I'm a SAHM and my husband won't let me send money to my teen son. Who's right?

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't OP get a job if she wants her son to have money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I side with your husband. He works so it is his money to control. Put the kids in daycare and get a job of your own to support your adult son.

Marriage is a partnership and regardless of the incomer earner it is family/household money. If she is not a high earner, it will cost her far more to put two kids in day care than it would for him to give $100-200 a month.

Many of my guy friends resent that their wives are low earners precisely because they insisted on stepping out of the job market when the kids were born and never really made an effort to stay competitive. So yeah, 8 years later they can only make $28k a year and conveniently for them, it doesn't make sense to ever really go back to work. The DHs are pissed with this outcome but are kind of stuck now.

I'm a female (and lesbian) in a male dominated field so the guys I work with all treat me like one of the guys and trust me, this is the #2 thing I hear them all complain about: being the sole breadwinner. Because even if their wife went back to work, the amount she'd earn would either just cover daycare or not even cover daycare, so they'd be taking a loss.

The #1 thing they complain about is the lack of sex.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the pages but here is what I would do: take $20-30 cash out every time I got to the grocery store and give to college son and tell him to keep it quiet. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Well, this thread is illuminating.

You are nothing unless you work. SCREW THE KIDS.

And if you work and spouse doesn't, then you are KING. Spouse can beg for scraps. No matter that she's caring for YOUR TWO KIDS and all the other house stuff. MONEY IS EVERYTHING, AND ONLY THE PERSON MAKING IT COUNTS.

Got it.

Signed, WOHM

My husband works, I don't. I control all the money.

LOL... no, you don't. He let's you think you do.

One five minute change of bank account info with his HR department and you'd be SOL.

He wouldn't to that and yes, I really do control all the money. He couldn't careless what I do as long as I don't make him broke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Well, this thread is illuminating.

You are nothing unless you work. SCREW THE KIDS.

And if you work and spouse doesn't, then you are KING. Spouse can beg for scraps. No matter that she's caring for YOUR TWO KIDS and all the other house stuff. MONEY IS EVERYTHING, AND ONLY THE PERSON MAKING IT COUNTS.

Got it.

Signed, WOHM

My husband works, I don't. I control all the money.

LOL... no, you don't. He let's you think you do.

One five minute change of bank account info with his HR department and you'd be SOL.

He wouldn't to that and yes, I really do control all the money. He couldn't careless what I do as long as I don't make him broke.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLLLLLLL

Man, if I had a nickel for every time i've heard a woman say "he wouldnt do that"... of course you dont think he would. No one thinks that (or else why marry him?)....until he *does* do that

Thanks for the laugh PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Well, this thread is illuminating.

You are nothing unless you work. SCREW THE KIDS.

And if you work and spouse doesn't, then you are KING. Spouse can beg for scraps. No matter that she's caring for YOUR TWO KIDS and all the other house stuff. MONEY IS EVERYTHING, AND ONLY THE PERSON MAKING IT COUNTS.

Got it.

Signed, WOHM

My husband works, I don't. I control all the money.

LOL... no, you don't. He let's you think you do.

One five minute change of bank account info with his HR department and you'd be SOL.

He wouldn't to that and yes, I really do control all the money. He couldn't careless what I do as long as I don't make him broke.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLLLLLLL

Man, if I had a nickel for every time i've heard a woman say "he wouldnt do that"... of course you dont think he would. No one thinks that (or else why marry him?)....until he *does* do that

Thanks for the laugh PP!

You are right people " don't do that" until they do. That's a very jaded view to have though, how can you marry or have a reason relationship with someone always thinking they are about to do that one mistake they haven't made. Is there someone in your life you 'trust'? I bet you can say there's some things that person would never do to hurt you. The possibility of a mistake is always there, still you can't live everyday expecting it or waiting for it to happen.

-DR DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Well, this thread is illuminating.

You are nothing unless you work. SCREW THE KIDS.

And if you work and spouse doesn't, then you are KING. Spouse can beg for scraps. No matter that she's caring for YOUR TWO KIDS and all the other house stuff. MONEY IS EVERYTHING, AND ONLY THE PERSON MAKING IT COUNTS.

Got it.

Signed, WOHM

My husband works, I don't. I control all the money.

LOL... no, you don't. He let's you think you do.

One five minute change of bank account info with his HR department and you'd be SOL.

He wouldn't to that and yes, I really do control all the money. He couldn't careless what I do as long as I don't make him broke.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLLLLLLL

Man, if I had a nickel for every time i've heard a woman say "he wouldnt do that"... of course you dont think he would. No one thinks that (or else why marry him?)....until he *does* do that

Thanks for the laugh PP!

You are right people " don't do that" until they do. That's a very jaded view to have though, how can you marry or have a reason relationship with someone always thinking they are about to do that one mistake they haven't made. Is there someone in your life you 'trust'? I bet you can say there's some things that person would never do to hurt you. The possibility of a mistake is always there, still you can't live everyday expecting it or waiting for it to happen.

-DR DCUM

Its realistic. The idea that your husband "would never do" something is naive at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't OP get a job if she wants her son to have money?

She has a job. She maintains the home and presumably keeps his kid alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My college and law school did not allow freshmen and 1Ls to work. They wanted students to focus on academics and not be distracted by part time jobs. Work study run by the schools was the exception.

Send your DS the money. I don’t understand why you need your DH’s permission to do this.

Many work study only given out as part of aid package

And OP DH so generous with including on his family plan healthcare (which he has any ways for his daughters) and $30 for a line on the family phone plan

You have really low expectations in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I side with your husband. He works so it is his money to control. Put the kids in daycare and get a job of your own to support your adult son.

Marriage is a partnership and regardless of the incomer earner it is family/household money. If she is not a high earner, it will cost her far more to put two kids in day care than it would for him to give $100-200 a month.

Many of my guy friends resent that their wives are low earners precisely because they insisted on stepping out of the job market when the kids were born and never really made an effort to stay competitive. So yeah, 8 years later they can only make $28k a year and conveniently for them, it doesn't make sense to ever really go back to work. The DHs are pissed with this outcome but are kind of stuck now.

Yeah, because she was busy pooping out his kid, then keeping it alive for 5 years before it goes to school. And if there's another within those five years, then she's got to keep that one alive. And yeah, they're stuck. But so is she, married to an asshole.

They married their wives as low wage earners so they have nothing to complain about. He equally choose to have kids and her to stay home. He was able to work and enjoy her doing everything/being home. But, agree, she married an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is why I'm on Team DH. Parents invest in their children with some expectation of filial love and an ongoing relationship. It doesn’t always turn out that way…but that is the expectation. That expectation doesn’t exist for stepparents, so I don’t understand why people seem to think this stepdad should be financially responsible for his wife's son from her first marriage. $100, $10...it doesn't matter. It's the principle. The law doesn’t see stepparents as financially responsible…and I hope that more stepparents will start to be smart and set boundaries like OP's DH has. The son has two parents, and OP's husband isn't one of them.

Don't get married to someone with kids (no matter what their age) if you're not prepared to nurture a relationship. You're on team DH because you're a cold-hearted stepparent cu**.

Why must nurturing a relationship be tied to a non-bio adult parting with their money? I reckon you're a woman because you are really bitchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is why I'm on Team DH. Parents invest in their children with some expectation of filial love and an ongoing relationship. It doesn’t always turn out that way…but that is the expectation. That expectation doesn’t exist for stepparents, so I don’t understand why people seem to think this stepdad should be financially responsible for his wife's son from her first marriage. $100, $10...it doesn't matter. It's the principle. The law doesn’t see stepparents as financially responsible…and I hope that more stepparents will start to be smart and set boundaries like OP's DH has. The son has two parents, and OP's husband isn't one of them.

Don't get married to someone with kids (no matter what their age) if you're not prepared to nurture a relationship. You're on team DH because you're a cold-hearted stepparent cu**.

Why must nurturing a relationship be tied to a non-bio adult parting with their money? I reckon you're a woman because you are really bitchy.

Not only is she a woman, but she is a SAHM I'm betting judging by how in her feelings she is on this topic. She sounds like a shrew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I side with your husband. He works so it is his money to control. Put the kids in daycare and get a job of your own to support your adult son.

Marriage is a partnership and regardless of the incomer earner it is family/household money. If she is not a high earner, it will cost her far more to put two kids in day care than it would for him to give $100-200 a month.

It may not be about the money but the principle. Why can't the stepson get a job?

[Anonymous]

Egomaniac chauvinist step-dads have it made. As OP is experiencing, they can be petty jerks to step-kids, then blame mom's softness and/or bio dad's genetics if the kid turns out to be a problematic embarrassment. And if the kid turns into a raging success story, the step-dad can (and will!) take all the credit as the masculine savior who had to teach the kid tough life lessons.

In reality step-dads like this just want power all the time, putting everyone in the house under their thumb & subconsciously don't want step-kids to outperform their own bio kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I side with your husband. He works so it is his money to control. Put the kids in daycare and get a job of your own to support your adult son.

Marriage is a partnership and regardless of the incomer earner it is family/household money. If she is not a high earner, it will cost her far more to put two kids in day care than it would for him to give $100-200 a month.

It may not be about the money but the principle. Why can't the stepson get a job?

It ain't 1950, grandma. Freshmen shouldn't work. Freshman year is a time to transition and set good academic, involvement and social foundations.