I'm a SAHM and my husband won't let me send money to my teen son. Who's right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s not a teen. He’s a young man in college . I mostly agree with your DH except his “ my money “ stance.


You should keep to the agreed spending money amount and schedule. You are not helping him by constantly sending money for him to blow through. He needs to learn to prioritize and budget. If he’d like more than that he needs to get a job.

If he's a college freshman he probably IS a teen. Two of my kids started college at 16. I started at 17.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. He’s controlling you with money. Unless you’re poor, this is too small a sum for him to be able to say no to. I couldn’t live with such a selfish person.

So selfish that he works while OP doesn’t?

He’s not the bio dad, the boy doesn’t need additional miney, and it’s the husband earning the money. And the boy has meals and books and phone and medical. Sounds like there’s nothing to complain about really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. He’s controlling you with money. Unless you’re poor, this is too small a sum for him to be able to say no to. I couldn’t live with such a selfish person.

So selfish that he works while OP doesn’t?

He’s not the bio dad, the boy doesn’t need additional miney, and it’s the husband earning the money. And the boy has meals and books and phone and medical. Sounds like there’s nothing to complain about really.

Yeah, he’s got his prison ration, he shouldn’t complain

[Anonymous]

There's more that the OP isn't telling us. Either the stepdad/stepson relationship is poor or DH has provided more support through the years and isn't willing to give any more.

[Anonymous]

I’m also confused how he would notice $100 or $200 unaccounted for?

We are from rich but it wouldn’t even register to me if my DH spent $100 more or less each month. We have a joint account that we use to pay all bills credit cards mortgage etc.

Do you guys really account for every penny you spend? What if you go to lunch with a friend? Is that allowed? Can you buy a sweater? A bra? Do you have to show him receipts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is at an intense college and I'd like to send him modest amounts of money because his debit card is practically empty and I don't want him working and getting in over his head academically. My DH said he has a shelter and a meal plan and needs to get a job for extra spending. My DH says he has colleagues at work whose kids work 20 plus hours per week, play sports, and go to college. He believes my son has too much free-time and is being lazy, and I'm trying to enable him with DH's money.

First of all, I think you’re a troll. That’s said, he’s right, your son can get a job. And you’re a blooming idiot for being in a marriage where all money is considered your husbands and phrases like “let me”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s not a teen. He’s a young man in college . I mostly agree with your DH except his “ my money “ stance.


You should keep to the agreed spending money amount and schedule. You are not helping him by constantly sending money for him to blow through. He needs to learn to prioritize and budget. If he’d like more than that he needs to get a job.

If he's a college freshman he probably IS a teen. Two of my kids started college at 16. I started at 17.

Same here. I was 17 when I started college and dirt poor. It was really stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know why he didnt work all last summer and make plenty for spending money? Even at minimum wage, working 30 hours a week left plenty of time for summer fun AND several thousands in spending money. So? What was he doing?

He did work part-time last summer but he also was an unpaid volunteer for a campaign, which cut into his job hours. The money he saved is mostly gone from just normal spending and first year of college expenses. He also already secured a summer internship for 2019.

You “let” him not work and instead volunteer for some politician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the imbalance in decision making. When I was exclusively a SAHM-as we’d both decided on having children and who was working in our marriage/partnership-there was never a question of whose money as it was ours, made in supporting our family.

And your son sounds responsible and fulfilling his responsibilities as a student. You’re DH is an ass and you’re playing into his weakness of defining where decisions are made.

OP's husband makes the money, so it is his money. OP's child is not his child or family. If OP wants to send money to her own son, she has to generate some money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This exact scenario is exactly why I will always work.

Amen.

Seriously. If you have a dependent minor, you just cannot be a SAHM with no independent revenue stream *unless* your (current) DH is on board with realizing that you have some financial responsibility towards your son. What happens if your ex loses his job? Who will pay tuition next year? Your current DH is a total jerk by the way but you are being completely irresponsible towards your son.. I feel badly for him that you can't even send him $100 when he worked over the summer, has an internship lined up and is clearly doing what he's been asked to do. Your new kids with your 2nd husband have all their needs taken care of and you've just abandoned your first son.

I'm not saying you need to send him a lot of money but he does need to know you are there for him if he needs you. You and your ex need to come to an agreement on what is reasonable for spending money and figure out a way to get there (job for your son, contributions by your ex and contributions by you).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. He’s controlling you with money. Unless you’re poor, this is too small a sum for him to be able to say no to. I couldn’t live with such a selfish person.

So selfish that he works while OP doesn’t?

He’s not the bio dad, the boy doesn’t need additional miney, and it’s the husband earning the money. And the boy has meals and books and phone and medical. Sounds like there’s nothing to complain about really.

You must be a second wife with a step child. He is wrong, I bet you his bio kids go to college, money will flow freely. I would divorce that as*h*le is I was op. Think OP, your son has no money to spend on anything. Are you sending him shampoo and toothpaste and soap and shaving cream? What when cafeteria is closed late at night and he is hungry? If OP is for real, then this is just so sad, there is a young man first time away from home, who can't go to movies if his friends want to go. And who are all these hypocrites here saying he has money enough? All of them that bought their own kids Jeeps in HS? If I were OP, this would break the marriage, dead, dead, dead and done.

[Anonymous]

You need to earn my money to send to your son. Either that, or ask his bio dad. Your DH is already paying for a place for him to come home to for the holidays. Does his bio dad pay for the empty room that you are keeping. What about Christmas presents.

This is why people do not want to be stepparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is at an intense college and I'd like to send him modest amounts of money because his debit card is practically empty and I don't want him working and getting in over his head academically. My DH said he has a shelter and a meal plan and needs to get a job for extra spending. My DH says he has colleagues at work whose kids work 20 plus hours per week, play sports, and go to college. He believes my son has too much free-time and is being lazy, and I'm trying to enable him with DH's money.

I read some of the thread, not the whole thing, but regardless of opinions whether your son should or should not have a job, the idea that you cannot spend $100 without having to account for it to your DH is disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. He’s controlling you with money. Unless you’re poor, this is too small a sum for him to be able to say no to. I couldn’t live with such a selfish person.

So selfish that he works while OP doesn’t?

He’s not the bio dad, the boy doesn’t need additional miney, and it’s the husband earning the money. And the boy has meals and books and phone and medical. Sounds like there’s nothing to complain about really.

You must be a second wife with a step child. He is wrong, I bet you his bio kids go to college, money will flow freely. I would divorce that as*h*le is I was op. Think OP, your son has no money to spend on anything. Are you sending him shampoo and toothpaste and soap and shaving cream? What when cafeteria is closed late at night and he is hungry? If OP is for real, then this is just so sad, there is a young man first time away from home, who can't go to movies if his friends want to go. And who are all these hypocrites here saying he has money enough? All of them that bought their own kids Jeeps in HS? If I were OP, this would break the marriage, dead, dead, dead and done.

That’s fine as a long term plan, but for now start getting $50 cash back every time you go to the grocery store. CVS will do this too. Just say you needed expensive face wash if your DH asks.

Also, she has two other young kids to think about so it’s not like she can just walk away. The DH sounds like an a$$. Start looking for jobs ASAP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This exact scenario is exactly why I will always work.

Amen.

Seriously. If you have a dependent minor, you just cannot be a SAHM with no independent revenue stream *unless* your (current) DH is on board with realizing that you have some financial responsibility towards your son. What happens if your ex loses his job? Who will pay tuition next year? Your current DH is a total jerk by the way but you are being completely irresponsible towards your son.. I feel badly for him that you can't even send him $100 when he worked over the summer, has an internship lined up and is clearly doing what he's been asked to do. Your new kids with your 2nd husband have all their needs taken care of and you've just abandoned your first son.

I'm not saying you need to send him a lot of money but he does need to know you are there for him if he needs you. You and your ex need to come to an agreement on what is reasonable for spending money and figure out a way to get there (job for your son, contributions by your ex and contributions by you).

OMG you need to get a grip. He DOES have his “needs” taken care of! The stepfather even pays for a cell phone for him. And he had spending money, he just blew it all. Even with a meal plan.