Moms trying to orchestrate their kids social standing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, have never heard of this. Ever.

Not have I and I suspect OP is totally exaggerating. They were reading through the lists and saying, “Oh, Reed is in Ms. Bing’s class, Chase is in Ms. Scooby’s class.” Maybe those kids were with their kids in K and they got along.

OP here. Not exaggerating at all. The convo when as follows. “Oh Jake is in my sons class and he said he was the most popular kid last year, let’s invite him to our next playgroup.” “My son says Noah is the best at baseball and hockey. We should invite his mom to our group.” On and on down the list

OP, sorry, but I have kids slightly older than yours and I'm not buying this.

If Jake is in first grade now, this means he was in K last year. There is no kindergarterner in the world, especially a boy, who would identify someone as "the most popular kid." They don't know what the word means. The mothers may have been paraphrasing to make their point, but I think this inaccuracy speaks to your misunderstanding of the entire situation.

Kids don't use popular but I certainly have heard of them forming the "cool kids club" and would exclude others. This is for both boys and girls at our school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rarely attend any mom group activities due to my work schedule, but this week I was able to join a parents meet and great and play group for all of my sons first grade classmates (there are 5 1st grade classes at his school). While all the kids were happily playing, a group of moms went over all of the class list and had been discussing who all the popular kids are in each class. Then they all went on to figure out how they could all get these kids to play with their kids. Is this a total anomaly? This is first grade, not HS. I’m not really involved in my sons social life, since he’s perfectly happy playing with a few friends from K and the kids on the block. None of this behavior would have ever occurred to me. Frankly, I think it’s pretty pathetic and it makes me sad that parents are passing on this mindset so early to their children.

Everyone tries to pass what they know onto their child. These moms understand social networking well. They are trying to teach it to their kids.

In time or perhaps already, you as a mom with a job and a career outside your home will pass on those skills to your children, to the best of your ability. And just as you would be disappointed if your children turn out to be indifferent students or ambition-less adults, those moms would be sad if their kids matured into socially awkward adults who cannot make the "right" connections.

This is a very sane and balanced response, even though I find the behavior of the moms pathetic.

[Anonymous]

That's absolutely totally insane.

–Mom of the popular kids

[Anonymous]

I'd buy this story if you were talking 2 grade and above, but not K or 1st.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's absolutely totally insane.

–Mom of the popular kids

I tell my kids if a child refers to himself as popular, it's a euphemism for assholes. Okay, I don't say those exact term but you get the idea. If you are going around classifying kids one way or another, you're an asshole as well. Kids grow in different ways and take on different personality. Learn to be inclusive without all the weird labels people. In real life, we have to learn to work with all sorts of people, and if your child only knows how to handle one type of person, you are doing him/her a disservice by propagating such nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd buy this story if you were talking 2 grade and above, but not K or 1st.

It’s the mom’s doing it, not the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rarely attend any mom group activities due to my work schedule, but this week I was able to join a parents meet and great and play group for all of my sons first grade classmates (there are 5 1st grade classes at his school). While all the kids were happily playing, a group of moms went over all of the class list and had been discussing who all the popular kids are in each class. Then they all went on to figure out how they could all get these kids to play with their kids. Is this a total anomaly? This is first grade, not HS. I’m not really involved in my sons social life, since he’s perfectly happy playing with a few friends from K and the kids on the block. None of this behavior would have ever occurred to me. Frankly, I think it’s pretty pathetic and it makes me sad that parents are passing on this mindset so early to their children.

Everyone tries to pass what they know onto their child. These moms understand social networking well. They are trying to teach it to their kids.

In time or perhaps already, you as a mom with a job and a career outside your home will pass on those skills to your children, to the best of your ability. And just as you would be disappointed if your children turn out to be indifferent students or ambition-less adults, those moms would be sad if their kids matured into socially awkward adults who cannot make the "right" connections.

Being socially awkward does not equate to being an indifferent student or to lacking ambition. In fact, the awkward kids are the ones getting good grades and wishing they could start college today. Nerds run the world, popular people run for cheerleader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I agree the moms who do this are just awful. But most of the rest of us just ignore them and roll our eyes.

The moms of the popular kids find it tiring and sometimes offensive. My DS is popular, and he gets invited to a lot of play dates. It’s obvious which moms are social jockeying. I don’t mind my son befriending shy or awkward kids who need some help integrating socially. In fact, I actively encourage him to do that. I do mind moms who try to have their kids hang with him to improve their kids’ social standing.

The worst was a mom who thought for whatever reason that I was beneath her, and spent the K year ignoring me and not returning greetings. Then my son turned out to be popular, and she was suddenly incredibly friendly.

I'm pretty sure those who refer to their own kids as the popular ones are a huge part of the problem.

Most definitely.

[Anonymous]

I don't buy the OP's story either.

[Anonymous]

Where the hell does this happen? I live in NW DC with a 2nd grader in private, and I can't fathom these sorts of discussions about popularity among kids so young. I've never even thought of my kid in those terms. Then again, most families I know are dual-income and I don't know of any playdate groups, social jockeying, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rarely attend any mom group activities due to my work schedule, but this week I was able to join a parents meet and great and play group for all of my sons first grade classmates (there are 5 1st grade classes at his school). While all the kids were happily playing, a group of moms went over all of the class list and had been discussing who all the popular kids are in each class. Then they all went on to figure out how they could all get these kids to play with their kids. Is this a total anomaly? This is first grade, not HS. I’m not really involved in my sons social life, since he’s perfectly happy playing with a few friends from K and the kids on the block. None of this behavior would have ever occurred to me. Frankly, I think it’s pretty pathetic and it makes me sad that parents are passing on this mindset so early to their children.

Everyone tries to pass what they know onto their child. These moms understand social networking well. They are trying to teach it to their kids.

In time or perhaps already, you as a mom with a job and a career outside your home will pass on those skills to your children, to the best of your ability. And just as you would be disappointed if your children turn out to be indifferent students or ambition-less adults, those moms would be sad if their kids matured into socially awkward adults who cannot make the "right" connections.

Being socially awkward does not equate to being an indifferent student or to lacking ambition. In fact, the awkward kids are the ones getting good grades and wishing they could start college today. Nerds run the world, popular people run for cheerleader.

And some of us introverts have even become successful without social networking! The parents behavior in question will more likely teach discrimination and bullying vs. healthy social networking.

[Anonymous]

The closest I have heard to this was something along the lines of "Oh, did you know X is [reasonably well known politician's kid]? You should definitely make sure to invite him to Larlo's party." And, while pathetic, I assumed that was mostly adults trying to socially climb at least...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where the hell does this happen? I live in NW DC with a 2nd grader in private, and I can't fathom these sorts of discussions about popularity among kids so young. I've never even thought of my kid in those terms. Then again, most families I know are dual-income and I don't know of any playdate groups, social jockeying, etc.

This happened in the school district that inspired Mean Girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should clarify this was a group of 3 women that did this, not the whole playgroup participants.

Did they actually utter the words "popular kids" or was that your interpretation of what they were doing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should clarify this was a group of 3 women that did this, not the whole playgroup participants.

Did they actually utter the words "popular kids" or was that your interpretation of what they were doing?

Yes, one mom in particular used this term. The rest referred to other kids athletic abilities or appearances.