I'm a SAHM and my husband won't let me send money to my teen son. Who's right?

[Anonymous]

My son is at an intense college and I'd like to send him modest amounts of money because his debit card is practically empty and I don't want him working and getting in over his head academically. My DH said he has a shelter and a meal plan and needs to get a job for extra spending. My DH says he has colleagues at work whose kids work 20 plus hours per week, play sports, and go to college. He believes my son has too much free-time and is being lazy, and I'm trying to enable him with DH's money.

[Anonymous]

I’m siding with your DH unless there’s some detail you haven’t yet revealed.

[Anonymous]

Job or sports sends reasonable. Both seems excessive. But didn't he work over the summer to earn money for spending?

[Anonymous]

Its true. Kids will only do what is required of them.

[Anonymous]

You lost me at "let"

[Anonymous]

When do you expect him to stand on his own feet? After the Ph.D?

[Anonymous]

two issues here:
1. College kid and spending money-you have to figure out a plan.
2. How you and your husband view your finances. His money? Shouldn't it be (plural) YOUR money?

[Anonymous]

He’s not a teen. He’s a young man in college . I mostly agree with your DH except his “ my money “ stance.


You should keep to the agreed spending money amount and schedule. You are not helping him by constantly sending money for him to blow through. He needs to learn to prioritize and budget. If he’d like more than that he needs to get a job.

[Anonymous]

I would want to know why he didnt work all last summer and make plenty for spending money? Even at minimum wage, working 30 hours a week left plenty of time for summer fun AND several thousands in spending money. So? What was he doing?

[Anonymous]

Don't be a helicopter mother! He's in college and needs to make his own way. Tell him to get a job and work 10-15 hours a week and learn how to prioritize his time. He's in classes only 15-18 hours a week....what is he doing with the rest of his time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know why he didnt work all last summer and make plenty for spending money? Even at minimum wage, working 30 hours a week left plenty of time for summer fun AND several thousands in spending money. So? What was he doing?

He did work part-time last summer but he also was an unpaid volunteer for a campaign, which cut into his job hours. The money he saved is mostly gone from just normal spending and first year of college expenses. He also already secured a summer internship for 2019.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When do you expect him to stand on his own feet? After the Ph.D?

I expect he'll work during school year sophomore through senior years. And he has a paid internship lined up for this coming summer. If the family can afford it, I don't think kids should work freshman year.

[Anonymous]

Are you able to get a part time job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "let"

I don't generate money, so he'll see and wonder why a random $100 went out of the account and into son's debit account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know why he didnt work all last summer and make plenty for spending money? Even at minimum wage, working 30 hours a week left plenty of time for summer fun AND several thousands in spending money. So? What was he doing?

This make sense. He does need money for incidentals, but he should work for this in the summer. Some kids do well with a full plate and thrive on it, some don't. Some majors are easier than others. It's hard to work when you have to spend 8 hours in a chem lab, do your other homework and study. I worked in college, but I think my studies suffered so I only require my child to earn money over the summer and winter break to pay for the extras.