My mom laughed when I told her my son choked at daycare

[Anonymous]

Why do you think OP is a drama queen? Or cries wolf? That’s the only possible reason for not taking someone seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think OP is a drama queen? Or cries wolf? That’s the only possible reason for not taking someone seriously?

Especially when they live out of town, have little to no experience feeding Op's child, have never met the daycare workers who reported the incident to Op, have never met the pediatrician who recommended that Op have her son evaluated....

Yeah, those people sound like the self appointed Experts on Everything. They raised kids and they know exactly what's going on with Op's child. Ugh, they sound insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Some people laugh when they're nervous. Some people laugh when they're uncomfortable. Or maybe she thought you were ridiculous for taking him to a hospital. I do. Do you have any idea how many times my parents whacked me on the back and I coughed until my eyes teared because I swallowed wrong or something went down the wrong pipe? You must be a first-time parent. This is not a huge deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here. I guess I feel the need to defend myself a bit here. My son’s been having issues with feeding - gagging, choking, hard swallows, coughing - for the past 8 months (as in, when he started solids). The daycare has catered meals; he already had a designated lunch buddy (an adult who sits with him while he eats) and had been getting food that is chopped in smaller pieces than his same-age peers. So after he got a piece of pear the size of a Cheerio lodged in his throat, his pediatrician suggested he get a feeding evaluation done. A SLP with extra training in feeding issues (swallowing, chewing, moving the tongue) does the evaluation. It turned out his mouth skills are fine, but I don’t think I overreacted by taking this seriously.

As a side note, I got married and had him in my late thirties. It’s looking like we won’t be able to have another child. And I think that pain, in combination with “trying to keep a toddler alive” is making me more sensitive.

On the other hand, my parents have a history of invalidating and minimizing my feelings and experiences. This interaction just felt different because they were minimizing what happened to my child.

OP, my child has disabilities and I had to leave a career I loved to care for him. I told my mom and she said “Wow, you’ve really become a kept woman haven’t you!” She thought she was very clever, but she is just a strange person who has terrible social skills. I decided then I was done doing 80% of the work in our relationship and making excuses for her. I just don’t talk to her as much anymore, respond to emails more slowly, space out her visits for months longer than she wants. It’s much better this way. So my advice is to divest from this relation that you know is not positive for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people laugh when they're nervous. Some people laugh when they're uncomfortable. Or maybe she thought you were ridiculous for taking him to a hospital. I do. Do you have any idea how many times my parents whacked me on the back and I coughed until my eyes teared because I swallowed wrong or something went down the wrong pipe? You must be a first-time parent. This is not a huge deal.

She didn't rush him to the hospital. She took him to his pediatrician who recommended taking him to the hospital for a feeding evaluation.

Op did everything right.

[Anonymous]

My mom laughs at inappropriate times constantly. She would laugh hysterically when my dad would spank me. He actually quit spanking me because of her reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom laughs at inappropriate times constantly. She would laugh hysterically when my dad would spank me. He actually quit spanking me because of her reaction.

That’s really messed up for at least two reasons.

[Anonymous]

OP, your son is fine.

When my first child was born (Oct), the hospital staff told me to always keep a hat on her because otherwise she'd lose to much body heat. I took them seriously, and kept the poor child in a hat nearly 24/7 (even inside our home). People laughed, but darn it, I was listening to the experts. She is 23 now, and I have looked back and laughed for a long time.

In a few years you will laugh about this too. Life is to short to get mad at every little thing people do that is not what we would do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The heading pretty much explains it.

My son choked at daycare - daycare workers needed to do backblows to dislodge a piece of pear. He’s 14 months. We ended up taking him to Children’s for a feeding evaluation. The diagnosis is he chews just fine - he just puts too much food in his mouth and we need to work on modifying his behavior.

I was recounting the above to my parents, when my mom starts laughing hysterically. I told her it wasn’t funny - it was serious. My mom continues laughing, while my dad interjects that “it’s not really a big deal and he’ll [son] be fine.”

They are coming for Christmas tomorrow and basically I don’t even want to see them. Laughing?!?

My in laws would have laughed. In this case it is typical that a 14 mos old chokes in too much fruit bite. I wouldn’t have gone to the hospital unless it was a pattern.

My Mil thinks everyone overreacts and that her way is the only way to do anything - what to eat, where to vacation, how much to own, etc. She can barely relate to anyone. And she constantly laughs and brushed off any concern we have about our kids health, school, nanny, abilities. She is either very laid back or just likes her simpleton life where you throw up your hands and give up at every juncture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Devaluing or invalidating your experience and distress is hurtful, especially coming from your parents. Mine did the same when I told them their coworker harrassed me- lots of nervous laughing and, “oh, what’s the big deal?”
That’s probably how they were parented as well. Focus on your child, and validate his experiences with empathy as he continues his journey to adulthood. Break the cycle.

+1

I totally agree. If you wouldn’t accept unkind behavior from a friend, why a parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! So many of you have terrible moms. I thought that only MILs were horrible.

Yeah, it’s shocking people think this behavior is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your son is fine.

When my first child was born (Oct), the hospital staff told me to always keep a hat on her because otherwise she'd lose to much body heat. I took them seriously, and kept the poor child in a hat nearly 24/7 (even inside our home). People laughed, but darn it, I was listening to the experts. She is 23 now, and I have looked back and laughed for a long time.

In a few years you will laugh about this too. Life is to short to get mad at every little thing people do that is not what we would do.

I don't think that the hat example is comparable at all to the concerns that Op had about her son choking.

My oldest is in college and when he was little he would wake up in the middle of the night with such bad croup that we were seriously scared that his airway would completely close off and he wouldn't be able to breath. We had to call 911 a couple of times and EMS and the doctors took it very, very seriously. If my parents or in-laws had ever laughed at me for calling 911 or insisted that I was overreacting and that all babies get colds and they survive....I think that would have changed our relationship forever.

[Anonymous]

^And, yes, he did outgrow croup - thank goodness. But it was still very scary when it was happening.

[Anonymous]

I’ve run across several people in my life who laugh when they get nervous, don’t know how to react, etc. It always makes me really mad and I want to call them out on it. Could your mom be one of these people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people laugh when they're nervous. Some people laugh when they're uncomfortable. Or maybe she thought you were ridiculous for taking him to a hospital. I do. Do you have any idea how many times my parents whacked me on the back and I coughed until my eyes teared because I swallowed wrong or something went down the wrong pipe? You must be a first-time parent. This is not a huge deal.

She didn't rush him to the hospital. She took him to his pediatrician who recommended taking him to the hospital for a feeding evaluation.

Op did everything right.

PP the lack of reading comprehension by adults responding to this post is appalling. I had a dc with similar and worse issues Op. There was nothing like being mocked when we knew dc was going to choke on certain foods. Dc also had motor issues and delayed speech. Yeah, fun times.