My mom laughed when I told her my son choked at daycare

[Anonymous]

Not knowing you, OP, her laughter was either because you are drama or SHE is drama. You know your life best; choose accordingly and either tone it down or disengage.

[Anonymous]

But was it an evil laugh or a don't-make-drama-laugh?

Just don't leave her alone with your son this holiday. Or stop to make drama and grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But was it an evil laugh or a don't-make-drama-laugh?

Just don't leave her alone with your son this holiday. Or stop to make drama and grow up.

*making drama, I mean

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not knowing you, OP, her laughter was either because you are drama or SHE is drama. You know your life best; choose accordingly and either tone it down or disengage.

Amen. I am pp who suspects OP is drama prone. Due to insane "invalidating my feelings" at over 40 years old sentence. However, it could be her mom, and dad, bcs her dad's reaction was also not "appropriate," right? I am now prone to believe that people who have kids so late are so immersed in their own lives that they really think everything is about them. I do not know a single woman who had kids before 30 or early 30s to say things like Op said. And in another thread one pp pointed out that just because you have some feelings doesn't make them valid, like the OP of that post claimed. It was also some insane OP about to confront her mom about babysitting brother's kids for 10 more days. Maybe OP's mom reacted wrong, but some women(yes it is often women and not men) are constantly on the look out for offense. I think OP is that kind of person due to her update about her parents. I have a sister without kids, mid 40, she is constantly looking for something to make a big deal about. Kids take you down a peg, and if your kids are teens in your late 30 or early 40, you learn to let so much slide off your back, if you didn't you would need meds. Heck, even if you do, you still might need meds! Or it could be that both OP and her parents are nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think OP is a drama queen? Or cries wolf? That’s the only possible reason for not taking someone seriously?

Because she wrote her parents have been known for invalidating her feelings and what happens to her. She is an older mom, older moms are known for such behaviors. Because of how she wrote about having to defend herself. Because often people who say such things are only validating their own feelings. Or maybe her whole family is nuts? That is why I wrote she likely cried wolf too many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people laugh when they're nervous. Some people laugh when they're uncomfortable. Or maybe she thought you were ridiculous for taking him to a hospital. I do. Do you have any idea how many times my parents whacked me on the back and I coughed until my eyes teared because I swallowed wrong or something went down the wrong pipe? You must be a first-time parent. This is not a huge deal.

She didn't rush him to the hospital. She took him to his pediatrician who recommended taking him to the hospital for a feeding evaluation.

Op did everything right.

PP the lack of reading comprehension by adults responding to this post is appalling. I had a dc with similar and worse issues Op. There was nothing like being mocked when we knew dc was going to choke on certain foods. Dc also had motor issues and delayed speech. Yeah, fun times.

Yes, I was noticing how so many posting opinions on this thread are missing that there was a pattern of gagging incidents leading up to this choking incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not knowing you, OP, her laughter was either because you are drama or SHE is drama. You know your life best; choose accordingly and either tone it down or disengage.

Amen. I am pp who suspects OP is drama prone. Due to insane "invalidating my feelings" at over 40 years old sentence. However, it could be her mom, and dad, bcs her dad's reaction was also not "appropriate," right? I am now prone to believe that people who have kids so late are so immersed in their own lives that they really think everything is about them. I do not know a single woman who had kids before 30 or early 30s to say things like Op said. And in another thread one pp pointed out that just because you have some feelings doesn't make them valid, like the OP of that post claimed. It was also some insane OP about to confront her mom about babysitting brother's kids for 10 more days. Maybe OP's mom reacted wrong, but some women(yes it is often women and not men) are constantly on the look out for offense. I think OP is that kind of person due to her update about her parents. I have a sister without kids, mid 40, she is constantly looking for something to make a big deal about. Kids take you down a peg, and if your kids are teens in your late 30 or early 40, you learn to let so much slide off your back, if you didn't you would need meds. Heck, even if you do, you still might need meds! Or it could be that both OP and her parents are nuts.

I do. I know plenty of drama queens who had kids younger. And they were drama queens before they had kids, too. It's the personality, not the age of parturition.

I bet that both things are true: her parents' reaction was inappropriate, and OP is an oversensitive drama queen.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think she laughed because he choked. She laughed because you over reacted to the situation by going to a feeding evaluation. It’s pretty funny if you think about it.

[Anonymous]

OP- I can see your thread has probably disintegrated so I didn't read all of the responses. Your situation made me think of an incident when I was in HS.
I was in a gym and a girl across the gym got drilled in the face with a basketball. It was terrible and she started crying. I saw it happen and the rush of emotion was so strong that I laughed instead of doing what would have been appropriate- ask if she was okay, and show sympathy.
It was a purely biological reaction- not a choice, but I know it made me look like an a-hole. I was so embarrassed afterward.
I just wonder if something in the story got your mom's attention and caused her to start laughing, unable to stop, even if that wasn't her true emotion?

[Anonymous]

Op's parents had an "inappropriate reaction" and Op is the one to blame for feeling hurt about it? No.

You can't just bulldoze your way through life being brutally rude and insensitive and not expect others to take offense. If you behave inappropriately you should apologize and try not to be a jerk next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not knowing you, OP, her laughter was either because you are drama or SHE is drama. You know your life best; choose accordingly and either tone it down or disengage.

Amen. I am pp who suspects OP is drama prone. Due to insane "invalidating my feelings" at over 40 years old sentence. However, it could be her mom, and dad, bcs her dad's reaction was also not "appropriate," right? I am now prone to believe that people who have kids so late are so immersed in their own lives that they really think everything is about them. I do not know a single woman who had kids before 30 or early 30s to say things like Op said. And in another thread one pp pointed out that just because you have some feelings doesn't make them valid, like the OP of that post claimed. It was also some insane OP about to confront her mom about babysitting brother's kids for 10 more days. Maybe OP's mom reacted wrong, but some women(yes it is often women and not men) are constantly on the look out for offense. I think OP is that kind of person due to her update about her parents. I have a sister without kids, mid 40, she is constantly looking for something to make a big deal about. Kids take you down a peg, and if your kids are teens in your late 30 or early 40, you learn to let so much slide off your back, if you didn't you would need meds. Heck, even if you do, you still might need meds! Or it could be that both OP and her parents are nuts.

I do. I know plenty of drama queens who had kids younger. And they were drama queens before they had kids, too. It's the personality, not the age of parturition.

I bet that both things are true: her parents' reaction was inappropriate, and OP is an oversensitive drama queen.

You might he right, in fact most likely you are spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is an older mom, older moms are known for such behaviors.

?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did a feeding evaluation because of one incident of choking on a piece of pear?

Speaking of overreacting, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the people we love make mistakes. You have to forgive her.

OP doesn't have to forgive her. OP says this is a pattern of behavior and that they have a toxic interaction. Let's say OP overreacted by having the feeding evaluation, clearly she was distressed by what happened. Her mom could have said something reassuring like "I'm sorry that happened. Luckily the daycare workers seem competent to handle these situations and the evaluation came back showing anatomically everything is fine. Hopefully that gives you some peace of mind." I can't imagine my mother laughing at me if I was clearly distressed about my child, even if she thought I was completely irrational. And to continue laughing after OP indicated she didn't find it funny was unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. I guess I feel the need to defend myself a bit here. My son’s been having issues with feeding - gagging, choking, hard swallows, coughing - for the past 8 months (as in, when he started solids). The daycare has catered meals; he already had a designated lunch buddy (an adult who sits with him while he eats) and had been getting food that is chopped in smaller pieces than his same-age peers. So after he got a piece of pear the size of a Cheerio lodged in his throat, his pediatrician suggested he get a feeding evaluation done. A SLP with extra training in feeding issues (swallowing, chewing, moving the tongue) does the evaluation. It turned out his mouth skills are fine, but I don’t think I overreacted by taking this seriously.

As a side note, I got married and had him in my late thirties. It’s looking like we won’t be able to have another child. And I think that pain, in combination with “trying to keep a toddler alive” is making me more sensitive.

On the other hand, my parents have a history of invalidating and minimizing my feelings and experiences. This interaction just felt different because they were minimizing what happened to my child.

You sound like a drama queen, so it is no wonder they have a history of invalidating and minimizing your feelings and experiences. No doubt they are fed up. Plus, apart from choking part, needy baby greedy baby, you and your kid together! He is choking because he is greedy with food. Again, APART FROM CHOKING the whole thing is funny. Feed training because he stuffs too much. take charge and feed the kid yourself, do not let him stuff his mouth until he is older. You are overreacting to everything, no doubt. Do you know who says something like invalidating my feelings? Insane people, you are insane.

The gagging is significant enough that the daycare has assigned a designated adult to sit with OP's child and has ordered special preparation of his food. The American Red Cross states that a child who's had back blows to dislodge food needs to have a medical evaluation. But, you random person, are more qualified to make determinations on these matters, so OP is a drama queen? OP, I think there are just some mean spirited people who try to belittle anyone they can. If this has been going on for eight months, your parents likely know this is a concern the daycare has seen frequently enough in your child to have a designated helper. Their reactions were incredibly inappropriate. Don't leave them alone with your DC while they are visiting. If they continue to be dismissive, pay for them to stay at a hotel so you can get away from them for periods while they are visiting.