I'm a SAHM and my husband won't let me send money to my teen son. Who's right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH the biodad?

No.

Then he has no say over this.

Actually he does, since it is the husband’s wages supporting OP.

And presumably OP contributes her labor to support the household.

That is how a partnership works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH the biodad?

No.

Then he has no say over this.

Actually he does, since it is the husband’s wages supporting OP.

And presumably OP contributes her labor to support the household.

That is how a partnership works.

Unless OP can send her labor to help her son financially, she needs to get a job if she wants to send money.

[Anonymous]

Your kids has room food and tuition covered- he is very fortunate. You are not doing him any favors by giving him 'beer money.' Working will not interfere with his studies. Beer money will. Cut those apron strings mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m also confused how he would notice $100 or $200 unaccounted for?

We are from rich but it wouldn’t even register to me if my DH spent $100 more or less each month. We have a joint account that we use to pay all bills credit cards mortgage etc.

Do you guys really account for every penny you spend? What if you go to lunch with a friend? Is that allowed? Can you buy a sweater? A bra? Do you have to show him receipts?

We are very well off and absolutely would notice a missing $100. Dh or I spend about 15 minutes a week confirming that only the receipts we brought home are what is represented in our online banking, and once a month we sit together and go over any big expenses we're expecting the following month (big = $100 or more). We keep careful track of money going out and coming in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH the biodad?

No.

Then he has no say over this.

Actually he does, since it is the husband’s wages supporting OP.

And presumably OP contributes her labor to support the household.

That is how a partnership works.

Unless OP can send her labor to help her son financially, she needs to get a job if she wants to send money.

Yep. The son is solely OP’s financial responsibility. OP’s husband is responsible for supporting his children. OP choosing not to work means it’s up to son to fund his own spending money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to earn my money to send to your son. Either that, or ask his bio dad. Your DH is already paying for a place for him to come home to for the holidays. Does his bio dad pay for the empty room that you are keeping. What about Christmas presents.

This is why people do not want to be stepparents.

lol, wtf? Maybe he should put the spare room on AirBnB?

[Anonymous]

OP, it's pretty shitty parenting to stay home with your second-marriage kids, preventing you from taking care of your first-marriage son.

You're showing your son what your priorities are. Don't think he doesn't notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m also confused how he would notice $100 or $200 unaccounted for?

We are from rich but it wouldn’t even register to me if my DH spent $100 more or less each month. We have a joint account that we use to pay all bills credit cards mortgage etc.

Do you guys really account for every penny you spend? What if you go to lunch with a friend? Is that allowed? Can you buy a sweater? A bra? Do you have to show him receipts?

Can you explain your access to HH funds OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m also confused how he would notice $100 or $200 unaccounted for?

We are from rich but it wouldn’t even register to me if my DH spent $100 more or less each month. We have a joint account that we use to pay all bills credit cards mortgage etc.

Do you guys really account for every penny you spend? What if you go to lunch with a friend? Is that allowed? Can you buy a sweater? A bra? Do you have to show him receipts?

We are very well off and absolutely would notice a missing $100. Dh or I spend about 15 minutes a week confirming that only the receipts we brought home are what is represented in our online banking, and once a month we sit together and go over any big expenses we're expecting the following month (big = $100 or more). We keep careful track of money going out and coming in.

Wow, if you are that well off, you'd begrudge the other spouse money for their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH the biodad?

No.

Then he has no say over this.

Actually he does, since it is the husband’s wages supporting OP.

And presumably OP contributes her labor to support the household.

That is how a partnership works.

Unless OP can send her labor to help her son financially, she needs to get a job if she wants to send money.

Yep. The son is solely OP’s financial responsibility. OP’s husband is responsible for supporting his children. OP choosing not to work means it’s up to son to fund his own spending money.

If OP/mom is staying home to care for the kids, then it is up to husband to provide for her son as that is part of the marriage agreement. If husband is that selfish, she needs to have money in her name as a back up plan. I couldn't imagine my husband being that selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH the biodad?

No.

Then he has no say over this.

Actually he does, since it is the husband’s wages supporting OP.

And presumably OP contributes her labor to support the household.

That is how a partnership works.

And how's that partnership working out for OP right now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to earn my money to send to your son. Either that, or ask his bio dad. Your DH is already paying for a place for him to come home to for the holidays. Does his bio dad pay for the empty room that you are keeping. What about Christmas presents.

This is why people do not want to be stepparents.

lol, wtf? Maybe he should put the spare room on AirBnB?

Most people have the extra bedroom regardless of if the kid is using it when kids go to college. AirBnb is a great idea for mom to earn some extra money. I would think stepdad wouldn't allow child to have holiday presents and hopefully son goes to Dad's house, who is probably fully paying for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH the biodad?

No.

Then he has no say over this.

Actually he does, since it is the husband’s wages supporting OP.

And presumably OP contributes her labor to support the household.

That is how a partnership works.

And how's that partnership working out for OP right now?

It’s not.

This is why I will never stop working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This exact scenario is exactly why I will always work.

Amen.

Seriously. If you have a dependent minor, you just cannot be a SAHM with no independent revenue stream *unless* your (current) DH is on board with realizing that you have some financial responsibility towards your son. What happens if your ex loses his job? Who will pay tuition next year? Your current DH is a total jerk by the way but you are being completely irresponsible towards your son.. I feel badly for him that you can't even send him $100 when he worked over the summer, has an internship lined up and is clearly doing what he's been asked to do. Your new kids with your 2nd husband have all their needs taken care of and you've just abandoned your first son.

I'm not saying you need to send him a lot of money but he does need to know you are there for him if he needs you. You and your ex need to come to an agreement on what is reasonable for spending money and figure out a way to get there (job for your son, contributions by your ex and contributions by you).

OMG you need to get a grip. He DOES have his “needs” taken care of! The stepfather even pays for a cell phone for him. And he had spending money, he just blew it all. Even with a meal plan.

They probably have a family plan so the cell phone cost is minimal and at best its what $50 a month. More than likely with a family of 4, having one extra child on the insurance makes no difference. Kid needs spending money for basics like shampoo, toothpaste, going out every so often. He may have blown his money getting bedding, books and all the other stuff you "need" for school. 1st year is expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH the biodad?

No.

Then he has no say over this.

Actually he does, since it is the husband’s wages supporting OP.

And presumably OP contributes her labor to support the household.

That is how a partnership works.

And how's that partnership working out for OP right now?

It’s not.

This is why I will never stop working.

Or, better don't marry a man like that.