Moms trying to orchestrate their kids social standing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you posting from op? TX, FL, or CA?

Very affluent area in IL

Wannabe northshore town that doesn’t actually touch the lake or Highland Park? If this is HP, I would move. You’re going to see a lot more of this.

Hate this area. Counting down the days til I’m outta here!

I knew it! Try Evanston!

This is just a temp living situation. Off to a different coast soon. How do people survive this attitude here? As a gross generalization, the women are petty and shallow and the men are kind of swarthy.

It's the suburb you're in. I lived in the western suburbs (not ritzy area ) and everyone was normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you posting from op? TX, FL, or CA?

Very affluent area in IL

Wannabe northshore town that doesn’t actually touch the lake or Highland Park? If this is HP, I would move. You’re going to see a lot more of this.

Hate this area. Counting down the days til I’m outta here!

I knew it! Try Evanston!

This is just a temp living situation. Off to a different coast soon. How do people survive this attitude here? As a gross generalization, the women are petty and shallow and the men are kind of swarthy.

HP is gross. I would never be able to do it, although I taught there for 10 years. An entitled and demanding population. Girls in low elementary grades wearing Butter sweatshirts, Spiritual Gangsta tanks, and Iviva pants. Bourgeoisie to the max. Some lovely people but so many shallow strivers. Glad I am outta there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rarely attend any mom group activities due to my work schedule, but this week I was able to join a parents meet and great and play group for all of my sons first grade classmates (there are 5 1st grade classes at his school). While all the kids were happily playing, a group of moms went over all of the class list and had been discussing who all the popular kids are in each class. Then they all went on to figure out how they could all get these kids to play with their kids. Is this a total anomaly? This is first grade, not HS. I’m not really involved in my sons social life, since he’s perfectly happy playing with a few friends from K and the kids on the block. None of this behavior would have ever occurred to me. Frankly, I think it’s pretty pathetic and it makes me sad that parents are passing on this mindset so early to their children.

Everyone tries to pass what they know onto their child. These moms understand social networking well. They are trying to teach it to their kids.

In time or perhaps already, you as a mom with a job and a career outside your home will pass on those skills to your children, to the best of your ability. And just as you would be disappointed if your children turn out to be indifferent students or ambition-less adults, those moms would be sad if their kids matured into socially awkward adults who cannot make the "right" connections.

I really hope that the above is sarcasm because I would guess that a working mom with a good job is probably significantly more experienced with networking and developing the "right" connections than some lame SAHM whose entire existence is about being "popular" and having the "popular" child. What are the popular kids from your high school doing nowadays? The ones I've seen on Facebook are not high powered executives, they're washed out, dyed blonde, midwestern housewives or like gym owners. If this is what you want for your child, by all means make up his/her own social group, but I'll let mine navigate her own (unless she specifically asks me for help) and hopefully she'll end up a strong, independent woman with a good job and network she developed all on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you posting from op? TX, FL, or CA?

Very affluent area in IL

Wannabe northshore town that doesn’t actually touch the lake or Highland Park? If this is HP, I would move. You’re going to see a lot more of this.

Hate this area. Counting down the days til I’m outta here!

I knew it! Try Evanston!

This is just a temp living situation. Off to a different coast soon. How do people survive this attitude here? As a gross generalization, the women are petty and shallow and the men are kind of swarthy.

HP is gross. I would never be able to do it, although I taught there for 10 years. An entitled and demanding population. Girls in low elementary grades wearing Butter sweatshirts, Spiritual Gangsta tanks, and Iviva pants. Bourgeoisie to the max. Some lovely people but so many shallow strivers. Glad I am outta there.

It seems like so many people don't have as much money as it appears and are just putting on airs. In my short time here Ive met multiple families that have had to declare bankruptcy or their homes went into foreclosure. Our neighbors couldn't afford any extracurricular activities at school or summer camp for their kids, but they did make sure they had a country club membership. Seems the priorities are all wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you posting from op? TX, FL, or CA?

Very affluent area in IL

Wannabe northshore town that doesn’t actually touch the lake or Highland Park? If this is HP, I would move. You’re going to see a lot more of this.

Hate this area. Counting down the days til I’m outta here!

I knew it! Try Evanston!

This is just a temp living situation. Off to a different coast soon. How do people survive this attitude here? As a gross generalization, the women are petty and shallow and the men are kind of swarthy.

HP is gross. I would never be able to do it, although I taught there for 10 years. An entitled and demanding population. Girls in low elementary grades wearing Butter sweatshirts, Spiritual Gangsta tanks, and Iviva pants. Bourgeoisie to the max. Some lovely people but so many shallow strivers. Glad I am outta there.

It seems like so many people don't have as much money as it appears and are just putting on airs. In my short time here Ive met multiple families that have had to declare bankruptcy or their homes went into foreclosure. Our neighbors couldn't afford any extracurricular activities at school or summer camp for their kids, but they did make sure they had a country club membership. Seems the priorities are all wrong here.

Ugh. Glad this is only temporary for you!

[Anonymous]

Happens in my Fairfax County, AAP obsessed community, too.

Mom cliques abound. My experience is that moms of only daughters are the most obnoxious social engineers of their own and their daughters' social standings, the biggest gossips, the biggest boozehounds themselves. They are using their girls' childhood to re-live or worse, foist their failed dreams of high school glory onto the daughters.

Just wait until high school when these same families begin to host parties for their precious students that would rival most fraternity parties! Plus, the moms will be there supervising. They'll gleefully tell you it's safer this way. Or, the parents sit together at the high school football games and get drunk. Hilarious! Look how cool they are!

Somehow, a son smooths down the edges of these high strung ladies. Been at this game since 2006 and one off to college. Yes, I have one son.

And, I have two friends. Both have sons. I'm ok w/ my two friends. It's brutal out there. Retiring early and escaping. Can't wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happens in my Fairfax County, AAP obsessed community, too.

Mom cliques abound. My experience is that moms of only daughters are the most obnoxious social engineers of their own and their daughters' social standings, the biggest gossips, the biggest boozehounds themselves. They are using their girls' childhood to re-live or worse, foist their failed dreams of high school glory onto the daughters.

Just wait until high school when these same families begin to host parties for their precious students that would rival most fraternity parties! Plus, the moms will be there supervising. They'll gleefully tell you it's safer this way. Or, the parents sit together at the high school football games and get drunk. Hilarious! Look how cool they are!

Somehow, a son smooths down the edges of these high strung ladies. Been at this game since 2006 and one off to college. Yes, I have one son.

And, I have two friends. Both have sons. I'm ok w/ my two friends. It's brutal out there. Retiring early and escaping. Can't wait.

I'm curious how your sons handle this social environment that these mothers created. Did they rise above it or stay occupied with other things?

[Anonymous]

PP w one son. Are you asking if he's risen above the social engineering? Mostly. He's got the same group of guy friends since ES and MS. Very nice boys and they have sports in common. All live nearby and all parents are very nice, normal people.

Also, interesting to note that the Queen Bee cliques all strive to have their girls kids "date" (use your imagination, everything from a seemingly benign Homecoming date to actual boyfriend-girlfriend) socially-appropriate boys. This provides even more prestige and of course, plentiful Facebook/Insta brag worthy backgrounds and photo ops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happens in my Fairfax County, AAP obsessed community, too.

Mom cliques abound. My experience is that moms of only daughters are the most obnoxious social engineers of their own and their daughters' social standings, the biggest gossips, the biggest boozehounds themselves. They are using their girls' childhood to re-live or worse, foist their failed dreams of high school glory onto the daughters.

Just wait until high school when these same families begin to host parties for their precious students that would rival most fraternity parties! Plus, the moms will be there supervising. They'll gleefully tell you it's safer this way. Or, the parents sit together at the high school football games and get drunk. Hilarious! Look how cool they are!

Somehow, a son smooths down the edges of these high strung ladies. Been at this game since 2006 and one off to college. Yes, I have one son.

And, I have two friends. Both have sons. I'm ok w/ my two friends. It's brutal out there. Retiring early and escaping. Can't wait.

I'm curious how your sons handle this social environment that these mothers created. Did they rise above it or stay occupied with other things?

+1

That PP nailed it. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you posting from op? TX, FL, or CA?

Very affluent area in IL

Wannabe northshore town that doesn’t actually touch the lake or Highland Park? If this is HP, I would move. You’re going to see a lot more of this.

Hate this area. Counting down the days til I’m outta here!

I knew it! Try Evanston!

This is just a temp living situation. Off to a different coast soon. How do people survive this attitude here? As a gross generalization, the women are petty and shallow and the men are kind of swarthy.

HP is gross. I would never be able to do it, although I taught there for 10 years. An entitled and demanding population. Girls in low elementary grades wearing Butter sweatshirts, Spiritual Gangsta tanks, and Iviva pants. Bourgeoisie to the max. Some lovely people but so many shallow strivers. Glad I am outta there.

It seems like so many people don't have as much money as it appears and are just putting on airs. In my short time here Ive met multiple families that have had to declare bankruptcy or their homes went into foreclosure. Our neighbors couldn't afford any extracurricular activities at school or summer camp for their kids, but they did make sure they had a country club membership. Seems the priorities are all wrong here.

+1

PP here. Seen this too! We must be in the same community SO messed up here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you posting from op? TX, FL, or CA?

Very affluent area in IL

Wannabe northshore town that doesn’t actually touch the lake or Highland Park? If this is HP, I would move. You’re going to see a lot more of this.

Hate this area. Counting down the days til I’m outta here!

I knew it! Try Evanston!

This is just a temp living situation. Off to a different coast soon. How do people survive this attitude here? As a gross generalization, the women are petty and shallow and the men are kind of swarthy.

It's the suburb you're in. I lived in the western suburbs (not ritzy area ) and everyone was normal.

+1

I know people who have come from MUCH wealthier areas than the wealthiest here, and they are so down to earth, nice, and flabbergasted by the attitude. The attitude here is actually kind of hilarious, yet sad - it seems to be behavior by sheltered people who think they "made it".

[Anonymous]

My oldest is entering Kindergarten and reading this thread I want to throw up. West coast and hoping my area is not anything like described here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you posting from op? TX, FL, or CA?

Very affluent area in IL

Wannabe northshore town that doesn’t actually touch the lake or Highland Park? If this is HP, I would move. You’re going to see a lot more of this.

Hate this area. Counting down the days til I’m outta here!

I knew it! Try Evanston!

This is just a temp living situation. Off to a different coast soon. How do people survive this attitude here? As a gross generalization, the women are petty and shallow and the men are kind of swarthy.

HP is gross. I would never be able to do it, although I taught there for 10 years. An entitled and demanding population. Girls in low elementary grades wearing Butter sweatshirts, Spiritual Gangsta tanks, and Iviva pants. Bourgeoisie to the max. Some lovely people but so many shallow strivers. Glad I am outta there.

It seems like so many people don't have as much money as it appears and are just putting on airs. In my short time here Ive met multiple families that have had to declare bankruptcy or their homes went into foreclosure. Our neighbors couldn't afford any extracurricular activities at school or summer camp for their kids, but they did make sure they had a country club membership. Seems the priorities are all wrong here.

+1

PP here. Seen this too! We must be in the same community SO messed up here!

Finally someone who gets it. I'm looking forward to the day I'm not surrounded by a bunch of sheep in Lululemon, LV bags and Canada Goose Jackets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are you posting from op? TX, FL, or CA?

Very affluent area in IL

Wannabe northshore town that doesn’t actually touch the lake or Highland Park? If this is HP, I would move. You’re going to see a lot more of this.

Hate this area. Counting down the days til I’m outta here!

I knew it! Try Evanston!

This is just a temp living situation. Off to a different coast soon. How do people survive this attitude here? As a gross generalization, the women are petty and shallow and the men are kind of swarthy.

It's the suburb you're in. I lived in the western suburbs (not ritzy area ) and everyone was normal.

+1

I know people who have come from MUCH wealthier areas than the wealthiest here, and they are so down to earth, nice, and flabbergasted by the attitude. The attitude here is actually kind of hilarious, yet sad - it seems to be behavior by sheltered people who think they "made it".

Exactly. We had a friend visit from NY who is an actual billionaire, but you'd never know given that he lives in sweatpants and gym shoes and drives a non-luxury car. Generally, he's a low key, humble guy. We took him to a BBQ with some social strivers here and they completely dismissed him. He thought it was hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I agree the moms who do this are just awful. But most of the rest of us just ignore them and roll our eyes.

The moms of the popular kids find it tiring and sometimes offensive. My DS is popular, and he gets invited to a lot of play dates. It’s obvious which moms are social jockeying. I don’t mind my son befriending shy or awkward kids who need some help integrating socially. In fact, I actively encourage him to do that. I do mind moms who try to have their kids hang with him to improve their kids’ social standing.

The worst was a mom who thought for whatever reason that I was beneath her, and spent the K year ignoring me and not returning greetings. Then my son turned out to be popular, and she was suddenly incredibly friendly.

I'm pretty sure those who refer to their own kids as the popular ones are a huge part of the problem.

Use a different word, if you like. Socially adept, persuasive, sought out and influential among his peers? I think the issue is more that you don’t like that some kids do indeed stand out in this way. Each child has their strengths and unique qualities.

My younger DD is more shy and introverted and has a harder time socially. DS is more empathetic to kids who are like her, because he’s sees how hard it is for her. DD is creative, kind, and sweet, but does not have the social power of her brother. Does that maker her lesser somehow? Of course not.