Am I wrong to be mad at DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you are being ridiculous at all OP.

I would be mad too.
Because he hid something from you during all these years.
And that isn’t cool.

Plus his attitude about it now is disturbing.
As if saying, “Oh, but it was soooo long ago” makes the situation a-ok.

It doesn’t.

See OP? The lady who hits enter after every sentence agrees with you. Feel better now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He met you, went on one date, and dropped the other woman and you are upset? You should be flattered.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you are being ridiculous at all OP.

I would be mad too.
Because he hid something from you during all these years.
And that isn’t cool.

Plus his attitude about it now is disturbing.
As if saying, “Oh, but it was soooo long ago” makes the situation a-ok.

It doesn’t.

See OP? The lady who hits enter after every sentence agrees with you. Feel better now?

This is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Are you my wife? Because this is identical to my start with her. My ex and my now wife crossed over for about 4 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you my wife? Because this is identical to my start with her. My ex and my now wife crossed over for about 4 months.

OP only overlapped by 1 date so it’s actually not identical. 4 month’s is a while to be cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be upset. Not contemplating divorce, but upset. Even if he immediately broke up with her after the date, the date itself was still an infidelity, and I would never want to be a part of someone’s infidelity. By withholding that piece of information, especially for so long, he would have been taking away my agency to make a decision about the relationship with a full understanding of who he was.

Do you really take yourself that seriously? You’re literally using the word “infidelity” and ascribing it to one date by a person who was neither married or engaged.
Wow.

I suspect that if you’d asked his girlfriend of one year back when they were still dating if she would be cool with her boyfriend dating other people, she would have said no. So yes, infidelity. Depending on the circumstances, I might have gone ahead with the relationship just the same, but by keeping it a secret he would have taken away my ability to make that choice for myself, which is at best disrespectful.

And really, he knows it was wrong or he wouldn’t have withheld the information for 14 years.

Uh, no, he didn't think it was a big deal, which it isn't, so that's why he withheld the information for 14 years.

[Anonymous]

OP that's why there's the single box you check or the married. Sorry but dating doesn't mean anything. Move on.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think you're wrong to feel however you feel, BUT I do think you're blowing this out of proportion and you are unnecessarily pissing all over your history. This is SO not a big deal. Let it go before it ruins your future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you my wife? Because this is identical to my start with her. My ex and my now wife crossed over for about 4 months.

OP only overlapped by 1 date so it’s actually not identical. 4 month’s is a while to be cheating.

Cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you my wife? Because this is identical to my start with her. My ex and my now wife crossed over for about 4 months.

OP only overlapped by 1 date so it’s actually not identical. 4 month’s is a while to be cheating.

Cheating?

Overlapping. Cheating. Whatever. Maybe he wasn’t exclusive with the ex or the wife. (Another difference from OP’s situation) The point was, he said it was identical, and I think one date is a huge difference from 4 months of dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just found out I was the other woman when we met. He had a girlfriend of about a year when we met. He was seeing her until after our first date and then he broke up with her. I had zero clue about her then, and he apparently never thought to bring it up until I read him that stupid boyfriend/girlfriend thread. I think what’s bothering me most is 14 years later he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. His excuse is “ we weren’t married and he was young“ and when I pointed out he wasn’t that young ( 30 ) and that I never overlapped even when young, he just said “ it’s a guy thing “ and he “ never did it other times”. Like that was supposed to make me feel special! I asked him if he would have ended if he hadn’t met me and he just shrugged. He doesn’t see why I’m upset and thinks I’m being silly. because it was so long ago and we’re happy together and have a life and family together, which is true. But if it was no big deal why didn’t he tell me years ago? Plus this changes our whole story which I always thought was cute. So am I being ridiculous ? I’m not making him sleep on the couch or anything. I’m just mad.

It's been a long time since this happened, after living with him this many years, do you think he is a bad person? (Outside of this piece of info). I think it's up to you how to feel about this, you can choose to be upset because it is wrong OR you consider what you've been through with him over 15 years maybe you can chalk it up to a mistake he made prior to finding you, his true love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you my wife? Because this is identical to my start with her. My ex and my now wife crossed over for about 4 months.

OP only overlapped by 1 date so it’s actually not identical. 4 month’s is a while to be cheating.

Cheating?

4 months overlap is a heck of a lot more than one date. With that type of overlap you see likely sleeping with both people within the same timeframe.

To OP, while a cleaner break would have been better - your DH was not sleeping with both of you within the same timeframe. He made a very quick decision after one date. One date is not enough to really know things would work out with you, maybe just enough to know he needed to break up with the girlfriend, which he did. Also, I think of the one year dating mark (when I was mid-late 20’s) as when you start to think could this relationship really lead to marriage. It’s like 3 dates, 2-3 months, 6 months, 1 year, 2-3 years are natural relationship break up points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was young, every woman I wanted to date was a serial monogamist, who had new boyfriend lined up before she ended her prior relationship. I almost never encountered a truly unattached woman. I think OP's outrage is laughable.

I said the same a few pages back, comparing them to monkeys swinging on vines. I had to steal nearly every woman I've had a relationship with away from another man.