Moms trying to orchestrate their kids social standing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, have never heard of this. Ever.

Not have I and I suspect OP is totally exaggerating. They were reading through the lists and saying, “Oh, Reed is in Ms. Bing’s class, Chase is in Ms. Scooby’s class.” Maybe those kids were with their kids in K and they got along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If that really happened, that’s nuts. And extremely pathetic.

I personally don't believe this happened or OP misinterpreted what was being said. I'll buy that there was 1-2 wackos that might do this but not a group of 1st grade parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, have never heard of this. Ever.

Not have I and I suspect OP is totally exaggerating. They were reading through the lists and saying, “Oh, Reed is in Ms. Bing’s class, Chase is in Ms. Scooby’s class.” Maybe those kids were with their kids in K and they got along.

OP here. Not exaggerating at all. The convo when as follows. “Oh Jake is in my sons class and he said he was the most popular kid last year, let’s invite him to our next playgroup.” “My son says Noah is the best at baseball and hockey. We should invite his mom to our group.” On and on down the list

[Anonymous]

OP here. I should clarify this was a group of 3 women that did this, not the whole playgroup participants.

[Anonymous]

I have a long time Mom friend who does this and she recruits others to go along with her. She positions herself so that she's involved in everything and always leads her childs' activities. It's all about HER social standing in the end. It's very sad for her kids who she doesn't really pay attention to. It's common to hear her start conversations judging the behavior and social standings of kids at school, sports, scouts, etc. The children with no doubt need therapy later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a long time Mom friend who does this and she recruits others to go along with her. She positions herself so that she's involved in everything and always leads her childs' activities. It's all about HER social standing in the end. It's very sad for her kids who she doesn't really pay attention to. It's common to hear her start conversations judging the behavior and social standings of kids at school, sports, scouts, etc. The children with no doubt need therapy later on.

NP. I was witness to this in our elementary and can totally believe OP's story. It's usually only one mom who recruits other moms who have no idea what's happening. They just get caught up in the rush of being able to live vicariously through their kids.
If you remember, there were girls who behaved this way in your HS. This is them all growed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, have never heard of this. Ever.

Not have I and I suspect OP is totally exaggerating. They were reading through the lists and saying, “Oh, Reed is in Ms. Bing’s class, Chase is in Ms. Scooby’s class.” Maybe those kids were with their kids in K and they got along.

OP here. Not exaggerating at all. The convo when as follows. “Oh Jake is in my sons class and he said he was the most popular kid last year, let’s invite him to our next playgroup.” “My son says Noah is the best at baseball and hockey. We should invite his mom to our group.” On and on down the list

OP, sorry, but I have kids slightly older than yours and I'm not buying this.

If Jake is in first grade now, this means he was in K last year. There is no kindergarterner in the world, especially a boy, who would identify someone as "the most popular kid." They don't know what the word means. The mothers may have been paraphrasing to make their point, but I think this inaccuracy speaks to your misunderstanding of the entire situation.

[Anonymous]

I totally believe this kind of crap happens. We have a neighbor we call the Social Climber. When her daughter made it into RMSC she ordered her TWO sweatshirts because "that's what all the cool kids wear". Pathetic isn't even the word.

[Anonymous]

My sister ran into this in their private school. Sis is a single mom and not from the area, while the established group all grew up together.

They were making class requests, and even desk requests to create and sustain friendships. Teachers tried to ignore and children were separated the next year and the moms then focused on ensuring who was sitting near who during group lunch.

For all their efforts, it has not worked. There were two boys the woman were focused on as being the leaders, and trying to position their sons next to the two big dogs. Two big dogs hated each other, so they split and naturally developed their own friends. Big dog 1 is now best buddies with nephew and they are both total goofballs.

The kids didn’t care about the parent agendas. I’m sure some kids would be more easily swayed. Luckily, in this case big dog 1 was not involved (and likely unaware) of the attempt to get close to them for social ranking.

Bizarre. Unfortunately, I’m sure it will continue for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, have never heard of this. Ever.

Not have I and I suspect OP is totally exaggerating. They were reading through the lists and saying, “Oh, Reed is in Ms. Bing’s class, Chase is in Ms. Scooby’s class.” Maybe those kids were with their kids in K and they got along.

OP here. Not exaggerating at all. The convo when as follows. “Oh Jake is in my sons class and he said he was the most popular kid last year, let’s invite him to our next playgroup.” “My son says Noah is the best at baseball and hockey. We should invite his mom to our group.” On and on down the list

OP, sorry, but I have kids slightly older than yours and I'm not buying this.

If Jake is in first grade now, this means he was in K last year. There is no kindergarterner in the world, especially a boy, who would identify someone as "the most popular kid." They don't know what the word means. The mothers may have been paraphrasing to make their point, but I think this inaccuracy speaks to your misunderstanding of the entire situation.

Did you read the whole thread? OP feels this behavior and mindset are coming from the moms, not the kids.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I agree the moms who do this are just awful. But most of the rest of us just ignore them and roll our eyes.

The moms of the popular kids find it tiring and sometimes offensive. My DS is popular, and he gets invited to a lot of play dates. It’s obvious which moms are social jockeying. I don’t mind my son befriending shy or awkward kids who need some help integrating socially. In fact, I actively encourage him to do that. I do mind moms who try to have their kids hang with him to improve their kids’ social standing.

The worst was a mom who thought for whatever reason that I was beneath her, and spent the K year ignoring me and not returning greetings. Then my son turned out to be popular, and she was suddenly incredibly friendly.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe this for a second and had tones of "oh I work and have more important things to do."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I agree the moms who do this are just awful. But most of the rest of us just ignore them and roll our eyes.

The moms of the popular kids find it tiring and sometimes offensive. My DS is popular, and he gets invited to a lot of play dates. It’s obvious which moms are social jockeying. I don’t mind my son befriending shy or awkward kids who need some help integrating socially. In fact, I actively encourage him to do that. I do mind moms who try to have their kids hang with him to improve their kids’ social standing.

The worst was a mom who thought for whatever reason that I was beneath her, and spent the K year ignoring me and not returning greetings. Then my son turned out to be popular, and she was suddenly incredibly friendly.

I'm pretty sure those who refer to their own kids as the popular ones are a huge part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, have never heard of this. Ever.

Not have I and I suspect OP is totally exaggerating. They were reading through the lists and saying, “Oh, Reed is in Ms. Bing’s class, Chase is in Ms. Scooby’s class.” Maybe those kids were with their kids in K and they got along.

OP here. Not exaggerating at all. The convo when as follows. “Oh Jake is in my sons class and he said he was the most popular kid last year, let’s invite him to our next playgroup.” “My son says Noah is the best at baseball and hockey. We should invite his mom to our group.” On and on down the list

OP, sorry, but I have kids slightly older than yours and I'm not buying this.

If Jake is in first grade now, this means he was in K last year. There is no kindergarterner in the world, especially a boy, who would identify someone as "the most popular kid." They don't know what the word means. The mothers may have been paraphrasing to make their point, but I think this inaccuracy speaks to your misunderstanding of the entire situation.

I am a new poster. I did not hear the word "popular" used but I certainly have witnessed behavior from both moms and dads of children even as early as 1st grade. If you have not heard it, great for you as you escaped witnessing such immature behavior. But I have definitely seen it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe this for a second and had tones of "oh I work and have more important things to do."

This is probably a SAHM mom who shames working parents