My mom laughed when I told her my son choked at daycare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. I guess I feel the need to defend myself a bit here. My son’s been having issues with feeding - gagging, choking, hard swallows, coughing - for the past 8 months (as in, when he started solids). The daycare has catered meals; he already had a designated lunch buddy (an adult who sits with him while he eats) and had been getting food that is chopped in smaller pieces than his same-age peers. So after he got a piece of pear the size of a Cheerio lodged in his throat, his pediatrician suggested he get a feeding evaluation done. A SLP with extra training in feeding issues (swallowing, chewing, moving the tongue) does the evaluation. It turned out his mouth skills are fine, but I don’t think I overreacted by taking this seriously.

As a side note, I got married and had him in my late thirties. It’s looking like we won’t be able to have another child. And I think that pain, in combination with “trying to keep a toddler alive” is making me more sensitive.

On the other hand, my parents have a history of invalidating and minimizing my feelings and experiences. This interaction just felt different because they were minimizing what happened to my child.

Yep, married and had a kid later, multiple miscarriages...I get the disappointment...but you are sounding oversensitive. And yes I have a mom who laughs at every damn thing...she is otherwise a very caring and insightful person...she just has this reaction.
You need to lighten up

Cool. I'm sure she'll understand when you laugh your azz off when your dad gets diagnosed with dementia. So, so funny!!

I'm sure she'll find it cute when you laugh about her digestive issues and then insist that it must be something that she's doing wrong. When she complains about her sore joints and teeth sensitivity - tell her to stop being such a diva! Haha! So funny!!

[Anonymous]

My mom does this when she thinks I'm being "extra" about a parenting situation.

"Oh, you and your brother stayed home alone all summer when you were 7 and 9 and everything was fine."

"Your brother had a bit of a flat head and he looks fine now. No nonsense helmet needed. That's what hair is for!"

"You ate a worm when you were a child and lived. So what if he eats some chips after petting a goat?"

[Anonymous]

Wow! So many of you have terrible moms. I thought that only MILs were horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. I guess I feel the need to defend myself a bit here. My son’s been having issues with feeding - gagging, choking, hard swallows, coughing - for the past 8 months (as in, when he started solids). The daycare has catered meals; he already had a designated lunch buddy (an adult who sits with him while he eats) and had been getting food that is chopped in smaller pieces than his same-age peers. So after he got a piece of pear the size of a Cheerio lodged in his throat, his pediatrician suggested he get a feeding evaluation done. A SLP with extra training in feeding issues (swallowing, chewing, moving the tongue) does the evaluation. It turned out his mouth skills are fine, but I don’t think I overreacted by taking this seriously.

As a side note, I got married and had him in my late thirties. It’s looking like we won’t be able to have another child. And I think that pain, in combination with “trying to keep a toddler alive” is making me more sensitive.

On the other hand, my parents have a history of invalidating and minimizing my feelings and experiences. This interaction just felt different because they were minimizing what happened to my child.

Yep, married and had a kid later, multiple miscarriages...I get the disappointment...but you are sounding oversensitive. And yes I have a mom who laughs at every damn thing...she is otherwise a very caring and insightful person...she just has this reaction.
You need to lighten up

Cool. I'm sure she'll understand when you laugh your azz off when your dad gets diagnosed with dementia. So, so funny!!

I'm sure she'll find it cute when you laugh about her digestive issues and then insist that it must be something that she's doing wrong. When she complains about her sore joints and teeth sensitivity - tell her to stop being such a diva! Haha! So funny!!

My dad is dead. And sometimes we both laugh at her random aches and pains. I don't know who you are pp, but Yes, some people have a habit at laughing at times that others seem inappropriate. For some it is merely a reflexive nervous reaction. BUT THERE ARE SOME OF US WHO REALIZE THIS and note that these people are otherwise, sensitive, caring, intelligent and helpful, therefore WE LEARN TO GET OVER IT. I suggest you learn to calm the heck down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! So many of you have terrible moms. I thought that only MILs were horrible.

How about some of us are just not that sensitive. How about that. Plus MIL's ARE MOMS- YOU BIG DUMMY!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM and was with the kids for 90% of their meals. They gagged sometimes but they never choked to the point were something was lodged in their trachea. That is what the daycare said happened to him. That is why Op took this so seriously.

Did you also cut their grapes until they were 12 & not give them popcorn until they were 15?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom does this when she thinks I'm being "extra" about a parenting situation.

"Oh, you and your brother stayed home alone all summer when you were 7 and 9 and everything was fine."

"Your brother had a bit of a flat head and he looks fine now. No nonsense helmet needed. That's what hair is for!"

"You ate a worm when you were a child and lived. So what if he eats some chips after petting a goat?"

Gotta agree with your mom on this one! Sure, in an ideal world your kid’s hand would be perfectly sterile when eating but if it is not one time, nbd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. I guess I feel the need to defend myself a bit here. My son’s been having issues with feeding - gagging, choking, hard swallows, coughing - for the past 8 months (as in, when he started solids). The daycare has catered meals; he already had a designated lunch buddy (an adult who sits with him while he eats) and had been getting food that is chopped in smaller pieces than his same-age peers. So after he got a piece of pear the size of a Cheerio lodged in his throat, his pediatrician suggested he get a feeding evaluation done. A SLP with extra training in feeding issues (swallowing, chewing, moving the tongue) does the evaluation. It turned out his mouth skills are fine, but I don’t think I overreacted by taking this seriously.

As a side note, I got married and had him in my late thirties. It’s looking like we won’t be able to have another child. And I think that pain, in combination with “trying to keep a toddler alive” is making me more sensitive.

On the other hand, my parents have a history of invalidating and minimizing my feelings and experiences. This interaction just felt different because they were minimizing what happened to my child.

Yep, married and had a kid later, multiple miscarriages...I get the disappointment...but you are sounding oversensitive. And yes I have a mom who laughs at every damn thing...she is otherwise a very caring and insightful person...she just has this reaction.
You need to lighten up

Cool. I'm sure she'll understand when you laugh your azz off when your dad gets diagnosed with dementia. So, so funny!!

I'm sure she'll find it cute when you laugh about her digestive issues and then insist that it must be something that she's doing wrong. When she complains about her sore joints and teeth sensitivity - tell her to stop being such a diva! Haha! So funny!!

My dad is dead. And sometimes we both laugh at her random aches and pains. I don't know who you are pp, but Yes, some people have a habit at laughing at times that others seem inappropriate. For some it is merely a reflexive nervous reaction. BUT THERE ARE SOME OF US WHO REALIZE THIS and note that these people are otherwise, sensitive, caring, intelligent and helpful, therefore WE LEARN TO GET OVER IT. I suggest you learn to calm the heck down.

But Op's mom didn't just laugh her father chimed in with it's NBD. Neither one acknowledged that Op had been through a scary situation and her mom never apologized for laughing inappropriately.

You can't be cold like that and expect to get a free pass. That might be harsh. But, oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM and was with the kids for 90% of their meals. They gagged sometimes but they never choked to the point were something was lodged in their trachea. That is what the daycare said happened to him. That is why Op took this so seriously.

Did you also cut their grapes until they were 12 & not give them popcorn until they were 15?

No. They weren't 2 forever. In fact, 2 goes by very fast. If Op prefers to err on the side of caution with her own child, so be it. That is really good enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. I guess I feel the need to defend myself a bit here. My son’s been having issues with feeding - gagging, choking, hard swallows, coughing - for the past 8 months (as in, when he started solids). The daycare has catered meals; he already had a designated lunch buddy (an adult who sits with him while he eats) and had been getting food that is chopped in smaller pieces than his same-age peers. So after he got a piece of pear the size of a Cheerio lodged in his throat, his pediatrician suggested he get a feeding evaluation done. A SLP with extra training in feeding issues (swallowing, chewing, moving the tongue) does the evaluation. It turned out his mouth skills are fine, but I don’t think I overreacted by taking this seriously.

As a side note, I got married and had him in my late thirties. It’s looking like we won’t be able to have another child. And I think that pain, in combination with “trying to keep a toddler alive” is making me more sensitive.

On the other hand, my parents have a history of invalidating and minimizing my feelings and experiences. This interaction just felt different because they were minimizing what happened to my child.

Yep, married and had a kid later, multiple miscarriages...I get the disappointment...but you are sounding oversensitive. And yes I have a mom who laughs at every damn thing...she is otherwise a very caring and insightful person...she just has this reaction.
You need to lighten up

Cool. I'm sure she'll understand when you laugh your azz off when your dad gets diagnosed with dementia. So, so funny!!

I'm sure she'll find it cute when you laugh about her digestive issues and then insist that it must be something that she's doing wrong. When she complains about her sore joints and teeth sensitivity - tell her to stop being such a diva! Haha! So funny!!

My dad is dead. And sometimes we both laugh at her random aches and pains. I don't know who you are pp, but Yes, some people have a habit at laughing at times that others seem inappropriate. For some it is merely a reflexive nervous reaction. BUT THERE ARE SOME OF US WHO REALIZE THIS and note that these people are otherwise, sensitive, caring, intelligent and helpful, therefore WE LEARN TO GET OVER IT. I suggest you learn to calm the heck down.

But Op's mom didn't just laugh her father chimed in with it's NBD. Neither one acknowledged that Op had been through a scary situation and her mom never apologized for laughing inappropriately.

You can't be cold like that and expect to get a free pass. That might be harsh. But, oh well.

ok, if you say so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. I guess I feel the need to defend myself a bit here. My son’s been having issues with feeding - gagging, choking, hard swallows, coughing - for the past 8 months (as in, when he started solids). The daycare has catered meals; he already had a designated lunch buddy (an adult who sits with him while he eats) and had been getting food that is chopped in smaller pieces than his same-age peers. So after he got a piece of pear the size of a Cheerio lodged in his throat, his pediatrician suggested he get a feeding evaluation done. A SLP with extra training in feeding issues (swallowing, chewing, moving the tongue) does the evaluation. It turned out his mouth skills are fine, but I don’t think I overreacted by taking this seriously.

As a side note, I got married and had him in my late thirties. It’s looking like we won’t be able to have another child. And I think that pain, in combination with “trying to keep a toddler alive” is making me more sensitive.

On the other hand, my parents have a history of invalidating and minimizing my feelings and experiences. This interaction just felt different because they were minimizing what happened to my child.

Yep, married and had a kid later, multiple miscarriages...I get the disappointment...but you are sounding oversensitive. And yes I have a mom who laughs at every damn thing...she is otherwise a very caring and insightful person...she just has this reaction.
You need to lighten up

Cool. I'm sure she'll understand when you laugh your azz off when your dad gets diagnosed with dementia. So, so funny!!

I'm sure she'll find it cute when you laugh about her digestive issues and then insist that it must be something that she's doing wrong. When she complains about her sore joints and teeth sensitivity - tell her to stop being such a diva! Haha! So funny!!

My dad is dead. And sometimes we both laugh at her random aches and pains. I don't know who you are pp, but Yes, some people have a habit at laughing at times that others seem inappropriate. For some it is merely a reflexive nervous reaction. BUT THERE ARE SOME OF US WHO REALIZE THIS and note that these people are otherwise, sensitive, caring, intelligent and helpful, therefore WE LEARN TO GET OVER IT. I suggest you learn to calm the heck down.

But Op's mom didn't just laugh her father chimed in with it's NBD. Neither one acknowledged that Op had been through a scary situation and her mom never apologized for laughing inappropriately.

You can't be cold like that and expect to get a free pass. That might be harsh. But, oh well.

ok, if you say so.

Op said that her parents did this. Op also said that her parents are toxic and have a history of this sort of thing.

I don't think that Op has to pretend that they are nice people who are looking out for her and her child. They really don't seem to be nice at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. I guess I feel the need to defend myself a bit here. My son’s been having issues with feeding - gagging, choking, hard swallows, coughing - for the past 8 months (as in, when he started solids). The daycare has catered meals; he already had a designated lunch buddy (an adult who sits with him while he eats) and had been getting food that is chopped in smaller pieces than his same-age peers. So after he got a piece of pear the size of a Cheerio lodged in his throat, his pediatrician suggested he get a feeding evaluation done. A SLP with extra training in feeding issues (swallowing, chewing, moving the tongue) does the evaluation. It turned out his mouth skills are fine, but I don’t think I overreacted by taking this seriously.

As a side note, I got married and had him in my late thirties. It’s looking like we won’t be able to have another child. And I think that pain, in combination with “trying to keep a toddler alive” is making me more sensitive.

On the other hand, my parents have a history of invalidating and minimizing my feelings and experiences. This interaction just felt different because they were minimizing what happened to my child.

Yep, married and had a kid later, multiple miscarriages...I get the disappointment...but you are sounding oversensitive. And yes I have a mom who laughs at every damn thing...she is otherwise a very caring and insightful person...she just has this reaction.
You need to lighten up

Cool. I'm sure she'll understand when you laugh your azz off when your dad gets diagnosed with dementia. So, so funny!!

I'm sure she'll find it cute when you laugh about her digestive issues and then insist that it must be something that she's doing wrong. When she complains about her sore joints and teeth sensitivity - tell her to stop being such a diva! Haha! So funny!!

My dad is dead. And sometimes we both laugh at her random aches and pains. I don't know who you are pp, but Yes, some people have a habit at laughing at times that others seem inappropriate. For some it is merely a reflexive nervous reaction. BUT THERE ARE SOME OF US WHO REALIZE THIS and note that these people are otherwise, sensitive, caring, intelligent and helpful, therefore WE LEARN TO GET OVER IT. I suggest you learn to calm the heck down.

But Op's mom didn't just laugh her father chimed in with it's NBD. Neither one acknowledged that Op had been through a scary situation and her mom never apologized for laughing inappropriately.

You can't be cold like that and expect to get a free pass. That might be harsh. But, oh well.

Yes, ok. Most people would say something "is he ok, what happened?" Why did OP's parents react like they did? Why are they not validating her emotions? OP cries wolf too many times, and they don't care.

[Anonymous]

You overreacted and she’s a nervous laugher. I hope I raise my DD to accept me even though I’m a nervous laugher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. I guess I feel the need to defend myself a bit here. My son’s been having issues with feeding - gagging, choking, hard swallows, coughing - for the past 8 months (as in, when he started solids). The daycare has catered meals; he already had a designated lunch buddy (an adult who sits with him while he eats) and had been getting food that is chopped in smaller pieces than his same-age peers. So after he got a piece of pear the size of a Cheerio lodged in his throat, his pediatrician suggested he get a feeding evaluation done. A SLP with extra training in feeding issues (swallowing, chewing, moving the tongue) does the evaluation. It turned out his mouth skills are fine, but I don’t think I overreacted by taking this seriously.

As a side note, I got married and had him in my late thirties. It’s looking like we won’t be able to have another child. And I think that pain, in combination with “trying to keep a toddler alive” is making me more sensitive.

On the other hand, my parents have a history of invalidating and minimizing my feelings and experiences. This interaction just felt different because they were minimizing what happened to my child.

Yep, married and had a kid later, multiple miscarriages...I get the disappointment...but you are sounding oversensitive. And yes I have a mom who laughs at every damn thing...she is otherwise a very caring and insightful person...she just has this reaction.
You need to lighten up

Cool. I'm sure she'll understand when you laugh your azz off when your dad gets diagnosed with dementia. So, so funny!!

I'm sure she'll find it cute when you laugh about her digestive issues and then insist that it must be something that she's doing wrong. When she complains about her sore joints and teeth sensitivity - tell her to stop being such a diva! Haha! So funny!!

My dad is dead. And sometimes we both laugh at her random aches and pains. I don't know who you are pp, but Yes, some people have a habit at laughing at times that others seem inappropriate. For some it is merely a reflexive nervous reaction. BUT THERE ARE SOME OF US WHO REALIZE THIS and note that these people are otherwise, sensitive, caring, intelligent and helpful, therefore WE LEARN TO GET OVER IT. I suggest you learn to calm the heck down.

But Op's mom didn't just laugh her father chimed in with it's NBD. Neither one acknowledged that Op had been through a scary situation and her mom never apologized for laughing inappropriately.

You can't be cold like that and expect to get a free pass. That might be harsh. But, oh well.

Yes, ok. Most people would say something "is he ok, what happened?" Why did OP's parents react like they did? Why are they not validating her emotions? OP cries wolf too many times, and they don't care.

The bolded is it in a nutshell. When Op has a concern her parents downplay it and laugh it off as NBD. That IS, in fact, the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You overreacted and she’s a nervous laugher. I hope I raise my DD to accept me even though I’m a nervous laugher.

If you want your daughter to accept you: when your daughter says “that’s not funny,” you should say “you’re right, I’m sorry, this is terrible and I’m so nervous about it, that’s why I’m laughing.”