OP here. Believe me I am not a troll, I'm just sad and at my witt's end and hoping someone can give me some advice.

Lots of people (including me) have given you the exact right advice which is to seek out a professional evaluation if you truly have concerns about how she is doing in school. But you keep ignoring that, probably because you are on here for your own jollies.

Like I have said before my big concern at the moment isn't school Yes, it's possible to get her accomodations that will help her get through. But that won't help her on the job. Her future employer won't care about whether she has a designated learning disability and be willing to extend accomodations. An employer only cares about how she performs. THIS is my big worry.

This is not realistic. I have managed many poeple and everybody is bad at something. We are constantly sending poeple to Franklin Covey for organizational skills and communications classes.

Give me an agreeable person ... a book smart know it all will be fired quickly.

Does Franklin Covey have classes for children?