Am I wrong to be mad at DH?

[Anonymous]

Yes my DH met me and said goodbye to a woman he was casually dating. A win win as far as I’m concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Are you dense? They weren't married. No obligation.

No obligations outside of marriage? Uh, no, you do owe people certain consideration. You do owe a significant other fidelity. Unless you wish to grow old alone.

And he gave her that consideration. He broke up with her when he realized he had found someone else he wanted to be with.

Testing out other people while pretending to be in an exclusive relationship is not the definition of fidelity.

The only exclusive relationships are engagement or marriage.

We heard you the first 17 times. Your atypical moral code is not as compelling as you think.

First time poster, actually, so my moral code may not be as atypical as you think. Dating ain’t the same as marriage or engagement.

You would commit to marrying someone who’d been dating other people the entire time you’d been dating and had shown no inclination up to that point to be faithful to you? Personally, I wouldn’t have married someone who wasn’t sufficiently committed to me that they’d at least have given up hunting for someone else.

[Anonymous]

PP, count me as another person who doesn't think that dating commits one to anything. Until you're at least engaged, everyone is fair game. Boyfriend, schmoyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just found out I was the other woman when we met. He had a girlfriend of about a year when we met. He was seeing her until after our first date and then he broke up with her. I had zero clue about her then, and he apparently never thought to bring it up until I read him that stupid boyfriend/girlfriend thread. I think what’s bothering me most is 14 years later he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. His excuse is “ we weren’t married and he was young“ and when I pointed out he wasn’t that young ( 30 ) and that I never overlapped even when young, he just said “ it’s a guy thing “ and he “ never did it other times”. Like that was supposed to make me feel special! I asked him if he would have ended if he hadn’t met me and he just shrugged. He doesn’t see why I’m upset and thinks I’m being silly. because it was so long ago and we’re happy together and have a life and family together, which is true. But if it was no big deal why didn’t he tell me years ago? Plus this changes our whole story which I always thought was cute. So am I being ridiculous ? I’m not making him sleep on the couch or anything. I’m just mad.

Yes. You are wrong. Really, you're just upset that you can't dictate to your husband how to feel.

[Anonymous]

Boyfriends don’t get husband privileges.

[Anonymous]

Once a cheater always a cheater. I bet he has or is cheating on you right now.

[Anonymous]

so you are upset that he had a replacement before dumping the previous one. Women have been lining up the next guy before dumping the current one throughout history. Don't hate the player. He is just playing the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so you are upset that he had a replacement before dumping the previous one. Women have been lining up the next guy before dumping the current one throughout history. Don't hate the player. He is just playing the game.

I never played the game that way, and I wasn't interested in dating someone who did. If I'd been approached by someone who admitted to having a girlfriend, I would have told him to figure out that relationship first, and if he decided to end it he could call me.

[Anonymous]

Yawn, OP, my DH of 20+ years was breaking up with someone he dated for about a year when we met. In fact, she used to call him and leave messages and when we moved out of the area, still tried to contact him. For all I know he had her bent over the kitchen counter the night before our first date. But who cares about things like that. So you never dated more than one person at a time or did anything you would not be comfortable telling your husband. Leave it in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yawn, OP, my DH of 20+ years was breaking up with someone he dated for about a year when we met. In fact, she used to call him and leave messages and when we moved out of the area, still tried to contact him. For all I know he had her bent over the kitchen counter the night before our first date. But who cares about things like that. So you never dated more than one person at a time or did anything you would not be comfortable telling your husband. Leave it in the past.

The difference is that it sounds like you knew about it at the time and got to make decisions about the relationship with that knowledge. OP didn't have the same benefit.

[Anonymous]

When I was young, every woman I wanted to date was a serial monogamist, who had new boyfriend lined up before she ended her prior relationship. I almost never encountered a truly unattached woman. I think OP's outrage is laughable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yawn, OP, my DH of 20+ years was breaking up with someone he dated for about a year when we met. In fact, she used to call him and leave messages and when we moved out of the area, still tried to contact him. For all I know he had her bent over the kitchen counter the night before our first date. But who cares about things like that. So you never dated more than one person at a time or did anything you would not be comfortable telling your husband. Leave it in the past.

The difference is that it sounds like you knew about it at the time and got to make decisions about the relationship with that knowledge. OP didn't have the same benefit.

Who cares? By saying she is unhappy not having that knowledge, she’s implying she would’ve made a different choice. OP, do you wish you hadn’t married your DH? If you had it to do over again, would you have said no because he was going to break up with someone instead of he had just broken up with someone? Or would that even be good enough, because no one wants to be the rebound? OP, do you really wish you’d never accepted that date now? Because if you still would’ve gone out with him, not knowing is moot. If you are wishing away your married life, after 14 years I’d be more upset at that than what DH said or didn’t say.

[Anonymous]

14 years ago? Move on, it’s not like he was married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yawn, OP, my DH of 20+ years was breaking up with someone he dated for about a year when we met. In fact, she used to call him and leave messages and when we moved out of the area, still tried to contact him. For all I know he had her bent over the kitchen counter the night before our first date. But who cares about things like that. So you never dated more than one person at a time or did anything you would not be comfortable telling your husband. Leave it in the past.

The difference is that it sounds like you knew about it at the time and got to make decisions about the relationship with that knowledge. OP didn't have the same benefit.

She’s going to have a difficult time navigating life if she can’t move past this stupid thing. “OP didn’t have the same benefit.” Come on with that nonsense. Life isn’t cut and dry. She sounds really controlling and extremely insecure.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you are being ridiculous at all OP.

I would be mad too.
Because he hid something from you during all these years.
And that isn’t cool.

Plus his attitude about it now is disturbing.
As if saying, “Oh, but it was soooo long ago” makes the situation a-ok.

It doesn’t.